MnM

Wow, I really loved you post. So informative! And I'm gonna read it couple of more times. Beautiful.... I think the reason why I had no problems with Mantak's system is because I never liked putting pressure on myself to achieve some goal. I took time and closely observed what my body was telling me. There was ups and downs, but never really problems. For some reason I've always been intuitive. As a matter of a fact, in the beginning I was convinced that visualization is necessary, but then feelings and sensations took over and I just let them. Seams so natural. Also diet is one of the most important things in my life, and I really love cooking, so naturally that lead to interest in Macrobiotics. Thank you for all references you gave me, and I think I'm gonna do more stillness meditations and then proceed to fusion and kan & li. Then will see.... And I'm gonna check out all of the stuff you recommended also. Michael Winn especially! I like him. Now, there is just one more thing that I need to find way to deal with.... I had that problem since I was a child, but seams that now as I progress more and more every day, it becomes bigger problem. I need to learn to shut other people out of my head! I feel them all the time.... I know what they think, I know what they feel, and let me tell you, people are not nice.... I often feel poisoned by mere fact that I cannot just shut them out. In the past that was interesting, and made so much easy conversations with certain people, and somewhat cool to be able to know what they are gonna say.... But now I am older, I got my own things to deal with, and I don't need other people pulling me into their world. There is some exceptions and I like those kind of people, but largely number of the rest is just not good for me. And most of a time I feel like just receiver sponging loads of bad vibes. For instance, just last year I worked in a hospital for nine months, and from that experience, it took nearly a year for me to recover. I did learn more control since then, but not enough yet, because it still bothers me. Usually when I'm tired, exhausted, worried or something, then I have crisis... 'Got to learn to deal with that.

Thank you Trunk and Little1, you said some pretty enlightening stuff there, for me. Both of you are totally right, and you helped me to distinguish some things already. I've learned something here. As you said Trunk: That is exactly what I'm feeling, and I think that meditation will give me results I'm seeking, because I often drift in some kind of meditative state, all by itself. Interesting thing is I always feel refreshed afterward. Your links gave pretty good insight in what direction I should lead myself.... And Little1, you are so right! There is always feeling with me, that my internal alchemy needs one more step, in order to work. And that is that felling of "not being satisfied with yet".... Because I always been more spiritual than anything else, and all purpose why I even started with practicing is because that is what seams to correspond with what I need. I would really want to know more on Kan and Li. Thank you both

Now, see, that has no any sense what you said there.

No, no, you are humoring me.... You see, I don't think I remember the last time I ejaculated, simply don't feel need for it. Porn has never had any connection to that. As for climaxes it seams to me that sometimes 10 in a row is little for what I can have at certain point. Sometimes just looking at my wife. Again without ejaculation, but in my whole body. But that is not a must. And I practically always feel I'm full of electromagnetic energy, which cause all sorts of sensations in my perceptions of reality. That is priceless to me. And I'm macrobiotic, which means that balance is everything to me. Universal LOVE has always been my guide....

That is really funny, man. Thank you, but I prefer to guide my desire to where it needs to be. And I don't underestimate anything. To many trial and errors spoke to it. Somehow I don't think that I have a problem with heart not being open up....

Meditation is definitely something I need, because all of this stuff is from some emotional part of me. Physical/energetic part of the equation is something I learned to deal with. That is not a problem. It helps that my wife is very understanding and fully support my practice (hell, that is something she loves about me the most, and I don't think the sexual side of it). So the best progress I made, I made with her. I feel, that my mind is so expanded right now, and becomes more and more every day. I'm existing all around myself, and occasional baggage like this is really funny to me. So I guess that next logical thing for me is meditation with breathing. It's just that I'm so new to meditation and still figuring out how to menage to still myself for a certain period of time in order to meditate proper. But 'guess I made the hardest part already. Do you have some advice how to proper do this....?

I think you are right. Whenever I'm doing this it helps. To some extent anyways. But from time to time it comes back. Now, this is not something I want to indulge, because I feel so much connected to life without it. And that always sands me few steps back. 'Guess it could be habitual.... In that case persistence is essential, and that I'm not lacking of. I'm devoted to love.... Just have to refine it. I'm always learning....

I'm not letting go anything man... More so because I feel that my energy is not developing fully in that way. I made it this far, most of a time because of stillness, and have no desire to go back. Also I don't consider myself 'attached' to desire, although I love how that word sounds. And whole purpose of my post above "is" because I feel I need more spiritual development. I get your point, but I already know all that. Now it is possible that my knowledge of terminology is not good as yours, but somehow I don't think that you gave me something I could use here. After all, any progress I made so far, I made by myself and reading. Not because I want it like that, but because of a fact that here where I live it's not possible to find anything even resembling a teacher. Practical stuff is what I'm interested here. Can you give me some good advice on practical side of this subject? Oh, brother.... another one.... Tantric sex master? Are you serious? Another example where Somebody ask for advice, and get load of preaching.... I bet you just waited to say something like that to somebody.... You are wrong "my friend".

You should listen these guys. I might ad that it should not be a problem, because in the beginning you could experience pain in head and chest, because of the energy condensed and stuck in those parts. You should work on opening your chakras, in order to circulate energy through them. Anyways, those symptoms should not last more that 2-3 days. If continue, be careful...

I've practiced Tao for 6 years already. At least I've tried... And all that time I wish I could know this place even exist! Can't hardly wait to dig in this knowledge. Thank you, and Hello to all!

O, and for RunningMan... Macrobiotics is philosophy of life, based on Yin and Yang. Food is very important part of life, and I always looked upon that, like on very important part of the Tao. I know you are new to all this, but you'll see... Tao of food and Tao of love are just small part of the big picture. It all fits together, because one without the other can't exist... I'm steel learning, but if you stick with this place, you can learn allot. MnM

Thanks Yoda, I will definitely check those two out. I'm thinking that all this time I was in search of Yoga and Tai Chi to put whole that energy in perspective. It seams to me like whole my life I feel great amount of energy circulating around me, and I am always in need to go with it. I was hungry for pure energy, or life as a force. It makes me feel good, like part of something bigger than me... Retention is great way to grow that energy, and now I'm in need to transform that into something... I don't know, I feel like there is the next step. Thanks pal, MnM

Thanks man, this really means allot to me.

Oh, I eat meat alright. Macrobiotics include meat once in a while. On the side of that, I'm more than satisfied. It's just on the side of retention, that I want more. There is allot of stress in today's life, and often my thoughts become confused. It would be such a relief to be able to see some practicle stuff, preformed by other people. I mean someone who practice retention and have knowledge of meditation. I've looked here to find complete guide for retention, but with no luck. 'Till now retention gave me so much energy and stamina, and that is perfect, but I feel like it should be more of divine experience.

Yeah.... The thing is that I'm disoriented now. Retention and it's proper use is my greatest concern right now. I mean, I'm macrobiotic, 6 years now already practicing retention, never had any complications, pains or something, but I always felt that could be done much better. I never ejaculate, that much I can control my self, BUT... Something is missing.... I feel....