Rheor

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Posts posted by Rheor

  1. Posted

    On 9/14/2024 at 10:06 PM, ChiDragon said:


    When you meditate, did you concentrate on your breathing. Since you do meditation and Taiji, both are involved with breathing. If you had done properly with breathing, then, it should help to release the pressure off the chest and head as well. As I recall, the head use about 20% of the oxygen from the breathing. The lack of oxygen, hypoxia, might cause problem in the head as you had described. Try to breathe slowly and deep while meditating.

    Use this as a guideline in your breathing.

     


    First, thank you for your reply on this thread and your helping hand.
     

    I am not sure there is much to do about headaches / fog / confusion / disorientation when something as significant as heart chakra opening is on the way (I still make room to be proven otherwise though).

    Otherwise, I don't know. Since I watched this video from master Nan Huai-Chin, I am reluctant to focus on the dantian. I might be misunderstanding something, in which case it's my loss.

  2. Posted

    11 hours ago, snowymountains said:

     

    Some pathologists or GPs may be able to do a lot till you see a specialist. We often think of them as generalists, but some of them do have domain knowledge in other areas, it's just not at the same depth as that of a specialist in that area - this is my layman's understanding of it at least and what I do personally ( I don't have any training or knowledge in Medicine )

     

     

    The CBT psychotherapist will work with the symptoms no matter what caused them, in your case they could work with you on the brain fog and what you can do to improve. Imo it's still important to see a medical doctor for the brain fog as there may be underlying physiology.

     

    E.g. - just to give an example as to why seeing a doctor in parallel to psychotherapy is important, I am not saying this as something that may be relevant to you, just an example/illustration of the importance of a medical doctor alongside psychotherapy - after a car accident people often experience brain fog (and also short term memory loss), it is very important that they are monitored by a medical doctor as one of the factors causing this is that their organism needs a lot of resources to repair, in a sense the memory loss happens because their organism prioretises not to register an event and instead uses all its resources to heal.

     

    So a medical doctor monitoring the process of physiological healing is very important. A psychotherapist will help a lot, but only a medical doctor can deal with the physiological components of this. Any backpedaling on the physiology front may undo progress in psychotherapy.

     

    Psychotherapy-wise Imo when there are symptoms there, first lower the symptoms and integration follows after the symptoms have been treated - Jung was of the same view btw, he was extremely practical and efficient with his patients/clients, all the integration stuff he discovered, working on polarities etc, he knew well when it's time to work on that and when it's time to focus on symptoms. CBT is excellent at symptoms treatment - provided the psychotherapist has training and experience in protocols relevant to your symptoms, so ask them over the phone.

     

    Best of luck with recovering.

     

    Thank you, this is useful.

  3. Posted

    On 9/12/2024 at 11:24 AM, ChiDragon said:

    @Rheor

    Based on your symptoms, may I ask you a question?

    What kind of activity were you involved when you are a teenager? Did you do something constantly and more often like most teenagers do with your five fingers?


    As a teenager I was under "lower" instincts too, I was no exception. It was probably a LOT less than others though.

    • Thanks 1

  4. Posted · Edited by Rheor

    On 9/12/2024 at 12:54 AM, stirling said:

    Sorry Rheor, I see that I never replied to your thoughtful answers to my questions.

     

    I was already glad for your previous answers, no worries.

     

    On 9/12/2024 at 12:54 AM, stirling said:

    Instead of constructing a person who has no confidence, can't force things, is losing grip, is frozen, I would advise accepting things as they are moment to moment. To wrestle with the underlying CONDITIONS of how things are a notice that you tell a story about a person who you don't want to be.

     

    I can't deny anything about that.

     

    On 9/12/2024 at 12:54 AM, stirling said:

    If you are feeling stuck, SAY so. Earnestly put your hands out with open palms and openly, without an object, ask for help. Say that you are lost and don't know what to do. Have no outcome or method of cause or result in mind, and be open to whatever comes to mind. Watch your mind, and your life for an open hand... an idea, a person who invites you to do something... anything. Another possibility: there is a way out of your life that is something that compromises your pride, or is uncomfortable for you to consider. I might be the thing that you would NEVER do, like bankruptsy, or something else that wouldn't kill you or violate being open or kind to the world or life, but MIGHT violate a fixed idea you hold.

     

    I was lost and stuck, that's right. I have been guided with lots of spiritual resources which I am grateful for. Now I am trying to make the bridge between spiritual and mundane life (so to speak), C.G. Jung and consequent (personal) dream work has been useful recent addition in this regard.

