Cadcam

Suppose, as many do, that God and the devil are real. These beings and their kin interact with humans to guide and mold identity and actions. Do you suppose they would rather that one was aware of this interaction, or oblivious to it?

Though it is a nice idea, and I'm sure God appreciates our love, I don't believe that God must love each of us individually as is often suggested by Christianity. God gave us free will to choose to love, and loving everyone unconditionally leads to problems. No, people have to earn love. God too, has the free will to choose who to love, and can you imagine, with the billions of people born throughout history, and all their virtues, deeds, and talents; how hard it would be to attract God's attention and earn God's love?

I was always a minor dabbler in occult and mystical things, casually reading and adopting different magical ideas, but then a spirit got ahold of me and I stumbled into serious belief, yet, I did not know what to believe. I started searching and what I found led me to pain and madness. I found myself living out ideas that evolved on their own, and started overlaying my daily waking awareness mixing with dream and fantasy. I would act out in response to the hallucinations. Eventually these fantasies would break, and I'd wind up in a deep depression. This has been going on for 20 plus years, and after this last psychosis, I think I have broken this curse, because all of the ideas and experiences culminated in a total breakdown. Crossing my fingers.

Well, it's been over a year since I've suffered any major psychosis. I still struggle with depression. I think on how far I traveled in the occult, religious theology, and Philosophy, just to wind up with little thought or desire. I have no mental constructs to work with, having to clean those things out of my psyche. Now I just sit or lay quietly.

The way harnessing chaos works is, you appraise a situation and understand the way it is running. Then you imagine the confusion and change, and opportunity to realign it with new ideas and actions, and you mentally apprehend the energy that this would create and direct it onto the environment.

I wonder if anyone else has experience with conjuring and harnessing chaos?