rain

No. Not really. Just at the kunlun seminar. I was just too prepared at the workshop I think. And working overtime juggling my left and half brain too support incoming visual tactile and auditive data in order to assist a very cautious heart. I was workin overtime with my dissonance-receptivness. Too preoccupied in my mind, thats all. I think what I'm trying to say is...either it flows or not. I never believed in moving energy with the mind to make it circulate in the orbits. And I was already fully aware of what was going to happen there. I have been to baptist ceremonies you know..they count on sentiment, the seminar on mongolian surprise. After some years with spontaneous and fixed qigong energy moves by unconscious mind. I dive into and out of but drop every conscious trace whenever it surfaces. I do not care for the minds instructions and no need for sentimental emotion. Surprises is souvereign though. It is a state of surprise. The stances and the form lets it happen. The first thing several yeas ago when I started with the medical qigong an early childhood disease reapeared and was released from the system, and since then I have not been ill. But now it seems like I am adressing deeper genetic unbalance in the sceleton and there is much resistance in the deep tissues. I am constantly aware of this pain..cast back in my mind, I am looking for a way to move through it, working with aligning the whole body. The blockage seems too strong to release with the kunlun. I am intuitively going for a future natural blend of dynamics and standing spontaneous qigong..come to think of it I was already there a while ago, but let it go...reminds me again of how it is so easy to drop it once it is created..and why? beginners mind is an art. This is affecting the surface layers too. That is why I go to bodywork sessions. I try to find out if surrender is easier in a dialogue with someone else. Something fresh. Look I already told you I think mind is doublebind and bullshitting. I was looking for a trickster. Ok thanks a lot cat for asking and this chance to ramble.

no cat. I am saying that I am an uptight mind control freak. ...

yes, I totally feel where you're at. horrible. horrible. I scream and laugh "forced" until it takes off when I feel like it together or alone. whatever. or laugh spontaneously. Thats a favourite... . There was nothing forced with the kunlun session, just sweet moves, only that Max emphasizes that the ones with least mental control and those who are most sincere, or..least *experienced* are the ones that are most likely to "succed" in "surrendering", and to me this means that this is a service rendered to those who, ironically need it the least. the trick is the trick. we cannot surrender what we have not. there is double bind in all mind. mind is madness. and if the show in addition is perceived as "false" there certainly won't be no give ins. The mind wants control either with left half or with right half, the servant wants to control the master. So I figure, do the dynamic breathing in the gunging zanshuang until all there is is body energetic sensation no mind, even if it takes hitting the floor en face. emotions? mind? let it come. I'll start with plain "fuel &mechanics". I have to start all over again.

please define "quite effected adversely".

Oh yeah? So what are her exact teachings in this dept? I thought you just talked on the phone and are yet to meet? I dont want to add more "maybe", I have plenty maybe. Force/[i]Regiment[/i] Emotions :-)..? Force/Regiment[/i]...Anything? What is wrong with the force?

i'm doin the hip yshakeshake the best i can. i didnt fall over at the kunlun. i was standing before he came. now im ordered to do standing dynamic meditation 30 mins every day. "But if I pass out?" I asked, "what if" he answered. "are you determined?" he didnt say, dont do it. or dont't sue me. head above water? i hope not..

This is very interesting and important, why is it so? I have been wanting to understand those mechanisms better, do you know how/where one could possibly learn more? it is perhaps a question of experience? or do you know of any written source?

Boomboom heart. My absoulute favourite place on earht is underneath a giant old birch tree on the island at the coast. I have a "chair" that I climb into, and under the branches above the ground I enter absolute happiness. That old creature has been hit by lightening and looks rather weird without a big stem in the middle and the roots are eating the lawn. This tree makes all bad things evaporate.

Gosh I loved to reread your experience. In the light..of the Light that Gracefully shows itself I humbly embrace both happiness and tears.

thanks for your links. will do so. a friend of mine is moving to the southwest. going to see people in chiang mai too. looking forward to visit the markets and cook too. mm!

agree

mm..nice thank you mouse. she looks softer and younger than me, but I'd love to have a go if she is available where I'm headed. where's she located? I'm going both north and south this winter.

