Cadcam

Though it is a nice idea, and I'm sure God appreciates our love, I don't believe that God must love each of us individually as is often suggested by Christianity. God gave us free will to choose to love, and loving everyone unconditionally leads to problems. No, people have to earn love. God too, has the free will to choose who to love, and can you imagine, with the billions of people born throughout history, and all their virtues, deeds, and talents; how hard it would be to attract God's attention and earn God's love?

A couple of weeks later I was meditating and thinking about order. I thought "i am of an Order, the world is Order..." then the thought "no! Its all chaos!" And then I saw in my mind a blue jewel. Then a star appeared over the jewel and cracked it open. I saw an angel and heard "chessed, chessed" then, a terrible grinding sound in my right ear, and incredible pain in my groin and head. I was suddenly in front of a throne and the being on it said "I am the sephiroth I am all that is". Ever since then, 25 years ago, I've been plagued by hallucinations.

Nearly 25 years ago, back in 2000, I was provoked into contemplating what is good. I thought "love is good" and this presence entered my body and used my hand to draw out a symbol. I read a book that said when you receive a symbol, you should dismantle it into parts, which I did. As I did this, that picture of the al quida woman from the cover of national geographic flashed in my mind. I started to astral travel the earth, and saw places. As I did this, I started thinking about what I believed. Ten years prior, when I was struggling with life, I had decided I believed in God, and that God was love. I believed God made the world, and then took a fatal error and declared that the world was love. As I was astral traveling, looking at the earth and remembering what I chose to believe about the world, I realized that there were people without medicine or food or water. For the first time in my life I suddenly became aware that there was real suffering in the world, and I cried out "you're not the god of love!" "Give me the power to bring love here!" And just as the last word fell from my lips, a booming voice that seemed to come from all corners spoke in a language I did not know. I immediately cried "who's there?" But was met with silence.

I've gotten to the point where I hardly think at all. I've tamed my mind, and my desire. I sit in the quiet of no thought. The Buddha was most wise to identify desire as a root of the human condition. It seems that we simply can't get enough of satisfying our cravings. I feel it, and it makes me suffer, because I realize that this is really all we are; desire is all life is. All we have is satisfying our wants. It makes me sad, how transient life is! Just to live and want and do, and then die! Even in the afterlife, should there be one, the cycle continues.

It seems to me that life is quiet and boring unless one has a career or hobbies that satisfy and give meaning. Love is good too, but that isn't always easy to find. I have none of these. The only thing that gives me a little joy is food, and that is such a small part of the day.

No

God should be nothing but mercy. Humans are finite and short sighted, and we can't possibly fathom what God is like- being infinitely immortal and potentially all powerful. It wo I ld be difficult to imagine that a god of unheard wisdom could be offended by a mortal.

I get what you guys are saying, but I don't experience the joy and happiness when I stop pursuing pleasure. I just feel dead inside.

When I was young, I dreamed a lot, but they were loose ideas and not very storied. Now as an adult, I find that they are like movies, with a plot and dialog. They are very involved and realistic, though not always bound by the laws of nature. I'm wondering how mystics magicians and occultism account for them, because from my POV they are designed.

I've noticed that as i fall asleep, I begin to imagine all kinds of scenarios, so I truly believe that I could be the author of my dreams, and yet sometimes it would seem some are written. I worry about an afterlife because I've seen that in these underworld states I feel like it is my body, and I know I am susceptible to pain there. My dreams aren't very desirable usually, and I fear being stuck in hell

Happiness comes from the result of satisfying actions. In order to decide on a course of action, one must desire something. So when we eliminate desire, we also eliminate opportunities for happiness.

I think life exists to keep God entertained, and to give God bodies to feel and experience itself. We're like pets. I don't know how much any of us individually matter.

I was always a minor dabbler in occult and mystical things, casually reading and adopting different magical ideas, but then a spirit got ahold of me and I stumbled into serious belief, yet, I did not know what to believe. I started searching and what I found led me to pain and madness. I found myself living out ideas that evolved on their own, and started overlaying my daily waking awareness mixing with dream and fantasy. I would act out in response to the hallucinations. Eventually these fantasies would break, and I'd wind up in a deep depression. This has been going on for 20 plus years, and after this last psychosis, I think I have broken this curse, because all of the ideas and experiences culminated in a total breakdown. Crossing my fingers.

It really sucks to be me. I've had visions and voices that indicate something, but in reflection none of it adds up. I know it wasn't all hallucinations, but certainly God wasn't directly communicating with me, or at least, God doesnt care if I understand. And so, I am left thinking I am cursed.

I used to think God loved the human race, and wanted us for company; to experience itself through interacting with us. Then I concluded it's more for entertainment that we are kept around, for why would an infinite immortal being love such short lived and untested creatures. Since God seems to be indifferent to suffering, it makes sense that we are disposable. Lately I'm realizing that there may be no reason, or every reason- for our continued existence. I've thought before that humans aren't the primary life forms. That some other lifeform is more important. Perhaps we are just here to fertilize the earth to be turned into resources? God doesnt typically answer when called upon, and God is not in plain sight, and so there must be a reason for that.

When it comes to magic, it's really rather simple. Certain words contain ideas, that when a person understands the meaning of them, can be used to harness the brains focus and the body's energy to send forth energy into the universe, and a person can act upon them. Words like chaos, order, love, hate, good, evil; when a person uses these words they harness the energy from them, and that energy is mentally applied to the world. I think a lot of occult tools are a waste of time, why not go to the source of the words instead of these rituals?

So long as a magician understands the meaning of a word, and how their intention affects the dialog of a situation, they can imbued their actions with magical force.

I've seen evidence of something more than what's apparent, but I can't speak for the desirability of those places. We might be better off just disappearing when we die.

As i said, I look to distract myself from the quiet stillness, but when I reach to do things, nothing satisfies, and so i return to the stillness. Lately I've stopped noticing the stillness, and find myself just doing, and as I do, I find small pleasures in my daily activities.

So the great mystics and sages created laws to bring order and prosperity to man. These Divinely inspired thinkers created civilization. Acknowledged by God and man, these systems were adopted to guide our course. Our free will is put to the test by our choices responding to Dharmas. The consequences of going against a Dharma we understand and agree with are dire, and brings about a limitation on future choices, and can have undesirable results.

I really don't know. I can say an external force started this, but over the years I've seen that the mind can imagine whole worlds.

As I said, they are infrequent now.

There are still demons and voices. It's not relentless as it has been. They aren't really mean, per se, and they don't tell me what to do. It's just, imagine having hallucinations and voices playing out scenarios in your mind and body, forcing you to react and make choices about things you don't really understand, and then the next one comes, and the next- and you just can't rest or stay on top of it, and then the physical part makes it more maddening.

Well, I started silencing my mind 2 years ago. It was always pretty quiet anyway, but 3 years ago demons started attacking it, causing me to hallucinate, so I had to find stability. I buried my mind within my brain, and just detached from the parts the demons were torturing. So it's been two years of silence. It disturbs me to think, and so I don't. Yes, I am mostly still, but that isn't how I want to be, or so I think, and so I try to find something else that I can enjoy, but nothing satisfies. It's long days of nothingness. Sometimes it's surprising how the time passes. Is this living? Is this enlightenment? To be nothing?

My mind is still, but I'm not comfortable with the sitting in stillness, and so i try to find something to do, but my mind isn't attracted to any activity, and so i return to the stillness. I'm not creative in this state. I'm close to giving up looking for distractions because nothing satisfies. Perhaps then I will return to feeling compassion.