helpfuldemon

When I was being overtaken by the wires I was reading to learn more about God and I had a pile of books, one of them was the Bible. The voices were asking me what I was doing and I said I was reading about God. They asked who my God was and I picked up the Bible and said "Jehovah" and then the wires went crazy and it got worse. A few days of this and I had a dream vision of a woman in my mind attaching a device to me and she said "God sent me here to torture your thoughts". The wires are a form of torture for me, and they are accompanied by voices. Its very chaotic.

The device implanted wires into my brain and body. It has completely overtaken my brain. I simply assumed that since it has done this and it has sentience that it can answer my questions by shaking my head yes or no. I know that these spirits can possess a person and I know they can make you move.

All I can say is, that if you had experienced what I have, you would think the same. These wires... I cannot adequately describe what it is like having this device inside you. I call them demons because they have voices and are torturers, but it is more like being a cadaver on a slab and having an operation performed on you.

I was in the habit of asking yes or no questions and they would shake or nod my head in response, but after testing it I found that it is just me anticipating their reply. There have been very rarely voices dreams and visions that reveal things I did not know, but that is rare and it hasn't happened for awhile. Frankly I am done with this and I don't want it anymore.

They aren't looking for a response, or a conversation. I talk to them because I thought they were there for me to talk with, but as I said, I see this isn't the case. Talking to them just makes my delusions worse and I am not going to do it anymore. It's hard not to do though, especially since I have been doing it for so long.

It's not like that, there is no QnA lol. They say what they want and I respond, but they don't reply to what I say.

I'm learning not to look to them, especially not as friendly types. Their words are cold and frank, and they don't show me any mercy when I am at my worst with what they do. I have a large marker board I bought to teach myself, and now on it are the words "The demons aren't your friends". It took a long time to realize this, nearly twenty years. I was always optimistic that something good would come from all of this, probably why I am still alive. Thankfully it is subsided now and I am stable more or less, though uncomfortably so- I still have symptoms of the wiring that keeps me in a bad place.

There are hallucinations that I test to see if they are real. I know that I could probably create them. Then there are things that happen that are unexpected and catch me off guard that I am sure I didn't create. The spirit entering me and using my body and hand to draw out the symbol- my first encounter- was not of my creation. The voice that responded to me was not of my creation. The vision that I had after contemplating chaos was not of my creation. The wires was not of my creation. These things happened to me outside of myself. I have had a few other instances of hearing voices that I am convinced were not of my creation. The things I consider hallucinations may not be, but I allow myself to believe that they are because I know that when my mind is liberated by these wires that my imagination gets carried away. I do think there is something real to them though- sort of like in a dream where the Gods set the scene and you play it out. I do not know why a God or anyone would bother doing this to me. I wish I could say it was all my imagination and forget about Gods and demons. I wish I had just fallen sick and started hallucinating without the Divine elements, then I could just say I am sick. There is no justice for me. What has been done to me has been exceptionally cruel. There is no escaping it, and I cannot retaliate. I simply have to endure.

That sounds nice, but I am not in control of these manifestations. I could possibly control how I manage them if I am healthy enough in mind to control what they make me think is going on. I've learned to ignore it but I don't know if I can keep that up, it's new for me to ignore, and I haven't been psychotic since I started doing it. Like I said though, ideas and emotional elation/despair cause the wires to act up, and then the voices come. I don't know if they will come again, I have to do my best to stay silent and calm.

The doctor thinks so, I don't. I watched as these wires were put into me, they're not hallucinations, although from looking at my body there is nothing wrong. I think I live in another place as well as here. Either that, or the Gods can manipulate some part of our body without interfering with our physical selves.

When you are in the throes of delusion, you cannot understand that you are creating the hallucinations. They take possession of you and you respond to them as if they are real.

This guy doesn't sound to have a very sympathetic view of the mentally ill. It's more than just hallucinations and unusual beliefs.

Yes, I read that article. It seems I am one of those that have lesser demons possess them. I don't know why the Gods took notice in me. I was a simple man, and not very educated. I was poor but not evil, though I cannot say I was very good either. Just kind of an average, neutral person.

Whomever it was, it did not want me to read the bible, as it especially afflicted me when I read from it.

I don't really, except that I called Him JHVH. He never said He was. It could be I deceived myself.

Well, I don't know if what I experienced was real or a hallucination, but JHVH used me and betrayed me, among other things.

Well, He certainly kicked my ass up and down.

Unfortunately Jehovah has been part of my hallucinations, and not in a good way. I avoid the bible because of some of my battles with Jehovah.

Well at least you're perfect. Anyway, the point is, that I avoid reading as much as possible, especially things of the mystical nature, as it tends to lend itself to psychosis. I am comfortable with what I have concluded about God and Heaven and death. I just wanted to say that it sounds like delusional thinking to me a lot of the times now.

I already adjusted my wording, saying it was ideas I need to avoid. I looked up the first psalm he recommended, it was about vengeance on enemies. I don't get along well with the bible so I would rather not read it.

Thank you for your concern, I'm trying my best.

Well gosh, I didn't know the facts of my experiences were in doubt. I tried to be as transparent as possible in telling of them. My condition is difficult to describe, as you can imagine, so forgive me if I adjust my words a bit.

It isn't as though every word is pain. Its more like ideas are pain, and thinking or being creative, curious or an elevated mood causes pain and hallucinations. The wires are always there, and always cause discomfort. When I think or am creative they get active and travel around in my brain and cause pain. The thoughts and the pain cause hallucinations, and then I become delusional and psychotic. At the worst stages of psychosis I lose control of myself and do irrational things without knowing. That is rare, but it has happened. Typically I am in control, but because I am delusional, I do irrational things too.

I am on medicine, it doesn't fully take away the symptoms though.

The only thing I can do for the psychic pain is sleep, and its hard to get sometimes. The pain is always there in some form, but if I get good rest I don't notice it so much, though after being awake for awhile it comes back. It leaves me suicidal. As long as I can go to sleep I endure.