stirling

Pema Chodron often says, "Life is hopeless", which I find hilarious. She doesn't mean that things always turn out badly, she means that hope is a construction of ideas about a future that benefits you. That projected future is based purely on your speculation using limited information available in the present. How could it ever happen as you envisage it? I am saying: be careful about mourning something that hasn't happened... just have the feelings as they arise and let them pass naturally. This is all that is really happening anyway. The middle way is to eschew unnecessary suffering instead of enduring austerities. You should definitely take the middle way.

There is a moment where you cut your hair, or there isn't. As you say, the conditions will be ripe to do what happens WHEN it is that moment when things happen. Don't overthink these things. Like everything else, there is no need to worry about it. When the thoughts arise, try adopting the attitude: "It will be interesting to see what happens next" and drop it, instead of getting lost in it and the anxiety that arises. In Buddhism the thinking mind is a sixth sense, no more exalted than any other sense. Our mistake is that we have exalted intellectual thought and think that this is somehow what we are, or how we will understand reality. It isn't. We are the awareness that WATCHES things arise and pass, INCLUDING our thought processes. In Zen we watch the exalted thought process until it runs out of steam, like a sugared up toddler or a jar of muddy water that is shaken and shaken by the movement of thinking. What happens when the toddler falls asleep sitting up, or the jar of water becomes clear? Awareness - clear, clean, still. This is what "you" are. This is what it ALL is. It looks just like this moment.

You are imagining how things are based on ideas. This is the CENTER of samsara in ALL aspects. Stop. You have never had an idea that was true. What IS true is this moment... its beautiful stillness... NOT your thoughts about it. It is easy to get carried away by what you THINK things are... again... it's samsara. Don't suppress emotions - HAVE them, but see them as they are, impermanent, arising and passing away. Emotions, thoughts, stars, cats, bowling balls, you name it - they all arise and pass where they are and are not what "you" are. You are the awareness that watches them, and Mr. Turmoil arises and passes from thought to thought too. Enjoy the people and experiences you have. Know that they, and you, are precisely where they should be doing just what they should. Relax. Watch the dance. Let go of what you are clinging to, or what you are averse to in your thoughts. Allow the mind to settle as often as possible. That's the path, really. You are doing FINE.

I can't for the life of me fathom how I didn't read this, but in looking again I feel I must comment. While what you say is (in a way that I can't explain to you) conceptually true, appearance both exists AND don't exist. Ultimately the content of this dance is empty of intrinsic reality, but it is FULL of unity reality. If you were to see things completely as non-dual reality you'd see that NONE of this goes away, and all of it is more sweetly beloved and loving than anything you encountered before as it is wholly and completely what "you" are. There is no real way to explain this, but to see it, and deciding on what it really means or looks like with conceptual ideation almost always leads us to intellectual nihilism. Back away from the idea that you can truly understand this emptiness conceptually, and instead hold the intellectual idea lightly, knowing that it is only experientially possible to fathom. I am married. I have kids. I have pets. They are in my life and out moment to moment, and I cherish them more than I EVER have, KNOWING precisely how they are.

It is said the Buddha once asked a student, "If a person is struck by an arrow, is it painful? If the person is struck by a second arrow, is it even more painful?" He then went on to explain, "In life, we can’t always control the first arrow. However, the second arrow is our reaction to the first. This second arrow is optional." Dropping the story doesn't mean we don't work through a crisis - it means we attempt to work skillfully through the FACTS of what is happening NOW rather than our story about it - we try to concern ourself ONLY with the first arrow, and realize that the second is entirely of our own creation. This is working from Beginners Mind, the world as it is in this moment empty of our tales of the past or projections of the future.

Ultimate bodhicitta arises naturally and always where there is wisdom. So: compassion is a natural aspect of the emptiness that arises of its own accord. It is hard to see it when we are deep in the chaos of our obscurations and story, but if we can but just STOP and let the mind come to a halt, THEN look at things, we can see what it is we are bringing to this moment with our thinking mind. We do not have to be enlightened to do this. The compassion of ultimate boddhicitta is to be WITH the suffering (or dissatisfaction, as the fantastic Ken McLeod translates it) we witness in this moment, whether we feel it is ours or someone else's, and be present to play whatever role we play in helping recognize it or alleviating it. This is mostly just in the listening, not so much in taking on the burden ourselves.

There IS no running away. I have friends and teachers that went the monastery route, only to find that the dharmakaya has mirrors hidden all over the seemingly "tranquil" monasteries as well. Even working with a good teacher means the mirror is always coming back to you. No quitting, no "short cuts" (as if there were such a thing). The only way through is honesty and sincerity with your self, and THIS, and genuine intention to stop your suffering. As for fulfillment: what would it be? Something you imagine? What you wanted yesterday... today... tomorrow? An impermanent thing or impermanent set of conditions from the outside world? It is always a nebulous idea about what would make you happy. Drop nebulous ideas. Be in this moment without your thoughts of gain and loss... what needs to be added to it?

