Shelbeth

I went see a priest today to get some answers, and a force inside me wanted to lash my body at him and tear him apart from limb to limb. Luckily I controlled myself, but I have felt this way for many many years. Sometimes when I was younger, I felt a force inside me wanting to murder my family, or bring on some kind of physical harm. I love my parents and would never do anything to harm them, but some force inside me wanted this to happen. As the years passed, I felt the same way about my wife (exwife now), my children (very sad) and sometimes strangers off the street. I have been in psychiatric counseling for almost 10 years now and my therapist concludes the psychiatric condition is called Borderline Personality Disorder, but now I'm not so sure. Let me explain: This force inside of me does NOT want me to be happy or live in any kind of peace, I know this, because I have felt it, almost like it is communicating it to me through some kind of subconscious communication. When I feel a sence of happiness, or peace, this force sabatoges it for me. It's hard to explain, but it's not me doing any of this, but some force inside of me that is out of my control, almost like a subconcious actions taking over---this is the best way to explain it, but still not accurately precise. I'll go into a fit of rage at loved ones, have no successes in any kind of romantic relationship, lie to my children about their loved ones for personal gain, find joy in challanging God, and cursing his name with the F word included, etc. Here's the most compelling thing that happened today. This priest that I visited today went into a blessing for me, and the more intense the blessing got, the more I felt myself going into a black-out, feeling uncomfrotable with being there almost to the point of wanting to run away screaming in embarrasment, etc. I began to shake a little bit uncontrolably, I couldn't look at the priest straight in the eyes when he mentioned God, Jesus, or the Holy Spirit (like I was ashamed of being there to begin wih with), and when he annointed me with holy oil, I felt myself back away from the table. Here's the wierd thing, I was fully aware of all that was happening, but couldn't control myself, but I also felt myself drifting away into a semi-black-out while this force was taking over. I envisioned myself punching the priest in the testicles, and I actually thought it was funny, and laughed about it, but it wasn't me, it was something else controlling me to do so. I started to feel a language, almost Latin, creep into my head and was tempted to say these words, but I didn't. I was doing everything possible to control myself, but still couldn't stand any moment of being there, I was ahamed of being in any presence of God at all. Please help me find some answer. Am I crazy, or am I the victim of a demonic possesion?

Just wanted to introduce myself

Just to add a side note. I found a few websites declaring that Borderline Personality Disorder and demonic possessions are much in the same. This is scary to the naive, but I feel it to be a load of BS. One the other hand one thing I feel that is so scary is that the Devil ITSELF is the master of lies and manipulation. "the greatest trick the Devil performed was convincing the world IT didn't exist" If this is true, then why couldn't it be true that the Devil throw a bunch of confusion our way in the form of psychiatry and psychology, etc. as a way to distract us from ITS plans of worldwide dominance? I don't know about anything anymore, and I'm not even sure what is real or what is faith based. I'm so confused anymore, and I want to turn to God, but I really feel like he's either too busy for me or he is preoccupied with someone else. Maybe, just maybe, this is what the Devil wants from me....to confuse me in this way. If this is so, how do I fight him off? I've prayed to God, I've prayed to Jesus, I've prayed to the Holy Spirit, I've prayed to the Virgin Mary, I've prayed to all the saints in heaven, and last but not least, I've prayed to Michael the AchAngel to all help me with this battle I'm suffering with. One thing I am proud of though is the fact that no matter what the Devil throws my way, I have survived it, THUS proving that I am stronger than IT! I've even tried praying for the Devil and telling IT that I love IT and have compassion for IT and want IT to find peace the same way I have struggled for peace....because Jesus stated, "Love your enemy"....SO who is more of a bigger enemy than the Devil? Should we pray for IT? I've laid alot on here and am looking to either open some eyes, or just looking for some help for the ranting and ravings of a possible lunatic! I've already went to a priest, as per my first post in this thread and asked for an exorsism....the priest informed me that he would have to consult with other members of the priesthood to determine if this is a case with merit, or a mental disorder. He did however start a blessing for me, and this is when I had my experiences.

How do you take out a personal space? Is that using a BLOG? AND How do you even begin to cleanse your spirit (soul) by ridding myself this demon? I have tried so many times, and have fell flat on my face. I'm not a quitter, and will try anything. I have prayed so many times to God to take over my soul and cleanse it, and to help me get rid of whatever forces are at work to make my life miserable, but so far no successes. I'm not that desperate of a person, but now I am very desperate to be happy and full of peace! Please help!

No this is not a joke, I swear to God almighty it's not. I'm a devout catholic and have been for some time. On another note that someone replied to, inviting a demonic pressence in to take over the pain, I was younger and feeling a sence of overwhelming pain, and said outloud that I would sell my soul to the devil to be happy, and not to feel like this for the rest of my life. I didn't mean it, as I was only a child, and was testing the validity to it to see if it actually worked. Just to make sure that it didn't work (in case it did) i replied back a couple weks later that i surrender my soul and spirit back onto Jsus Christ and give no power to Satan or other evil forces to my soul because I was a bit spooked and didn't want to test this validity anymore.