Eggsistentialist

Hello, 20 yrs ago I had an accidental kundalini awakening. I had no idea what was happening, no foundations to prepare me, i was reallllly young and dumb, and it was the single most traumatic event in my entire life. So intense I wouldn't even wish it on the likes of Stalin or Moussolini. Even so, life went on, became what life is: the good with the bad. Ffd about 20 years to last summer through autumn, it came roaring back. Kundalini doesn't ever go away, but it does lay low if you want it to (you are still stuck dealing with the symptoms and events it generates, but it seems to be only as active as I can handle). This time I recognize it. I'm much older, not too scared of my own shadow anymore, able to handle the weirdness and intensity. However, I had still not made any "preparations" for this to happen again (I'm still so shocked that people actually WANT this to happen!?!!) so it has been confusing af to say the very least. More to the point, when the energy first began it was intense physical wavelike feelings of heat in my back up to my neck and at it's height I felt like I had one of those huge rotating spotlight beams that they use at concerts shooting out of the top of my head. Combine that with the sensations of oneness and being deeply connected and part of (very new to me) and this bizarre but superfast reorientation of thinking and knowing and experiencing, along with the challenges of needing to reorganize my life to facilitate what I now know/believe/understand--this is all very hard to describe, sorry! One of the strange phenomenon was these impressions of dragons and tigers that I kept receiving, I guess intuitively? I had only ever superficially heard of taoism. Ie: they have monks and funny coins with holes in the middle. Also after this awakening, er... reawakening/rising event I have way different energy. I thiiink it's that I'm able to perceive my own qi? Chi? (Is there a difference?) I'm literally brand spanking new to meditation but when i focus on parts of my body for example, that is where the energy seems to go. I think it might be stuck in my throat, it began to feel choked and constricted and often the sensation is that energy moves across through my shoulders and down into my hands and if i touch my fingertips together my right hand feels like it's receiving! Feels like a low current! Or, I mean, I could just be crazy and this is all psychosomatic. Totally open to that possibility lol! I also seem to be able with some consistency to send and receive and take energy if it's offered. And even be able to perceive things, for example if my friend is thinking of a color I can just sense it. Idk how else to explain that. I definitely can't just jump into someone's thoughts, so it seems like they have to be focused and intentional. Im here to mostly lurk and maybe ask the occasional question. I'm still quite surprised by what happened to me and that I managed to keep my head and especially that i can send energy to someone's cold hands on the other side of the planet and warm them up! If anyone can recommend a good jumping in point for getting my inside energetic stuff tuned up and in good shape, I would be grateful. Nice to meet you all, E

Normal? I learned more from this book in an hour than I have in 3 months of trying to piece everything together. No exaggeration. Your timing is impeccable. Thanks a bunch!

Thanks!! I have a copy of the e-book already. So far I feel like it's different for everyone. For example, one author almost demonizes Carl Jung as a dabbler, but without knowing much about Jung when mine activated I was instinctively aware of the subconscious shadow at work in me as well as the collective unconscious, and not only vey quickly found out about but purchased and read (parts of) the red book, understanding easily what Jung was describing. I don't think any single one way, or one person's story, or one method even is THE way. Rather it all seems to be a mosaic.

Yes! That is the book I had originally started reading too

Hi Conan, I really appreciate you taking the time to do this. I found it interesting that you used Gopi Krishna's chart as comparison. Absolutely my experience with Kundalini, 20 years ago when if first happened was an accident. I didn't know what it was and was completely traumatized by it and wondered about it throughout my whole life when, I guess I was ready to accept the truth about it. I can't understand why people pursue such an experience. I wouldn't recommend it to very many types of people. Monks, for example, are possibly reasonable candidates. As for myself, when it wakes up I have to dramatically adjust to the changes and it's painful. Very difficult. I have a positive outlook because of my age and experience, however, both my inner and outer world has been smashed to pieces! I'm grateful I didn't have the experience of Gopi Krishna, that seems pretty intense. I did and do get unusual physical feelings of heat. It's not just heat, it flushes the skin. For example it is winter and I will have no explanation to give for why the right side of my face and body are red. Must be the wind, i have to conjecture vaguely. I don't find very many people writings helpful, other than as confirmation that I'm not the only one persevering like this, because individual experiences vary widely and dramatically. One person's experience can seem totally foreign unless I listen very closely, when sometimes I can see the strange experience they are relating are just the collection of circumstances, thoughts, emotions that kundalini used to teach them. Dogmas don't work one iota here! I appreciate this. You seem very good at your work! Thank you