     

    The main stuckness I feel now is devoid of unnecessary stories, I do struggle with living with the intensity of the heart opening still rather disturbing in terms of mental confusion/spaciness/overload but I don't dread it so much any longer (you contributed to my new stance too :) ).

     

    On 9/12/2024 at 12:54 AM, stirling said:

    Being conscious of the non-dual SHOULD include a trust that what needs to happen will happen, and that you are protected. Nonduality also means that reality will mirror your attachments, aversions and fear back at you, challenging you to surrender or drop them in the interests of dropping what obscures you seeing reality clearly. One of your primary obscurations is your limiting story about the past and future that stops you from moving forward. Reading your paragraphs, I see a LOT of limiting beliefs. You have a complex story that you appear to be using to create a cul de sac in your life. My suggestion: DROP IT. Stop telling this story about yourself. It isn't happening now, it is a story about a past you no longer live in, even if that past was yesterday.

     

    In my opinion, being aware of non-duality creates a great tension of opposites between "spirit" and "matter". At least in my case, it's as if I had to consciously make an extra effort to stay grounded in the mundane/phenomenal world, keeping the "bridge" was harder.


    I hesitated to edit out the post after posting the negative parts, but I thought it would be better to leave my demons in the light and not falsify what I first wrote. I was about to drop my limiting stories and hold on to my new prospects instead anyways.

     

    On 9/12/2024 at 12:54 AM, stirling said:

    Question: What actually DRIVES you? What are you actually excited about?

     

    Curiosity, understanding things deeply, team work, social interactions, nature

     

    On 9/12/2024 at 12:54 AM, stirling said:

    What do you WANT?

     

    Balance/middle-ground between "spiritual" and practical life, expressing hidden parts of myself

     

    On 9/12/2024 at 12:54 AM, stirling said:

    See above. My daughters boyfriend is a remote programmer making over $100 a year. He retrained in AI, did a few projects for his work, and will be making even more in the months to come. His is awkward with other people, and now has more limited interactions in his team which works for him. He had to work through a similar set of imagined limitations (expertise working as a data analyst) to move forward.

     

    Good to hear for him. I let go of emotional projections I had about my previous field and technology while still keeping in mind how it could be dangerous or even useful, it is out of my control anyway. I tried out of my good will to retrain, I just had no will nor mental capacity to restart from scratch, so I let go. I'm trying for now to find a job that is not too mentally demanding for now that allows room for energy unfoldment.
     

    On 9/12/2024 at 12:54 AM, stirling said:

    You demonstrate the ability to discard negative story-telling already! Good news! Now, trust (since you evince an interest in non-duality) that what you are surrounded by can't help but love you since it already what you ARE. Notice what it mirrors back to you, and notice where it reflects the fictional stories about reality you are constructing and DROP them.

     

    Yes, I realized long time ago, I had no choice but to drop a lot of stories anyway, starting from external ones, moving on to internal ones. This has been hellish, I can't hide it.

     

    On 9/12/2024 at 12:54 AM, stirling said:

    The way out is to be sick of suffering. Stop escaping.

     

    I would if I could :lol:

     

    On 9/12/2024 at 12:54 AM, stirling said:

    Seriously... ask for help, be serious about taking what you are presented as your path and it WILL change. :)

     

    I have some troubles asking for help, not wanting to be a burden or bother others. And in my specific case here, I felt embarrassed to talk about it as someone who went to an extreme without guidance and feeling lost and confused afterwards when coming back to earth.

  5. Posted

    On 9/11/2024 at 6:16 PM, snowymountains said:

    For heat in the chest, head pressure did you see a pathologist or a GP ( who may refer to further specialists if needed ) ? - these sound like physical symptoms to me.

     

    Due to the sensations shifting when releases occur, I am intimately convinced that this is the result of energy purification. I remember wanting to take an appointment with a cardiologist only to see that they were all booked for months.
    With that said, I will consider your words of caution.
     

    On 9/11/2024 at 6:16 PM, snowymountains said:

    Re mental fog, this is a symptom, which I gather you want to reduce. Perhaps then it's worth going with a symptoms based approach and see a CBT therapist. You can also discuss this with your GP, as it may well have physiological components.

    A CBT therapist will assess of course if they need to work together with a psychiatrist, psychotherapy sometimes has to be combined with medication, sometimes not. I would recommend calling them and before starting therapy, discussing with them and asking them if they have experience and training that is relevant for your symptoms, if not if they can refer you to someone who does.

     

    If you are suffering from symptoms, perhaps starting from there is the best route.


