doc benway

The winner has been informed!

One word that comes pretty close to an antonym for lonely for me is "supported." The common thread to loneliness seems to be a lack of support. That support can come from a host of sources - self, others, place, object, memory, or even concept.

Thank you to all who participated and also to those who chose not to! The lucky winner will get a little extra surprise along with the book. Cheers y'all.

Many forums exist which are based on some authoritative interpretation of spirituality - Daoist, Buddhist, Christian, Muslim, as well as those which choose to define proper and improper practices like Qigong, Neigong, Yoga, whatever... Perhaps you would prefer to interact in such an environment Aletheia. The tricky part is making sure you, or one you happen to support, establishes that authority, yes? I suspect part of the reason Sean established this forum was to free us from the bias of an authoritative position on spirituality and practices. All we have here is an authority empowered to enforce non-abusive behavior. Some of us can't even handle that...

He gets to decide what he shares with the group, not you. What's messed up is stalking him in unrelated threads. Let it go.

Me too - we're fortunate to have you as a member of this community. Yes, but only if you want to. When you've had enough, give it up. A few needy egos take up nearly all of one's moderating effort. They haven't reached a place where they can see or accept their responsibility in the conflict and that tends not to change. It can sour the experience here over time. Eventually I found that they weren't worth the energy and time and gave it up. I'm not proud of that but it was my reaction to the experience of being a moderator. I have great respect, appreciation, and gratitude for anyone who volunteers to moderate. If you can't get along with the mods here, the problem is in you, not in them. I think most members see the truth in this.

I love his movies and appreciate his passion and his genius. I have no experience with his methods.

I think that there is a time when we require effort and will. When life is a series of events causing thoughts and emotions that drag us up, down, and around, effort is needed to restrain and guide. Commitment here is invaluable. That commitment is an expression of the small ego self (the mind we would say in the Tibetan paradigm). With practice we can let go of effort and rest into it, the deeper, pervasive and expansive will (or wind as we would say). If we can simply be the divine will, the nature of mind, Dao, pick a label... nothing more is needed. If we cannot be there effortlessly, varying degrees of effort and commitment are needed. Eventually, we can strive to completely release the small ego self, the mind. The less that remains, the more fully we are expressing the divine/Dao/nature of mind.

One of my practices is to experience and connect with silence. We are very accustomed to listening to noise and sound but we are not used to listening to silence. When we first start trying to listen to silence it can be challenging, the mind always guiding us to something more defined or filling the silence with the inner dialogue and impressions. There comes a time when you begin to really hear silence. As the connection to silence becomes clear and stable, the presence that is aware of that silence dawns in a very powerful way. I'm not much for trying to explain or define too much, I prefer the experiential side. The relationship between silence and energy seems to be similar to the relationship between form and space. From a non-dual perspective they cannot be said to be different and yet they are clearly distinguishable. I would suggest that silence and energy imply one another and contain one another. It is the perceptive and interpretive faculty of living beings which tease the two apart in a never ending act of creation.

The true nature of the dominion of the Dharma Is not a field of practice for words. Those who are deluded cannot understand. The Buddhas of the past, Those who have not yet passed on, And all the Victorious Ones who will come later on Are indivisible from the All Good Vajra, The god of the gods, And they are present as one. For this reason, We do not move from our natural purpose. Everything that appears among the Dharmas of the many things Is divided into an enumeration from the one. The totality of the Dharmas is without divisions. When we know one, We also know them all. When we understand one, We also understand all of them at one time. The totality of them is indivisible. They are the state of the sky. ... The Bodhicitta is positionless. Its true nature is indefinite, So it is not present as a unity. It encompasses all things. The Bodhicitta is not something to search for. Its virtues are perfected in itself, So it arises everywhere, Without having a location. There is no practice of the Bodhicitta. Everything is subsumed within it, So it is the spontaneously realized reward That we do not work toward. From the Royal Tantra on the Brilliant Diffusion of Majestic Space - trans. Wilkinson

Here is a nice, concise teaching by His Holiness:

I've got a few ideas for charter members...

