Daniel

Maybe it's the unknown?

Perhaps the dream is expressing frustration at being given an unwanted or undeserved difficulties from others? You mentioned that you're going through a difficult period in your life? Maybe these difficulties are represented by the set of black books?

My favorite dreams are the ones where I'm flying. I have recurring nightmares of getting lost in a crowd.

I don't think you should feel guilty about limiting your time and energy connecting with them. Due to their age, and how long this has been going on, it's probably unrealistic to attempt to get them to recognize how their actions effect you. But, they may still change on their own as they get older and approach the end of their lives. Recognizing that they don't know better is a good first step to shoring up defenses against the psychlogical garbage they are offloading onto you. It's not morally wrong to create space between you and them. Yes, they wil always be your parents, but that isn't a license to use you as an emotional outlet. Remember they are the parents, you are the child, their responsibility for good behavior is always greater than yours. The parent child relationship is very deep and very powerful. If they are not role modeling good behavior, they are violating their responsibility to you as their child. There should be no moral concerns about abandoning them if they aren't parenting in a healthy manner. It might be true that they didn't plan to have a child; but, something to consider... You never chose to be born into their family either. You never consented to any of this. This affords tremendous freedom, imho. As I said above, The parent child relationship is deep and powerful. There is a sacred trust that is weighted heavily on the parents to raise a child with love patience and understanding. From what you've written, it sounds like that trust has been broken or never acknowleged in the first place. Your feelings are justified. Describing it as poison is accurate. You don't need to feel guilty. Any normal person would react the same way. Perhaps it would be helpful to frame it a little differently, a little less extreme. Instead of cutting them off entirely, take a break from the relationship. I think it's perfectly fine to be deceptive with your parents in order to take control of the situation. Perhaps write them an email and explain that you need some time to work on yourself. ( This is a lie, of course, but it's for a good cause: keeping the peace ). Let them know you won't be contacting them for a while, visiting them, or interacting with them online. Keep the message simple, short, and neutral. You're limiting your exposure to the poison. It's not leaving them to die alone. This way you're in control of the relationship. You're not cutting them off forever. You're leaving your options open. Yes, I had a similiar situation with my parents. Not as severe; but still similar. I initiated a break in the relationship. At the time I thought it was permanent; but after several years ( and some talk-therapy ) I've grown strong enough to tolerate their behavior without letting it effect me. It can be done eventhough parents have such strong ties and influence. But it needs time and space for that to occur. You've taken the first most important steps towards creating that space. You've moved out; you've written out your situation; you're trying to make a decision on what to do next. All of these are positive. You should be proud of yourself for maintaining your composure under very very difficult circumstances. The next step is to take control of the relationship; continue to give yourself space away from them; and perhaps consider some therapy. Best wishes,

+1 for chopping wood

The outburst of anger you reported in the OP could be a result of behavior modeled to you by your parents. The other thing I'm noticing is that it seems like you don't feel in control of your life. It's a lack of empowerment. When people aren't empowered over their lives, it's natural to be angry about it. Sometimes that anger gets bottled up, then is released suddenly and unexpectedly when confronted with a minor annoyance. Does any of this match your situation? Edit: It may also be useful to note that irritability is a symptom of depression.

@Dreambliss, Do you have any previous trauma? Emotional, physical abuse in your childhood?

quid

I admit these may be a stupid questions; but, Looking from the inside out? Would one see the effects of karma? Does Karma, in your opinion, exist as part of the 'joyous simplicity'? Or is that a different model/system/paradigm? In case it's needed for clarification: Karma, if I understand, is a universal accounting for virtue vs. harmful actions. Thank you,

From my POV, healthy humility presents as a sense of wonder. Unhealthy humility presents as self-deprecation.

It depends on the animal. Elephants are known to grieve for each other when an elephant dies. Link: Elephant's mourn their dead scientists say

I feel sad for you. No mystery? how bland.

Besides that ^^ non-duality is an easy way to avoid personal responsibility.

... maybe .... possibly .... On the other hand, maybe you would rebel against the conditioning?

The point I was trying to make, is that there is a form of unconditional love which is appropriate for thieves, muderers, etc. It involves isolation.

Take a look at the first picture of thread...

In theory, one could isolate these individuals in order to prevent them from causing more harm and continuing to bring karma onto themselves.

Hopefully it wouldn't be vastly different... One person's conditioning, is another person's culture. You may be right. I see it a little differently. Perhaps this will resonate with @helpfuldemon, and provide some relief.

The point I was making was that the path of humility may be a bit out of reach for some.

That's a tad bit excessive isn't it? Your experiences mimic precisely the mystical revelations of all the worlds?

Yes, belief that one is the subject of God's interest, more so than others, is a delusion of granduer. Being the target of a powerful demon or demons, imo, is another example. Belief that one has predicted the war in the Middle East is another example.

But it does require humility, does it not? This would be a limitation especially for those plagued by delusions of grandeur?

You showed interest in them at some point; that's implied consent. The good news is that consent can be revoked at anytime. In order to do that, you'd need to cut them off and avoid any interactions with these other beings in the future. Also i think it's important to avoid giving them any credit for the current circumstances. It might be difficult, but, it's important to take personal responsibility for what happens. Blaming other beings is an emotional crutch. Using the crutch is also implied consent.

How did this being, whom you thought was JHVH, betray you? Right. Her God is probably not JHVH. It's double-speak. If these are divine beings ( note I didn't say Holy ) which have taken up residency in your thoughts, then you could try making your thoughts inhospitable to them. That's where the inquisitve spirit can be of use. Asking them questions which require a detaied answer. Ask 'Why' questions repeatedy like an innocent child. The mechansm here is to cultivate skeptism aka non-belief. These malicious thought-forms feed on belief. Non-belief weakens them. Regarding the wires: mind over matter. It's all in your mind. You are always bigger than it. That means you can minimize the pain, reduce it to discomfort. Then from discomfort to a distraction, then from a distraction to a memory, etc.

What about JHVH? I think you said you were tortured?