Owledge

I did deal with rainbow and purple ideas and imagery a lot lately, so maybe that's that. Then again... What's cause and what's effect, right? If I have strong protectors, then I feel overprotected, and when I get too much of that state, I'd wish for more support. Life feels too much like serving a prison sentence. The sparks of intellect in me are flying a lot and I see my potential, and the inability to manifest all that creativity creates a painful gap. I might also see something enjoyable but recognize this is so me, so something I could have done with my abilities, but not in my situation, not with these cards dealt. Feels like such a waste. I spent so much of my lifetime trying to figure out what I want to do, and when I finally attained powerful certainty, the path to that had damaged my ability to put it into action, to 'just do it' and attain a minimum amount of success necessary for sustaining the drive. At times I gave in, believing that I need to move closer to that I am in tension to, to accept it, allow it in, get dirty to bridge the gap a little and make things easier. Adapt, integrate. Guess what: Suddenly all doors closing demonstrably. If it's a mistake, not even given the opportunity to make it, even if I'd be happy for that kind of opportunity. And things where I could follow my nature without compromise... fake opportunities. Usually other people not being able to agree with that. But among the generally few remarkable experiences I had, I also got consistent feedback that when I knew what to do and followed those priorities, others who went along with it benefitted, too. A magical and spirit-nourishing experience in an ocean of pettiness. Even rarer the experience that I am stepping out of line in communication and the other person neutralizes the energy that I couldn't resist sending but wasn't really happy about myself. What an amazing experience to see it working the other way round for a change; that there are people who can be unusually strong in the face of me being unusually weak. Well, as for my failed attempts and all, I recently heard something that might sound cold, but it kinda vibed with my experience at the time: "Don't corrupt the host to pacify the parasites". Not a new lesson, really. I've kinda been beaten to it all my life. And it's not like I could corrupt it just like that. If there's one thing I'm afraid of, it's moving from being able to live with myself but not the world to being able to live with the world but not myself. Then I'd have become what everybody else wants me to be, with nothing of me left.

With the things that sometimes happen it can be difficult to not see it as a very personal experience, but I guess this is one of several outlooks one can assume. Maybe it becomes a personal experience when lived that way. I'm more like just observing interactions and trying to navigate, and trying to figure out what's going on. So I'm probably moving around between the two views. In the end it doesn't seem to matter much how I see events, they happen and they have an influence on me. Someone hurting me hurts regardless of whether I take it as something life directs at me or just random noise. If you want to live instead of die, you gotta play the game to a certain degree. (Adyashanti even advises to fully dive into that for liberation.) The realization about not having certain people around - as mentioned, all too aware of that and struggling with successful execution for years. Get away from them? Where to? Where are not more of that type? There's so much bullshit that people will pretend all kinds of stuff and create false hope. And yes, big lesson: Experience everything. Most sincere and truth-honoring state of being. All the mind's perception are illusionary; emotion is the only real thing in the experience. But again: When I share my joy, it doesn't always grow. Sometimes I suffer another crippling scar. It's just there, killing a part of the light in me, and I cannot do anything about it. I notice some things that many people would react with fear to are invoking contempt in me instead. Like it angers me that someone would attempt to hook me into their game of weakness. I had to learn that kindness for takers is like trying to fill a bottomless jar. Not the kind of feedback they are karmically asking for. Not compassionate to pamper that. Not doing a service to humankind as a whole. But this course of action is ... again - personally inconvenient. Doesn't win friends easily. But one wouldn't want to be 'friends' with a taker anyway. The process of sharing is indeed more powerful than the intended purpose of many words, which are like a carrier wave.

Due to my deep aversion for bullshit (it's deception and thus rude), I'd say there's little of it working in me, and while I have become careful about doubting my self-knowledge too much, through ayahuasca I also kinda became aware that when I move the viewpoint above the mundane and to the 'highest' vantage point, everything is bullshit. I also consider that there might be bullshit that doesn't occur to me as such because it doesn't cause any harm according to my understanding. Generally I am (for some reason) not afraid of discovering flaws in myself at least on said mundane level. That became maybe my greatest flaw, hah. To give you an indication of my mindset: I have more respect for people who do bad things but know what they're doing than for those who are doing bad things and are too cowardly/weak/convenient to admit them to themselves because it's so easy to just believe otherwise. I guess you could say they are adding something very dangerous to the collective consciousness. This is also along the lines of what Malcolm X wrote; that he preferred the open racism of the South over the covert racism of the North. Malcolm X, too, was very focused on sincerity and truth and even told his biographer to undo some flattering censorship of him.

