liminal_luke

I´ve been privileged to have had some wonderful teachers so far, and all have them have also been very imperfect people. In my experience meditation doesn´t wear away human foibles, or at least not with any great efficiency. And yet, I do like myself better when I´ve been practicing a lot. I´m not sure practice makes me more virtuous, as it´s usually thought of. It probably makes me more of a character. Liminal

Intelligent, level-headed, and dependably good-willed.

What other people think of you is none of your business. RuPaul

http://www.traumaprevention.com

On a more mundane level, I think it´s (nearly) always important to have a balance of moving and sitting practices. The ratio may fluctuate but if there isn´t at least some of both... Liminal

While I haven´t developed any amazing abilities, supernatural or otherwise, from my limited Kunlun practice, I still happen to believe it´s a possibility for some. That said, I can see why someone teaching would want to play that possibility down. Superpower talk leads to rebound skepticism, negativity, students with skewed motivations for practice, teacher burnout.

Hi Audiohealing, I don´t think I have the answer you´re looking for but just wanted to say I don´t think you´re a horrible person at all-- or even someone with narcissistic personality disorder for that matter. I´m remembering a story I heard at a Buddhist vipassana retreat once. The story went that the head lama from Thailand came to teach at the US retreat center. He asked the meditators how long they could go before a thought came up and interruppted the silience of their meditation. When people said they could go a relatively long period of time without thinking--say a minute--he knew that they were just beginning students. The more advanced meditators couldn´t go more than a few seconds. It seems counterintuitive but from a certain point of view makes sense. The beginning meditators were so unaware they weren´t even aware that they were unaware. They were thinking all the time without noticing. The more experienced students had delevoped this exquisite attentiveness to their own minds and knew very well when even the most wispy thought arised. I guess I´m wondering if something analogous is happening to you now. Maybe you´re not any more narcissistic or egoistic or whatever than anybody else. Maybe your life is no more false than everybody else´s. But somehow you´ve got yourself in this place where even wispy little bits of falseness or ego pain you very deeply. You´re aware, and much of the time awareness hurts. I had a chi nei tsang teacher (taoist abdominal massage) who talked about "the price of awareness." How for people to heal they needed to be guided to put their attention (gently) into the exact spot that held the pain. To breathe into that spot. Well, nobody wants to do that. Everybody wants to go around pretending that spot doesn´t exist. For me growth has mostly been a gradual cumulative process, something that sneaks up on me. But I do believe there are those moments when we step over a threshold. We cross through the doorway and there´s no going back. Awareness can be like that. Sometimes you can´t make yourself not know something once you really know it. Which is a good thing right? Ultimately probably.. It´s the way of healing and evolution. But it doesn´t always feel good when it´s happening. Whew. Ok, just some thoughts which might or might not apply to you but I started and wanted to share. Hope you feel better soon. Liminal

Interesting info about the masa Taomeow. I´m living in Mexico where there´s a lot of delicious things made with corn, and trying to eat semi-paleo/ primal (a la Mark Sisson). Find it helps me a lot with some health issues as well as weight. At the moment that means I´m not eating any tamales or even the delicious handmade nixtamal tortillas sold down at the market. Will probably experiment with reintroducing those foods at some point though and see if it makes a difference for me. It´s so easy to get caught up in a certain food ideology rather than really listening to my body. Maybe the taoist diet is the one you come up with yourself--with some guidance perhaps from outside expert opinion--but giving your own digestive system the last word. Liminal

This is beautiful.

I know lots of folks have problems with imagination but it´s always worked for me. Easy to discount in the beginning perhaps as "just imagination." But given enough practice I´ve found that imagination does indeed become reality. Liminal

Taomeow, Not to get off-topic, but there was recently a thread here about whether or not IQ matters. Your story about how you researched your family members medical condition yourself and gained clarity about the proper course of action... that story proves to me that, at least some of the time, it does. Liminal

Hi Audiohealing, I can´t say of course whether or not you have narcissistic personality disorder. What I can say, is that most people with that malady aren´t nearly so self-aware as you are. Most people with NPD don´t have near the desire to change and heal. So your willingness to look at yourself and write the post you did is a great sign and bodes well for your healing in the future. Narcissism exists on a continuum. Most everyone is somewhat narcissistic at one time or another. It´s part of the human condition. And we can all work on ourselves and change. You ask whether you are capable of growth and change and the answer, no matter what diagnosis you give yourself and whether you are accurate or not, is YES. You can change, all the more so if you are willing to look at yourself and work on yourself. And it seems that you are. That´s something you can genuinely feel proud of. Part of narcissism is the belief that you are special. You are not special. Well, you are special-- but not in a special way. You are special in the way that all of us are special. Everybody struggles in life. You struggle in your own way, and it may feel like the worst possible nightmare to you, but other people struggle as well in their different ways. Some people suffer with terrible physical problems, disease and disabilities. Others are burdened with mental difficulties of various sorts: depression, anxiety, psychosis. Still others suffer with terrible external conditions--war, poverty, abusive family situations, needing to care for sick relatives, and on and on. These kind of struggles are part of the human condition. If you´re unhappy, you´re in good company. Everybody has been unhappy at one time or another. So take heart. You´ve come to the right place. There are so many wise people here on taobums doing all kinds of healing practices. You might well get inspired to take up a practice that you feel drawn to, that might help you become the person you want to be. I know it´s happened to me. Even more importantly, you have your own inner wisdom. Deep down you know what will help. And then there´s life itself which always presents us with opportunities to heal and grow. These opportunities might not feel good when they are happening--indeed they may feel like crisises, like nightmares--but they are steppingstones that can lead you into a better place. Perhaps life is presenting with just such a steppingstone right now. Take care, Liminal

