Rheor

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Hello, I have been meditating a lot for two years, I reduced off from 8 hours daily to 2/3 hours over the course of two months in order to focus on my life, be more independent and less dissociated. During this time I believe, I cleared out a lot of "stuff" from my energy system. I feel most of my energy working around the heart chakra, like a "lock" in the center of my chest. My chest feels "full" with heat and pain accumulating in the heart, some head pressure aswell along with some level of mental fog. I have felt lots of clearing out of the chest with what felt like (and continues to feel like) dirty chi (feeling of bubbles) pouring out from the feet which happens occasionally throughout the day. Otherwise tension leaves my system as "tingles" (at the crown for example), very different feeling than the "bubbles pouring out". Pressure keep accumulating in my chest, I do the bare minimum of meditation just to release excesses. To ground myself: Tai Chi, "earthing" barefoot on backyard, Hakuin soft butter meditation, walking in the forest, I go out in public places like the beach more often. Theses things alleviate a lot the symptoms, they are manageable. I am not waiting for a magical fix of course, I intend to take full responsibility for myself. Just interested in your perspective, ideas and any resources I could check out to have a more rounded approach in general. Thank you!

It helped me few days back, I wonder if it delays / prevent the necessary build up of tension for the heart chakra area to be cleared out by flowing energy back down. For this I am quite puzzled, I am not confident yet to answer this question. Yes read, also take with a pinch of salt and make your own conclusion It is really helpful tool, if you are interested in grounding / front channel release, regardless.

For information, I have been doing a simple practice from a link I found on an other thread. https://www.aypsite.org/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=3296 It has taken the load off from the heart, no more heart pain, my chest feels a lot lighter from doing this. I still have the brain fog / head pressure issues from energy overload but I am more relaxed and it seems to help digestion also. It helps cope with too much energy in the chest much easier and avoid hypertension. A big relief to have found this.

Sleep is okay between 7 and 8 hours of sleep daily at the moment, I usually sleep right away, yes. I meditated 30 minutes yesterday before sleep, it helped getting to sleep more easily with less pain. I focused on the lower abdomen, breathing deeply without forcing, I will keep doing that for now. While focusing gently on the lower abdomen and not concerning myself with the rest of the body, my breathing is deeper and more relaxed but still constricted between sternum and throat for known reasons. 2/3 times 103 movement form for the day ~30 minutes. Tai Chi helped a lot, but it did not regulate energy in the trunk that much in my case. Yes breathing deeper and deeper, I didn't pay special regards to that, that was the missing link, extra care on deep diaphragmatic breathing. With that in mind I feel confident to practice more as I enjoy it a lot. Wow this is very dynamic, what style is it ? I personally learned alone from watching David Dorian Ross. You seem quite involved and enjoying it too

Hello, A quick follow-up/refresh for informational purpose, stemming from @Sahaja and @ChiDragon suggestions. Lately I stopped all meditation practice, it was a little bit tough due to being attached to it. For now it does not make things easier, I might resume if it gets too hard. Still doing a little bit of Tai Chi. At the moment I am getting migraine headaches and strong heart pain especially before major releases. I have watched videos about Damo Mitchell on Qi Deviations, I was a bit reluctant at first but he speaks about this stuff with appreciable tact, the main takeaway: Stop being introspective with internal practices, instead focusing more the attention outwards using the physical body (walking in nature, going to the gym, biking, hiking,...) and socializing more. Yin anchor not strong enough. To build the anchor, eat dense heavy food, building the body (perhaps even better to build stronger legs). My added ideas: earthing, absorbing moon energy, forest bathing, Yin herbs (any suggestions?). Building the Dantian. All of them could be theoretically be useful for all kind of Qi Deviation, "dragon" sickness, kundalini syndrome, excess Yang Qi rising, etc.. I will see if any of the previous points can compliment / make the process a little easier, by strengthening the foundations while going through it and gaining more clarity on the way.