Mr. Recluse, I would email these places and ask if you could meet with a senior teacher at each of them to see if you hit it off. Tell them as honestly and verbosely as you can what happened and ask if they would help you with next steps. See if you bond with them. https://www.zenhobart.com https://www.tashicholing.net Generally speaking, it is my experience that there is at least one enlightened teacher in most metropolitan meditation centers. Let us know how sitting goes and if you need any help! Bows.

Manitou, I have great respect for your wisdom and posts here. Thank you for bringing this up. _/\_ I agree that the suffering is absolutely part of the path. There is no way to bypass what is happening, or skip past what covers our behavior. In our story there is always seeing what obscures us, what we attach to or try to avoid... the seeming lifetime of doing what we thought was best, or trying to hide from what feels painful and failing over and over instead of accepting the reality of what is right in front of us, as it is. Seen from enlightened mind we realize that the struggle is a story, and the story is always happening right now. It IS perspective, I agree. Jumping right to the idea of enlightened mind doesn't help us when we are in the trenches, nursing our guilt, or self-hatred, or attempts to blame anyone but ourselves for how things are. Having said that, learning to recognize enlightened mind, and using the "medicine" of just being present in this moment is IMHO possibly the most potent tool we have for taking apart our suffering. Deep Bows.

No philosophy is correct. These are all ways of looking at the same thing... perspectives, like facets of a prism. It isn't possible to use subject/object language to describe something that has no defining edges, or scale. It doesn't HAVE a beginning or an end... no origin story. This is how it is unborn and undying. The perspective after awakening is that you are an enlightened person. You now understand the nature of things, and yet still feel incomplete. This IS a contradiction of the complete (arhat) understanding. The idea that there is a unity, but you are separate from it is contradictory from both an intellectual understanding, but more importantly and EXPERIENTIAL understanding. As long as you are aware that even this insight you have is unsatisfactory, it will continue to deepen. Bringing the insight to all moments of life - awakening again and again in this moment - is the key.

Wow! That might indeed be tricky. Let me see what I can do.

Great stuff here! When we seek to "improve ourselves" we find suffering. When our intention is to understand reality as it is - without our preconceived notions - here it is. It feels too easy, and yet all it takes is seeing this moment as it is, without our attachments and aversions.

Yes, as Manitou says... the same thing, just different ways of conceptual description which are irrelevant. They are all the emptiness of things with intrinsic existence OR Unity. 
 
 A creator? Nothing is ever created. There is nothing and no-one separate to be a creator. 
 
 No plan can exist without time. Time is illusory.
 
 True "self" is unity. Unity is the complete understanding of no-self. 
 The initial realization of emptiness is generally not the complete realization of no-self. It is entrance into college - graduation is dropping away of the enlightened "person" - a deepening of understanding. The understanding of emptiness SEEMS to deepen endlessly after no-self, but most often with no real way of explaining why it is deeper. Ultimately it isn't any kind of progression or deeper attainment, only the stabilization of understanding and the winding down of what is created/conceptualized. 
 Ultimately nothing is understood by anyone. It is understood that there is no-one to become enlightened. Everything is already enlightened. "Enlightenment" is what this IS. Everything in the delusion of separate objects arises from the underlying emptiness. The present is the only moment we can truly know. If we think that one moment is separate from another, we are the victim of a delusion. No person EVER knows that things are empty of intrinsic existence. The emptiness knows itself. As we discuss it, emptiness is an intellectual idea. As Adyashanti once said, "You have never had a thought that was true.". Emptiness is the fabric of all of this, and entirely non-conceptual - unity. It is empty of self-existence. There is nothing separate to have the quality of Suchness. Suchness is the essence of everything, not of any one or group of "things". This is all knowable... AND known, but not by any person. There ARE no enlightened people, in reality. I agree that there is absolutely NO reason to adopt these as beliefs - that is delusion. Much better to cultivate "beginner's mind" - which, done properly, IS enlightened mind despite any lack of insight. As Robert Thurman said to me, "Real meditation is not "practice" it is "ACTUALIZATION". Ack! The enemy! Bows.

Certainly there is sangha here! There is enlightened perspective here as well. Depending on where you are I might be able to recommend someone. Let me know. Your "practice" is of the same nature as most I have met at this level of insight - watching phenomena arise and pass. Eventually meditation takes care of itself (Tibetan: non-meditation), though sitting is STILL very helpful... and should be effortless at this point. Bows.

If you don't mind me asking - do you have a meditation practice, or enlightened teacher? Both are a great help after insight for stabilizing it and dropping remaining attachments.

I know... I know... Metta to you.

Indeed! That set of terms could define the most centered OR the most unhinged. (A sly look at Rumi goes here.) Wisdom (prajna) is the same as being in alignment with the Tao. The "doer" disappears into a co-creation with the moment as it unfolds. Mental illness (IMHO) only exists where there is someone who imagines they have agency to NOT co-create this moment, or have intrinsic reality. The only real delusion is the "self"! It's only magical thinking when it is a belief. My personal experience is that insight cured my mental illness, but am in no-way advocating for giving up meds, or counseling, which can be excellent tools for chipping away at delusion.