Spiritual bypassing can be good and bad depending on the person and situation. If my life is a miserable mess and I'm endlessly buffeted and controlled by thoughts the first step is to get to a place where I can see that there is a different way to be. At this level, spiritual practice is no more (or less) than a balm, like a hug from a loved one, but it is necessary to get us to the point where we feel that we have something we can rely on to support us when things get bad, a refuge. When we develop enough personal strength and confidence, that is the appropriate time to begin to let go of spirituality as a tool for self soothing. Then we can use that refuge to support us as we dig into the deeper baggage that can be really painful and even harmful. There's a reason why we suppress and repress things - we are not strong enough to deal with them. The advice here is not to force someone to face these things when they don't have the tools or confidence to face them, it is to help them to develop those tools and build that confidence. Then they have something to work with. So I wouldn't be too quick to dismiss spiritual bypassing. It is an important part of the process that eventually, for most of us, can be let go. Some people may never be able to reach that point and it's OK. Having a spiritual guide is extremely helpful to determine who is ready to go deeper and when. If we do it on our own, it can sometimes be problematic. Certainly there are those who are ready to work with the difficult stuff and are either afraid, unmotivated, lazy, whatever... and for them spiritual bypassing is an obstacle, in and of itself, to growth. I wouldn't be too quick to condemn it across the board. I recently heard Thich Nhat Hanh talk about psychotherapy in a way that made me really take notice. When we go to therapy, the first question tends to be: what's wrong or what's bothering you? What would it be like to spend the first few sessions looking into what's right?! What's good in your life? How often do you take amount and allow yourself to feel gratitude. If we were to emphasize what is working and supportive for a few weeks or months, it seems like we would start in a much better place to begin looking at what is wrong and what we can change. At least then we have some idea of what tools and supports we have to stand on when we are facing and trying to change the bad stuff.

Thanks oak, very kind of you to say that.

A few thoughts - My approach to qigong/taijiquan/neigong is not to force but to feel. When we first learn a routine, whatever it is, there is a process of just learning the movement. That can feel forced certainly, that is natural until we are comfortable with the external movement. Once we have a handle on the external movement, it is time to let go a little. It is a matter of simply inhabiting the body as it goes through the motions. Similarly, it is enough to inhabit the breath - allow the body to breath and simply be there. The most important fundamental principle, IMO, is to remain connected to the body and breath. That connection is simply feeling what is happening in the body, breath, and mind as it happens. Connection is not forcing, connection is not daydreaming, connection is not being in a trance. If it is difficult what moving, try connecting in a simply and comfortable standing posture. I always recommend becoming familiar with standing before moving. Once you are able to stand and rest, and simply be in the body, and feel the body without excessive distraction; then it is time to begin moving the body and maintaining that connection. Relaxation can be felt by first tensing the muscles - very tight, then letting go - that is relaxation. Song can be felt by first allowing the body to totally collapse - completely flaccid, then assume a posture, any posture. Finding the balance between tension and flaccidity, structure with minimal tension - that is song. Effortless effort is not a term I find terribly useful. There is effort, there is less effort, there is no effort. In the beginning, it is fine and necessary to experience effort. Don't struggle with it. Do what it is your intention to do with whatever effort is necessary. Be aware of the effort involved. Can it be lessened? Gradually, the degree of effort can become less. Over time, we can find a place where we are exerting very little, if any effort (consciously) and yet the state we are in (meditation) or the motion we are in (qigong, taijiquan) simply goes on and we inhabit it. I've got to get to work but I hope that is of some value to you. Good luck!

Sorry , that number is already taken by someone in a PM.

Well said I like the Adyanshanti quote except for the second line. No question for me that my practices are connected to being better and happier. That's certainly not the ultimate goal but as I can let go of the ignorance, the identities, more frequently and more completely, no question I am better and happier for it.