    A part of me wants to follow your suggestion, especially if no medication is involved. I can't help but be skeptical especially if the physicians are not familiar with energy symptoms. Might be worth a try.

     

    On 9/11/2024 at 6:16 PM, snowymountains said:

    Other approaches that focus more on integration can be excellent at what they do but as at the moment since it's symptoms that you worry about, starting with symptoms-based approach may be the most helpful route.

    You can always work on the rest later is you want to, after symptoms have ceased to cause suffering.

    Also, imo find someone close to where you live/do in-person sessions.

     

    I prefer this approach which seem more plausible to me. I don't know yet of anyone in my area who could assist.

     

    On 9/11/2024 at 6:16 PM, snowymountains said:

    Hope the above helps.

     

    Thanks for your input.

     

     

    • Like 1

  6. Posted

    On 9/11/2024 at 9:59 PM, Thrice Daily said:

    reading this made me feel a bit sad. I reminded me of some time in my 20's. I came to a point where I only worked with natural breath. It helped somewhat. 


    I guess this sort of big crisis just happens in a cultivator/meditator life, it forces one reassess things.. Due to energy blockages I found I could not hold a particular concentration technique which seemed only to interfere.

     

    On 9/11/2024 at 9:59 PM, Thrice Daily said:

    When I eventually gave myself the gift of vippasana this helped massively. It really gave me so much time and space to practice the art of letting go.

     

    I am glad it helped you. For a time I tried different techniques, in the end, neutral awareness and letting go seem to be the best also in my experience.

     

    On 9/11/2024 at 9:59 PM, Thrice Daily said:

    Meditation became a more normal part of the day rather than something I was specifically doung. It became kind of mundane and that was helpful. Also practicing Anapana (simply focusing on nostrils) when stressed was really all I needed to balance back out. 

     


    Outside of sitting, I like to practice "allowing" my experience to be as it is when I remember, helps me snap out of negative mind patterns especially regarding happenings in my body or how life "ought" to be.
     

    On 9/11/2024 at 9:59 PM, Thrice Daily said:

    Did you always sit alone or have you been on group retreats with many other meditators?

     

    Never been on group retreat, I sit alone. I do have contact with close family though. I meditate only 1 hour per day now so I can focus on attending more on practical life matters like finding a job, learning new things, resuming social life...
     

    On 9/11/2024 at 9:59 PM, Thrice Daily said:

     

    This is the UK centre I meditated at, they are all over the world though...

     

    uk.dhamma.org

     

    I highly recommend checking out Vippasana should you feel inclined... You don't get masses of guidance but it is a safe space to meditate in for a good period of time... May help you resolve some stuff, especially if you serve there for a course after, they like it if you can volunteer too for a course...


    Vipassana is one technique I am particularly drawn to, sounds good. I will probably give it more time once I get a bit more solid ground in mundane life.

    Thank you.

  7. Posted

    16 minutes ago, Giles said:

    Nope.

     

    In person, in Toulouse.

     

    I live near Bayonne, but might be in Toulouse one week-end per month to study TCM.

    Next week-end is 28/29 september, I have not sent my registration yet so it is not 100% sure. I might be there earlier or stay a little bit longer so as to have days with more spare time. This is not confirmed.

    I will keep you informed for sure as to how it goes, this would be a good opportunity.

    • Like 1

  9. Posted

    19 minutes ago, Giles said:

    I'm really sorry to learn this Rheor. ☹️


    It's okay, I am already thankful enough for your replies.

    It was my "doing", so I was also looking for it to happen, in a way.

     

    19 minutes ago, Giles said:

    Clearly, you need some competent in-person help.

     

    I saw a psychiatrist one year ago, he suggested "violating one's own nature" with medication, I ran away. 

     

    Went to a "trans-personal" therapist, it was mostly talk therapy, useful but she could not guide me more with the "heart chakra process" than suggesting to stay more in my body.

     

    Went to an acupuncturist few months ago, she used moxa to bring the energy down to my lower dantian. I just felt worse, like deserted war zone in my chest, it felt like unmoving unresolved conflicts. She suggested doing more creative things with my hands (I would if I was inspired to, or perhaps I should try anyway) and starting some martial art (perhaps I could join a club).
    It felt overall off so I never went back.


    Perhaps I could try online spiritual teachers, I don't dare take the risk as there are also frauds.

     

    19 minutes ago, Giles said:

    Where are you based?

     

    South-west of France, living in the country side for now.

    Might relocate, this is another dilemma of having a "Taoist" spirit while living in modern society :lol:.

