-_sometimes

why is jeff problematic? He has only tried to help so far?

aha yes thanks I appreciate the word of caution. The good fellow has not responded yet so I don't know what I'm in for just yet

Well sometimes advice is good.. I have found people on the internet have helped immensely just by dismissing any conceptualizing and nonsense that I have come up with as I've gone through this process

I'm curious to know what led you to this conclusion.. regardless if by broader environment you mean 'outside of myself, aka others' then yes I find social interaction extremely problematic, and I can quickly shut down completely, and it does not take much to make the other person equally queasy. I am aware of this and working through it, but I feel only something short of enlightenment would allow freedom from this, as I have begun to notice the reason for it is almost existential. It has nothing to do with deities, gods, beliefs or anything of the sort. But I wouldn't mind visualizing I guess seriously, what makes you say this ?

thanks for responding could you please expand on what you mean by "fears of these 'outside' of your body connections"? As mentioned in my OP, I can't afford to receive support from teachers and what not, and I live in an area void of any level of awareness, so would be unlikely to find anyone locally even if I tried. Everyone is poor, on drugs and alcohol, and extremely miserable lol I used to be religious, but am not at all right now; being what I suppose you might call a 'zen practitioner', my entire practice is based on letting go of beliefs/concepts

I don't practice any focused energy or meditation techniques. I used to practice mindfulness in the past and meditate, but I found mindfulness happens on its own now, and directed meditation feels really 'off' and unnatural so I avoid it. And why strength training? I used to do so, but I found my upper back, shoulder and neck muscles weren't aligned properly - like my shoulder muscles would lock in and out of positions while doing exercises as simple as push ups, and realised I would likely end up building muscle in areas that would exacerbate the issues, so stopped..

I would very much like to be able to be aware of the processes and structures going on in my body, so that I may make the right decisions when it comes to my health and physical wellbeing, particularly since I have a spinal/muscular problem I am almost certain can be resolved if my awareness of the physical components and structure of the body is increased. What approach should I take? I practice nondual mindfulness as much as I can, and whilst it has greatly increased awareness of the posture, it's really not a lot, presumably because attention is not directed. I dislike directing attention; it feels too forced. I have tried zhan zhuang, but it gives me a headache and makes me very very tired, likely due to a blockage around the shoulders/head area I mentioned above. I don't wish to do any activities that involve manual movement of qi, as I think this is very dangerous if one does not have a great awareness of the flows in the body already, or has a good, verifiable teacher to hand. Also focusing on the spine or organs probably isn't a good idea, as you will likely mess the energy flows to and from these areas, due to lacking awareness of the areas beforehand. What should I do? Am being too cautious? Is there perhaps a system designed around building a deep awareness of the processes of the body?

I seem to have awakened some sort of energetic phenomena a couple of years ago during a psychedelic trip. I posted here recently regarding some serious issues I was facing as a result of this - fortunately I am now able have much greater control of the process, mainly through what I think is called non-dual meditation or 'non-meditation meditation'. This has kept much of the energetic phenomena like spontaneous and involuntary movements, headaches and brain fog to a minimum. Recently I have begun to feel this strange feeling in the top of the head/spine. It is difficult to explain - the feeling is localized to a small perhaps slightly circular space that I can feel and sort of mentally see. It feels like a 'switch off' button, not necessarily death, but yeah.. something strange like that. I have not placed my attention on it much.. it comes and goes. I avoid trying to localize my attention on physical sensations as it tends to devolve into hyper focus, something I have found causes imbalances. I'm not too bothered by it, but still.. I am curious I have also recently begun to experience a considerable amount of involuntary twitches in response to past memories or current anxieties being triggered, particularly when out and about. It is usually my face transforming into a picture of despair, then released almost immediately as I become conscious of this.. or chopping some carrots, recalling a past memory and uttering an involuntary sob of agony lol. Is this just trauma being released and so will it eventually come to an end? If so should I allow the movements to go as far they can without stopping them at all? Or is it perhaps a sign of something I might be doing wrong energetically? I'd appreciate your input, thanks !

