Rheor

Hello, I have been meditating a lot for two years, I reduced off from 8 hours daily to 2/3 hours over the course of two months in order to focus on my life, be more independent and less dissociated. During this time I believe, I cleared out a lot of "stuff" from my energy system. I feel most of my energy working around the heart chakra, like a "lock" in the center of my chest. My chest feels "full" with heat and pain accumulating in the heart, some head pressure aswell along with some level of mental fog. I have felt lots of clearing out of the chest with what felt like (and continues to feel like) dirty chi (feeling of bubbles) pouring out from the feet which happens occasionally throughout the day. Otherwise tension leaves my system as "tingles" (at the crown for example), very different feeling than the "bubbles pouring out". Pressure keep accumulating in my chest, I do the bare minimum of meditation just to release excesses. To ground myself: Tai Chi, "earthing" barefoot on backyard, Hakuin soft butter meditation, walking in the forest, I go out in public places like the beach more often. Theses things alleviate a lot the symptoms, they are manageable. I am not waiting for a magical fix of course, I intend to take full responsibility for myself. Just interested in your perspective, ideas and any resources I could check out to have a more rounded approach in general. Thank you!

Thank you, this is useful.

As a teenager I was under "lower" instincts too, I was no exception. It was probably a LOT less than others though.

I was already glad for your previous answers, no worries. I can't deny anything about that. I was lost and stuck, that's right. I have been guided with lots of spiritual resources which I am grateful for. Now I am trying to make the bridge between spiritual and mundane life (so to speak), C.G. Jung and consequent (personal) dream work has been useful recent addition in this regard. The main stuckness I feel now is devoid of unnecessary stories, I do struggle with living with the intensity of the heart opening still rather disturbing in terms of mental confusion/spaciness/overload but I don't dread it so much any longer (you contributed to my new stance too ). In my opinion, being aware of non-duality creates a great tension of opposites between "spirit" and "matter". At least in my case, it's as if I had to consciously make an extra effort to stay grounded in the mundane/phenomenal world, keeping the "bridge" was harder. I hesitated to edit out the post after posting the negative parts, but I thought it would be better to leave my demons in the light and not falsify what I first wrote. I was about to drop my limiting stories and hold on to my new prospects instead anyways. Curiosity, understanding things deeply, team work, social interactions, nature Balance/middle-ground between "spiritual" and practical life, expressing hidden parts of myself Good to hear for him. I let go of emotional projections I had about my previous field and technology while still keeping in mind how it could be dangerous or even useful, it is out of my control anyway. I tried out of my good will to retrain, I just had no will nor mental capacity to restart from scratch, so I let go. I'm trying for now to find a job that is not too mentally demanding for now that allows room for energy unfoldment. Yes, I realized long time ago, I had no choice but to drop a lot of stories anyway, starting from external ones, moving on to internal ones. This has been hellish, I can't hide it. I would if I could I have some troubles asking for help, not wanting to be a burden or bother others. And in my specific case here, I felt embarrassed to talk about it as someone who went to an extreme without guidance and feeling lost and confused afterwards when coming back to earth.

Due to the sensations shifting when releases occur, I am intimately convinced that this is the result of energy purification. I remember wanting to take an appointment with a cardiologist only to see that they were all booked for months. With that said, I will consider your words of caution. A part of me wants to follow your suggestion, especially if no medication is involved. I can't help but be skeptical especially if the physicians are not familiar with energy symptoms. Might be worth a try. I prefer this approach which seem more plausible to me. I don't know yet of anyone in my area who could assist. Thanks for your input.

I guess this sort of big crisis just happens in a cultivator/meditator life, it forces one reassess things.. Due to energy blockages I found I could not hold a particular concentration technique which seemed only to interfere. I am glad it helped you. For a time I tried different techniques, in the end, neutral awareness and letting go seem to be the best also in my experience. Outside of sitting, I like to practice "allowing" my experience to be as it is when I remember, helps me snap out of negative mind patterns especially regarding happenings in my body or how life "ought" to be. Never been on group retreat, I sit alone. I do have contact with close family though. I meditate only 1 hour per day now so I can focus on attending more on practical life matters like finding a job, learning new things, resuming social life... Vipassana is one technique I am particularly drawn to, sounds good. I will probably give it more time once I get a bit more solid ground in mundane life. Thank you.

