Sloppy Zhang

Non, here's what I see: You go on and on about how you're worthless and blah blah. You're absolutely convinced that is the truth. Then someone comes along and says "Non, you're hopeless, and will never succeed with anything, you'll even fail at suicide." And you respond with "shut the fuck up, you don't know me." If you REALLY thought you were worthless, you wouldn't get angry when people told you that. You respond with sharp words because someone hit a soft spot. Someone struck a nerve. And you need to ask yourself- why? Where is that response coming from? Because somewhere deep inside of you, you don't think you are worthless. And you need to do something that will let that aspect of you out. And excuses like this: Aren't helping you one bit. Every time someone has given a suggestion it's "tried that, didn't work." or "that's not true" or "I'll never do that, that's not me." Yet you claim you try, but you never say what you do. And you've admitted that what you've tried isn't producing results. So you need to do something different. And as long as you keep coming up with reasons for why you can't try new things, you never will, and you'll never get anything new. And until you recognize that, and make a commitment to making a change- be it meds, therapy, getting some self confidence, working out, hanging out with people, getting rid of your fears, evaluating your thoughts, etc etc etc, you are going to waste you time, the time of everyone who has been trying to help you so far, and, worst of all, you will be wasting your life.

Many thanks to both of you for the wonderful explanations!

*whispers* pssst, taomeow, what is ganying?

You know Non, I'm really trying to help. I've been following your posts for a long time..... but really, nothing seems to be working for you. Or rather, you don't seem to be working for anything. But maybe this is the answer. Maybe you need to get frustrated, and maybe even a little bit angry. You need to say "fuck you" to the people who tell you you're worthless. You need to say "fuck you" to the people who judge you. You need to say "fuck you" to everyone who says you shouldn't live life the way you want. You complain about being less yang. Well get fired up. Get more yang. Start working out. Get more yang. Start approaching people. If they turn you down, whatever, on to the next person. Something doesn't work? Fuck that. On to the next thing. All I know is you have to do SOMETHING, and that something has to be different than what you are doing now, because what you are doing now is obviously not working for you. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different result.

And what tells you that 1) they even regard you as pestilent to begin with and that 2) your death would solve other "poor souls" from bothering them?

And how exactly are others benefited by your death?

You even reading what I'm writing? If your goal is to cultivate, that involves becoming balanced. Suicide will not balance you. It will only set you back. You want to get better relationships, meet people along the way as an added bonus? Or at least figure out what's going on with you and women? I'm trying to tell you, from what I know from experience and I see all around. Suicide doesn't help with anything you've ever brought up.

In the past he's floated the idea that higher powers are speaking though posters... So, you know, if he stays on the forum, then he can live a fulfilling life where he can interact with the Gods and Outer Dimensions. Maybe?

Er, that's not necessarily true. But if you aren't willing to actually look for that person, than you will never find them. A very interesting person told me "you miss 100% of the shots you don't take". You'll never succeed if you never try, Non. And if you quit after a few failures, then you'll never know success. So Taoist lovemaking, the insanity of women and the modern dating culture have nothing to do with that, do they? Yet they are obviously a big deal for you, and you must work those out. You don't just "find" it, like you "find" a shiny rock on the forest during an afternoon stroll. At least, not in my experience. You work and you fall, and you fall, and you work, and you fall. You've got to work at it. You've got to do something. You've got to look at yourself and all of the things that you don't like. Like the Tao, threads flow. But we can't name each thread "the thread that can be explained is not the true thread", now can we? Well as has been said, you have to care for yourself before others will care about, or for you. Not just women, but PEOPLE IN GENERAL can pick up on someone who is self loathing or resentful, someone who sabotages their own lives through damaging beliefs. People don't want to be around that. They don't want to accept someone like that into their lives, because it is unbalancing to all. So yes, you need to have balance, or at least well enough on your way to it in enough aspects of your life. And part of that means some self appreciation so you can appreciate others. So it's not just a bunch of generic phrases thrown about to frustrate you or leave you with no clear path about what to do. But YOU must take the steps.

