Cadcam

I've gotten to the point where I hardly think at all. I've tamed my mind, and my desire. I sit in the quiet of no thought. The Buddha was most wise to identify desire as a root of the human condition. It seems that we simply can't get enough of satisfying our cravings. I feel it, and it makes me suffer, because I realize that this is really all we are; desire is all life is. All we have is satisfying our wants. It makes me sad, how transient life is! Just to live and want and do, and then die! Even in the afterlife, should there be one, the cycle continues.

Though it is a nice idea, and I'm sure God appreciates our love, I don't believe that God must love each of us individually as is often suggested by Christianity. God gave us free will to choose to love, and loving everyone unconditionally leads to problems. No, people have to earn love. God too, has the free will to choose who to love, and can you imagine, with the billions of people born throughout history, and all their virtues, deeds, and talents; how hard it would be to attract God's attention and earn God's love?

I'm not so sure God is love. Being invisible, the gods can do what they like. I suppose that is their privilege, being immortal. I suppose too, that they get bored and want to cause a little mischief.

I guess I shouldn't say i crave these things, craving implies some sort of carnal hunger. It's just a want that I notice when I find no satisfaction.

Yes, I feel bad energy when I cuss, or do anything immoral

I have a craving to do things, and enjoy life, but nothing is appealing to me, and the few things I do don't satisfy. Then there is this want for some kind of closure: a transition from one state to the next, but life just goes on and on. I don't think, or can't, rather, and nothing makes me more aware than I am. So I sit, or sleep.

I dont know, i can only say that nothing satisfies. I'm like a blank slate. I don't feel love or joy hardly at all. I don't feel much of anything.

Yup, you got it right.

Ever since I was young, I've been a rebellious, and lawless person. This has changed, but as I reflected on my past, I had memories of different things. For instance, I remember when I was about 8 or 9 years old, standing in the middle of my bedroom and calling out "Satan be my god" around that same time I stopped going to church, totally refusing it. This drive my parents nuts. I remember walking to school, and this spirit was giving me lessons on chaos and order, and I, not being happy with how things went, decided to cause chaos (not the right decision). I used to harness this idea of chaos, as I would interact with others. It gave me a spiritual strength. Eventually I found myself manipulating energy with my mind. It was a form of magic. This all came back to bite me in the ass.

I never claimed to be Buddhist and if you read the first entry of this post, it clearly defines what i think Satanism is. And yes, I sit and think nothing quite a bit, and do very little.

The fall of Adam and Eve came when they ate from the tree of knowledge of good and evil. Prior to that, it would seem they were just living and doing in an almost deterministic sort of way. Contemplating and cataloging what is good and evil seems to be the origin of the birth of consciousness and choice, decision making, and law. So, did the elders that wrote this story believe ignorance is bliss?

If you read my post, that was in my past.

I'm an independent thinker, a monk of my own design. I don't ascribe to any system but my own.

I've come to accept that humans are not inherently moral. We are driven first by hunger and security, then lust. As we age we receive training that instills moral character. This training has been developed by saintly thinkers. I wonder if we aren't manufactured by a much older society, that already found a way to overcome the death and need for bodies, and programed our species to easily learn. I certainly know there is something else out there, and as a child, had voices that guided and inspired me. I've also witnessed that spirits can speak through me, and control my body. Ultimately I think all is Chaos, with the gods bringing order.

Well yes, they are actual experiences, that we carry with us.

Yes I think it's the variety of species, and ideas. I feel like these dreams are on different planes, with some different laws about time and matter. I feel like in those places, things are accelerated and more intense for those who visit them

Idk, it felt very real. I know that the mind can imagine whole scenarios on its own, and I suppose that when we sleep our true inner self interacts with our history, and knowledge, and ideas, but sometimes it seems to be coming from an external source.

Thats a thought. I never considered drawing a distinction between my state and the state of others. I used to be filled with compassion but now I don't feel it. I treat all people with the same respect.

Yes I can still function without thinking. I've noticed that there are many layers to consciousness, and a variety of thoughts. I still occasionally get some, but I don't actively use my mind and inner voice. Often I hear other voices say things. I have very vivid, realistic dreams. The other day I dreamed I was part of a group of people who committed themselves to advancing life on Earth. At the end of my dream, a voice said "there is nowhere as exciting as this planet"

I wouldn't say decorations, but certainly entertainment.

I am but one man, with limited resources in a land where each has the free will to choose and to do. I have no higher calling than to let existence run it's course.

I don't think this is a good example of will, that is more an example of lack of will.

Do what thou wilt doesn't mean do as you like, it means do that which is in your will to do. I think deeper than that it refers to a rite magicians take when they declare their will to the universe

All we have is life. We have a limited variety of ways to live in life, and we also limit our behavior. What makes life worth living? Are you living to fulfill obligations to family? Are you satisfied? Would you want your life to carry over into the next one? Do you think the environment and laws are the same as here? Do you think the next life will go on forever? If one believes in a God, the idea is that that God is immortal. Do you think that God limits itself? After existing for eternity, do you think God is bored? If there is a God, is it the Creator? If so, how do you think the world is upheld? How do you think the afterlife is upheld? Is it someone's job to take care of these worlds, and the souls that are in it?

I think about dying a lot. I then think, all I can control to any degree is my life right here. If there is an afterlife, I cannot predict what it will be like. If death leads to nothingness, then it doesn't matter.