Fox

I smile a half smile when I first wake up. Nothing forced, just a half smile, a little smirk. Same whenever I am alone. As someone noted earlier I, too, have always breathed far too shallow, so now whenever I have the chance I do some deep breathing, I do it subconsciously now. I take a breath before I speak. It may seem as if you'll come off as strange because there will be a long pause in your conversation, but there is really not, at all. When someone is speaking to me, especially with a problem, I have learned to listen intently, to the point as if I'm nearly feeling what they are saying. Something that is hard to explain.. hm. I'm sure there is more. But that's it for now.

My friends, I have been very peaceful since engulfing (or easing, rather) my mind into eastern philosophies.--Buddhism, and taoism, yoga and various meditations. My family is a very southern and italian family. Oh yes, so think loud and confrontational, still loving but.. a bit hectic. They are also very negative and as a young man this really stunted me psychologically.. I would see my parents freaking out over the slightest thing, so that's how I learned to deal with issues, and so forth. I recently started getting into Buddhism and taoism, various meditation and yoga.. I feel as if it just makes sense to me, and some of the teachings are beautiful and I think fit me well, although I am still very novice when it comes to such things. I have learned how to brush things off that usually may bother me, I have learned how to view things differently and handle things differently such as when I can tell someone wants conflict, I've learned how to not get worked up and remain at peace..for the most part. However, I find problems on my journey as well. (Of course "my journey" is more in depth, just rather not bore you : ) ) How do I know that I am really happy? How do I know that I am really at peace with my negative environment and I am not just surpressing these emotions? My family has noticed how calm I have become, and how I handle difficulties much differently, and I am much happier, so I feel as if I have been making personal progress, however I'll sometimes have dreams of me showing my anger and ill feelings.. Maybe saying things I normally would've said or doing things I normally would have done? What does this mean and how can I fix this? Does this mean that this peaceful new feeling isnt really me? Secondly, Ignorance just pisses me off. I usually keep my cool, for instance I recently got a job playing music for a church, my family went to see me, they have ill feelings about my priest, whose homily was about getting rid of baggage, well I get home and they start cursing the priest saying he should take a note from his own book, insert various profanities.. Now this just set me off because.. its contradictory and, its so offputting.. this and various other prejudices and racism and..all that just makes me lose my chill, I guess you could say. How do you remain friendly with someone who thinks so evil? I'm not asking for all the answers, and some of this may even seem silly, but thank you for reading.

My name is Tyler. I am 20 and from the Southern US. I am not all knowing, nor would I ever pretend to be. I'm glad to be here.