freeform

Rain, you don't have a problem with suppressing anger as far as I can tell. Liver doesn't like unexpressed anger. How to tap the power without the "I" spin? I've explained how I play with it in the jealousy thread, but it's a case of using your awareness to notice tiny subtleties before full-on anger begins to rise. There are internal sensations - if you give them attention, they won't explode uncontrollably, but will in turn inform and empower. All of this can be learned by watching the Dog Whisperer seriously!!

KK - just something I found when first discovering that anger is ok... You know when you first fell in love? I don't know if you had the same experience, but I found it like an overwhelming joy. I was so happy, I would tell my friends about it, I would tell my girlfriend about it who felt equally overjoyed... but it was unsustainable - it was an over-stimulated state where the emotion of romantic love was just gushing and erupting... I found that over time, rather then shutting down this feeling that I could focus my attention (and I'm speaking of this in hindsight - I didn't think of this in such a way, I just did it) - I could focus my attention a little earlier down the line... a little closer to the source... If you look at a fountain, the big mesmerising display happens when the water separates and falls, but if you looked closer down to the source of where the water was coming, you'd notice it's a much more controlled, measured stream. So being new to the emotion of anger creates a kind of bind - what is anger and what is not anger. Well you know for sure that when you have an uncontrolled cursing session that it's anger (and it's healthy to air it!, especially in your situation)... But over time, you may want to bring your attention closer down to the source - where the display is not so spectacular, but the stream, the flow of energy is strong and even. I'm saying you need to learn the subtleties, the small internal experiences that proceed blind outward anger... The closer you get to the source, the more you will find it unflavoured and untainted by drama, stories and the anger spin... you might find that at a certain point it's undifferentiated - it could be the start of anger, it could be the start of power (or unselfish 'kindness' - kindness is not the right word, although it's releveant - it's much more of a proactive, powerful feeling)... so don't sell yourself short just yet - there's so much more to explore!!!

I agree with you. Explore and discover for yourself - other's experience can give you pointers for your own exploration - but direct experience is key.

Sure. But first, thanks for the heads up on Frantzis - I've seen videos of him moving, and heard about the dissolving, but never went indepth, reading his books etc. so bringing awareness to a difficult area... Think of the difference between a digital clock and an analogue one. A digital clock has hard separations - between one minute and the next - between one second and the next... an analogue one doesn't really separate - there are markings that are separate, but it moves smoothly between them, rather than jumping from one to another. So in your body, you will have somewhere that awareness can get to and somewhere it can't - this is a digital separation. So if you make it analogue, go right to the edge where you can be aware and where you can't, and slowly move closer to the edge... there will be bits where you can kind of become aware off, but not completely, so just become aware of that, and over time move closer and closer to the separation and you'll notice it's not a hard separation at all, and like water running over a soft rock, you can shave bits off little by little... so instead of trying to force awareness in, just gently caress the edge of the blockage with your awareness. Subtlety is important.

