Cadcam

I have to say, I'm experiencing a bit of jealousy today. I'm visiting family, who are all religious. I've thought long and hard, and studied quite a bit, but can't bring myself to believe in a religion. I'm aware of a God, but idk much more about it. Idk what it wants or what it does, but my religious family does, and I'm jealous. There's a certain power to understanding the world through the lens of religion, and it gives a supernatural strength to have that knowledge base, and to have a God to lean on. I don't have that.

Well, consider that possession and demons are the old way to define these things. For my case, the shoe sure fits. In a technological age, it seems I suffer from a combination of a curse, possession, and the ensuing overtaking of my body by a device.

I was always a minor dabbler in occult and mystical things, casually reading and adopting different magical ideas, but then a spirit got ahold of me and I stumbled into serious belief, yet, I did not know what to believe. I started searching and what I found led me to pain and madness. I found myself living out ideas that evolved on their own, and started overlaying my daily waking awareness mixing with dream and fantasy. I would act out in response to the hallucinations. Eventually these fantasies would break, and I'd wind up in a deep depression. This has been going on for 20 plus years, and after this last psychosis, I think I have broken this curse, because all of the ideas and experiences culminated in a total breakdown. Crossing my fingers.

Suppose, as many do, that God and the devil are real. These beings and their kin interact with humans to guide and mold identity and actions. Do you suppose they would rather that one was aware of this interaction, or oblivious to it?

All we have is life. We have a limited variety of ways to live in life, and we also limit our behavior. What makes life worth living? Are you living to fulfill obligations to family? Are you satisfied? Would you want your life to carry over into the next one? Do you think the environment and laws are the same as here? Do you think the next life will go on forever? If one believes in a God, the idea is that that God is immortal. Do you think that God limits itself? After existing for eternity, do you think God is bored? If there is a God, is it the Creator? If so, how do you think the world is upheld? How do you think the afterlife is upheld? Is it someone's job to take care of these worlds, and the souls that are in it?

You're on another page

Nungali do you consider yourself to be an atheist?

Though it is a nice idea, and I'm sure God appreciates our love, I don't believe that God must love each of us individually as is often suggested by Christianity. God gave us free will to choose to love, and loving everyone unconditionally leads to problems. No, people have to earn love. God too, has the free will to choose who to love, and can you imagine, with the billions of people born throughout history, and all their virtues, deeds, and talents; how hard it would be to attract God's attention and earn God's love?

I like the story as told from the perspective of the jews, but I think it breeds superstition. Second guessing ones own thoughts, words and deeds...but really, it fits together nicely. God is good, and the devil tests us to see if we are worthy of grace or punishment. When you compare them to Muslims, they're really quite liberal, and in the form of Christianity, rather lenient and forgiving.

Well, it's been over a year since I've suffered any major psychosis. I still struggle with depression. I think on how far I traveled in the occult, religious theology, and Philosophy, just to wind up with little thought or desire. I have no mental constructs to work with, having to clean those things out of my psyche. Now I just sit or lay quietly.