I live near Bayonne, but might be in Toulouse one week-end per month to study TCM. Next week-end is 28/29 september, I have not sent my registration yet so it is not 100% sure. I might be there earlier or stay a little bit longer so as to have days with more spare time. This is not confirmed. I will keep you informed for sure as to how it goes, this would be a good opportunity.

Sure, why not, if it's no bother for you. You mean online ?

It's okay, I am already thankful enough for your replies. It was my "doing", so I was also looking for it to happen, in a way. I saw a psychiatrist one year ago, he suggested "violating one's own nature" with medication, I ran away. Went to a "trans-personal" therapist, it was mostly talk therapy, useful but she could not guide me more with the "heart chakra process" than suggesting to stay more in my body. Went to an acupuncturist few months ago, she used moxa to bring the energy down to my lower dantian. I just felt worse, like deserted war zone in my chest, it felt like unmoving unresolved conflicts. She suggested doing more creative things with my hands (I would if I was inspired to, or perhaps I should try anyway) and starting some martial art (perhaps I could join a club). It felt overall off so I never went back. Perhaps I could try online spiritual teachers, I don't dare take the risk as there are also frauds. South-west of France, living in the country side for now. Might relocate, this is another dilemma of having a "Taoist" spirit while living in modern society .

Unfortunately I have not, I must have been slightly more optimistic and stable back then. Energy intensity has not back down in the least, same patterns of "pouring out" through the feet or through the hands when I do Tai Chi. I did not want to add fuel the "fire" and make my symptoms worse by doing too much spiritual practice, I mainly do grounding practices (Hakuin melting butter, Tai Chi, spending time in forest) and neutral awareness (which has been very helpful) of the chest "distress". I already feel quite disconnected with external reality, no friends, no social life; I am scared to dissolve and dissociate even deeper with more practice without having some kind of external anchors to keep me grounded like a job, friends, community, ... Perhaps I might recreate facebook account haha.... I have tried to look for jobs in the same field of my "old self" and was appalled to see that I couldn't mentally do any software programming and had to accept that. I had a "regular job" interview recently and the mental confusion along with chest pressure was incredible, so I could see how it would be in actual "real life" situation. The difficulties look like kundalini syndrome to be honest, which I suspect it might very well be. Everyday is a challenge just to keep my head above water, dream work suggest rebirth, this keeps me hopeful.

Hey @Giles, At the moment it might be too much for my limited capacities to digest, I will keep it on the side though. Just In case. Thanks for your solicitude.

Software engineer / developer.

