helpfuldemon

I choose not to read anything, just to avoid the words.

Words don't pain me emotionally, they are physically painful to me. If I use my mind to think, there is pain. I cannot just shut it off or laugh it off as you suggest, though it would be nice to think so. This isn't something I can control, except that I can not think. When the voices come, I cannot control them at later stages. I am fine right now, except that I do not want to do anything but sit quietly, which is hard because the wires make it hard to rest.

What I do on the internet is small pieces of information. If its too lengthy I tune it out. If its too challenging, I stop reading.

I've learned how to quiet the mind, to the point where I have no thoughts unless I bid them. Words and thoughts are pain to me, so I avoid them. However I am still in my mind because this device that was placed inside me activates my mind with its wires and energy. I am depressed because I cannot use my mind for anything. I tried to read but closed the book after two sentences. I don't watch television or listen to music. I mostly sit in a meditative place all day long, avoiding information and thought.

Well, I was chosen for something, I don't know what... this spirit entered my body and drew out a diamond shaped symbol and left. I went out looking to understand symbols and found a book on glyphs. It said to disassemble a symbol to discover what it means, so I did that. As I did it, I travelled back in my mind wondering what I knew about God. Why did this spirit hand me this symbol? I travelled back to my foundations, which was "God is love", and "God made the world" onto which I pasted "The world is love" that's when the lady from Al Queda, the girl with the blue eyes from the cover of National Geographic flashed in my mind, and I suddenly travelled across the whole world in my mind seeing how things were, and realized that maybe love wasn't the dominant force in the world. I then foolishly blurted out "Youre not the God of love! Give me the power to bring love here!" and then a voice spoke. It came from everywhere; inside and outside of me. It wasn't from one direction. It spoke a language I did not know and its voice sounded more than human, it was two voices, male and female, speaking as one, and as it spoke the words trailed off and other voices repeated what it was saying. Now, this scared the hell out of me and I instantly replied "Whos there?" but all I got was silence. I thought I had doomed myself and I went to lay down, hiding under the covers, expecting to die. I woke up and decided to go on a quest. I became paranoid that America was going to get attacked by Muslims (this was pre-911) and so I went on a mission to warn our nation. A month later, after franticly searching and telling people, I found a website with some Qabalah and one of the symbols was the seven pointed star of Gnosticism rotating, animated. I stared at it and went into a trance as it rotated. I went to lay down and was thinking about order, that the world was order, that I was being called to an order.... then I realized "Wait! Its all chaos!" and then I saw a blue jewel and the seven pointed star superimposed itself onto it and cracked it open. I felt pain in my groin and saw me running over a field, and an angel flying above me, raising me up. I heard "Chesed, Chesed" and came before a throne of gold and color. Then in my mind I heard "I am the Sephiroth, I am all that is" to which I naively said "No you are not!" and then it went black. Then something pierced my right ear and I heard terrible crashing/crushing/grinding and something entered my brain. There were wires coming now from my groin and my ear, and they have overtaken me and caused me to hallucinate and become delusional over a dozen times. These periods last for months, and when I finally get on some medicine, the depression that comes after quieting the hallucinations lasts for months. Its been a roller coaster of delusions and depression, for twenty years. During this time I predicted some things that later happened, like predicting that Al Quida would attack America. Im finally stable today, Ive learned to denounce much of what I read as I researched, and I realize that all is not as it appears in books or in reality.

You would choose to look at it this way too if you had been through what I have been through. I dont say it lightly when I say I have been possessed by demons. Im not looking for attention and Im not some guy overstating something small. I mean these things literally; there is something to fear out there. In the end I realize you have to love AND fear God, and should be cautious about what you say and do.

The way I see it, mysticism is a method of getting you in line with a certain faith, one that cannot be proven. It is inspiration to action, and it isnt always rational, and that is why I call it a mental illness. We want to believe God has our backs, but in my case, God has betrayed my love and sent demons to torture me, for reasons unknown. I think that life is either random, or a test of our righteousness. Why else would a God create such a place of ills and evils? It might be that we are here to understand free will, I accept that answer too. Still, mysticism leads us down a path of thinking that is dangerous, in my opinion.