@Spotless Seeing that you allow yourself such detailed judgments without having seen more than in this thread, you should consider there might be projection from you. It's a lot of preachy clichée talk, but what you don't know is that I drove myself into despair and exhaustion over wanting to purge all that crap until ayahuasca asked me how long I want to continue creating stuff to purge by believing there is more. Life has given me consistent lessons about false modesty and how it was induced. (Does that make you uncomfortable? Caring for such was slapped out of me. Everybody has a different path to balance.) My moving into higher frequencies backfired. The whole reason I am where I am is because of what came before, what happened. Bad things happen to good people. Your view is quite convenient by being blame/judgment-based, too. Comparing influences from trees to influences from people is kinda disregarding the differences, those very differences that create problems. Being caught between a rock and a hard place is a thing.

Thing is, I don't feel drawn towards secluded nature (which might be relatively affordable but come with downsides), but just to have a realm where I can run things my way and recharge my batteries and be uninhibited, so that I can interact with society from that place of having my basic spiritual needs met. But that can be totally out of reach. And any compromise of those needs quickly leads to a situation where I would merely exchange problems and end up investing considerable resources to be, in total, no better off. I did that in the past, and with each attempt all my resources got drained further. The new things I learn on such paths usually make things even harder. (Maybe not even really new things; more like more painful reminders.) Oh an ayahuasca told me I shouldn't take it anymore because that was part of believing something is wrong with me and keeping that self-defeating reality alive. I dunno, maybe this is the ultimate advice the brew can give anyone eventually. Kinda seemed like that. But hey, you can only trust that stuff as far as you can trust yourself, right? Hah.

"Sometimes" "for a bit". When that works, when cultivating positive feelings, the 'reward' usually comes swiftly: Heart opens, gets stabbed by miserable people ordered by their inner demons to fight such an expression of happiness whose contrast causes them discomfort. The presence of weak character is not some theoretical imaginary or purely perceptional stuff. It comes with solid actions. Be surrounded by such company and you might die by a thousand (or sometimes much less) cuts. Why do you think depression is an epidemic? ... Because depression is the last remaining option when neither fight nor flight are available. And that situation is the growing problem. People go into hibernation mode on emergency battery power and when that depletes, they die. In that state often only active skillful external influences can turn things around. If those are absent, one can only hope for some spontaneous spiritual breakthrough, but that's not common. And when such a person dies, everybody who participates in creating those conditions is a little bit of a murderer.

People are too stupid to see how their selfishness harms others and themselves while cooperation would benefit others and themselves. It is because they conveniently give into fear and fear makes stupid. (And intelligence without social intelligence is crippled.) People tend to take life seriously if they experience/witness misery. Must be that stupid self-preservation thing. What you call lions may be hyenas. Actually treat them like lions and see them seek refuge among lambs. I am subject to harmful influences by people who refuse to wisen up, and those influences impair my ability to function and to have any hope of removing myself from them. I realize that in order to handle that, one would have to harden and then would start hurting others. Such influences can be like a suppression field. Removed temporarily, the difference is gigantic, but without cumulative impact lost when the influence returns.

Negativity: Weak upside to strengthen against the downers, thus left with trying to curb the negative influences on me, since I see how they're growing. The negativity is all there. If I had a stronger upside I'd probably just pay less attention to them, like so many others in blissful ignorance. That selfishness kinda pains me, too, because it creates suffering. I respond well to positive influences, but even there I've often ran into ugliness. If the pleasant stuff is all just makebelief, then people are cowering in a corner, praying for the demons to go away, which instead invites them in. Doubt: I have strong confidence in my abilities. I don't have confidence in the world; based on experiences. I tried to see things differently, but that only provided more confirmation, painfully. I find myself unable to walk a path that in the past has already caused misery to me. I could explain it with being tuned to a certain high frequency on which I can accomplish great things, but below that not much is happening. Or a race car engine: Needs high octane fuel to run without damaging itself, but then able to win races. What's especially disheartening me is seeing just how many people buy into a competitive slave machinery instead of living cooperation. Game theory is not a new thing, but few seem willing to practice it. It's so much easier to be afraid and to use that as motivation/justification to feed on others.

Eventually it dawned on me that I wasn't so much damaged as suffering under the resistance to all the damage around me and that damaged people had with partial success, due to emotional peer pressure and psycho games, convinced me that I am the one with the problem, the bad person. I used to be quite aware of that, but more recently had forgotten that I was. I realized I've always been a bright kid and that my misery had grown on the contempt I had for so many people around me based on the things I saw in them and an inability to integrate that stuff into my being. (It seeped in to some degree, but that was minor.) People called me an egotist, when I was just observing and adapting. They had learned the bullshit game easily while I was practicing the egotism necessary in such an environment without a bullshit facade, and that made me appear not only as a competitor to them, but as an easily attackable competitor. Collectively shunned for refusing to become a phony and for seeing their game. P.S.: Bloody hell! This forum has those stupid round avatars now, too?! (I could write an essay on all the dumb things web design is spawning.) The Dao Bums destroyed my howly octagon. Give it some more years and forum posts will be wrapped in speech bubbles. This is what uncreative people do when they're bored. ... This is actually a good side topic, another example, of how difficult it is to live when stuff gets more insane and messed up. It's just one small thing in a whole line. (Algorithmic auto-fill of black bars in videos is another insanity.)