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hahaha - you think there's a best time!? running inner dialogues? mind can't settle? welcome to the world of the spleen! on the other hand it can also make you very centred, grounded and content... With emotions you want to constantly move towards balance. balance in emotions happens when the positive and negative emotions hold hands... This is according to me of course - Some try to get rid of the negative and get more of the positive, I've never seen this work consistently. It's always an on-going drama - just like you can't only breathe in - at some point you need to breathe out - with emotions both sides will be expressed... you get to chose whether you want to be aware of their expression or not. Awareness brings the ability for you to manifest your Will. Will brings you the ability to direct your awareness. As always - when just starting, there is a phase of clearing. When we try to only have the positive, and get rid of the negative, well what tends to happen is we sweep the negative into the dark corners where awareness doesn't reach - so the negative always still is there, it always has control over your life to some extent, it's just been un-attended to. Now, with Will, you bring the light of awareness to the spleen - and like a powerful sigh the spleen goes: "oh thank goodness - look, have this, and this and that, and this" - so you'll get to see what's been stuck. Welcome all that it gives you - because you've just asked it to open up, and telling it that actually it's not a good time now is just plain rude! Similarly using the sounds as a way to dampen the emotions down is really selling yourself short. When I do the sounds I don't release the negative side of the emotion, I release anything that's stuck, that's obstructing, blinding or slowing down my awareness - it's a way of creating 'space'. If your mind is running inner dialogue, just so that your awareness is freed of the content, keep the meaning of all the things that go through your head, but substitute all the words with the word - "blah" ( - seriously!). Keeping the meaning allows your awareness to delve into the part of the mind where meaning comes from, and it's much deeper down than where words, logic and the intellect reside. So in a way all this worry is inviting you deeper... and if you follow it deeper still, you may just meet the other side of worry which is centred, calm, strong and grounded - invite worried and centred to embrace and you may discover something new about yourself and remember - you need to move! Let your body move to express this stuff. Spleen energy seems to play with muscles. The negative side of it gets you out of muscles and into thoughts, so if you manage to get deeper down, start to engage the muscles! Anyway - excuse me for the lengthy 'advice' - I'm really writing this for myself as much as for you and everyone else who's exploring inwardly... so please don't treat anything I say with any seriousness, it's only meant to open up possibilities for further exploration, rather then limit possibilities - so if anything I say seems to lock you in, then disregard!

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some of the energy you've been releasing from the liver is going to the heart. It also needs to go into your muscles and tendons. Repressing anger is kinda like repressing this energy to act out. 'Out' is important coz wood is expanding, growing - going out... so you may try to express it outwards... for me the best thing is spontaneous qi gong... fill up with the wood energy and let it take over... what results is spontaneous movements that are quite similar to the deer movements in various forms of the 5 animals - lots of leaping, springing, using tendon elasticity, deer horns etc I find energy travels through the legs a lot. So yeah - don't over-stimulate your heart - some exercise would be good, anything that gets you using your whole body to move as one with energy and lightness - rebounding maybe... the five animals, particularly deer would be good to do (get into it by yourself - not too much technique - it's already inside you just let it express itself). Act without second-guessing yourself.

That Shaktipat really sucked last night

Yes - best not to add any heating foods - sour foods might be interesting to explore. Support your kidneys, they need to be nourished. Wood moves into fire, that's why you're feeling a fieriness. Very cool - your inner weather is moving and cycling. It takes time, there will be more released at a manageable pace if you keep the other elements flowing too. I would stay away from cleansing herbs for now, the opening will be cyclical, you've started a big change in you, let it do its thing before adding more to your system. That anticipatory excitement - that's a great sign. In me I find there a self-conscious, shyness type of feeling, when I can stay with it and bathe it with uncontrived awareness it flowers into 'attractiveness' - not that you'll think you're attractive, but you'll notice a difference in how you present yourself outwardly (in me it's as if I have no idea what I will do or say next, I just watch myself do or say it) and you may notice a very interesting change in people's reactions to you - particularly your children - pay attention to them, show them that vulnerable, anticipatory side of you. They'll see a new level of presence in their dad... they may run away Be aware that your notion of what 'balanced' is might not really be balance as such, but just how you used to be... so don't 'force' balance - it will come, and don't anticipate what actual balance might feel like. Anyway - by the sounds of it you're exploring all that this new opening is bringing you which is great! Keep going down to the more and more subtle sensations, subtler and subtler - don't think but explore with awareness... Emotions always start as subtle sensations, and if ignored or unnoticed actually become these full-blown emotions. Drink lots of water. Keep grounding. Trees might teach you more bout the wood element too

I know how vulnerable it feels to reveal that. You're helping many others by going through what you're going through and allowing others to connect in a way that teaches valuable insights. The bubble may have burst. But 'it would've been better if I' type thinking - it's useless. Get into the moment - another thing we tend to do is go comatose - flatline - no one there - you know what I'm talking about? it looks a lot like depression... the antidote - is anger seriously - not anger itself but opening your awareness to it being there... because it brings you into your body, into your animalistic power (which is what disappears in that comatose state). The friendly generosity/anger energy is the warm, expanding, growing, exciting part of your animalistic power - it's also very attractive - like spring is. If you were able to look right at a woman, let that anger vibrate away inside, with full awareness and then say "I f**king love you" - you'd see the reaction. Now do that - but say it to yourself

