Ian

Yes. I did low dose bentonite for the best part of a week, and have now got a weird cold like thing going on, which is very unusual for me. Plus I think I'm more than usually stinky.

It was only two hundred years ago in the UK that crimes commited on the full moon would get a more lenient sentence.

Interesting. My girlfriend recently told me that to "have carnal knowledge" of something used simply to mean that you could feel its nature, or divine nature, in your own body. Obviously this would also apply to sex, but it's only in the last century that this came to be the primary meaning. When I see someone get hurt, or even hear about it on the phone, my bones shudder. I don't like it. But I can watch violent things, up to a point, so long as I'm sure it's not real.

Which "he" wasn't ready? The teacher? Or Bruce?

There's a guy in Germany does individual darkness retreats. Former student of Daskalos, I believe. Friend of mine did one, so I can chase it up if you wish. And, cloud, salvia isn't DMT. Different stuff altogether. Active ingredient Salvinorin A. Or something. I know nothing about this stuuf, mother, honest.

Sifu Yap Soon-Yeong

Can't really see what's happening. Looks like he's drawing a chessboard on a tortoise ! Perhaps wouldn't be my first choice if I had wild talents to demonstrate, but each to his own.

You've said before that your ming is to be polygamous. Bearing in mind this quote from you in a previous post.... ....how can you be scientifically sure that your ming is to be polygamous, and it's not merely that your restless, sensation-hungry, thrill seeking mind is making justification for the variety it wants?

The goal of my meditation is overall awareness, anchored low down in the body. We end with a rub down followed by a slapdown to return, if necessary, to having a body with outlines. To begin this process is not really letting go, as it takes some vigilance to keep the attention in the body rather than in a mental image of the body or away with the fairies. Anyway, I would suggest finding a teacher who can make you understand in simple terms exactly what each type of meditation will achieve and why you might prefer one over another. Then you will do what you do with more certainty and with more willingness to deal with the difficulties.

I'm interested in Max because the kunlun stuff appears to have a fair bit in common with the system I've been working with for the last 3/4 years. This too involves a lot of spontaneous sound and movement. To begin with, at least it's the only way stuff gets released, I'm told.

Interesting. I've been trying the bentonite, inevitably, since this thread came up. (if I wrote a list of things I've bought because they came up on this site it would be a mile long...) and just got some terramin yesterday, haven't tried it yet. Feel very strange in the mouth from bentonite, uncertain elsewhere. Bit smelly, slightly detox. Appetite reduced, if anything. The persuasive mouth pleasure of unsuitable foods also slighly reduced. A few random thoughts: 1) My teacher is surprisingly blase about nutrition. Always recommends simple rice and veg, actively despises hyper-rich supplements, green powders etc. His reasoning is that we have colossal untapped energy reserves stuck in us as blockages, enough that if it were released at a stroke it would blow up half the country, and that what we need is therefore not more nutrition to add to our blockages, but simply release. 2) I buy far too many interesting health products / foods, and with many of them I feel initial benefits, which fade before the bottle/jar/packet is half empty. 3) I wonder to what extent it is necessary to be able to feel the action of a product for that product to be working at all. Think about it: if you can feel what it's doing, it means you have awareness, and by implication not too many blockages, in the part of you where it's working. 4) I'm not sure about the clay. My feeling is that it's actually very useful, but I don't think I'm doing it right yet. Has anyone tried it as part of a larger process of fasting/ flushing and so on?

Anything that claims "the inner onion" is an objective fact is ok with me. And it's nice to see Dennis McKenna still reportedly functional, despite his apparent sex change. I've known serious Buddhist teachers, very anti drugs, to offer grudging respect for ayahuasca. Powerful stuff. Intriguing, very risky, terrible absence of non-plant guides. Fnord.

Everyone in your dreams is part of you. Apparently. And, good grief, will Cat and Sunshine please please stop flirting and get it on? I can't take the suspense. About time for the first Taobums marriage, isn't it?

I'm told evening is better (for the type of meditation I do) because one is less likely to be mentally making plans. But I always do morning, because I can be sure of the time, and by the evening I might be drunk or knackered! Would like to do both.

Don't stop it. It's a release. Good sign.

Thank you, Trunk. As so often after your posts, it makes more sense now.

I don't believe they do then have the qualities they aped. I believe they then think they have them. Which may be operationally indistinguishable, but not the same.

Interesting. I used to be a typical AFC. Then I went through a brief period of just having other priorities than relationships, sex etc. And during this time I met someone. And with her I find myself able to be a lot more confident and less inclined to take any crap. By no means 100%, I'm still pretty soppy, but better than before. And this has just arisen from the dynamic with her. I didn't have to pretend until I got the hang of it or anything. My opinion is that pretense is unethical. Because the universe is one. Pretense creates extra secrets, extra difference, extra separation. So by all means make someone find you more attractive by being confident, cocky, funny, whatever, IF you've genuinely got to a point where that's how you are. If you just pretend it, you may get verbally, posturally, even energetically convincing. But you're still riding for a fall, if you don't get spiritually confident first and let the rest flow outwards. Because only the reinforcing feedback will make you feel ok. And if it stops.... As ever, just my opinion...

Dude, you are indeed an earth monkey, as am I. How come you're so weird and I'm so normal?

Sounds promising. Have been in similar sessions. People actually getting rid of stuff. Not so sure about being frozen in place - karmic release is usually pretty mobile. But what do i know....

Thought: Maybe an overall decrease in war, violence on people, actually comes with environmental destruction, because with environmental destruction the negative male, false yang, whatever you call it, has found its real target, and can work on a massive scale against the most important female entity and does not have to piss about with petty cruelty quite so much. Eeek. That's quite depressing. Wish I hadna thunk it.

That's proper taoism, having a 110% field of possibility! I approve of that.

How varied is the quality of clays? I can't find anywhere in the UK doing Sonne's, in fact the only liquid clay I found on a UK site is this one. Anyone have any experience of clay in the uk?

Some thoughts: you say your body seems to tell you when it's time to ejaculate. How does it do so? What is are the exact syptoms that suggest something needs to change? Could that change be achieved other than by ejaculation? Might you simply need to purify one or more parts of your system to enable them to accommodate the circulating enrgy for longer or indefinitely? When you receive the message that ejaculation is needed, at what stage is that? At the last moment before it happens, or some time before? If the latter, maybe you do something different when you know ejaculation is coming soon. Maybe you need to store energy as well as circulating it, so that when you ejaculate not everything you've been playing with whooshes out. Or maybe do some still meditation, so you can find peace and tranquility within your usual high energy state. Then you might be able to find them during the period of low energy and it wouldn't bum you out so much. Just ideas.

Paul: I offer you this. It may be impractical, redundant, or unwelcome, or simply too little too late, but I hope you may give it a try. Sit reasonably upright in a comfy chair. Place your feet about four inches apart. Let your knees fall to the side, just let gravity take them. Pause a micro-second. Then with as little effort as possible, bring your knees back together. Pause another instant. Then let gravity take them again. Do nothing else, just feel the feeling of it. Keep going as much as you like. Four, ten, fifteen hours is not too much if you have the time. This brings a degree of relief to some, remarkable healing to others. Perhaps you need neither, I know not. Good luck, any which way. And thanks for all the reminders to enjoy pancakes. Ian