Thank you but I will leave it on hold. To be honest, I am not sure I can take it at the moment. I hope you will understand.

My disbelief of western therapy and my own one-sidedness got the better of me. Yes, you have keen eye. The disturbance is difficult, at the same time obstructions are almost constantly cleared out thus relieving pressure, so thankfully there is no alarming stagnation.. I assumed the [shen disturbance] / [heart fire] went hand in hand with the process of opening the heart chakra, so I stopped worrying too much about it. I tried grounding the energy doing Hakuin melting butter visualization for 2h30 a day, it went fairly well but it was too much effort only to have it build up again when stopping. I gave up trying to control it and left it to follow its course. That sure is a tough one to digest. I always struggled to be "grounded" on this earth and have not managed to come to satisfying answers regarding this issue. A strong psychic storm blew my fragile foundations and things went out of control. The DNOTS was my starting point so to me, the personal experiential facts of the path are what they are, I can't say about anyone else how it goes, I have no idea. Nowadays I do my best to reinvent my self despite all this. You woke up a deep wound haha... It'll take a bit to settle what it triggered in me, thanks for your honesty anyway.

First, thank you for your reply on this thread and your helping hand. I am not sure there is much to do about headaches / fog / confusion / disorientation when something as significant as heart chakra opening is on the way (I still make room to be proven otherwise though). Otherwise, I don't know. Since I watched this video from master Nan Huai-Chin, I am reluctant to focus on the dantian. I might be misunderstanding something, in which case it's my loss.

Thank you, this is useful.

As a teenager I was under "lower" instincts too, I was no exception. It was probably a LOT less than others though.

I was already glad for your previous answers, no worries. I can't deny anything about that. I was lost and stuck, that's right. I have been guided with lots of spiritual resources which I am grateful for. Now I am trying to make the bridge between spiritual and mundane life (so to speak), C.G. Jung and consequent (personal) dream work has been useful recent addition in this regard. The main stuckness I feel now is devoid of unnecessary stories, I do struggle with living with the intensity of the heart opening still rather disturbing in terms of mental confusion/spaciness/overload but I don't dread it so much any longer (you contributed to my new stance too ). In my opinion, being aware of non-duality creates a great tension of opposites between "spirit" and "matter". At least in my case, it's as if I had to consciously make an extra effort to stay grounded in the mundane/phenomenal world, keeping the "bridge" was harder. I hesitated to edit out the post after posting the negative parts, but I thought it would be better to leave my demons in the light and not falsify what I first wrote. I was about to drop my limiting stories and hold on to my new prospects instead anyways. Curiosity, understanding things deeply, team work, social interactions, nature Balance/middle-ground between "spiritual" and practical life, expressing hidden parts of myself Good to hear for him. I let go of emotional projections I had about my previous field and technology while still keeping in mind how it could be dangerous or even useful, it is out of my control anyway. I tried out of my good will to retrain, I just had no will nor mental capacity to restart from scratch, so I let go. I'm trying for now to find a job that is not too mentally demanding for now that allows room for energy unfoldment. Yes, I realized long time ago, I had no choice but to drop a lot of stories anyway, starting from external ones, moving on to internal ones. This has been hellish, I can't hide it. I would if I could I have some troubles asking for help, not wanting to be a burden or bother others. And in my specific case here, I felt embarrassed to talk about it as someone who went to an extreme without guidance and feeling lost and confused afterwards when coming back to earth.

Due to the sensations shifting when releases occur, I am intimately convinced that this is the result of energy purification. I remember wanting to take an appointment with a cardiologist only to see that they were all booked for months. With that said, I will consider your words of caution. A part of me wants to follow your suggestion, especially if no medication is involved. I can't help but be skeptical especially if the physicians are not familiar with energy symptoms. Might be worth a try. I prefer this approach which seem more plausible to me. I don't know yet of anyone in my area who could assist. Thanks for your input.

