Eggsistentialist

Hi dwai, I was fasting, totally not for spiritual reasons though! Was just doing it in solidarity for a friend who lives in poverty and was literally beginning to starve during covid due to the backed up government system. My beloved doggo died during that time as well. Stress was likely a trigger. Because I was fasting I found I had no energy at first so i would sit cross legged in front of my mirror and dabble with meditation, not for overly long periods either. (I still don't know how to meditate properly). I became very contemplative, sticking to one word or idea and turning it around and around thinking about it from all sides. When my dog was in his last week I spent a lot of time with him on the grass, just observing all the different ways he knows his environment. How he's aware of the slight movements of the birds in the trees, how his first act of the day is not to piss but take a very calculating sniff of the morning air, then to piss. I spent hours a day that I don't normally have out in nature (I live in a coastal rainforest) and because of covid there were no tourists. I was alone on the beaches and forest trails. I'm not sure if just one or all of those things were triggers. In a real sense I'm not getting any younger either, I think it was just time to "wake up." At least to some degree. I'm not so much seeking anything right now. Well that's not true, now that this has happened, and i can see that certain symbols or images *mayyybe* have been pointing to a more eastern philosophy and way. I'm really just investigating and trying to understand. To be perfectly honest just even remotely trying to grapple with even one specific area of eastern culture and thought feels really daunting to me. I'm already a lousy catholic! But the new questions I have about energy and the impossibility of how I can use it are burning, not gonna lie. It's also conflicting because, on the other hand it's like, well so what. What would I even use that sort of thing for? I've been experimenting with a friend at a distance, saying which hand am i sending energy to or which part of the (upper) body. I'm surprised how accurate I have been on my part! Still, it's all very fascinating however... idk what I would ever do with that? It has never been my desire to become some kind of healer or _____ fill in the blank. Also there is the question of does that sort of thing become dangerous? Googling hasn't been helpful. SO, sorry about the wall of text! I guess what I'm looking for, for now, is just a better understanding, and also to perhaps become a little more unified, receptive, also healthy overall, not just in my mind and body but since I clearly also have this extra energetic component I want to take care of that too. One of the things I want most is actually just to explore and learn about inner balance. I also had an experience with that during my "awakening" process that simply put, felt really mystical. Make of that what you will. I can sometimes reach a similar state with meditation (that i am surely doing incorrectly) but can't maintain it during stress or even with kids fighting loudly etc. Good Lord, did I make any sense? I'm not used to discussing this stuff!

He sent me a private msg, which I wasn't going to open until i read this. Simply stating he didn't mean to seem like he was wishing me ill and had edited his post to reflect that, if that helps you to know. Personally I find his MO predatory in the sense that if I were having a crisis and lacked knowledge of how to care for myself, he then appeals to my fears and lack of understanding by offering me the hope of "healing," if I will reach out to him in a private setting. Naturally his reason for offering is that this is his "work" which implies potential payment. However, that seems fishy in an environment like this. Why isn't he advertising his work/business in the traditional way? Lacking the customary social norms of not offering to help someone before you even know the first thing about them, combined with the fact he mis-prescribed me as having "kundalini syndrome," as well as not answering my question, makes him seem unhelpful to say the least and also untrustworthy. I would say his real work has been accomplished here however, look at all the precious time we've lost just wrapping our minds around his behaviour.

Hi, I spent a bit of time looking into this. Thank you, this really is a helpful place to jump in. Interestingly I had impressions? Intuitions? (I don't even know how to describe them) of cinnabar as well. I had never heard of that stone either at the time. I have goosebumps.

You are absolutely correct, and yet it is still easier than smoothing out passive aggressive speech! Thank you for positive salutation regarding what you very quickly assume are my difficulties. I can already see how helpful you are with your "healing work..."

Luckily I am not a fish eh? I thought it was cute lol

Hehehh!! Meaning: I am still crazy! The drugs can't help me now!

Thank you for the offer but I'm not sure why I need to go straight to dm to have my simple question answered Cheers!