And what I, and many, many, MANY other people have tried to tell you DOZENS of times- that is not always the case for every person. Which is why I told you to find someone for whom your little scenario is not the case- or, as I originally put it: This. So, Non, I'll ask you AGAIN: What do you want? What are you short, mid, and long term goals? What are you doing, what have you done, and what are you willing to do to get there?

So how old DO you have to be before you have sex? Huh? You gotta be prepubescent to have sex? Is that too old? Really? Are you actually reading what you are saying? Or *gasp* find someone who actually gets to know you before they fuck you, as in, willing to have a relationship based on, oh, what's the word, RELATIONSHIP! Again, you'd be surprised how much people are willing to accept if they find YOU to be accepting of yourself AND them. If you took the time to actually build relationships with people outside of the projections in your mind, you'd know this. Okay, so how about this (warning, misogyny and douchebaggery to follow) : practice girl. Find a girl you really don't care about. Not particularly attracted to, not someone you particularly know or see on a daily basis. And, well, practice on her. Practice talking to her. Practice jokes, pickup lines, and your sexual techniques. As an interesting note, a lot of people find they get along great to women they AREN'T attracted to, because they aren't freaking out about every little thing he or she says, and that helps things go naturally. But, hey, if you don't find true love with her, well she's just for practice. Once you're a stud, break up with her and get together with someone who really matters. Then you won't be a virgin, and you'd have already gotten all of the practice you will need! I'm 21. How old are you?

Non, if your logic was actually correct, and the explanation for how things worked in the world, NO ONE would get laid, because you need experience to get laid, but you can't get experience without getting laid. Yet people get laid, now don't they? How do they do it? How do they get experience? Same way everyone else gets experience in every other field: by DOING something! WTF is that even supposed to do? The suggestion for the escort was to get you laid so you can get over your ridiculous mental block about you not having any experiences. It's extreme, yes, but the root point is that you have to do SOMETHING that will break you out of the cycle that you've trapped YOURSELF in. If you don't want to go get an escort, you don't have to, but for fuck's sake, do SOMETHING! You keep saying that you do stuff, but you never tell anybody what you're doing or what you've done, and it has obviously NOT paid off, because you keep talking about the same old shit! It's getting old. The thing is, most people DO realize this. The turnoff for people isn't that the other person is not perfect, it's how the other person DEALS with that. If you act insecure and defensive, people wonder what's wrong with you. If you don't let it affect you, people like the fact that you are comfortable enough accepting your own faults that, hey, maybe you will accept their problems too. Well duh. I got Chinese food the other day, and my fortune cookie fortune said "they can because they think they can." Maybe you should think about that when you ponder how all those virgins all got laid over and over again until they became those rock hard studs that are getting all of the chicks. The fuck? Where are you getting this stuff? I figure the only reason someone here would tell her something like that is if she routinely came by with the same threads that you do, and had refused all of the advice that had already been given. And you are blocking yourself from people by judging them based on what your own litter theory is, rather actually, you know, getting to know them. You don't think that women will act any differently. Yet you are a man who admits that he does not think how all the "other guys" do. So if you're a man who thinks apart from other men, why can't there be women who think apart from other women? When you attempt to apply your little worldview to, well, the world, it falls apart rather quickly. The sooner you see this, the sooner you can let it go, and the sooner you can start to do something constructive with your life.

Yeah, there is, in all of the dozens of ways that people have suggested to you in all of the dozens of your threads- start working out, like your body, start going out, hang out with more people in general, get to know some women, work on relationships in general, and, if it's really THAT important to you, when get sex any way you can. But really, you're going to have to work on the underlying problems. Because even if you have some sex just to have sex, I highly doubt that it'd help with your relationships in general- "yeah, I had sex, but it wasn't real" and blah blah blah. But do what you feel you have to do. And women can say the same thing about guys because they all only want the super skinny big breasted bimbos.