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yours! I know - I had to channel some of my own... and inject it into this thread... It's amazing - with certain people I can immediately feel what's stuck - particularly if it's similar to what I had. You're not like us, Pietro - you don't suppress your anger. It's out there for us to feel and taste. I, at a certain point, decided that 'content' is of minor importance, but the context - the energy, how it all unfolds has the true in-the-moment potential... so when I read a post, I let myself become the writer of it... and sometimes it's very familiar (like with KK, Mal, SB, Sunshine etc) and sometimes not so familiar, but still somewhat explorable. In KK's posts I can feel the sadness quite clearly... the anger is masked, completely... have you ever tried on those noise-cancelling headphones?... they play like the opposite wave-form of the background noise a microphone picks up... it's kinda eerie - you can tell there is sound because your skin and bones can feel it, but the sound doesn't get in your ears... the same with the anger. And the thing about exploding with rage. That's exactly the 'content' indicator that for me confirms what I get from the context. Anger is only expressed when it boils over and erupts uncontrollably - outwardly you just can't be a little bit angry - it's all or nothing. Of course take it all with a pinch of salt, but explore it for yourself. I only just read this (after writing the bit above) - congratulations!! You've found a new piece of you that was missing! it will take time, but you'll become more and more 3-dimensional! as difficult as it might seem - enjoy it!

:-0 oh my! you've got an exciting opportunity! Look - like many people into spirituality you're full of anger. I bet you've never even noticed it... I bet you pride yourself on your ability to avoid anger and confrontation. And you do, and you have done all your life, and I bet your job, your choice in partner, your interest in spirituality is all centred around anger and the avoidance of it. (I hope reading this you're getting a little angry!) I can actually physically sense it when I feel you. It's easy for me to feel because I have the same pattern - if the anger comes out, I will destroy everything I love... so I stuff it down, cover over it, sprinkle sugar on top and no one need know - including myself. So now you have yourself an opportunity. You have a chance to really get into that anger! It will be difficult - there's a lifetime of patterns that have been designed to keep you away from it. But you have external circumstances helping you out now. Get that liver churning, releasing all the stuck, blocked, compressed anger. I'm not sure what your practices are like, but do a lot of liver work - not to get rid of the anger, but to connect to it. Have anger fill you up completely then allow your body to move in a way that expresses it - particularly with your voice.. it's good to do shaking movements, which loosens everything up. It's not even a case of bringing anger up - there's a backlog of it there already, just under the sugar-coating - all you need to do is turn your awareness there and allow it to bubble up - then just sit with it, stand with it, breathe with it, shake and roar with it - the light of your awareness on it will begin to transform it, but it will only transform by keeping your awareness on it, and not by trying to transform it. There's no 'dealing' with anger or jealousy (by the way - it's not jealousy, it's anger with stories) - you let it run its course. And there's a surprising gift within anger - within the energy behind anger there is a kind of 'motivational' feeling - like a motivation based on the generosity of your spirit... another thing is that when you hide your anger, to others it feels like there is a part of you missing - they can't put their finger on it, but there is something missing... if you're able to be centred in a way that presents both your dark and your light side, you will notice a whole new level of attraction from others, including your wife. And I must warn you, that once you open up anger, you may find sadness hidden deeper down beneath it - and you'll go through it in the same way. Before bed deeply go into your 6 healing sounds - releasing all the heat generated. Stay grounded, go for walks, sit outside and be gentle with yourself as you allow this to play through. This is a great gift.

sensations expand beyond the body. As if my feet are pressed firmly to the ground, but more importantly the ground is pressed firmly to my feet - perfect balance. the earth supports me on its surface and I support the earth on my surface. sometimes a deep rumble. the feet are like an ear pressed to the ground, listening. in the office, with my headphones on and my eyes on my monitor, I can feel the movements of others on this floor a part of me can tell who is nearby by the feel of the vibration. Doesn't work consciously. I go deep inside and ask that awareness is sparked when a particular person walks by - without fail my head automatically turns when that person walks near by. Sometimes the earth sends messages up through the feet, sometimes my body sends messages down into the ground - but normally it happens simultaneously - only limited awareness makes distinctions.