Right?!? There is a joke in there - they have no ultimate end and no determined outcome... there is no-one who knows! They are different perspectives on the same thing. I agree that insight can often come in the guise of looking at past actions and seeing your obscurations. In my experience insight is: kind, has a sense of humor, is NOT "self" or "I" referencing, and makes definitive statements. This does not mean that the "past" that is referenced has any reality of its own, but that the insight is reflecting on what arises as a memory/obscuration in this moment. The future is just a thought happening now. The thought that what you remember matches what is happening, happens now. Non-duality is always here, and has never not been here. It is a permanent, pervasive characteristic of reality that is always underneath the impermanent world visible at the same time, and not separate from it. Skilled direct pointing can demonstrate what it is. Non-duality is flat. Time, space, and "self" are flat. Time is NOW, always. Space is free of distance, so our perceptions of depth or separateness/intrinsic reality are illusory. "self" is a cloud of sensations that we ascribe locations to. Ultimately even the sense doors are empty of existence. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Āyatana We can use meditation to get some pre-insight idea of how this all might be.

Definitely the relative and absolute always exist together. There is no enlightenment where the "world" goes away, but it is merely seen for what it has been - dreamlike. There is no transcending, OR bypassing what is happening in this moment. I'm with you about human (or other) suffering. Our compassion is to be with this suffering in the world. Fate and destiny are a stranger package. Are there a past or future we can "be" in, or are they merely thoughts that are happening now? Love the "Zon Zigo"! Conditions in this moment are ripe for what happens next - but we must remember that we are not separate from those events. What we are driven to do, and our interaction with these circumstances is part of the equation. It isn't fate, exactly. There isn't anything with an intrinsic nature, or quality, as strange as it seems. RE: Benefit and harm - one of my favorite Taoist stories on the topic: It is possible to see that the past and future are delusions, not as a belief, but as a persistent understanding. This might seem like an opportunity for some nihilist fantasy where a "self" might do as it pleases, but the insight is only available once the there is understanding that the "self" as we imagine it is also a delusion. These permanent perspectives together make nihilism impossible. I appreciate your frankness about your past difficulties, it resonates with me deeply. This kind of bravery and personal suffering is precisely what it takes to see through it. I wish you very best with your practice and intentions. Bows.

I like that! It reminds me of a much shorter version of Dudjom Rinpoche's instruction for the right attitude for meditation:

I didn't feel I belonged ANYWHERE until I realized that, as what we truly are, we belong EVERYWHERE. I would reject ideas, paths or notions that didn't tally against my pre-conceived ideas and collected beliefs about how things were. As it turns out I was ALWAYS surrounded by dharma and opportunities to learn, and turned many opportunities away due to fear. As it turns out, holding tightly to our imagined limitations is yet another clinging to drop. My mental illness was generalized anxiety. My internal dialog was the story of a person who wasn't good enough, didn't belong, was unloved and unwanted, alone in the world. The stories the mind told me about who I was created a feedback loop, creating ever deeper, darker, and stickier stories. How to escape? Let the mind become still. Be as you are. Bring the mind home at every opportunity to where experience is fresh and clean. To a realized being what you believe is unappealing about you as a person is not seen the same way. It is understood that this "universe" mirrors attachment and aversion back at us, continually pointing out where we are stuck. A teacher that doesn't live up to your expectations is a mirror that shows what you are holding on to or shunning. Seen from the perspective of prajna (Wisdom), ALL actions are skillful means. When teaching touches you where you are raw there is the most opportunity for change by dropping what you hold on to so tightly. It is always your story about how things are. That story is always what obscures things as they truly are.

Ocular hypertension! That's actually possibly more ironic than having myopia! Sorry to have a laugh at your expense, but the way this all is exists to mirror our attachments and aversions - most often, in my experience, with a sense of humor. The answers you seek are HERE, what you want to REALLY ask is always available, and never obscured. You are surrounded by people who want to help. I DO have a degree in Consciousness Studies (which as it turns out was just more seeking) and studied a number of Buddhist practices with well-known lamas (Gyatrul Rinphoche, Lama Zopa Rinpoche, Ngakpa Chogyam Rinpoche) if that makes a better case?

So, I'm guessing you suffer from myopia then?

This is deeply pith wisdom that most, including translators, are just NOT going to get. This is the same ground that the Heart Sutra of Mahayana Buddhism covers. To wit: Form is none other than emptiness, Emptiness none other than form. Form is only emptiness, Emptiness only form. Feeling, thought, and choice, Consciousness itself, 
 Are the same as this. - Buddha, Heart Sutra All forms are sensation arising where it arises, belonging to no object, but instead to a unity that is not separate from the illusion of the "self" that seemingly perceives it, yet the illusion of a universe of separate things persists on this ground of being empty of things. To see this in every moment, in every "thing" is not only resting in the Tao, but enlightenment. As the Tsin Tsin Ming says: Those who do not understand the Way will assert or deny the reality of things. Deny the reality of things, you miss its deeper reality; Assert the reality of things, you miss the emptiness of all things. -Tsin Tsin Ming, Seng T'san This comfortable resting in "don't know" is the deepest understanding.