TheTaoBums- Taoist Singles Dating Site I can see the commercials now..........

So that means we won't be seeing you around the forum anymore then, huh? Oh well. It was nice knowing you!

There really isn't. There are plenty of accomplished teachers all over the world from plenty of different lineages/traditions. Unless you actually have contacts in foreign countries, with a destination and a goal locked in, you probably won't be doing much else besides wasting time and doing practices you could be doing in your own country. When you have overcome the teachers in the states, let alone some of the teachers on this forum, THEN I'd suggest you think about going abroad. But if you get to that high a level, I'd think your path would be pretty clear already.

The whole "building muscle destroys flexibility" is an urban legend that was floating around Karate circles in the 70's. An attempt to maintain the whole "traditional is better". Then somewhere down the line, intelligent people slapped themselves in the face and realized that correct workouts can actually IMPROVE flexibility while building muscle. No need to run away from the facts of science just so you can hide in your tradition. Find a physical trainer, or ask around here for how to build muscle but stay flexible. Where have you heard this? I am a man, and have never heard this. None of my other guy friends have ever heard anything like this. Where is this coming from? Okay, sorry, I must have missed something.... how EXACTLY will suicide help other people? How exactly is committing suicide life after life helpful AT ALL? I don't encourage suicide, I've made that pretty clear. But for someone who brings it up a lot, you don't have very clear, articulated reasons for why you should do it. Which makes me think you don't REALLY want to do it, but like so many other things, it's an easy out.

Well I try not to get too bogged down in labels and words and stuff like that. I go by the feeling of the situation. So I suppose someone could look at something like "yin" and "yang" and say "that means 'female' and 'male', zomg gender but I am LGBTQ!" But I for one really don't. Maybe I am insensitive? Maybe I just don't care about something that doesn't affect me? Maybe I have transcended? Whatever. You've got a force going up and a force going down. Up has bees associated with "male" and down with "female". You got "in" and "out"- "female" and "male". Does that mean it's gendered? I don't look at it like that. You're still going up and down, in and out, no matter where you fall on the LGBTQS spectrum.

So then how do you try? School? Work (risks with that have been discussed)? Family? Friends? How do you try? What have you tried? What's wrong with the "cold approach"? Nothing tells a girl that you're interested more than walking up to her and trying to start a conversation. If she's into you, she'll make it easy and the conversation will flow. If she isn't, you'll know pretty damn fast that she doesn't want you around.

See? This is one of those things you do when people give you advice. Get out. Meet people. Get to know them. Acquaint yourself with reality, and you'll see how silly some of what you say sounds. But since reality would destroy your preconceived notions, you react as you did above. Liberate yourself.

Embrace it. Feel it. Enjoy it. It means you're human. It you're heartbroken over an individual, wish them well. Be honest with yourself and them. If it just doesn't happen, then it doesn't happen. Wish them, and yourself, well for the next time and move on. Don't linger.

Well if you are a strict materialist, that gives you nothing. If you hold to life after death faiths, most of them look down on suicide, so chances are good you'd wind up in hell. If you believe in a karmic reincarnation system, you'll only be put right back in with the same (if not more!) problems as you have now, since you didn't resolve them in this life. You might be worse off, as you might not know of resources like TTB's in your next life. So whatever way you think it, suicide doesn't help anything. Do you practice anything? If so, what? If not, what do you want to practice?

So then what practices do you have, and what practices would you rather have, to escape from all of this?

But you said you don't want to just get laid. That you don't want to have meaningless sex. So what do you care? Sex is not inherently immoral. Being in relationships with women is not inherently immoral. Having fun is not inherently immoral. Being a good person does not make you unable to have any of those things. So what methods do you have, and what methods would you rather have?

I saw this, Non, and thought of you: Then I came across this quote: "We've got no place in this outfit for good losers. We want tough hombres who will go in there and win!" Admiral Jonas Ingram, 1926