As with all Gods, they become the current state of goodness that all the previous and now overthrown Gods possessed.

It sounds as though you suspect something but arent sure, and are afraid to act on it because you might be wrong. This question is too vague, only you can answer this.

Why do people seem so desperate to eliminate the ego? Its your identity. What would you be without it? A pale reflection of a person, thats what. Are you so anxious to eliminate who you are? What makes you so terrible that you should desire to do that?

Maybe its time to think outside of historys paradigm and think into a new dimension? Not all of the world has to follow the same story. We live in pretty sturdy economic times and weve had quite a big share of peace, considering how world altering past wars have been. A Golden Age doesnt have to come after a terrible time. I really feel this age is golden, myself. Weve made the technological advances that let me live comfortably and safe.

Something that I think is important in this age is to censor what you take in. All around us in the media are arguments over what people say and do, and its things we cannot change or even have any business of knowing about. Theres also a lot of information to digest otherwise, and it can be a little overwhelming to our sense of stability and mental health.

We already ARE in a golden age. Look around. Modern convieniences have made this an age of less labor and longer lifespan. The only thing that would make this more golden is instant transportation, like teleportation.

Im happy today. I have all the answers I need.

The Christian midwest, USA

But I dont feel that way about people. The people I know try their best

Ive decided that spirits like to play tricks. They hardly say anything when they speak, and it usually has double meanings. They dont answer you when you call, and they deceive you into believing contrary ideas to what is normally established as good. Ive learned to abandon my hope in them, and call them demons now, though they were never too cruel in the sense of belittling or threatening, it was still a cruel experience what they did to me.

The thing of it is, is that if I did have a vision of a Deity that thought it was all that there was, the very fact that I existed to meet Him would let Him know that Hes not all that there is. That leads me to conclude that He meant He is everything that is.

After having battled hallucinations on and off for the last 20 years, Ive come to recognize that belief is prone to delusion. Id say a lot of it comes from hormones, and fantasy ideas about what could be true. I picked up some Golden Dawn material and man, its like asking for a mental illness, visualizing and communicating with spirits. Im surprised more occultists dont go insane.

Not flossing is foolish

Hi Im posting this in the Occult section because I have done a bit of study of the two major occult philosophical schools of Thelema and the Golden Dawn, and wanted to use their methods to support my commentary on how to become conscious of your thinking. I like these two systems because they make use of the Rose Cross, which begins with one point and expands into a philosophical spectrum. That is what I came here to say: one needs to have a fundamental truth in order to organize ones thinking. What that truth is shall be up to the individual, but once you have it, you can construct your behavior and worldview around it, cross referencing your beliefs with what is going on around you. Everything relates back to this one truth, and in that way you become aware of your actions, your beliefs, and your reactions. Everything starts with a simple origin, and as it is developed the complexity arises, and the magician makes the necessary adjustments as they grow in order to preserve and promote their one truth and worldview. You can do this with multiple truths as well, and synthesis them into a collective whole, weeding out the parts or half truth that dont fit in with your worldview.

Suffering is not virtuous. There is no beauty in it. For if there were, then causing suffering would be virtuous, and then good and evil would break down, and evil would be good.

Thanks for that article. I found a lot of similarities in myself and what was spoken of. Thankfully, I am not tormented as some of those cases, though the experience itself is bad enough, I dont often get assaulted by my voices, or told evil things.

Its extremely hard to ignore. I fall right into the pattern of listening, thinking, responding, reacting, mood changes. I dont even see it happening until it overwhelms me and gets dark, and then it becomes painful.

I just decided that since none of this has ultimately been helpful to me, that regardless of where this might be happening; until I am in that place, I am labeling it all as fantasy, and ignoring it.