I have come here to chew bubblegum and quick ask. And I'm all out of bubblegum. - No, that's not it. I am looking for a quote touching on a spiritual theme (possibly alluding to quantum physics) and just can't find it on the web. I think it was by Carl Sagan. I need the precise quote. It went something like this: With science advancing we will come ever-closer to a shocking revelation about the fundamentals of the universe and shy away in terror, wishing we had never ventured that far, yearning for a return to the ignorant comfort of a darker age.

Lovecraft seems to have taken psychedelics. They could have been his inspiration. Although it could also be that he acted like it but only read other people's accounts. I'm tempted to say psychedelics would have not let him be the kind of person he was, but then again, they show you what's inside and can lie to you if you want that.

Ah, so it was Lovecraft after all. That was my second suspicion. (Kinda fits him better, too, that grim style.) Thank you. Obviously he was taking psychedelics, lol. I see quantum physics getting closer to what he's talking about, too.

For comparison: https://venezuelanalysis.com/news/12986 The topic that's left open is whether those bakeries did it because they had trouble surviving financially (and if so, due to own fault?) or because they are capitalist-minded, so to speak. (A bakery having plenty of flour stocked sounds fishy, though.) It's interesting (and totally predictable) that the US press article completely ignores the fact the thing was initiated by customer complaints. that wouldn't fit the evil-government narrative. And of course the headline is deceptive. After all, to the masses, anything below headline is fine print.

*Knock, knock* - Who is it? Carr. - Carr who? Nas Carr. I need racing fuel. Quick! --------------------------------------------------- *Knock, knock* - Who is it? Ford. - Ford who? You know who! ... I want my gold! --------------------------------------------------- *Knock, knock* - Who's there? It's me. I just wanted to ask why the chicken crossed the road.

No one ever told her it wasn't, so now she works at McDonald's. :-| "I can't believe this is my job." - Her, absent-mindedly, at the counter xD

As long at the theater with bad actors on both sides is fueled by partisans, improvement of the situation cannot be expected. Quite often I wonder just how high-up this has been set up, because one could get the impression that both sides are ultimately helping each others' cause. The DNC helped Trump win and now he's their useful boogeyman while the press is doing what they can to become a target of ridicule and shame. Everybody is aiming at growing more dirt. The Devil doesn't take sides, and there lies his advantage.

I'll just ask here because asking anywhere will have the same chance of success... I once (couple of years ago?) watched a video on Youtube where they asked random people on the street a logic question that was in theory ridiculously simply to answer, yet depending on how your mind works you might block yourself from seeing the simple answer by overcomplicating it in your mind. I wish I had saved a bookmark for it or the video, but it seems I didn't. That question was so entertaining that I wish I remembered where to find it or what the question was. Any logic buffs here? Anyone who has an idea which one I could be referring to or how to search for it? Anyone knowing anyone? Haha. This has been bugging me for so long, which is kinda ironic considering I personally didn't have a problem answering the trick question correctly after thinking about it for a minute. It was really that good. I tried it on someone and over time pretty much helped them giving clues 99% towards the answer and it only made it harder for them.

What I derive from it is the concept of how the more you try to go the direct path towards a goal, the more you might be messing up your previous steps; that present actions need to take your past into consideration. Learning the basic process seemed daunting to me at first, but I just went the efficient way and did one run with instructions whenever I felt like it, and then gradually with less peeking at the guide. (I guess I could also have dry-practiced the algorithms.) They say only 0.1% of all people can figure it out without instructions, so for all others it boils down to memorizing. Here are related videos I made: P.S.: I have a batik shirt with your profile pic's motive.

Yes. (There was a plan B though.) And the arguments brought for the thesis we didn't are so weak that they'll never take off.

No I mean I said the story is fake and then you said the story is fake as if I didn't already say exactly that.

Reading would help. ;-) (You quoted me saying it's fake.)

@Brian Shouldn't have cared about your link to Washington Times there. They got fooled, like it happens regularly with the MSM. Check the article again. Ads in two dozen cities offer protesters up to $2,500 to agitate at Trump inaugural It's also easy to pull off such pranks though because in the current situation any batshit-crazy thing has a high likeliness of being true.

When Clinton was not elected, many adults were nearing one year old.

Same in Germany. Sedition (Volksverhetzung) is a crime, yet governments and the media are doing it every day en masse. And generally, yeah, as Trey Gowdy pointed out, the laws we have are quite good, if only we would actually enforce them for everybody. But too many people are active and zealous supporters of fascism and corruption, deliberately shielding themselves from the apparent reality. A government always reflects the collective will of the People.