Yup! Not just neighbours, as in ppl that live in my super small town that are all up in your business and gossiping about what you did before you even thought about doing it, but my workplace is suuuuper nosey/gossipy/ certain family members and other persons are passive aggressive to the point I've started learning to just communicate with certain ppl by making no evaluations about things or people and only observations and often repeat back what they've said by dropping their subtle hints and just stating "if I understand you, you would like ____." And my worst enemies have always surprised me by being ppl i was close to Also, my mother is really certain of the time and I was her only child so there's a good chance she is correct, although my wallet sized birth certificate does not record the time (i checked). This is kind of exciting!

Wait... are you calling me old??! Shhh I look young for my age! That video was so peaceful. Imagine how colourful those trees are just before the leaves fall!

That was insanely accurate. Wow!

I looked at the link. I looked up the image, found it in colour, read some other things about it. I could study this for days and weeks and months. I have NO idea what it means but it's just so striking. The idea that its a human body, the spine indicated by the wall with the gates, but yet it's a land mass, the shape of which is like a resting dragon. People and animals and objects symbolically acting upon it in different regions. The celestial aspect of the big dipper... It doesn't just go into thee brain, it really makes you think and rethink. Or it makes me think anyway. Woaaahh

I have it on scribd and doesn't look too long. My list of books just got yuuuuge! It's amazing how differently yet similarly people have experienced and tried to describe it. Some people's writings haven't sat well with me at first or just seemed, for example, a bit too weird. Thinking on them over a short period of time however, I start to see that's just how their minds were able to process what they were struggling to grasp. I had begun another one by Gopi but left off at the first chapter, maybe this one will get in between my ears instead. He wrote a lot! I had to text my mother to ask what time I arrived. Omg she is now reliving my whole birth

That's very generous of you! Sept. 8, 1977 8:58 am Calgary, Canada

Hi again, sorry, is the golden flower part of the tao? I have a copy of the tao in my hands and am not finding an obvious reference to it. Thank you

September 8th -- incidentally is the feast day of the nativity of the virgin mary in roman catholicism. But an eggsemplary catholic I am not -- oops!

Thank you Anand! Fun fact: chicken bums are called vents. I have many chickens. Not many eggs at the moment, it's winter. I really love breakfast! And second breakfast! E

When i started changing my life, (im getting divorced) both inside and out as a result of K, I asked for my creative block to be removed. I've been up to my elbows in diapers for close to 20 years in a really difficult relationship. I used to be super inspired. I want my creativity back and my throat has felt constricted and choked and like there is something stuck in it ever since I asked for it (prayed for it?) back.

Um, no one would accuse me of being "accomplished" loool!! YET! There is still time! Who am i kidding, I'm just a dork who is happy to watch the sun rise and set My birthday is 9/8/77 Have fun with your quest! E edit: wait you were just thinking outloud and i coughed up some deets. Damn it! Here take my name and social security too lol

Thank you. I appreciate all your words, they resonate Question: there are several books by that title with different authorship, presumably they are translations with annotations? Is there one edition that you recommend over the others?