Yes. I've had many unpleasent moments in zoo's. Remember vividly two big beautiful cats, a tiger rushing alongside the glasswall, 30 cm's from me and the kids..like an insane machine..repeating the movements endlessly, back and forth back and forth, the natural flow of his body eating away into tiny muscletics and that glassy mixed look of resignation still broken by seconds of surfacing natural lifeforce. rodgerj "My teacher was a woman who taught me how powerful surrender really is. I spent years forcing energy in and around me and that did no good. When I learnt to surrender I learnt to love and became closer to my real self then I ever have." "It is unfortunate that our ego's try and shape everything to fit our expectations. " Interesting stories about mammals. Very different conditions. One story is not about mutuality, natural circulation and balance. The right to exert flexibility. quote a.h. almaas; "We just said that kundalini is an aspect of essence. This is true, but in a very specific way - in the sense that kundalini is a true energy, the energy of essence. However, kundalini is usually not seen as an aspect of essence because it is energy. Essence, in the strict sense of a word, is our being, It is the very substance of existence. Essential aspects exist on the being level and not on the energy level. Now, is there a way to activate essence in such a way that it would keep manifestingone aspect after the other without being interrupted, then our solution would be found. And in fact, there is a way that will do just that. That has to do with a certain essential aspect, that of space - space, the dimension of emptiness, the dimension of the void. If a person can experience space, the essence will manifest spontaneously, one aspect following another." The aspect of space is, just like any other essential aspect, related to a certain sector of the personality. Dealing with thsis sector, which has to do with self image.., will easily prcipitate the experience of space. This in turn will activate the descending force, essence, in its various aspects.The presence of precise knowledge about this aspect of space, along with the presence of the teacher who embodies it or whom embodies all aspects, will lead easily and quickly to the realization of this basic openness.This is because the issues concerning it, those connected to self image, are usually close to the surface of consciousness of the individual." "For an example, let us look at the sector relateed to the aspect of will, and so at the individual who has conflicts around castration, impotence, confidence in himself, self-reliance, need for support, and the like. Such conflicts and psychological issues govern his relationships to others, his actions in his life and his feelings about himself. If he manages to resolve these personal issues, he will come in contact with his true and essential will. Then the manifestation of the aspect of will in him will spontaneously eliminate all these conflicts. He will experience a sense of true determination; he will feel confident in himself; he will feel self-reliant, potent, powerful and able to supprt himself in the way he needs. He will, most importantly, experience his essence directly in the aspect of will. He will not feel he HAS will, he will feel he IS will - he is the support. Now suppose this individual is the disciple of a teaching which emphasizes surrender.., and he is feeling impotent and dependent. He is having problems with the sector of his personality corresponding to the aspect of will; he lacks will. He goes to his teacher or guru for help. The teacher being true to his teachings, advises the disciple that he needs to surrender to God's will. He needs to let go of his wordly concerns, of his personality. The teacher tells the disciple that he needs to be in touch with the aspect of his essence having to do with surrender . the part of his being in which his heart melts.. Now what will the disciple do? His need is not for the aspect of surrendr. His exact need at the moment is for the aspect of will. His life, his situation, his mind, his heart, are all crying out for confidence and determination. But his teacher tells him he needs surrender. He loves his teacher. He trusts him. He believes in him. But what can he do? Here in a nutshell, we see the dilemma. No wonder nothing happens, but obviously nothing happens, exept frustration and more suffering. The teacher looks at his disciple, sees him doing his prayers, but can also discern under the surface that he is fighting, trying to assert his will. The teacher tells his student he is only pretending, that he is not really surrendering, non trusting. It is true that the disciple is just pretendint. But he is in a bind.His essence is approaching his consciousness with the aspect of will. Yet his guru who is supposed to be the representative of essence - ...exhorts him to surrender. The teacher has his heart open, feels surrendered to God, and truly believes his disciple needs the same thing, needs to surrender his will. It is true the disciple needs to surrender his will, or more accurately, attune it with reality. But first he must have his will. Then it is possible for him to surrender his will."

aaaw thats nice such fine memories. happy birthday to the poet.

Spectral Moon day 4 Year of the White Rhythmic Wizard kin 237: Red Electric Earth I Activate in order to Evolve Bonding Synchronicity I seal the Matrix of Navigation With the Electric tone of Service I am guided by the power of Birth R thanks Yoda.

I had a yin yoga instructor in thailand and felt very smooth and relaxed after class like you. Many of the exercises were similar to the ones I have been doing all my life, and those are hatha yoga poses, so I am a bit confused as to what is what here, same with the Zen yoga, some of those poses are also a part of my daily hatha yoga routine. Are you still working regularly with the chi nei tsang?

ok Son. G. ok. u. do not send me more PM's about how you disrespect & like to jerk off on my fellow TaoBums no need no more you got me & you must be feeling just fine now *shug* so ban me. thanks for your sweet support folks.. but he's right also, I really lost it.

joining the line here. James' posts are much appreciated. I was going to say something about silence or speaking..an hour ago lol but digressed.

that one day smoking actually is going to be good for me....? Yup, and another one..."INSIDE we're all the same". Really.

Hi Im stuck. After filming since february I have a lot of material I'd like to publish. uploaded on YouTube it becomes a pixelled waste of no use. Worktool is Sony HD/AVCD 6.1 mp handycam. Im new to this but this cam is good so everything is crystal clear when I watch in windows media player or realplayer. The films are stored as Mpeg & high solution (too high I'd say) but I cant find a place to shrink it in either program, seems like that happens automatically when uploading? Maybe this is the problem, they are compressed to much? I dont get it and feel really stupid. Please, do any of you understand what I should(nt) be doing?

reflecting..I find the word "snailmail" just wonderful. I think I may choose the .....snailmail ..........snailmail............ slooooow mooooves nooooo stress.

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_kWcZHWPXE0U/RuyC...ing%2Byoung.jpg

causality - domino or ricochet ? effect - pinpoints between these?

seriously hair raising like no plan no goal? like not tapped in and tuned out?