Tommy

In my life, I have found that I have a mind and emotions. These things exhibit their properties thru my body. I feel them to be real. I have not found a soul. So when one says something about spiritual this or that, I really do not understand as I have not found there is a soul in my body. In movies, the souls are mostly ghosts of a person who might have existed. They exist in our realm thru their torture and inability to move on. Where they are suppose to go, I have no idea. I was taught, as a child, to believe in God and have prayed many times usually when I needed help. There has been no action or vision to lead me to believe there is a God. Many have said it is a matter of faith. Where as, the Buddhism says to not just take their word but to actually find out for myself. So, even though I have never experienced enlightenment, I trust there must be such a thing. What it is or how it is , ... well, that is beyond me. Buddhism becomes strange when it declares that this world is an illusion. When I strike my fist against a rock, my hand hurts with pain that makes me feel the truth of this world. It is real. Suffering is real. The more I just sit, I realize that there must be something else or more to this life than just suffering. What is the truth of our nature? Don't know. So when it comes to Buddhism, I listen and hear the words or the wise. My mind goes "Yes, but". And then I sit and My mind goes "Don't know". Is it really one versus the other? Seems to me to be all part of the mix.

Don't know

And this affects the sitting how? When the point of just sitting is .. to not follow thoughts or chase thoughts, how does it relate? When just sitting is .. to allow one to not identify with thoughts and to be present? What is your next thought going to be?

I am not that sophisticated to understand the difference between "Yes- but-mind" and "Don't-know-mind". So correct me if I am wrong. The whole thing seems to be about the attitude in which one approaches the sitting?? Or is there something else I am missing?

Thank you Mark for the helpful hints. Sometimes, I do not understand all that was written in the post. But, I come back to it a few times and it helps. Thank again. Hope the dance is an enjoyable one.

Yes, I have seen this creeping vines and the never ending narration of my life. Also, how the posture affects the mind. This only makes me know that trying to go forward without a teacher is not going to go well. Twenty to thirty years of practice and still stuck with the creeping vines. So, I positively understand this. Being 66 years old, I think I might have another twenty or so years left to life. And it still won't be enough time. But, I keep trying. When there is such a block that I can not even sit for a minute, I rest and day dream and then I try again. Sometimes, I try to focus my mind and cut off the creeping vines with a mantra I learned long ago. Gate, Gate, Paragate, ParasamGate, Bodhi Svaha. That will get my mind to focus. Then later, back to paying attention to my present with silence. Sometimes, I feel the weakness in my bones and I can not sit. Other times, the peace I feel with the mind quiet, it lets me sit for an hour without realizing the time passing by, I don't expect change and I don't really want a benefit from just sitting. I just want to feel the quiet and be present. I don't think I could be called a watcher, just sitting, cause there is no sense of time or change. Trying to grasp these moments of quiet make them vanish as quickly as thoughts enter and the mind chases these thoughts. But, got to focus the mind. Then hopefully, will one day drop this mind.

Sorry to hear about your father and Cancer. Cancer took my older sister when she was 43. I am now 66. So, it has been a few years. I still remember the time leading up to her death. It was not a good time especially with the Chemo treatments. My parents have both passed away. So just thinking, ... there are some thing that should be addressed. Seems crude to think about those things now. But, must consider expenses. Where he wants to be. At a hospital or Home. Hospice. Those are some fantastic people who helped us. Also, do you want the hospital to take extraordinary steps to keep him alive. After seeing my mother with tubes down her throat, it was tough. When she became conscious, she tried pulling all those things out. They had to sedate her. After she was breathing on her own, they took the tubes out. Knowing the state she was in. Dementia and weak heart. Not able to stomach food. The family (brothers and my father) requested a DNR. To let her go peacefully. Then there is the financial side. Things cost money. Everyone chipped in to make it a bit easier. Funeral costs. Oh, Medicaid sent a demand letter requesting any of the assets to repay them back. Anyway, sorry to hear the bad news. But, you still have some time to spend with him.

I believe the ignorance the Buddha referred to was the ignorance of not knowing the truth of our nature. And not so much as them being unaware of the trail of victims from their actions. But, I could be wrong??

When something does not agree with our truths then it is wrong. If it concerns our religion or God then it is a sin. Take for example early humans who were afraid of the weather. Poor weather meant the Gods are angry and demanded a human sacrifice. Then, they go about determining who must die and kill that person to appease God. If that agrees with your truths then it is not a wrong. If it does not agree with your truths then it is wrong. Time and circumstances help to determine whether a thing or action is wrong or right. Good or bad? Wouldn't that be a judgement made by someone who holds their truths to be universal? Like killing is bad but it is good if it is to punish someone who has committed evil by killing.If killing is bad then shouldn't it be bad in all circumstances? Lucky for me. I live in a place where laws determine what is right and wrong. And the government has people who enforce these laws. All the while these enforcers break the law themselves. Yes, how lucky am I??

It seems that one is still thinking of Karma as an agency for justice. Rather that I believe Karma is a law of human energy. One generates this energy which must find its way thru the universe. Whether it takes one lifetime or many, Karma will find a way to execute the form and factors of that energy. That is still a mystery to me. So, I could definitely be wrong about this.

Yes, I understand the training is a gradual practice. Around March of last year, I started up my practice again. It was about ten minutes at first. Then forty minutes. This was before going to sleep at night. So, always a possibility of falling asleep while sitting. Then whenever I wake at night to go to the bathroom. Usually once a night around 4am, I would get up. Then just sit in the quiet. The quiet came upon me. And it was nice for a while until, I noticed that I was in the quiet but I wasn't letting go of the narration in my mind. I think Mark called it creeping vines. And I struggled with it. Then I remembered this thread which helped me before. I am guessing that I needed the reminder. I really do appreciate your help. Thanks.

This has become the point in my practice. No matter how I try, the mind's narration of events still holds. So, I have come back to revisit this thread. Being reminded of this makes me hopeful of letting the soap rest in my hand instead of trying to grasp the soap and have it fly off. Thanks for the kind words.

Immortality is a figment of the imagination. Immortality is the idea of life never changing but everything changes.