stirling

"Why?" implies some past or future, or someone to exist within a timeline. It is worth examining whether any continuity truly exists in this moment. Meditation (not a practice but actual stillness of the mind) would be the tool for this. See above. This moment is perfect and complete as it is, it is only the thinking mind that contrives ideas of "purpose" or meaning beyond what is visible right here, right now.

I'd like to hear more about your practice in Buddhism and Goetia too. I spent many years practicing in the Nyingma/Dzogchen tradition, and had success in "attainment of the Knowledge and Conversation of the Holy Guardian Angel".

Just to clarify "don't know" mind: The perfection of the Four Noble Truths, the Eightfold Path, the precepts, ad nauseum is prajnaparamita or "emptiness". "Don't know" mind is emptiness, resting in the absence of all beliefs, projections into the future, or stories of the past, and "self". It is the Tao, primordial being-ness. It does not rely on any practice methodology, religion, belief-system, philosophy or any kind of "doing" by a "self". This "being-ness" is how things actually are. It is simplicity itself. When the mind is still, look for any of these qualities and see that they only arise with the thinking mind as concepts. This is where our struggle with reality begins.