Many indigenous cultures had multiple genders and were entirely OK with homosexuality, bisexuality, asexuality, transgender... It was the Abrahamic religions who introduced binary gender rules, particularly in the North American continent.

Ever notice our tendency to publicly decry characteristics we sense but repress in ourselves? The latent homosexual who is maliciously homophobic, the philandering politician preaching family values, the seeker synthesizing Daoism, embryology, history, and music who sees everyone else as absorbed in New Age b.s.? Always good to have a mirror close at hand... and to use it often.

I ignored Drew for a while simply to be able to get through more of a thread with less effort. At the same time, I want to work with my own impatience and tendency to be dismissive. So it'll probably be a bit back and forth depending on my mood. But I'm enjoying the thread and feel some love. _/\_

I think others see it too. No question that Drew is intelligent, insightful, and passionate about his chosen area of focus (as are others here).

Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj

In high school I cut a class and thought it would cool to throw a snowball at the window of the class I was missing... The snowball was a bit too firm and the window a bit too thin and it shattered.... No more throwing pebbles at windows for me!

I have found it extremely valuable and eye opening to notice my tendency to want others to see things the way I do. I see this so much online. I see it in our political dialogue. I see it in myself. I see it in all (most) of you. I think it is natural and normal but easily distorted and exaggerated. It can undermine relationships and doesn't seem to be of much value to anyone. If someone wants to see your side it takes an active choice to do so on their part. Nothing I say can cause another to be open to my viewpoint. I think the motivation can be multifactorial - - I want to help others to see the truth (as I see it) - compassionate - I want my own view of reality to be correct - fear based There are times when I'm not at all aware that I am doing this. It can be quite subtle and annoyingly obvious. With practice, it becomes easier to notice the tendency and address it. Over time, my intellectual addiction to being correct lessens and my ability to develop and maintain relationships with others and expand my own potential increases. It may seem a bit contradictory at first but it is true - when I let go of my view of the truth, I have the possibility of appreciating and more expansive view of truth. My own son really helped me with this. He pointed out to me once how, when interacting with him and others, I have a tendency to always share my own perspective (not to mention my voracious tendency to debate, question, and correct others in line with that perspective). I replied, what else do I have to share but my perspective? His reply was along the lines of - you could try to see the other's point of view, try to anticipate their needs, ask more questions, try to imagine what it is like for them to experience the issue at hand. I know my son is empathetic and insightful so I was able check my ego, accept his criticism, and really sit with it and look deeply at myself. It was a revelation for me to see the truth in his words and has been helpful to my relationships, especially my marriage. When we tell others that a particular practice is right or wrong, when we criticize and insult things or people they find valuable, when we invalidate or correct their positions, when we yell at them by writing in giant, bold font letters and demand that they read or listen to what WE have to say over and over... we are really demonstrating the narrowness of our own perspective, our insecurity, our lack of openness, our inability to consider that there are alternative realities and truths. There are infinite perspectives and infinite truths. There are truths that are completely contradictory. I apologize if anyone feels that I am calling them out but I am pointing this finger at everyone reading this as we are all prone to this by the nature of our psychology and physiology, myself included. I would challenge everyone here to share rather than preach, to offer our perspective rather than fire it from a cannon, to try to expand our own perspective by being inclusive and collaborative rather than competitive and dismissive. The wider and more open my perspective, the more inclusive and supportive I am of others' perspectives, the closer I am to truth. If I can't open myself to alternative perspectives, I will never know anything more than my personal, limited point of view. To the extent that I can cultivate empathy and the ability to see and feel what others see and feel, my own perspective has infinitely more potential. This site has so much potential but I so often see it undermined by narrow-minded bluster that serves no purpose other than to reinforce our own ego, which is antithesis of the Dao and spirituality in general. With a little introspection and self-observation, this place could be a very supportive community. It's sometimes discouraging to see the bickering. It may not matter to some but it certainly tends to push me away and prevent me from sharing more. Rant off...

I knew that! Agreed