It makes sense to me. But that doesn't guarantee we are talking about the same thing. Either way, still reasonable advice. Very interested in learning right now, being careful not to adopt dogma. Unlearning my past ways of perception also. That takes some practice. Hmm, this is interesting, switching between ways of knowing. Thank you E

Ok so!! In my op i mentioned a stuck feeling in my throat. Google is so unhelpful mostly but one youtuber had suggested something about healing the thyroid by doing yogic exercises, and another one demonstrated this squeezing of the butthole while using hands from the bottom up to the throat but he never specifically said that was energy. Honestly they both sounded a bit sketchy lol. I just experimented on my own a bit. And I think that maybe I do feel a little bit better. I think anyone can feel if someone comes very close to touching their arm or their face but doesn't quite. So by slowly moving my own hands inches from the front of my body I could at least find it really easy to imagine sensation, to the extent that when i brought it all the way to my throat it feels almost magnetic. Is that all in my head? Is there a real "energetic" component? Is the less constricted feeling in my throat psychosomatic? Maybe it's because I'm stretching my throat. Maybe it was a slight bacterial infection. Or all of the above. See what I mean ? It's impossible to tell and i just look and sound like i abuse substances lol! Most importantly I do feel a bit better though, so I guess I'll just not worry too much and hopefully it will become more clear. What depletes the energy in the dantians? I feel like I have a good amount of it

Thank you so much dwai! I forgot about Yogananda! Interesting story which you can skip if it's tl;dr: during the summer when my dog passed away, I noticed the specific patch of shady grass he liked to rest on had multiple 4-leaf clovers growing in it. (They're actually not that rare if you look hard enough, and often if there's one there are more nearby). I picked them and went to press them in what I originally thought was the bagavad gita, two books I had purchased years back telling myself some day I would read the bagavad gita so i could simply say I had done it (still haven't) for the cool factor. All those years I didn't know those books were not the BG but Yogananda's interpretation (i still haven't read them lol). Point is, I opened one of them and out fell an old 4-leaf clover pressed in chapter 11 next to a picture of a funeral pyre with a soul ascending upward to join some others and the particular topic is about ocean of spirit and individuals being waves and are in a delusory state yada yada. I should probably read it. I found so many 4-leaf clovers this summer. Even found a 5-leaf one if you can believe that! Enough of my babble, thanks for listening. This, together with the other persons suggestion to try and learn what is neidan and what dantians are seem like good places to start to me, and should keep me busy for awhile I appreciate you, thanks, E

Noted!! I've been called a lot worse lol! I like it

I think that in the past I've been all about the wrong things. Too worried about what I believed were negative emotions/experiences/or sensations. Too eager to arrive at some type of good. I want to change my stuck in my ways thinking about this, but I'm not completely sure what I'm moving toward, what it might look like and be like, or if I'm maybe just out to lunch. It's not just my beliefs, I'm trying to create new habits, and change some of the circumstances in my life that inhibit me--but as I do this it comes full circle. I can't change my life circumstances without changing myself. Intellectually I need new ways to think about things. I want to learn more about what this even means. I have no idea how deficient I may or may not be yet. I may have noticed energy in the past! For example everyone can (hopefully) feel it brewing in the pelvic area! However there have been times where I may have felt it too much in my head and just decided I wasn't feeling well and gone to sleep, not knowing what else to do. Or for example, right now *i think?!* I feel an excess of it in my lower arms and hands. Idk why this is. I'm hoping it's something I can get circulating. But like I said, not sure of what im describing! It's a bit new. Maybe im hyper focused. To be perfect honest, this thought is scary. Idk what is meant by that. I know that I can sometimes sense danger and avoid it. The idea of certain people having an unfair advantage over others because they can for example, read/sense their thoughts makes me uncomfortable. If you are asking me if this is something I would like to cultivate, that's a difficult question. Yes, I want to be safe, healthy, and well. No, I don't want to mess around with other people for any reason, to the extent that I don't even believe in being overly helpful. Most people have what they need. I believe I already do too. Yes! No, i had actually been feeling pretty good about myself and my life up until this point. A bit despondent in some areas that I would have like to be different but didn't think I could change, but now the timing is right and I find I can do some things after all. Other than that, it's been more like oh wow, ok whatever this is, you have my attention. Let's just see where it goes.

Lol, there goes my intention to just lurk here!

I like you