I guess this sort of big crisis just happens in a cultivator/meditator life, it forces one reassess things.. Due to energy blockages I found I could not hold a particular concentration technique which seemed only to interfere. I am glad it helped you. For a time I tried different techniques, in the end, neutral awareness and letting go seem to be the best also in my experience. Outside of sitting, I like to practice "allowing" my experience to be as it is when I remember, helps me snap out of negative mind patterns especially regarding happenings in my body or how life "ought" to be. Never been on group retreat, I sit alone. I do have contact with close family though. I meditate only 1 hour per day now so I can focus on attending more on practical life matters like finding a job, learning new things, resuming social life... Vipassana is one technique I am particularly drawn to, sounds good. I will probably give it more time once I get a bit more solid ground in mundane life. Thank you.

I live near Bayonne, but might be in Toulouse one week-end per month to study TCM. Next week-end is 28/29 september, I have not sent my registration yet so it is not 100% sure. I might be there earlier or stay a little bit longer so as to have days with more spare time. This is not confirmed. I will keep you informed for sure as to how it goes, this would be a good opportunity.

Sure, why not, if it's no bother for you. You mean online ?

It's okay, I am already thankful enough for your replies. It was my "doing", so I was also looking for it to happen, in a way. I saw a psychiatrist one year ago, he suggested "violating one's own nature" with medication, I ran away. Went to a "trans-personal" therapist, it was mostly talk therapy, useful but she could not guide me more with the "heart chakra process" than suggesting to stay more in my body. Went to an acupuncturist few months ago, she used moxa to bring the energy down to my lower dantian. I just felt worse, like deserted war zone in my chest, it felt like unmoving unresolved conflicts. She suggested doing more creative things with my hands (I would if I was inspired to, or perhaps I should try anyway) and starting some martial art (perhaps I could join a club). It felt overall off so I never went back. Perhaps I could try online spiritual teachers, I don't dare take the risk as there are also frauds. South-west of France, living in the country side for now. Might relocate, this is another dilemma of having a "Taoist" spirit while living in modern society .

Unfortunately I have not, I must have been slightly more optimistic and stable back then. Energy intensity has not back down in the least, same patterns of "pouring out" through the feet or through the hands when I do Tai Chi. I did not want to add fuel the "fire" and make my symptoms worse by doing too much spiritual practice, I mainly do grounding practices (Hakuin melting butter, Tai Chi, spending time in forest) and neutral awareness (which has been very helpful) of the chest "distress". I already feel quite disconnected with external reality, no friends, no social life; I am scared to dissolve and dissociate even deeper with more practice without having some kind of external anchors to keep me grounded like a job, friends, community, ... Perhaps I might recreate facebook account haha.... I have tried to look for jobs in the same field of my "old self" and was appalled to see that I couldn't mentally do any software programming and had to accept that. I had a "regular job" interview recently and the mental confusion along with chest pressure was incredible, so I could see how it would be in actual "real life" situation. The difficulties look like kundalini syndrome to be honest, which I suspect it might very well be. Everyday is a challenge just to keep my head above water, dream work suggest rebirth, this keeps me hopeful.

Hey @Giles, At the moment it might be too much for my limited capacities to digest, I will keep it on the side though. Just In case. Thanks for your solicitude.

Software engineer / developer.