Yes, almost all people are both kind and mean, loving and cruel, depending on circumstances. And yet I´m firmly of the opinion that we´re inherently good, not evil. Here´s why. What happens when we do the hard soulwork of gathering together all the fragmented traumatized parts of our being and become whole? We become more compassionate. You can´t be well put together on the inside, integrated and harmonious, without also becoming a more loving person. Evil is all about fragmentation. When we become who we really are that person always turns out to be good. If we seem evil it´s only because we have more work to do. Liminal

I do think it´s possible to change and grow. However, the more narcissistic a person is the less likely they are to acknowledge they have a problem. Liminal

If a person has an acute emergency such as a heart attack and goes to someone who "waves his hands around" they might die. If a person has a chronic condition and goes to a "trained doctor of medicine" they might die. Liminal

Here´s a really cool (imho) shoulder opening move from polarity therapy that quite literally gets into that energetically juicy area underneath the shoulder blades. Have the client lie face up. With one hand the therapist reaches under the underarm area and gently lifts the shoulder so that the shoulder blade is accesible. With the other hand reach in and position your figertips so they come right between the lower medial edge of the shoulder blade and the rest of the back. Then let gravity do the work. As the client relaxes your fingers should slip deeper into that space further freeing up the shoulder blades. Slowly reposition your fingers upwards to relax the upper part of the blade. Liminal

Certainly it's possible to pull off being happy without a lot of material comforts, but most people don´t. Some years back I traveled to the high country around Oaxaca and met this woman with as beautiful smile who just seemed so contented. It was an inspiring experience just meeting her, and I will always remember it. She lived in a small room with a dirt floor and had basically nothing by first world standards. Of course she lived on the side of this amazing mountain so that has to count for something. Since then I´ve met many other poor people here in Mexico, and I can tell you that her spiritual glow is the exception and not the rule. Liminal

This may not apply to you Owledge but for me it´s helpful to make a commitment to a practice and then let go, as best I can, of the results. Of course I always feel when something seems to be working or not. It´s just that I decide to persevere through those times when I´m not aware of progress. Liminal

Whaaa! I love a good escape from black magic cult story. Perhaps you should change your name to unwritten_abilities. (PS. I´m just kidding around so don´t take serious. Congratulations on your success.) Liminal

My partner´s cousin had some interesting insight into weddings here in Zacatecas, Mexico. She says that if you have a big, fancy cake everybody will think you´re stuck up. They´ll say who do they think they are to have such a big cake? If you don´t have a cake guests will complain asking "where´s the cake?" I think people often feel the same way about IQ. Liminal

Steve, Funny you mention those high-end Tibetan incenses and the olfactory rescue service. The Tibetan Medical College one was exactly what I was thinking about getting on the strength of the ORS recommendation. Sure it´s expensive compared to some other incense but still a bargain compared to the top-shelf Japanese stuff. Also, while I love natural fragrances of all kinds, my sense of smell isn´t really the best. I got some Hinoki cedar incense once (Baiedo I think) that I really liked when I could actually smell it. I had to be right on top of the stick fanning the smoke into my nose. My understanding is that the Tibetan incenses are less subtle? Liminal

I´d say living in a natural environment with access to good seasonal food and clean air--that´s the best. For people that don´t have that supplements and such, while clearly second best, can help bridge the gap. They are a tool that can support the body. And whatever supports the body supports the spirit. That´s what I think anyway. Liminal

Ah yes, Nag Champa. Haven´t burned any in years. These days I mostly go with the American Fred Soll incense, cedar and sage, that kind of thing. Thanks for the suggestion Soaring Crane. Liminal

Anyone try Spring Dragon Longevity Tea from Dragon Herbs? It´s basically gynostemma with other herbs (schizandra, goji berry, etc) infused in. Thinking of getting some. Liminal

This Is It by James Broughton This is It and I am It and You are It and so is That and He is It and She is It and It is It and That is That O it is This and it is Thus and it is Them and it is Us and it is Now and Here It is and Here We are so This is It