Cadcam

The original God may still be here, or he's off in another universe.

1. God creates all of reality. 2. A species on earth evolves either genetically or scientifically to transcend death and physical limitations. 3. The new God creates new life and reshaped the planet, possibly multiple times, having control over life and death, perhaps even all physical laws. 4. This God species preserves all life after death to gather a world of infinite personality and experience.

I've concluded that God as we understand it has probably evolved from the earth. Being that this world and the universes are billions of years old, it's not inconceivable that a formerly mortal species evolved in physicality or science to become immortal, and have power over the physical realm. Probably this species created life as we know it, and it's worlds are infinite, with each of us being an immortal inhabitant of the many planes of existence.

My opinion is that there are humans, or other species that call this world home, but they are removed from our sight, like they exist in a different way physically. They take possession of people for various reasons, probably to use us as experiments, possibly to harvest our souls for other reasons, perhaps to take them into their world?

From what I have witnessed, the gods or demons or whatever aren't too exceptionally malicious but it wouldn't surprise me if they could do anything they desire. Imagine what it would be like to be an immortal being with all power over this level of reality. Might be boring.

That's what I'm saying. I think that words and their meaning have subconscious power, and steer us in the direction of that meaning. So when the spirits took hold of me as a youth and had me say Satan be my god, I subconsciously became a Satanist, and my behavior followed along with that definition. Think about it: how many times can you say you've said or done something without conscious knowledge of where that choice came from? That could be the interaction of a spirit. In my adult life, I've seen this is true, and in reflection I realize that it happened as a child. I think there's a lot we don't know about the spiritual world. We think we have free will and make every choice, but of that I am not so sure.

I think at some point initially it was deliberate but that was a long time ago. Now I just don't know what to say, or how to respond. I listen and understand, but have no reply.

When I was a youngster (under 20), I suppressed my emotional responses to other people and their actions. As I matured, I started to look at people's lips to understand them, rather than look them in they eye as we spoke. Idk, I just don't knee jerk react, I think about things first.

I have always been one who thinks first, and then feels a response. I wonder if that is common. Who or what, those are good questions. I was meditating one day many years ago, thinking that the world was order. It suddenly occurred to me that no! it was chaos! Then my head cracked open and I had a vision of a being on a throne that spoke. Then my awareness flipped sideways and it felt like something was implanted in my lower right brain below my ear. Eventually it felt like wires were inserted and over the years have overtaken my brain and body, leaving me now in this static, non thinking condition.

I definitely feel cut off from the flow of existence. I have no impulse to desire. It is apathy that I feel. When I think, I wind up in entropy. I'm not moved by things. Neither beauty nor suffering. Every response I give is methodical. It's my head, you see. There are these wires of energy that tie my thoughts down.

I don't think I'm lost in nihilism deliberately, this all just evolved partly from thinking, but mostly from my physical state. Everything is flat. I don't emotionally respond, I don't intellectually respond. I hear and understand, but have nothing to contribute. There is no joy, there is no lust. It is quiet and sterile, and I have to sit like this because trying to come out of it creates suffering.

It's difficult to imagine the personality of God. I believe we exist as toys, for what other purpose could there be than to give God company, and something to do? And, being powerful enough to create such an enormous and intricate, complex system of life, what do you suppose a powerful and immortal being would do with this place? We tend to imagine, in our supposed free will, that no one is watching or guiding us, but I can no longer live that way.

Looking back upon my life, and my deeds, and the direction it took, I wonder if I didn't make some kind of pact with Satan, and that is why I behaved as I did. Idk what made me call on Satan. It seems that children don't always know what they do. I've witnessed in my adult life that spirits interact with us, and can speak through our voices. It could be that I was simply chosen for these things. I really don't know how much we are actually responsible for.

Ever since I was young, I've been a rebellious, and lawless person. This has changed, but as I reflected on my past, I had memories of different things. For instance, I remember when I was about 8 or 9 years old, standing in the middle of my bedroom and calling out "Satan be my god" around that same time I stopped going to church, totally refusing it. This drive my parents nuts. I remember walking to school, and this spirit was giving me lessons on chaos and order, and I, not being happy with how things went, decided to cause chaos (not the right decision). I used to harness this idea of chaos, as I would interact with others. It gave me a spiritual strength. Eventually I found myself manipulating energy with my mind. It was a form of magic. This all came back to bite me in the ass.

God is the best of us; our ideal state in being and action. To project ones mind upward and outward towards a God grants us a real or imagined supernatural strength. Certainly, if history is correct, the new God of Love, creator and all good, was better than the previous gods, whom were irrational at times, and to be feared. Perhaps having a God of Love gave us a linear logic, and acceptable morals, and that is why that God has endured.