  10. Posted

    1 hour ago, Giles said:

    You're most welcome. 👍🏻😊

     

    Have you now resolved the issue(s) that brought you here in the first place?

     


    Unfortunately I have not, I must have been slightly more optimistic and stable back then.

     

    Energy intensity has not back down in the least, same patterns of "pouring out" through the feet or through the hands when I do Tai Chi.


    I did not want to add fuel the "fire" and make my symptoms worse by doing too much spiritual practice, I mainly do grounding practices (Hakuin melting butter, Tai Chi, spending time in forest) and neutral awareness (which has been very helpful) of the chest "distress". I already feel quite disconnected with external reality, no friends, no social life; I am scared to dissolve and dissociate even deeper with more practice without having some kind of external anchors to keep me grounded like a job, friends, community, ... Perhaps I might recreate facebook account haha....
     

    I have tried to look for jobs in the same field of my "old self" and was appalled to see that I couldn't mentally do any software programming and had to accept that. I had a "regular job" interview recently and the mental confusion along with chest pressure was incredible, so I could see how it would be in actual "real life" situation.

    The difficulties look like kundalini syndrome to be honest, which I suspect it might very well be.

    Everyday is a challenge just to keep my head above water, dream work suggest rebirth, this keeps me hopeful.

  11. Posted

    On 9/3/2024 at 3:21 PM, Giles said:

    @Rheor,

     

    I've just received an email from iRest notifying me about this upcoming course in pranayama with Richard Miller.

     

    https://www.yogakula.com/events/pranayama-with-richard-miller

     

    and it occurred to me that it might be of some interest and use to you.

     

    Best Wishes,

     


    Hey @Giles,
    At the moment it might be too much for my limited capacities to digest, I will keep it on the side though. Just In case.

    Thanks for your solicitude.

    • Like 1

  13. Posted · Edited by Rheor

    On 8/16/2024 at 7:29 PM, stirling said:

     

    What is "dirty chi", and how do you know what it is up to?

     

     

     

    Whatever gets [cleared out] / [released] out of my system from the bottom of the feet, crown, sometimes I feel it exits from the heart center ("buzzing out") directly like three days ago.

     

    On 8/16/2024 at 7:29 PM, stirling said:

     

    I don't think you are rambling. What does "stuck in emptiness" mean to you? Sounds like you were having trouble engaging with things? Why do you no longer connect with your old career? What DO you connect with?

     


    Inability to commit to something "out there" with confidence and/or resolve, can't force outcome while being so unsettled, losing grip with things, days passing by doing nothing frozen in dilemma : going all-in with meditation "escaping" responsibilities or trying desperately to get some grip with my life which depends on me getting a job to not depend on my parents any longer while undergoing energetic changes.

     

    On 8/16/2024 at 7:29 PM, stirling said:

     

    Sounds like you were having trouble engaging with things?

     

     

    I am an introverted loner to begin with, conscious of the non-dual nature of things from childhood, could not engage like other kids from a young age, half way between connecting with people / half way distant. I am not an ambitious person, building businesses and such endeavors is foreign to me, I like team work, cooperation and to be helpful. Otherwise, I have not really explored my artistic side yet, at least as a hobby.

     

    On 8/16/2024 at 7:29 PM, stirling said:

     

    Why do you no longer connect with your old career?

     


    Career: software engineer / developer


    I was absorbed for years in society drama, due to anxiety, uncertainty, deep need to envision society differently I could not work, I was way out of balance, balance (at least working towards it) is my requirement as a foundation for all things.
    I saw how technology was used in "evil" ways (I won't expand on it here) and did not want to contribute to it in some way or another to not add my mess to the chaotic world, so I abandoned it. It would be practical to just resume my career but I don't see going myself going back, close my eyes as if nothing happened.
    Not even speaking of having to perk up my skills again due to unemployment, working through anxieties / inner conflicts / disbelief of this field plus some energy symptoms.
    It might be better for me to let go of this chunk of my life and find another source of income, not really for the fun of it... might get me to socialize though.

     

    On 8/16/2024 at 7:29 PM, stirling said:

     

    What DO you connect with?

     

     


    I used to read buddhist sutras after being fed up by lot of things like political agendas, fake agendas, absurd laws lacking ethics, conflicting viewpoints, contradictions, ... I threw the whole political agenda business / useless drama in the garbage, no longer watching news or anything related to society where it's at or where it's going, have not looked back since, adding up to my reluctance to face the world again, due to uncertainties from "ignoring" it for so long.

