Radix

Hello Friends, This is my first post. I wanted to join thedaobums in the hope of possibly making some new friends and contacts, as well as engage in some good discussions about the site's many interesting topics. I've been a "lurker" for a while, and I have found this forum to be the most dynamic, eclectic and diverse of the several that I have belonged to which deal with related topics (dharmawheel and some esoteric forums). Anyway, my background is itself eclectic, and I'm increasingly having a difficult time fitting myself into a label, without, at the same time, being able or desirous of "rejecting" anything that I may have identified with in the past. On the whole, I think this is a good thing, as I see a major goal of the spiritual path as being able to transcend labels and "identities." At the same time, I'm finding it quite uncomfortable. It's like a man having 3 or 4 families which don't know or acknowledge each other, each of whom he loves deeply as "part of himself"; he is unable to live with any of them all the time, but unable to part with any of them in an absolute sense; at the same time, he has a sense that what he is truly seeking lies outside the very category of "family" (if this metaphor makes sense). With this in mind, I'm reluctant to call myself a "Buddhist," or "not a Buddhist," a "Christian," or "not a Christian," a "Taoist," or "not a Taoist," etc. Over the past five years, I've been deeply immersed in the Western Esoteric Tradition, particularly centred around the ideas of Renaissance magi such as Agrippa, Dee, Bruno, the Rosicrucians, as well as Swedenborg, Boehme and the (non-Blavatskian) Western Theosophical tradition, while also finding many limitations in their points of view and needing to supplement this with study of the more metaphysical traditions of the East--Buddhism, Taoism and Trika Shaivism. But then increasingly I can't find what I'm seeking in any one of these traditions to the exclusion of others. I see them all, perhaps, as "upayas": skillful means to lead deluded beings to liberation. Despite all the arguments I have read and participated in over the philosophical subtleties of what precisely this "liberation" entails, I still naturally incline to this general universalistic view. I'm fond of Crowley (again while acknowledging his limitations), and I think that he was on to something (inspired) by his realization that one needed to break through externally imposed labels, restrictions, and identities and discover one's own "Holy Guardian Angel" in order to truly move forward. I think he was mistaken on many levels, but this idea that one needs to, as it were, make one's own tradition (in his case, Thelema) rings true for me, personally. If one doesn't, one is more or less the victim of centuries/millennia of historical and scholastic traditions which may have nothing to do with one's real quest. I know how much he suffered (and made others to suffer) in pursuing this ideal, however. Still, in a sense I consider myself a "independent Thelemite"--"independent" because I do not consider AC's personal revelations, mythos or ideas regarding the different Aeons (interesting as they may be) as binding on anyone other than himself. I think it could be argued that there is a "thelema," properly understood, hidden within each if the world's great religious/spiritual traditions, including Christianity and Islam (vide Corbin). I also disagree with Crowley regarding the importance of compassion and even pity; the Bodhisattva ideal is one of the most noble and glorious conceptions that I am aware of. Practically, I have more and more withdrawn from outward religious rites and turned towards silent, objectless meditation. The other, more active side of my spiritual practice involves Bardonian Hermetics, and a sort of streamlined angelic theurgy. Still, I feel like I've been stagnating for some time and I feel a strong need to break new ground. This is why I have increasingly turned towards the possibilities of astral projection (or "journeying") as a means of contacting higher Wisdom beings to help me move forward. My abilities are still weak at best. In this connection, the recent discovery of Qigong and energy work in general has been a great help. I never talk about this stuff to anyone. The anonymity of this site encourages me to share in the hope of finding like minded fellow-travelers. This is the reason I have written this long and regrettably egotistical post. I am what we might call "esoterically isolated," outwardly living a workaday life with a family, and without any associates beyond two or three distant contacts. I got "burned out" long ago on spiritual organazations and groups, and prefer the way of the hermit, at least until circumstances shift and other possibilities arise (I can't rule it out). Still, I am looking forward to hopefully learning and sharing whatever I can with friends here. Thanks :-)

@Steve: Ah yes! I have heard and read many great things about Tenzin Wangyal Rinpoche! I was actually looking at his Facebook page the other day, as well as his website. I was indeed thinking that this might be a way to go. However, I'm really confused, because on the website you linked to, it says: "NOTE: It is essential to study and practice the chapters of the Experiential Transmission in sequence. Therefore, the ngöndro is a prerequisite for continuing the teachings of the Experiential Transmission." https://ligmincha.org/practice/ I noticed this about a week ago when I first saw his site, and hence I gave it up because it looked like I would have to get into the whole traditional track with ngondro and five years of tantric Bonpo training, etc. I've been following my own path for several years now and, although I don't have a very high estimation of my abilities, I'm not new to meditation. If I could find something homologous to the Great Perfection in the West I would seek it there, since I am a Westerner and in terms of temperament more inclined towards Hermeticism and Neo-Platonism. Alas these traditions are not longer "living", hence while one can certainly benefit for the vast written corpus, the pure contemplative teachings are no longer passed down in a living tradition. This is the dilemma of so may of us in the West! But Dzogchen, according to its own understanding of itself, is THE primordial wisdom tradition. I don't necessarily understand this literally, insomuch as it has a form of its own, but I would say that it IS a direct and pure reflection of the "primordial tradition." Hence, at least theoretically it should be able to exist completely independently or within any socio-cultural context, as a "secret" doctrine that illuminates everything else. Anyway, you seem to be saying that TWR makes exceptions. If this is so, that is good news indeed!

@CT: Many thanks for the thoughtful and sincere response. I do understand your perspective. I just can't see myself fitting into the whole traditional track like that. I think, however, that in general the traditional way works for many people and hence I certainly respect your position.

Thanks, friends, for the warm welcome