Hey folks, new guy here.. was browsing this site yesterday, thought it was pretty cool, and well.. I'm hoping some informed people might be able to help me out Whilst on a shroom trip a year and a half ago, I noticed that my body could move on its own if I took personal will away from the equation, which resulting in some rythmic movements and huge burst of energy up the spine which dissolved around my head. Since that time, my body, the upper body in particular; arms, hands and neck, will move of their own accord if i take away personal will - if I stop trying to hold myself when standing, and simply allow the body to be, my hands will begin to float upwards, followed by the arms, moving in various directions, locking in and out of positions, neck moving this way and that.. recently expanding to quite exaggerated movements. Many mistakes were made - mostly through not letting go of the personal will enough, and accidentally 'assisting' internal movement by somehow channelling my existential angst into them haha.. focusing on parts of the body creating imbalances, resulting recently in feeling like a pool of liquid is collecting around my forehead between the eyes, with such intensity it would feel like my face would explode. Thankfully this painful circumstance happens less now as I am better at telling when I am actually letting go of personal will. I am much better at simply being 'natural' these days, and combined with stopping meditation and taking up zen study, things are much, much better these days. However. These movements are still occurring - when still almost constant internal movements like the the cervical spine is constantly adjusting, particularly when practising zhan zhuang (which I have taken up to gain better awareness of the spine and internal process). Often I am apt to forget the exercise and just move into the spontaneous movements, which last for as long as I entertain them, sometimes hours until I am too tired to focus. I am deeply concerned that I may be messing up my body. I know very little about qi, but I do know you can severely fuck things up if you don't know what you are doing. I am aware my spine is not correctly aligned, or that something about the shoulders, neck and arms is misaligned, as it was in pretty bad shape before I began the spontaneous movements, and whilst I don't look like a developing hunchback now, stand taller and straighter, walk with decent awareness, I still have issues - brain fog, constant tiredness, feeling energy physically moving in my face, itching around the back of the neck when left unscratched feels like tingling and cold ants crawling up the surface of the skin, lower spinal 'jerks' whilst sleeping, incessant internal movement like the bones in the neck are adjusting when my head is down, resulting in a movement from side to side of the neck, that I can't really stop, headaches, pressure in the head. A lot xD What should I do? How do I go about this? I can't ignore that I feel the 'potential' in my arms and hands whenever i leave them be, it feels perfectly natural to allow the movements to occur, not something harmful or bad at all when I don't try to control or or excessively feed the movements. Should I continue with zhan zhuang to gain a better understand internal, or stop and just keep following the movements? I hear many say you need a teacher to practice spontaneous whatever, but I never learnt how to do it anyone, I just 'activated' the ability to notice that the body can move if you just stop trying to control it. I can't afford a teacher, so should I perhaps learn more about a certain internal art? qigong? kundalini yoga? What about warm up and cool down? i hear that is essential when practising spontaneity? Apologies for all the questions, I don't need anyone to answer them all, I just need some guidance pls help

Well I've gone ahead and contacted Isen. We shall see how it goes, since I can't exactly afford his consultation fees haha.. Thank you both for your advice; i have one final question if you don't mind - if I am unable to get help from the individuals you have mentioned, what should I do? Earl Grey you have now made me very (rightly) concerned about my condition and I can't actually do anything about it right now Is there really nothing I can do except seek guidance from reputable teachers?

Should I make sure my lifestyle is in perfect order before contacting anyone? I feel some symptoms may be a result of a large sleep deficit, poor diet, not enough exercise etc.. perhaps first I should ensure I am doing what I can physically? I mean I can live ok with these symptoms; I've had them for over a year so it's not that difficult anymore, particular when coupled with zen'ish' mindfulness. Would you say I should avoid indulging in all spontaneous movement? You see I practice zhan zhuang and whilst standing my neck will move randomly, just 'click' in this direction and that, but it's not an issue that lasts beyond the exercise if I so choose. Even if I leave letting go of the body alone, it makes sense to at least gain some sort of awareness of what is going on right?

Why do you recommend this individual?

Thanks for responding! What would you consider to be good instruction? Why is it bad if self taught - what if you read the right books and understood how to safely stop the movements after 'letting go' for a period. Would it still be so bad? What if I do everything in my power to ensure that 'I' am not the one controlling the movements? Wouldn't that, and not knowing how to stop, be the most significant issue? I can't afford instruction - just how it is at the moment.. are there any alternatives?