Cameron

It's so interesting when you start to cultivate and become more aware, awake, conscious whatever and then can basically be more with your feelings. I have never done therapy as I said so can't comment on how it may be helpful but it's like just being aware on a day to day basis of how emotional trauma arises and how to be with it and give it whatever attention it deserves or let it go or whatever it needs to do. Like just now, I am hanging out with my grandparents who are visiting from NY. And my grandmother who of course is very old fashioned and very family oriented goes why havent you gotten married? This miscellaneous family member of yours has gotten married and I am angry your not married yet. So, forget that I havent met the woman yet that I would actually want to legally marry and live with and spend my life with, forger that for now, just the raw emotion of someone telling me they are angry at me that I havent done someting in my life I am supposed to. And it's not that often you here that, but it's this whole useless guilt trip some parents, grandparents etc lay on there kids. Your not good enough, you havent achived such and such. Probably when your younger you take all that critisizm and either intenralize it or go to war with the attacker or provoker or whatever but now it's like I just sit and smile and go yeah ok. Don't even give any energy to this critisizm of my life by a family member who loves me but really has no clue. So I can sit and be with the emotion and then go home and do a few minutes of intu flow and process it. I guess if I was in therapy I would go my grandmother is unhappy with me because I am 30 and not married so I am not a good boy or whatever. And maybe he would ask me how do I feel about it? Probably there is some anger there, some animosity that someone would be upset at me for not being on some percieved bullshit time clock of theres. The fact that I would just sit and smile at whatever instead of make a strong point that I am in no rush whatsoever to get married. And even hold the possibilty that I won't get married and defiently won't get married under any percieved pressure. So after I said all that I would pay my $100 or whatever? I'll just pop a Tao in a Bottle smile and try to let it go. Actually whats so bad about having emotions be as they are to begin with? Or is the therapy giving you a sort of intellectual understanding of your realationships you would miss otherwise? Cam

Highlight clip of one of my favorite MMA fighters Wanderlei Silva. http://media.vidiLife.com/video/2005/12/1/112964/240756.asx

He is! A picture of Wand with one of my best friends wife.

LOL@calling every other qigong program a waste of time. I wouldn't buy anything he sells on that statement of arrogance alone.

I know. Damn family members and once in a lifetime ceremonial events. Reminds me of the weekend I had to skip Winn's dream practice retreat to do one of my other sisters graduation. I guess I can get the flow fit DVD atleast.

I bet no one even watched that show. *starts telling people he does Muai Thai*

The full version. http://www.youtube.com/w/Brazilian-jiu-jit...&page=1&t=t&f=b They all deserve to be choked out IMO.

"Ime struck by how gay this display of gayness is". That lady and her expression watching BJJ is pretty fuckin' funny though IMO.

Well, Ime out. I just double checked and my sisters wedding is April 22..same day. So obviously I can't go. I mean, I would but it's my sister and it's her wedding. Damn, this workshop looks really good, I would have liked to check it out. Sean! I want feedback after?!

I think his take on the internet as being equivelent to colonialism and raping the land and leaving it are a bit overboard. The funny thing is, I would most likely never have found out about this workshop if I hadn't checked out Ken's site like 2 weeks prior and saw it on his online schedule. Then told Yael about it(She may have known about it but never said anything to me or perhaps would not have spent the money to go). So this interivew most likely would not have occured without the internet. It would have been funny if Yael had respectfully mentioned as a counterpoint to Ken that he would not be enjoying the delicous cakes and delicious tea and having a nice conversation if not for the internet! Atleast he could have conceded that the internet is a great tool for spreading information.

Pride NYE highlight. Funny music. http://media.vidilife.com/video/2005/12/29/196346/226394.asx

Thanks so much Yael. And I hope this is ok with Ken.

Well, I think what happened last night is I was drinking beer and took TIB which was not good for me. I basically was up all night. No more mixing TIB with alcohol. BTW, I was implying that you were more on the expansive side than contracting. Though I am sure you have your moments like we all do.

