liminal_luke

Whew...I`ll help if I can. Rarely can this kind of thing be "figured out." There`s nothing wrong with analyzing spiritual literature, neuroscience, or the way our culture shapes gender roles. All of those areas of inquiry are fascinating on an intellectual level. That said, you can go around and around trying to figure out how all that bears on how you want to be as a man in the world and not get very far. You`re an intelligent guy, Soaren, and if this problem could be solved with intellect, you`d of solved it by now. I`d like to suggest something simple and difficult: be yourself. Cultivation helps greatly with this. If you have a feeling -- love, for example -- feel it. No need to worry about whether it`s a "dopamine rush" or whatever. No need to worry if the people in your life want you to have it or to express it or whatever. Just let it be. Whatever feelings you have are yours. You get to have them. If you don`t have a feeling, well, that`s OK too. Just be. There`s a power in this. You might find it`s attractive to people, perhaps especially to a woman you`ll want to be close to. To my way of thinking, it`s a very masculine kind of power.

Sources of calcium in common foods: http://www.dietitians.ca/getattachment/f739d485-d113-4a46-8122-eb2d33730c64/FACTSHEET-Food-Sources-of-Calcium.pdf.aspx

We`ve all got our political opinions -- and our opinions of those who think differently than we do -- but I think a little finesse would help keep these off-topic threads interesting and informative. (This comment relates to the title of the thread, not the content of the link which I didn`t read.)

I think you`ll find there`s room. Among other things, I reckon one of the qualities of an enlightened mind is freedom. Western Buddhists often use the word "spaciousness" to point towards this roomy quality. In the midst of life experiences that might seem constricting and full of conflict, you might trust that some part of you (what I call the future enlightened self) already knows how to rest down into peace and acceptance. Just holding that part in mind might help you bridge the gap between struggle and gentle understanding.

Not sure this would actually work, but in the great TaoBum tradition of pretending to know more than one actually, experientially, knows, I`ll throw out a suggestion: Cultivate a relationship with the future version of yourself that is already enlightened, and ask for assistance.

Sure you do. You`ve got your own way with words, but I couldn`t resist making my own (probably not very helpful) summary. Hope you don`t mind. Cantankerous charmer seeks intelligent ditch-digging woman for rainforest skinnydips. If you can bring home freshly caught fish and crabs, I can fry them up in a pan. We won`t go to the movies but you won`t miss them -- hanging with me is entertainment aplenty.

Self-acceptance goes a long way. It doesn`t mean that you wouldn`t at the same time like for things to be different. There can be a sort of paradoxical acceptance of the way you are right now along with an openness (however slight) to change. People can and do change all the time, and yet they mostly stay somewhat close to where they started out. In time, you`ll likely find your way to a limited kind of campanionship that feels right to you, without ever becoming a super social person. That`s OK - not everyone wants or needs to be outgoing. People that like to socialize, hobnob, and smooze are neither better nor worse than you. Just different. Enjoy who you are right now and be open to talking with others, as it feels good to you, a little bit at a time. My two cents. LL

Bah Humbug! It`s dark and cold and everywhere I go people insist on playing irritatingly cheerful so-called carols. Have a good time anyway. LL

“If you can’t regulate your own emotional temperature, you’ll regulate everyone around you to keep yourself comfortable.” David Schnarch

The most powerful ring (circle) of power money can`t buy...

Yeah, I probably shouldn`t pick on chemotherapy. I`ll admit, I`ve got something of a knee-jerk reaction against such medicine but I think there`s healing intent -- and actual healing in many cases. The situation you describe is a dire one, and you rightly object to it. I don`t doubt that it exists. And maybe there`s kind of a catch 22: some groups cloak themselves in a mantle of righteousness (not discriminating unjustly against others) as a way to disguise evil --and if you point it out you can come off, to some, like a supporter of bigotry. To avoid any such twisted confusion from the get-go, I`ll ask a root question: do you believe that racism and sexism exist and that they are social problems?