use your awareness to go around the gap, moving closer, and closer to the edge where the gap and the non-gap meet... getting closer to this edge might have you notice something new.

yes yes yes This is it exactly. Does the pleasure make you forget yourself, take you out of the present? or does it bring about more awareness and bring you into the now? If we have every stimulus we come across - whether painful or pleasurable, bring us deeper into ourselves and into the present then we would live a truly fulfilling life.

'You' lose the control of 'the body'? - who is this 'you'? There is 'a you' that manages to run your whole biological system without control... what in the world is controlled spontaneous qigong like? I like the idea of that! choreographed spontaneity xD

"TaoBummers" sounds so very wrong in the UK! But yes - I used to. The girl I 'practised' with was not very clear - she sometimes used to get the energy kinda stuck and compressed in her body. (with very physical results). So initially, clearing out channels is very important, as having sex with a lot of powerful energy from a cultivator can have things move in a very strong way. Next is emotional clearing... sometimes the energy from dual-cultivation will hit emotional blocks and there can be releases during/after sex - including sadness, strong joy, anger, hysterical laughter, crying etc etc The above two go together, but there is a physical and an emotional counterpart. If I'm with someone I feel might not be clear enough, I have to tread carefully. The linchpin is the heart. If she's connected to her heart, to love, then the extra energy from dual cultivation will open her to her heart - however blocked she might be (or I might be) the space created by opening up the blockages will be filled with love or the potential for love... if however she has no connection with the heart-level, the space will fill with what I can only call 'animal power' - how that manifests outwardly depends on the person, but the way most of us are, it normally comes out with greed/hunger/lust/pridefullness - lower 'needy' emotions. Nothing wrong with animal power - it's just it adds more fuel, more force to whatever patterns that person is living out (for example animal power can make someone work very hard at their job or become and athlete etc). Love on the other hand moves away from power and into compassion, connection and authentic emotion... this can also make one feel vulnerable and sensitive to people's intent. I haven't mentioned technique or how to deal with orgasms or any such technicalities because you need to know what to expect and how to prepare. You've got great teachers and methods in KAP, and with your spontaneous mudras it seems you've activated your deeper intelligence, and getting out the way of it more and more will open you up quickly and effortlessly. Getting a feel for you energetically, I can feel stuck anger and sadness - but the anger is invisible to you. There's fear, but it's superficial, you're not 'a fearful person' - rather it's fear of anger and of 'uncontrolled expansion'. Your deeper focus seems to be on Love although there is a pull from animal power too (maybe because the animal power hasn't been connected with properly yet - again anger/motivation (or liver spirit) seems to be important for you here). I'll also say that in dual cultivation a traditional 'climax' is not desirable - it's more about building energetic tension and surfing the waves it creates - there may be 'peaks' but they're not like normal orgasms... you're raising the vibration higher and higher and an orgasm can collapse the yin/yang tension that is building it. Let us know about the books!

you should see the crazy stuff my hands do during spontaneous! Sometimes they get into a mudra and connect several points on the body together... I had thumbs in throat and pinkies on third eye last week... Sometimes I get sword fingers that push or point or trace or cut... No idea what they mean or why they happen - sometimes I can feel the effects, sometimes not. I don't think it's important to understand them. But I find it endlessly fascinating that a deeper intelligence in me knows what it's doing. So I just suggest to trust that deeper intelligence and not get in the way of it.

oh and SereneBlue, you need to get angry. To me it feels like you've got a lot of anger stuck inside. Avoid confrontation? Never get angry? Always nice and understanding? You probably feel sadness better than anger, right? These two are linked. The energy behind anger has a lot to do with socialising and motivation.