Whatever gets [cleared out] / [released] out of my system from the bottom of the feet, crown, sometimes I feel it exits from the heart center ("buzzing out") directly like three days ago. Inability to commit to something "out there" with confidence and/or resolve, can't force outcome while being so unsettled, losing grip with things, days passing by doing nothing frozen in dilemma : going all-in with meditation "escaping" responsibilities or trying desperately to get some grip with my life which depends on me getting a job to not depend on my parents any longer while undergoing energetic changes. I am an introverted loner to begin with, conscious of the non-dual nature of things from childhood, could not engage like other kids from a young age, half way between connecting with people / half way distant. I am not an ambitious person, building businesses and such endeavors is foreign to me, I like team work, cooperation and to be helpful. Otherwise, I have not really explored my artistic side yet, at least as a hobby. Career: software engineer / developer I was absorbed for years in society drama, due to anxiety, uncertainty, deep need to envision society differently I could not work, I was way out of balance, balance (at least working towards it) is my requirement as a foundation for all things. I saw how technology was used in "evil" ways (I won't expand on it here) and did not want to contribute to it in some way or another to not add my mess to the chaotic world, so I abandoned it. It would be practical to just resume my career but I don't see going myself going back, close my eyes as if nothing happened. Not even speaking of having to perk up my skills again due to unemployment, working through anxieties / inner conflicts / disbelief of this field plus some energy symptoms. It might be better for me to let go of this chunk of my life and find another source of income, not really for the fun of it... might get me to socialize though. I used to read buddhist sutras after being fed up by lot of things like political agendas, fake agendas, absurd laws lacking ethics, conflicting viewpoints, contradictions, ... I threw the whole political agenda business / useless drama in the garbage, no longer watching news or anything related to society where it's at or where it's going, have not looked back since, adding up to my reluctance to face the world again, due to uncertainties from "ignoring" it for so long. Wanted to focus on myself, not depend on externals so much to dictate how I feel and how to think, result have been me isolating from lots of things including the idea of going "out there". Then with sutras, it helped me for a while, but I realized I could not keep up with it for long, it was not pushing me to change my circumstances at least not directly, I was escaping again. I don't have anything much to connect with, apart from nature, Tai Chi, reading Carl Jung for now is okay distraction too . I plan to learn TCM starting the end of the year, I can be useful to others, has broad range interesting subjects, even if I don't make money off of it, it will spark my interest again in something concrete, will meet new people too. No, not yet, I might reach out to discuss Jung matters with him maybe, thanks. That is something I should practice more, thanks. I will check out, thanks. Sure.. I can't pretend that myself anyway, I have been pretty stubborn and unbalanced. Maybe I can hope for things to change towards balance and clarity in the future, and I can stop being an odd mess.

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Both, especially before having lots of "dirty chi" pouring out. There might also be some unconscious laziness and character defect adding up to the "process", that is why I talked about "Anima possession" due to being "stuck in emptiness" and reluctance to take active stance in the practical side of life after having my inner landscape turned upside down for so long without groundedness in real life. I took pride in my old career 4 years ago, now it feels so alien and no motivation to put in the effort in going back to that.. Sorry for the rambling.. "Anima" is the feminine side of man, "Animus" is the masculine side of woman according to C.G. Jung. They are psychological archetypes deriving from the unconscious and have value in being integrated to be more "whole". Anima integration would be about consciously expressing latent feminine qualities in you, that don't have the opportunity to shine in waking life, hence they remain in the "shadow". I like this quote to explain how it can typically manifest negatively ("possession") in real life : After getting interested in Carl Jung work I remembered about the "du-yin", which is the closest concept I found to include "Anima" in cultivation terms. According to William Bodri in "How to Measure and Deepen Your Spiritual Realization": I am also not really interested about "supernatural" / energy phenomena and such, I am more interested in being more a balanced person overall in a practical sense right now, socialize more and start "living" again (maybe too soon, I don't know), minimize unnecessary inertia in my own life. I don't have any teacher, other than internet, thankfully reassurance is there too.

Thank you for your reassurance, I always check for otherwise potential health issue so no worry about that. The hardest part is about adaptation: difficulty concentrating due to energy overloard / upheaval and having limited capacity for things. Makes life within society trickier, not sure I can hold a job for now due to intensity, but life circumstances push me towards resuming one. For me they are just side avenues to explore for healing and don't interfere with the process in my case. It helps to take care of aspects I did not consider before. In my opinion, it's very healthy to integrate Anima regardless, or to do some regulating practices to calm the nervous system other than meditation, Tai Chi / "Om" / Socializing / ... I appreciate you replying in this thread, have you been through this process too ?