    Wanted to focus on myself, not depend on externals so much to dictate how I feel and how to think, result have been me isolating from lots of things including the idea of going "out there". Then with sutras, it helped me for a while, but I realized I could not keep up with it for long, it was not pushing me to change my circumstances at least not directly, I was escaping again.

     

    I don't have anything much to connect with, apart from nature, Tai Chi, reading Carl Jung for now is okay distraction too .
    I plan to learn TCM starting the end of the year, I can be useful to others, has broad range interesting subjects, even if I don't make money off of it, it will spark my interest again in something concrete, will meet new people too.

     

    On 8/16/2024 at 7:29 PM, stirling said:

     

    I see. Have you chatted with member SnowyMountains yet? He is a big Jung fan.

     


    No, not yet, I might reach out to discuss Jung matters with him maybe, thanks.

     

    On 8/16/2024 at 7:29 PM, stirling said:

     

    Speaking for myself and practice, I think it is less productive to get caught up in the "why" story, and more helpful to actually look at what we experience clinging or aversion to in this moment. When we encounter "contraction" in the world we feel tight, worried, holding onto something we want to stay the same or be a certain way, or pushing away an imagined possible future we fear may come to pass. These are often attached to old stories about our past or events and our reactions to them that color this moment, and that we are still carrying. 

     

     

    Realizing what these patterns are, and allowing them to reply when the mind is more quiet and still, without engaging our thought process about them is the way forward in this practice. Each time we can bring them to our still mind without clinging to them or pushing them away, they lose their emotional resonance and ability to impact our future behavior as "suffering"/struggle.

     


    That is something I should practice more, thanks.

     

    On 8/16/2024 at 7:29 PM, stirling said:

     

    "Untethered Soul", by Michael Singer has a nice set of simple non-denominational practices I have recommended for a number of my students for working with this kind of material. They tend to have a lot of success with it.

     

     

    I will check out, thanks.

     

    On 8/16/2024 at 7:29 PM, stirling said:

     

    Working to find a more balanced and simple way of working with our obscurations, and dropping them over time eventually brings all of the "supernatural" stuff anyway. :)

     

     

    Sure.. I can't pretend that myself anyway, I have been pretty stubborn and unbalanced. Maybe I can hope for things to change towards balance and clarity in the future, and I can stop being an odd mess.

  16. Posted · Edited by Rheor

    On 8/13/2024 at 5:45 PM, stirling said:

     

    Concentrating in meditation, or daily life? 
     

     

    Both, especially before having lots of "dirty chi" pouring out.

     

     

    On 8/13/2024 at 5:45 PM, stirling said:

     

    To be honest, I am not entirely sure what "Anima" looks like in a practice. I have done any number of practices, but none more centering than simple "open awareness" meditation. 

     

     

    There might also be some unconscious laziness and character defect adding up to the "process", that is why I talked about "Anima possession" due to being "stuck in emptiness" and reluctance to take active stance in the practical side of life after having my inner landscape turned upside down for so long without groundedness in real life.
    I took pride in my old career 4 years ago, now it feels so alien and no motivation to put in the effort in going back to that..
    Sorry for the rambling..

     

    "Anima" is the feminine side of man, "Animus" is the masculine side of woman according to C.G. Jung. They are psychological archetypes deriving from the unconscious and have value in being integrated to be more "whole".

    Anima integration would be about consciously expressing latent feminine qualities in you, that don't have the opportunity to shine in waking life, hence they remain in the "shadow".

     

    I like this quote to explain how it can typically manifest negatively ("possession") in real life :

     

    Quote

    “In its individual manifestation the character of a man's anima is as a rule shaped by his mother. If he feels that his mother had a negative influence on him, his anima will often express itself in irritable, depressed moods, uncertainty, insecurity, and touchiness. (If, however he is able to overcome the negative assaults on himself, they can serve to reinforce his masculinity.) Within the soul of such a man the negative mother-anima figure will endlessly repeat this theme: "I am nothing. Nothing makes any sense. With others it's different, but for me...I enjoy nothing." These "anima moods" cause a sort of dullness, a fear of disease, of impotence, or of accidents. The whole of life takes on a sad and oppressive aspect. Such dark moods can even lure a man to suicide, in which case the anima becomes a death demon. She appears in this role in Cocteau's film Orphee.”
        ― C.G. Jung, Man and His Symbols

       

    After getting interested in Carl Jung work I remembered about the "du-yin", which is the closest concept I found to include "Anima" in cultivation terms.