Oh, you mean chemotherapy? Anyway, that`s exactly the position we find ourselves with much of modern medicine, in my opinion, so I guess I shouldn`t be surprised if we`re in an analogous position with regard to many social issues. Anyway, here`s what I`d do. Switch doctors. Get second and third opinions. Explore alternative treatments. Arm oneself with information so as not to be at the mercy of so-called experts. All this and more -- just don`t deny that there`s a problem (racism, for instance) that requires some sort of informed, judicious response.

I think there`s two things going on. First off, we`ve got racism and sexism and all the rest. And I agree with Brian that it`s a problem that cuts across party lines. Second, we`ve got a reaction against racism and sexism which isn`t flowing forth from an emotionally clear centered place. How could it? When the body is sick it tries to heal with sometimes drastic measures that can provoke further problems. We don`t go from the sickness of hatred to pristine harmony in one fell swoop. Sometimes there`s pus. Sometimes there`s a dangerous fever. And occasionally a person dies from the fever rather than the infection. We`ve gotten so polarized with some people objecting to infection and claiming the fever is never harmful, while others object to the fever and claim the infection doesn`t exist. The wise physician, I think, acknowledges both.

Oh perfect....I was hoping for a thread in which I could (prematurely) declare my realization -- and here it is! So yes, if anybody`s wondering, as a matter of fact I`m entirely enlightened. I`d leave right now to join my egoless peers in the higher realms, but decided to stick around here on Taobums instead just for giggles. I`m sure you`ll want to know my secret so here it is: let go of everything. Everything`s perfect. Be here now. Well, that should do it.

“You don't think your way to a new way of living. You live your way to a new way of thinking.” David Schnarch

I`m not sure if this qualifies as "fake news" or not, because who knows whether or not it was deliberate. (Well, likely some other Bums here know, but not me.) Here`s my example: Hillary is a shoe-in to win.

I have no idea what gender roles looked like in Taoist society historically, but Taoism does have some basic philosophical concepts that might guide us today. First up, yin and yang. Both exist, both are valuable. Unlike segregated schools, they really are (somewhat) separate but equal. Within yin there`s a seed of yang, and within yang there`s a seed of yin. Extreme yin gives way to yang and vice versa. Just contemplating these basic truths of nature is relaxing. This is a great place to start when thinking about gender. It`s not about trying to be endlessly yang at all times as if yin didn`t exist and didnt matter. When yin and yang are both given their place, there`s mutual respect.

Enlightenment is over-rated, and I want to party now. How about you publish a selection of your TaoBums humor pieces, and we`ll have a book release party instead? I nominate TheLerner as bartender. Let`s do this.

Let`s have a big party with catnip and tequila. Maybe we can convince Taomeow to bring her borsht? I can`t wait. LL

Seems to me that declaring realization is always a dodgy affair. When mine comes, I don`t plan on holding a press conference. I might mention my enlightenment to a few select students and trusted loved ones; everyone else is on a need to know basis, and mostly they don`t.

Wow Silent Thunder...that first post was golden.

I read the link Brian provided and the science confirmed what I already suspected: explosives. Now I have other questions. Who wanted to bring down the twin towers? For what purpose?

I`m 51 and a therapist just told me last week that I need to forgive my dad. You`re 17 and right in the center of a family war zone -- forgiveness probably isn`t at the top of your to-do list. Still, if you can get started now you`ll have a terrific head start in life. Gentle acceptance of the foibles of ourselves and other people goes a long way.

Funny looking red marsupial seeks life companion. Open to inter-species dating but please no cats or rabbits. Loves walks on the beach, quiet evening at home. Bonus points for guys age 22, 30, or 43. No gym body but I`ve been told I`ve got a nice pouch.

I`ve always valued consistency in practice. Once I decide to do something, my ideal is to do it for every single day come what may for the next 100 days, ten years, the rest of my life. Yesterday a teacher challenged my consistency fetish. She said that what really works is pulsation: do something for awhile, stop for a bit, pick it up again. Thoughts and opinions?