I was just thinking about this topic recently. I was actually having a conversation in a dream with someone about it I think last night or the night before. My dreams have been insane lately..sometimes really good sometimes really fucking sick. Here is what I have read. I think I first read this in the magazine "Tricycle:The Buddhist Review" like 10 or 11 years ago. Basically what they said..and I was talking to someone about it in a dream last night or the night before..is therapy is working on the story of your life. That you were born in such and such a place at such and such a time and a and b happened to you and your Mom and Dad were loving or unloving or controlling or didn't care or whatever and you did this and that. And it is working on working those things out for you psycologically. So that you can feel better about the story of who you are. I am not sure this is totally accurate I havent gotten into therapy and some teachers I respect alot like Ken Cohen seem to think therapy is a good thing but that was what the zen or Buddhist/Taoist dude was saying. Now, spiritual practice, the article went on to say, is not working on the story but working on that thing that transcends the story. The thing that is unborn and does not die. You probably can get a sense of this listening to those Adyashanti retreat cd's that he is getting at trying to awaken you to something that is beyond your personality. Or your ego. Or the person that you are in this lifetime. You "wake up" from the dream of the ego/seperate self identity that is a kind of prison for your personality. Then when you do this the personality you have is just a kind of funny(or not so funny) not self so creation that is pretty much held together through the minds discriminating activity. I can't explain it the way he can but basically it is way beyond just making you feel better about Mom and Dad or your childhood or your Wife and kids and job. Not that that isn't important probably it is but probably one is way more profound then the other. My guess. Since we are on the topic..does anyone else get this really tense sense of contraction from people who are really into themselves or there own ego? It seems that those who are more awake have this more expanisive sense to their personality that isn't contracted into this something. I got a sense of this from master Yoda hanging out over Thanksgiving but even some so called high level Buddhist or Taoists have this kind of contracting energy that is always sort of giving energy to the ego instead of always expanding out and opening to new possibiilites. Not that I never "contract into my ego" myself but it is intresting how with more energy work I am starting to actually sense and experience how people do this on subtle or not so subtle levels.

So Ken doesn't return your calls? I say just post it unless there is some really controversial stuff you need to ok first or something. If you can find it again that is

Just at work. At home it looks great. But I probably don't need to be visiting my favorite internet sites at work anyway

It's still wide for me. Brand new Dell computer.

Why do I not have this at mine?! http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=19...924287704&q=mma

Looks good. Much easier on the eyes IMO. Cam

Fedor. http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-4...1996320&q=fedor

I don't want to dis your design bro I work with interiror designers all day and your a computer designer so respect the artist aspect to it. But I think the old look was better myself. If it's just me don't worry no big deal. Maybe you could put up an anonymous poll on the main discussion what backround color to use? I think just about any color would be better than black for this type of board myself. Maybe a little black dashes here and there with the red but all this black with a little red and white is a bit overwhelming. Again, I work with people who make there living talking about colors going together and spending big money for little things that make it more aesthetically pleasing if no one else cares I'll just learn to accept your brave missuse of color.

Ken Cohen, BK Frantzis, Sun Do. I studied very briefly with the Shing Yi school of the late Kenny Gong. Very cool people but I don't have time to do that with everything else right now. Seems there are quite a few local teachers in most major cities if you look around. I remember in Atlanta there were quite a few Taoist groups and qigong classes. Here in Az there are quite a few people around also. I am sure California and NYC are full of teachers.

Oh yeah...haha.. * has momentary flashback of injuring knee and 3 months of inactivity from doing Omaplata incorrectly*

Oh you better work on mastering " The Twister" because you are going to need all the skillz you can get to ward off my takedown into side control! *does gentle Intu Flow knee rotations with right fist clenched*

It's like 75 degrees outside so it's hard for me to relate to the whole winter thing It's not that big a deal but I personally would vote for the blue over the black yes.