     

    According to William Bodri in "How to Measure and Deepen Your Spiritual Realization":

     

    Quote

    In Buddhist psychology, the ordinary everyday mind of mentation, or "sixth consciousness," discriminates objects and combines together the various impressions of our senses (sounds, etc.). In other words, it enables us to judge and evaluate things. Since everything existence has both a positive and negative aspect, a yin nature and yang nature, the consciousness cannot escape this principle either. Hence, it has a bright, clear side discrimination, and also a shadow side as well.

     

    The bright or clarity side of the sixth consciousness takes in all of the information provided the senses, and makes sense of it. The shadow side of the sixth consciousness, on the other operates in its own independent realm, and does not rely on the eyes, ears, nose and so on order to operate. Since this flip side of the sixth consciousness can operate by itself, it is called the "solitary consciousness."

     

    This shadow side, or yin-aspect of the sixth consciousness, which is also called the du-yin ("solitary shadow") consciousness, produces the pictures and sensations of whatever experience within our dreams, among other things. Dreams are the operational province of solitary consciousness, and so are cases of insanity. In many cases our real personality behavioral traits are only revealed during our dreams, so true spiritual cultivators use indicators to spot the faults and bad habits they should change.

      

    On 8/13/2024 at 5:45 PM, stirling said:

     

        My primary experience is in the Soto Zen and Dzogchen/Nyingma Buddhism. While I have done some practices working with "energies" these generally become unspecified and the specifics are dropped once there is some success with them. The advice of my teachers has always been not to become attached to the specifics of practice or the results as they can become hinderances. I have had many "supernatural" phenomena, and "energetic" events of various kinds, and would report them as they came up, and they were usually met with mild interest and a little reassurance that it was fine.

     


    I am also not really interested about "supernatural" / energy phenomena and such, I am more interested in being more a balanced person overall in a practical sense right now, socialize more and start "living" again (maybe too soon, I don't know), minimize unnecessary inertia in my own life. I don't have any teacher, other than internet, thankfully reassurance is there too.

     

  17. Posted

    On 8/11/2024 at 10:16 PM, stirling said:

     

    This is very sensible. Accepting and allowing are critical. Resistance and trying to get some kind of grip on it with practices or intellectual explanation will be less helpful. Allowing these things to come and pass in meditation is ideal. As you say, your problems will be resistance/clinging/aversion,/ fear and thinking about what it might "mean". Be comfortable with it meaning nothing and let it do what is needs to, UNLESS you are in physical pain or have other dangerous medical symptoms, OR are overcome with fear or mania. Both should be opportunities to consider medical, psychological/psychiatric intervention. 

     

     

    Thank you for your reassurance, I always check for otherwise potential health issue so no worry about that.

     

    On 8/11/2024 at 10:16 PM, stirling said:

     

    Sounds manageable?

     

     

     

    The hardest part is about adaptation: difficulty concentrating due to energy overloard / upheaval and having limited capacity for things. Makes life within society trickier, not sure I can hold a job for now due to intensity, but life circumstances push me towards resuming one.


     

    On 8/11/2024 at 10:16 PM, stirling said:

    These are the sorts of "explanations" I would be careful about settling on as any kind of cause or effect. Hold such ideas lightly, rather than definitively deciding they represent your personal discomfort. I would leave the diagnosis to where and when a professional is involved.


    For me they are just side avenues to explore for healing and don't interfere with the process in my case. It helps to take care of aspects I did not consider before.
    In my opinion, it's very healthy to integrate Anima regardless, or to do some regulating practices to calm the nervous system other than meditation, Tai Chi / "Om" / Socializing / ...

    I appreciate you replying in this thread, have you been through this process too ?

  18. Posted · Edited by Rheor

    On 8/10/2024 at 7:41 PM, stirling said:

    These are common experiences for regular deep meditators. It means your sitting practice is working. My suggestion would be to keep that "heart" as open as possible and just let it flow out of you. Don't grasp or cling to sensations, or experiences, but let those energetic feeling just pass. You are unblocking your body and mind. 

     

    Are you also having deep emotional releases, and difficult material come to mind? 


    My intuition tells me the process is working as it should, I try to adapt to it the best I can. In my experience most of the difficulties stemmed from resistance / fear of the unknown. When I stop thinking about the sensations, it's not so bad at all, it required accepting them and going with it.

     

    On 8/10/2024 at 7:41 PM, stirling said:

    Are you also having deep emotional releases, and difficult material come to mind? 

       

    Yes, it has been a difficult emotional roller coaster, but not necessarily directly linked to the "process".