My intuition tells me the process is working as it should, I try to adapt to it the best I can. In my experience most of the difficulties stemmed from resistance / fear of the unknown. When I stop thinking about the sensations, it's not so bad at all, it required accepting them and going with it. Yes, it has been a difficult emotional roller coaster, but not necessarily directly linked to the "process". I worked through theses emotions in the past (many of them are no longer relevant): grief sadness depression bouts of excessive paranoia distrust of life dissatisfaction towards life excessive worrying about occasional health issues or about society defeatist attitude despair hopelessness helplessness (would not muster up the courage to do anything at all, pointless to even try anything) shame/guilt/worthlessness Now it is more like: some degree mental confusion restlessness anxiety feeling of insecurity / instability feeling of being in a "limbo" sometimes Dorsal Vagal Shutdown explained the initial difficulties: https://acupuncturetoday.com/article/34334-polyvagal-theory-dorsal-vagal-shutdown https://advaitashram.org/kundalini-the-vagus-nerve/ I also found out about Anima possession, which is fascinating subject, also partly explains some emotional distress. https://appliedjung.com/anima-possession/

meditation 2 hours a day approximately, gentle attention on the belly expanding and shrinking while "letting go". 45mins of Tai Chi which helps sending more energy to the whole body instead of mainly having it ascending in the trunk. Hakuin melting butter visualization a few times a day (sometimes I do it while walking) which I find very helpful to calm the mind / heart fire, it has a calming yin, stabilizing effect, also regulates bowels and hormones in my experience. watching my thoughts in general. "karma yoga", trying to be helpful when I can with family members. dream journaling to get better insights to my unconscious and integrate ignored aspects of my psyche. I would not call it practice, but I guess life in general, prolonged emotional turmoil with "no way out" but through meditation, loss of old anchors to life (which were already shaky in the first place), deletion of social networks, lost contacts with friends, loss of job, loss of distractions, all of which led to a Dark Night. Hungry ghosts offering I stopped for now, in my experience, I think it actually creates a lot of merit but also increased a lot the intensity of purification, also the mantras involved in the ceremony push through the blockages too much. I needed a break, it was too potent for me, I felt "off" for weeks after a single offering. General lopsidedness towards meditation, not wanting to hear about fixing my life differently.. I prefer to take it slow, I have been partly running away from life and want to live coherently now, cleanup the best I can around the "heart opening", not obsessing over it to much, and try to work on what I previously ignored like survival needs, hobbies, activities, social life, autonomy/independence, etc.. before cultivating consciously with increased intensity. Of course, easier said than done.

Ok, I will leave it on the side for now. Thanks for the words of caution.

Hello @dwai I am very interested in the regulate aspect, also your feedbacks on the mentioned thread makes me want set a time aside and try the three first exercises for myself to see how it goes. I just hope it won't add too much fuel to the (heart) fire. I will keep posted if I have any interesting feedback to share. Thank you.

Yes. That's very interesting, I was not aware how the body could regulates itself in this aspect, for a while I meditated trying to push through the blockages and was having a hard time letting go, that explains why my lower back got so tense.. I will keep in mind the and trust my body. Thanks for your input.

@Mark Foote @dwai Hello, thank you so much for your concern, been having a little disconcerting health issue in the meantime. I will make sure to come back here as soon as possible to read your posts and answer properly .

Hey john, Right now the tenderness, pain and the brain fog feel better, I don't know if you have anything to do with that but I am grateful for your concern anyway, thank you. I pray that you enjoy good health for as long as possible and that you may be relieved from any hindrance as well.

Hello Bums, Few days ago, I went to the chiropractor for the first time to make a few adjustments, I won't go into details about that specifically. The point is the air conditioner was running next to the "chiropractic table" where I exposed my naked back. I believe I got cold wind invasion specifically in the right kidney (I got this exact same problem several times in the past from carelessly exposing my naked torso to cold wind, just to get some sun outside...), now it has been 2 days of fatigue/brain fog (a strange one, that I can link to kidney problems) and urine strip test showed some protein in urine. I pressed manually theses points earlier to try to mitigate the harm, from https://www.ryohoshiatsu.com/en/the-wind-points-shiatsu/ I think it has helped a bit, but can't help worry that I have damaged my prenatal Jing or something (happened 3/4 times in the past), is it something that the kidneys can fully recover from without losing strength each time ? Can I replenish at some point down the road ? Right now I feel my right lumbar region tender and a bit hot. Thank you