dwai

Take up Temple style Tai chi and dao gong.

🙏🏾 It’s funny that whenever “hard/easy” is brought about, they are considered to be in mutual exclusivity. The mind doesn’t like paradoxes...how can something be both easy and hard at the same time? Instead of difficult/easy, we should be looking to understand what is it we’re trying to realize. Otherwise we can spend lifetimes trying to develop some magical substance/ability/power and not ever realize that what we were seeking was already us

Bows back

How is distance a quality? And how is one “farther” away than another? Maybe you mean to use another word?

That is correct. I like to call it Self — because there’s nothing more intimate than it

Do you mean distance in space or distance in time (as in duration)?

What distance?

Ego is a component/function of the mind. All it does is attach identification of the Self with something/many things. I am a man, doctor, smart, good looking, etc etc. At subtle levels it will be “I’ve subdued the ego”. To defuse the ego related angst, ask constantly “to whom is this feeling/thought/emotion” happening to? Learn to recognize the physical sign of when ego flare up occurs. It will become clear with some practice when it, often even before it occurs. Then get started with the inquiry into who is experiencing whatever that the ego is doing.

Thought I’d ask, because sometimes this gets lost amidst the various interactions on this forum of challenges and responses, exposition of deep and poignant philosophy, and perceived slights and hurt feelings thereof. The ‘world’ continues to go to proverbial hell in a hand basket, while nature continues on without missing a beat. Do feel free to share your thoughts on how you are doing, amidst this spiraling vortex of changes. In my life, I’m at a threshold of big change professionally — on the verge of a sabbatical if things keep on the way they are unfolding. Personally, ever unfolding release and letting go. Love to all.

That is an excellent primer and manual. Thanks for sharing 🙏🏾

The sense of superiority IS rooted in fear. We mistake them to be two separate things. Fear is the cause, superiority is one of its possible effects. One might ask “why so?” Fear is a result of the self-preservation instinct. When we feel afraid, it is in order to protect something. At its core is the fear of death. But it can be fear of many smaller deaths too. The death of an identity we’ve held up as our “self” — let’s say you’re a really good artist. You identify yourself with your art. That is a function of your ego — “I am a great artist”. Then this ego looks around and sees another artist, and feels threatened, because it makes you feel that in order for you to remain good, you have to be “better” than the other one. This is another function of the ego — distinguish between “me” and “the other”. So out of fear of acknowledging that the other person might actually be a better artist, or just that your art is not better than their art, the ego ascribes a qualitative value. “Oh his art is expressionist, mine is fine art. Mine is better, his is just a bunch of random stuff without order or relevance or x, y, z”. So there we go — ego establishes a sense of superiority, so your identity as “great artist” can be maintained. This is the way ego works — it will do its level best to uphold whatever identity you ascribe to yourself. One might think they have acquired “wisdom” or “spirituality”. Boom! The ego kicks in and sets up a sense of superiority — “I know the real truth...others are childish/stupid/ignorant/less knowledgeable...” and so on the list goes. Thing is, we need to develop genuine honesty with ourselves to be able to overcome the ego. It’s better to say, “If I don’t know, let me acknowledge that I might not know. This way I can explore an entire world of stuff I can learn”. It happens at different levels and different scales. Part of our “spiritual process” is to peel away these layers of identification, until the core is laid bare - it feels vulnerable to the ego, but it is clarity. That’s why the sage considers himself a fool — he knows he knows nothing. And anything that is claimed as “my knowledge” is just a layer of artificiality that one attaches to/identifies with. Just some thoughts...thanks for the OP to allow us to explore this.

Yes. But who says “I”?

Who is this “‘myself”?

So would you agree that “ego” is a process? Our “mind” has four functions. One is the field of thought objects. Another is the storehouse of memories and impressions. Another is the intellect. And finally is the process by which the Self is identified with personality, skills, qualities, ideas. At the core of our experience is the sense “I am”. This is something you can directly recognize by the exercise - “without thinking, in a fraction of a second, can you tell me who you are?” “Ego” identifies this “I am” as “I am this” and “I am that”. Which leads to identification with body, mind, thoughts, skills, profession etc etc.