     

    I worked through theses emotions in the past (many of them are no longer relevant):

    • grief
    • sadness
    • depression
    • bouts of excessive paranoia 
    • distrust of life
    • dissatisfaction towards life
    • excessive worrying about occasional health issues or about society
    • defeatist attitude
    • despair
    • hopelessness
    • helplessness (would not muster up the courage to do anything at all, pointless to even try anything)
    • shame/guilt/worthlessness

     

    Now it is more like:

    • some degree mental confusion
    • restlessness
    • anxiety
    • feeling of insecurity / instability
    • feeling of being in a "limbo" sometimes

     

    Dorsal Vagal Shutdown explained the initial difficulties:
    https://acupuncturetoday.com/article/34334-polyvagal-theory-dorsal-vagal-shutdown
    https://advaitashram.org/kundalini-the-vagus-nerve/

     

    I also found out about Anima possession, which is fascinating subject, also partly explains some emotional distress.
    https://appliedjung.com/anima-possession/

    • Like 1

  19. Posted

    On 8/8/2024 at 10:35 AM, Giles said:

     

    What practice(s), if any, have you been using recently?

     

     

     

    • meditation 2 hours a day approximately, gentle attention on the belly expanding and shrinking while "letting go".
    • 45mins of Tai Chi which helps sending more energy to the whole body instead of mainly having it ascending in the trunk.
    • Hakuin melting butter visualization a few times a day (sometimes I do it while walking) which I find very helpful to calm the mind / heart fire, it has a calming yin, stabilizing effect, also regulates bowels and hormones in my experience.
    • watching my thoughts in general.
    • "karma yoga", trying to be helpful when I can with family members.
    • dream journaling to get better insights to my unconscious and integrate ignored aspects of my psyche.

     

    On 8/8/2024 at 10:35 AM, Giles said:

     

    Also, if I might ask, what practice(s) landed you in your initial pickle?

     

    • I would not call it practice, but I guess life in general, prolonged emotional turmoil with "no way out" but through meditation, loss of old  anchors to life (which were already shaky in the first place), deletion of social networks, lost contacts with friends, loss of job, loss of distractions, all of which led to a Dark Night.
    • Hungry ghosts offering I stopped for now, in my experience, I think it actually creates a lot of merit but also increased a lot the intensity of purification, also the mantras involved in the ceremony push through the blockages too much. I needed a break, it was too potent for me, I felt "off" for weeks after a single offering.
    • General lopsidedness towards meditation, not wanting to hear about fixing my life differently..

    I prefer to take it slow, I have been partly running away from life and want to live coherently now, cleanup the best I can around the "heart opening", not obsessing over it to much, and try to work on what I previously ignored like survival needs, hobbies, activities, social life, autonomy/independence, etc.. before cultivating consciously with increased intensity. Of course, easier said than done.

    • Thanks 1

  20. Posted

    19 hours ago, dwai said:

    Please don’t try these yourself without proper guidance. There is a specific technique and you should invest the time to learn the full practice.
     

    Most people who run into trouble with esoteric practices are those who experiment without proper understanding or guidance. 


    Ok, I will leave it on the side for now. Thanks for the words of caution.

    • Like 1

  21. Posted

    On 8/6/2024 at 10:17 PM, dwai said:

    Another thing to try is Sudarshan Kriya practice. 

    https://www.artofliving.org/in-en/about-us/sudarshan-kriya/what-is-sudarshan-kriya

    It is a good and simple practice that takes about 25-30 minutes each day and will help clean and open up your channels and regulate your energy. 

    I have some of my practice notes here if you are interested - 

     


    Hello @dwai

    I am very interested in the regulate aspect, also your feedbacks on the mentioned thread makes me want set a time aside and try the three first exercises for myself to see how it goes. I just hope it won't add too much fuel to the (heart) fire.

    I will keep posted if I have any interesting feedback to share.

    Thank you.

  22. Posted

    On 8/6/2024 at 6:51 PM, Mark Foote said:

    Do you do seated meditation?


    Yes.
     

    On 8/6/2024 at 6:51 PM, Mark Foote said:

    From my own writing:

     

    There’s a frailty in the structure of the lower spine, and the movement of breath can place the point of awareness in such a fashion as to engage a mechanism of support for the spine, often in stages. 

     

    (Shunryu Suzuki on Shikantaza and the Theravadin Stages)

     

     

    The emphasis for me is always on the location of consciousness.  Here's my summary of the mindfulness that made up Gautama's way of living:

     

    1) Relax the activity of the body in inhalation and exhalation;

    2) Find a feeling of ease and calm the senses connected with balance, in inhalation and exhalation;

    3) Appreciate and detach from thought, in inhalation and exhalation;

    4) Look to the free location of consciousness for the automatic activity of inhalation and exhalation.
     

