helpfuldemon

Thank you all for your concern, I do take meds, it helps quite a bit, but not with the depression. I am thinking about getting on an anti depressant

I didn't post this to impress anyone, though some people might think that by saying I have entered the Abyss that I am proclaiming some sort of advanced degree of understanding, that is not the case with me. I posted here because I am sharing what I have experienced, and what I have experienced I wouldn't wish on anyone. It seems like a useless thing, what has happened to me, and I can't say what it means. I sometimes think of it as a test of wisdom, but I realized that I am not much different nor knowledgeable than I was prior to it. I made it a test of wisdom, really it was just a bunch of maddening hallucinations but I set out on a goal prior to its beginning, and had to complete it. The only thing I can wonder about is what these wires in my brain are for, perhaps there is some benefit to my health or afterlife but I have no evidence of that, so I just say its nothing you want. Yes, I have my evidence of a God, but that is little consolation for the years lost, and I am no more informed on who this God is and what He wants than anyone else. Better just to be a religious person with blind faith IMO. All I can really say is theres something out there, and its motives are suspect. Be careful what you choose to believe.

I want to thank you for your thoughtful reply. Yes, my diet has suffered a bit, partly because I cannot afford a good one and partly because in my depression I lost care. Yes, it is true that I am hard on myself about not being productive but that is because I have since contemplated life to the degree that I realize I could have offered the world more if I had been paying attention. Yes, I am only meant to sit serenly and do nothing, and I guess I will have to be satisfied with that.

I suffer from bi polar schizophrenia. I have manic psychosis highs followed by depressing lows. I've spent years laying in bed in depression or psychosis. I used to be able to change my thinking to uplifting positive thoughts but no more; my mind is broken. Sometimes its as easy as that though, for it is what used to work for my depression. I don't take anti-depressants but I think I should get on some, though being awake is a chore for me, I find that I don't have anything to do. I can't think and I don't like to watch television and I can't read for fear that my thoughts will get out of hand. I'm getting accustomed to this state though, scary enough as it is to get accustomed to nothingness.

I asked this question because I was hoping to hear what the benefits of sitting in nothingness/lack of ego were. I find myself sitting in nothingness a lot, I cannot say I have no ego, but I do know that I don't get offended easily and find little interest in things. It is kind of depressing and it was difficult to get accustomed to, but I am managing. I assume it is more for the sake of others that we defeat our ego but I don't know. I miss the days of desire.

If you say so

It doesn't matter, I've said my two cents. It really shouldn't surprise me if people don't understand or believe.

Some of you people disgust me.

My experiences are my own, and I've done nothing but share them in total transparency. From what I have experienced, I describe them to my best ability. Do they need to match what others have experienced? No, I am just sharing what I know, and you can call it junior high or false if you want. I don't answer to you.

I understand that many of you like to poke fun at the sincere and I wonder why? Reminds me of junior high school.

I don't think the pain of the awareness that we are essentially alone ever goes away, it is just masked by chosen purpose. It sounds like the author returns to togetherness after his realization that he is alone, so essentially nothing has changed, he still finds himself among the company of others. What he seems to be talking about is seeking affirmation from others, not being alone. One need not seek affirmation to be together with people. We are still alone in our feelings and thoughts, until we share them, which is what the OP was saying; that they share on an empathic level what other people feel. This is possible through communication, but it is still only your own feelings that you feel, you don't feel the feelings of others from them, you feel them because you identify your own experiences with the situation that caused the individual to feel those things. It is a mental illness to think otherwise. Imagine sitting on public transportation and feeling all the thoughts and emotions of the other passengers.

The Abyss is more of an intellectual place, but it is tied to the supernatural other place that Divine Beings reside in. It's more in the mind and it means that it is an endless quest of thinking and falling into contemplation, and the only way out is to stop, but a person cannot stop until they have the answers they seek. When you stop, you find that you have lost all desire and will, but your thoughts are mostly in order.

Yes, in their ignorance, people often mock what they don't understand or haven't experienced.

I don't know where it is located, I suspect it is all around us but as we are enclosed in our bodies, we don't see it or interact with it. The Gnostic Star cracks open your root chakra and head chakra and then you interact with what is in the Abyss.

No need to be jealous, the Abyss is nothing desirable. It kills your desire and will, it scatters your knowledge to the wind, it leaves you defenseless against the cosmic forces of God and it is the end of magick. You don't want to experience it.

It's the same thing as seeing someone you know in a dream; you think they dreamed it too, but they didn't.

Yeah I used to consider myself an empath, that I could feel what others feel, that I could pick up their thoughts and that there was an energy web around us. Since going insane, I realize all of that was a delusion. My new mindset is more lonely, I don't feel as involved with my surroundings and people in my life, and it's not magical, but it's sane, and that is better than magic to me.

Except in matters of greed and lust, we are very much a Christian society.

In the new Age freedom is key, but we are still not so free as to do harm to others health, wealth and liberty. There is still a morality, but the rule of kindness and mercy are loosened, the commands of absolute kindness was a fallacy anyway, because people still did what they will regardless. Christianity was the moral code for so long, but it wasn't always lived up to, and now we are free to deny that we must follow it. However, our laws are still in line with it- this is on a personal level that I speak of, in the court of public opinion, it is very much alive.

I think that when you practice opening your energy centers and meditating/broadening your awareness, that it seems like you are feeling outside forces coming at you. I think this is a dangerous belief, because the rules are sketchy at best when it comes to possession and influence. I have found that it is best to say it is superstition and denounce these feelings as delusions. Telling myself that nothing I feel comes from outside of me has helped me a great deal, as the alternative can drive one to madness.

The New Age began with the enlightenment of Europe, when people broke away from the Church and started championing Free Will. People like Nietzsche and Crowley have helped move it along since then, and it is only going to continue to get more diverse. I think at this point we have broken open most of the taboos, and liberated ourselves from old morality pretty thoroughly, but on an individual level there is a lot of people clinging to Christianity still over here. I doubt that China will let this sort of thing occur over there.

In order to understand who you are, you need to believe in how you are meant to be. That means first order of business is to decide on an order for life and action. Then you compare your actions to this list and decide if you were wrong, and what you have learned. For what are we if not the sum total of our experiences and choices? This requires some form of dogma, and a delineation of purpose and choice. It requires a lot of reflection and analysis, and corrections. You will be lost if you don't choose a dogma, whether it is one that is created, or one you create. When it is over, the person you find yourself to be should be the person you believe to be good for you, and your actions will follow with what you now understand.

Thats like saying that enlightenment is one thing, and the same for each. I don't agree, I think that we each have different things to learn and that in the end, we may come to different conclusions.

I see enlightenment as a constant process of revelation, and what one realizes is not always identical to another person's revelation. I think there is a lot of different truth, it depends upon experience and what suits an individual's tastes. I think there is ultimate truth that goes out in many directions, like the symbol for Chaos.

I think superstition comes into a school because a student encounters something miraculous, and imagination takes hold. There is something to be said about the practice of magic, but in the end, it is mental illness. The world is set up so that the beautiful can get what they desire. You don't need spellcraft and philosophy to muster the courage to go after what you want, you simply walk up to it and ask for it. When it comes to enlightenment, there is no magic trick; logic and reason will bring it to you.