You have an idea about what it is, right? You asked for help in “reducing it” after all. What do YOU think the ego is?

it’s a very simple thing to unpack, in a stepwise manner. Do this thought experiment — Look at any object you find - say a pen. You see the pen, so you must be separate/apart from the pen. Now look at your palm. Are you looking at your palm or is your palm is looking at you? Consider that the palm is a representation of your body (what’s true for the palm is also true for all other parts of your body). If you say that you are looking at your palm...that means you are not your palm, the palm is separate from you. You are not your body. Now you see your palm with your eyes. Close your eyes...you can’t see the palm anymore. But you know when your eyes are open and when they are closed. Where do you know this? In your mind. So the activity of your sense organs is known by your mind. Now visualize the palm in your mind. You are now aware of your mind — which is nothing but a series of thought objects, as is the image of the palm. So you must be different from your mind. You are not your mind. You know when there is an object in your mind (thought) and when it is not there in your mind (just before you visualized the palm in your mind, it wasn’t there). In a similar manner, consider the equation 2 + 2, you know that the answer is 4. That is your intellect. You know when the intellect is operating, because it gave you the solution to the problem. If you know/are aware of the intellect, you are not your intellect — but something apart from It Now eat a piece of fruit. It gives you pleasure — you enjoy the sweetness. That is an emotion — pleasure. You know it. You also know it’s absence. So you are something separate from it. You are not your emotions. Do the same for your ego. You are aware of your ego. Since you are aware of your ego, you can’t be your ego. Now investigate on where this “you” comes from.

Look within to identify who/what is aware of this ego.

Find out who recognizes this ego and the ego will disappear

Why does it have to be this way? Why do you HAVE to get something more out of this than what you already have? You have the clarity that she’s not right for you, so then that should be sufficient, right? Sit quietly, in solitude, and calmly introspect your reason for wanting this. Is it lust? Is it revenge? Or is it something else? Only you can answer this for yourself. To recognize your power in this situation and abuse it, is oppression. If you do this, you are no longer doing the right thing — you’re taking advantage of this girl, and her parents are trading her happiness for some perceived advantage. Ask yourself, if this is what you would want if this girl were your own daughter? None of us here know the entire story, only your side of it. All we can do is advice you to walk away without causing more damage. There is always a choice to make the right decision — transacting on something for sex is not a good one.

This explains the process in which the One appears as the many

I’m but a mirror myself — you see what you show 😜

This reminds be of two very verses (translations, so won’t rhyme like the original) from The mystic Kabir Das — What use is it to be a tall if you’re like the palm tree? The palm tree neither provides shade, nor fruit to help the weary traveler who passes it by. Speak such words that soothes the heart of those who listen to you, as well as yourself.

That is very sad that you look at life in such a mercantile manner. Is that all a relationship is to you? An opportunity to have sex and procreate? Let me ask you, do you have a spiritual practice? What does your spiritual tradition have to say about this kind of mentality? Imagine if people treated the important women in your life in the terms you just expressed - possessions, commodity, sex as a currency, and so on. Does that seem unpleasant (to put it mildly)? Remember, what we put out into this universe, sooner or later will return back to us. The wise will put in compassion, love, goodness. It doesn’t matter what others do, we must keep our flame clean, and burning with love and kindness. Let go of this desire to possess or to seek revenge — I think @silent thunder said it best — your best revenge will be to learn from this experience and live a happy life, when you find the right person. Looks don’t last — the body will become a bag of bones, sagging flesh and wrinkled skin with time. What matters is the person who the body belongs to. How loving and kind their heart is, how empathetic their mind is, etc etc.

They are fine exemplars of revolution. But they followed the path of non-violence and were low on rhetoric. Also, their actions derived from positions bereft of (the need for) ego gratification. Most revolutionaries are heavily driven by emotion and anger — not a good thing from a spiritual point of view. I think it was Gandhi who said, “hate the sin, not the sinner” — if we can work from that level of discernment, then it’s fine. Mostly what I see today is either rhetoric or violence in the name of social justice — clearly doesn’t seem to be coming from a place of equanimity. We’ve seen such tragic activism more often than not — Marxist/communist revolutions, Islamist and other radicalized religious fanaticism, etc. I can think of others such as Sadhguru, Sri Sri Ravishankar, Amma etc who are working on socio-economic projects and “revolutionary” movements (eco-activism etc) without the least bit of angst and melodrama — just quietly doing work at the grass-root levels. Not just that, but sagaciously dealing with opposition, vitriol, skepticism and carrying on with their work.