Hi Brandon, Welcome. It sounds like you've got some great ideals. Taoism is very practical - it's about experiencing the divine within the mundane. Taoism isn't about running away from anything, it's about discovering where you are right now. My greatest advice is just go for it - do something - don't take your thoughts too seriously. Do some qi gong - practice it and enjoy the opportunities you have as a young man. Don't get stuck in idealism, in thoughts and dreams - of what could be, of what you want or need, thoughts like this draw you in and entertain you, but as soon as you start giving them too much importance they start to rule your life. So yes - you've chosen the right path... in fact you really had no choice in the first place (don't ask! lol)... but your idea of what this path is, is not the path itself - so get off the idea and get on the path. Find a teacher and get stuck into it. and enjoy!

1) You are how you are - It's good to observe with awareness what actually happens as it happens. You can try it right now - Imagine you're with your friends, and one of them comes over with a pretty girl you've never met before and introduces you and as you say hi, he leaves you two to it and starts talking to someone else... so you're there with this new, attractive girl, you don't know what to say, she's fidgety, looking around... imagine that right now, and as that cringey, uncomfortable feeling comes up, just allow it to! what can you feel in your body - how does your mind 'move' - where does your attention go? Take pleasure in noticing the subtleties of your experience!! 2) Now try this. There are 4 steps, and the quicker you do them, the better - don't be concerned about doing it 'right', because whatever you do will be right - it's an exercise of will, of moving your attention. Do this many many many times throughout the day and it will become second nature - it's very easy, as long as you don't make it hard smile.gif a) bring up this feeling/mood/attitude inside yourself. b ) put it outside yourself. (don't over-think this, just do it - remember you can only get it right!) c) put it into the witness position. (I'll explain what the witness position is in a sec) d) put it back inside yourself and notice any change. (don't try to pin point the change - just be open to noticing that it's a little different now) So what's the witness position? Well if you meditate you already have an internal reference of what it might be. If you have no idea where to start, try this: pick a spot on the wall in front of you, slightly higher than your eye-level. Put your attention there. Keeping your attention there, raise your hands up so that you can just about see your hands with your peripheral vision. Expand your awareness, so that now you're paying attention to your periphery as much as or even more than the spot on the wall. You can drop your hands, but keep paying attention to your peripheral vision. Now - just relax in this state and just like you're allowing your peripheral vision, as well as the spot on the wall to coexist in your awareness, start to allow both inside and outside to coexist together too. It's very similar to using your peripheral vision, it's just more to do with your body than sight... remember - whatever you're doing is already correct - we're not going for something specific, just a change. The search for this witness position is what we want. So the witness position is an expanded awareness. It's both inside and outside at the same time. Ok - so try it again: a) Inside b ) Outside c) Witness d) Back inside and notice any change At first the change will be subtle. You need to cycle it through the steps over and over again. So you allow the cringey feeling to come up inside, put it outside, then witness then back inside. Notice the difference... for me it's like the feeling is not quite as real any more, like the edges of it have been worn smooth... so take the remnants of the feeling and inside, outside, witness - back inside.... take whatever is left - inside, outside, witness, back inside.... repeat it several times more. You can do this rather quickly - don't take too much time over it - at first you'll put in some effort, but very quickly you'll find that you can do it in seconds. Put any feelings (good or bad or neutral) through it... put thoughts through it... put moods, attitudes, beliefs through it... it's important to do it daily and often, with whatever comes up... If you come up with a little belief like "I'm not good at social situations" - put it through the steps several times... "it takes time for me to open up" - put that through... "I'm feeling optimistic" - "I'm not sure this works" - "I'm really funny today" - "I'm dreading this"... it can all go through the steps... and doing this will balance out everything!! This exercise balances and softens up everything, it brings space, change and possibility in situations and beliefs and stuck emotions. 3) when you actually are in a social situation - notice the vastness of the sky above, the mass of the earth below, and how small and insignificant your hangups are compared to the grandness of the universe - just let it all go, have fun and have your awareness on the person in front of you, rather than on your thoughts... Get into that flowing mood and let it spread - nothing to gain, nothing to lose - and have fun!

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