     

    The ease I experience arrives through the sense of gravity:


    If I can find a way to experience gravity in the placement of attention as the source of activity in my posture, and particular ligaments as the source of the reciprocity in that activity, then I have an ease.

     

    (“To Enjoy Our Life”’)

     

     

    If the automatic activity of the body takes place solely by virtue of the free location of consciousness, then:
     

    ... ease in the nerve exits between vertebrae along the sacrum and spine provides an ability to feel right to the surface of the skin all over the body, such that “there is not one particle of the body” that cannot receive the placement of consciousness.

    (Applying the Pali Instructions)

     

     

    Things I find helpful to recall:
     

    This study (research by Indahl, A., et al.) established that the ligamento-muscular reflex existed between the sacroiliac joint and muscles that attach to the bones that make up the sacroiliac joint. (The study’s authors) suggested that the sacroiliac joint was a regulator of pelvic and paraspinal muscles and, thereby, influences posture and lumbar segmental stability.

    (Serola Biomechanics website summary of Indahl, A., et al., Sacroiliac joint involvement in activation of the porcine spinal and gluteal musculature. Journal of Spinal Disorders, 1999. 12(4): p. 325-30; https://europepmc.org/article/med/10451049
    https://www.serola.net/research-category/the-nutation-lesion-2/ligamento-muscular-reflex/)

     

     

    That says that the stretch of ligaments between the pelvis and the sacrum can regulate the reciprocal activity between the front and rear of the pelvis in the lower body--just have to stay calm!

     

    There is another peculiarity of the erector muscles of the spine. Below the level of the fifth lumbar vertebra, the muscle contracts in a compartment enclosed by bone anteriorly, laterally, and medially. Posteriorly, the compartment is closed by the lumbodorsal fascia. When contracted, the diameter of the muscle mass tends to increase. This change in shape of the muscle may exert a wedging effect between the sacrum and the lumbodorsal fascia, thereby increasing the tension in the fascia. This may be one of the few instances where a muscle can exert force by pushing.

     

    (“Mechanical Disorders of the Low Back”, H. F. Farfan; © 1973 Lea & Febiger; p 183)

     

     

    Turns out there is a mechanism proposed whereby a displacement of the fascia behind the lower spine by a millimeter or so, perhaps by pressure generated in the "fluid ball" of the abdomen, can provide support to the structure of the lower spine (Gracovetsky, S., Farfan HF, Lamay C, 1997. A mathematical model of the lumbar spine using an optimal system to control muscles and ligaments. Orthopedic Clinics of North America 8: 135-153).


    That's very interesting, I was not aware how the body could regulates itself in this aspect, for a while I meditated trying to push through the blockages and was having a hard time letting go, that explains why my lower back got so tense..

    I will keep in mind the
     

    On 8/6/2024 at 6:51 PM, Mark Foote said:

    just have to stay calm!


    and trust my body.

    Thanks for your input.

    • Like 1

  24. Posted

    55 minutes ago, johndoe2012 said:

    How does it feel now? 

     

    Channeled something for your kidneys. 

    Hey john,

    Right now the tenderness, pain and the brain fog feel better, I don't know if you have anything to do with that but I am grateful for your concern anyway, thank you.

    I pray that you enjoy good health for as long as possible and that you may be relieved from any hindrance as well.

    • Like 1

  25. Posted

    Hello Bums,

    Few days ago, I went to the chiropractor for the first time to make a few adjustments, I won't go into details about that specifically.

    The point is the air conditioner was running next to the "chiropractic table" where I exposed my naked back.
    I believe I got cold wind invasion specifically in the right kidney (I got this exact same problem several times in the past from carelessly exposing my naked torso to cold wind, just to get some sun outside...), now it has been 2 days of fatigue/brain fog (a strange one, that I can link to kidney problems) and urine strip test showed some protein in urine.

    I pressed manually theses points earlier to try to mitigate the harm, from     https://www.ryohoshiatsu.com/en/the-wind-points-shiatsu/
     

    Quote

    Stiffness and pain of the sacro-lumbar region following a Cold Wind Humidity: GV3, GV4, UB23, UB25, UB60 in Harmonization or Moxa.


    I think it has helped a bit, but can't help worry that I have damaged my prenatal Jing or something (happened 3/4 times in the past), is it something that the kidneys can fully recover from without losing strength each time ? Can I replenish at some point down the road ? Right now I feel my right lumbar region tender and a bit hot.

    Thank you     ^_^