Whatever gets [cleared out] / [released] out of my system from the bottom of the feet, crown, sometimes I feel it exits from the heart center ("buzzing out") directly like three days ago. Inability to commit to something "out there" with confidence and/or resolve, can't force outcome while being so unsettled, losing grip with things, days passing by doing nothing frozen in dilemma : going all-in with meditation "escaping" responsibilities or trying desperately to get some grip with my life which depends on me getting a job to not depend on my parents any longer while undergoing energetic changes. I am an introverted loner to begin with, conscious of the non-dual nature of things from childhood, could not engage like other kids from a young age, half way between connecting with people / half way distant. I am not an ambitious person, building businesses and such endeavors is foreign to me, I like team work, cooperation and to be helpful. Otherwise, I have not really explored my artistic side yet, at least as a hobby. Career: software engineer / developer I was absorbed for years in society drama, due to anxiety, uncertainty, deep need to envision society differently I could not work, I was way out of balance, balance (at least working towards it) is my requirement as a foundation for all things. I saw how technology was used in "evil" ways (I won't expand on it here) and did not want to contribute to it in some way or another to not add my mess to the chaotic world, so I abandoned it. It would be practical to just resume my career but I don't see going myself going back, close my eyes as if nothing happened. Not even speaking of having to perk up my skills again due to unemployment, working through anxieties / inner conflicts / disbelief of this field plus some energy symptoms. It might be better for me to let go of this chunk of my life and find another source of income, not really for the fun of it... might get me to socialize though. I used to read buddhist sutras after being fed up by lot of things like political agendas, fake agendas, absurd laws lacking ethics, conflicting viewpoints, contradictions, ... I threw the whole political agenda business / useless drama in the garbage, no longer watching news or anything related to society where it's at or where it's going, have not looked back since, adding up to my reluctance to face the world again, due to uncertainties from "ignoring" it for so long. Wanted to focus on myself, not depend on externals so much to dictate how I feel and how to think, result have been me isolating from lots of things including the idea of going "out there". Then with sutras, it helped me for a while, but I realized I could not keep up with it for long, it was not pushing me to change my circumstances at least not directly, I was escaping again. I don't have anything much to connect with, apart from nature, Tai Chi, reading Carl Jung for now is okay distraction too . I plan to learn TCM starting the end of the year, I can be useful to others, has broad range interesting subjects, even if I don't make money off of it, it will spark my interest again in something concrete, will meet new people too. No, not yet, I might reach out to discuss Jung matters with him maybe, thanks. That is something I should practice more, thanks. I will check out, thanks. Sure.. I can't pretend that myself anyway, I have been pretty stubborn and unbalanced. Maybe I can hope for things to change towards balance and clarity in the future, and I can stop being an odd mess.

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Both, especially before having lots of "dirty chi" pouring out. There might also be some unconscious laziness and character defect adding up to the "process", that is why I talked about "Anima possession" due to being "stuck in emptiness" and reluctance to take active stance in the practical side of life after having my inner landscape turned upside down for so long without groundedness in real life. I took pride in my old career 4 years ago, now it feels so alien and no motivation to put in the effort in going back to that.. Sorry for the rambling.. "Anima" is the feminine side of man, "Animus" is the masculine side of woman according to C.G. Jung. They are psychological archetypes deriving from the unconscious and have value in being integrated to be more "whole". Anima integration would be about consciously expressing latent feminine qualities in you, that don't have the opportunity to shine in waking life, hence they remain in the "shadow". I like this quote to explain how it can typically manifest negatively ("possession") in real life : After getting interested in Carl Jung work I remembered about the "du-yin", which is the closest concept I found to include "Anima" in cultivation terms. According to William Bodri in "How to Measure and Deepen Your Spiritual Realization": I am also not really interested about "supernatural" / energy phenomena and such, I am more interested in being more a balanced person overall in a practical sense right now, socialize more and start "living" again (maybe too soon, I don't know), minimize unnecessary inertia in my own life. I don't have any teacher, other than internet, thankfully reassurance is there too.

Thank you for your reassurance, I always check for otherwise potential health issue so no worry about that. The hardest part is about adaptation: difficulty concentrating due to energy overloard / upheaval and having limited capacity for things. Makes life within society trickier, not sure I can hold a job for now due to intensity, but life circumstances push me towards resuming one. For me they are just side avenues to explore for healing and don't interfere with the process in my case. It helps to take care of aspects I did not consider before. In my opinion, it's very healthy to integrate Anima regardless, or to do some regulating practices to calm the nervous system other than meditation, Tai Chi / "Om" / Socializing / ... I appreciate you replying in this thread, have you been through this process too ?