johndoe2012

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Very fine writing. You are a good communicator and a blessing to this forum. This is true. Something I am working on myself. Thanks for this post

The heart is connected to the face and eyes, thus opening you up when you do what you are describing. So a good thing indeed.

The intellect can set up a number of reasons for why you want to do this because it is based on limited intelligence.

Clearing all karma doesn't work. I've tried that and I failed. Looking into the sense of self that owns the karma works better...

Funny, as I had a heart experience a week or so ago, where love from the heart flowed strongly and impelled me take action. Love = action Anyway there are two pathways in the body resulting in "good" karma and one resulting in "bad" karma.

45 mins of walk everyday outside while there is natural light makes a huge difference to me. As for philosophy, drop it and listen to your what your body is saying. The next step for everyone is individual and is not stated in books or teachings.

Maybe the mother was born by a woman who couldn't love her? Thus the problem is inherited. A closed heart unfortunately seems like the default modus operandi on Earth.

I am suffering from something like this but not sure it is kundalini, more like open crown meets body which then causes inflammation and increases cortisol. When cortisol starts up high level functions in the brain shut down and you start acting like a machine. This can be very difficult for others to understand unless one have tried this.

Enlightenment without open heart leads to asshole syndrome seems to me. Regarding hope I think that disappears completely when self monitoring vanishes and one just is in activity without projecting anything onto the future. With regard to Christians I was pleasantly surprised by two Mormons who were handing out flyers a few days ago here in the neighborhood . Talking to them gave me that fuzzy feeling of me liking everyone / everything. It came I believe because I was truly interested in them forgetting myself for a brief moment.

Self hatred, I got this from being unwanted by my mother. I haven't learned what unconditional love was. Now I am learning and the feeling is getting stronger lately. Life is showing up everywhere and giving me support, this is absolutely amazing!

Pangu needs activation from a teacher to get full benefit.

http://www.adultchildren.org/ I went to a meeting yesterday and I found it was a good setting to come out with some things that I am struggling with. It is open to everyone who has been brought up in a dysfunctional family. After the meeting I had more respect for myself and I recognized the good in the participants. "Good" meaning their true person behind the patterns. Very beautiful.

Return: returning to being absorbed in activity in every moment without self-doubt / self-monitoring. Doing the right thing all the time since mind is destroyed. Having an open heart by destroying all traces of suppression which hinders one's destiny.

Feeling in the mood of rock from the past, he he

A little reminder from the past, mu ha ha

I am coming to an understanding now of the various things I have experienced on the spiritual path; maybe some will find it useful. The thing is it is not until recently that I really just said what I felt like saying due to patterns in my childhood. The political correct self was there censoring and controlling in such degree I would call it masochistic. This masochism extended to spiritituality in various forms: I should develop quickly, not slowly and quickly erasing all patterns that I could find in myself. The exercises I did, I feel now, were violent in nature and not necessary in development of a relaxed self. I no longer believe in the efficacy of Chinese exercises or energetic interventions. The problem with energetics is the stirring up of issues in the psyche which it is not ready to handle: at least this is how it has appeared to me. This has been an ongoing issue for the last three years. There is no true understanding of the underlying issues: human development from birth to childhood, transitioning to teenager and then adulthood. The reason of the issues is not touched upon. Everything is just blown to pieces; who cares. Buddhist philosophy is not necessarily any better. So far I have seen shamatha-vipassana being heralded as better than sliced bread. But then there are the issues of the dark knight which most ignore and some see as necessary. So then we can ask: are these philosophies truely good for you or are you in yet another abusive relationship? I found out recently that my body liked being slow. Going for a walk, drinking a cup of tea. Feeling truely good about myself without having any external concept like high vibration, concentration skill from meditation or being spiritually developed. Any skill or development is not good for you if they result in trauma along the way. How to gauge whether you have found home in a teacher / teaching / person? One that opens you up naturally, accepting who you are and is interested in what is good for you not some external fantasy like humanity, energetic neutrality or other bullshit concepts which have nothing to do with you. What I have found so far, is everybody likes to be open, relaxed and joyful. Is a lot of pain and trauma necessary to get there? I don't think so. Lately I have been opening up to a lot of people: we have a good time, they feel good and I feel good. Nothing else is really necessary.

Thanks Steve. Yes the teachings were always about myself not others. I think this is probably the most difficult part to accept. I still have some old patterns popping up that refuse to accept how things are. I will read the rest of your post and let the words sink in.

Dusty, That's true. I also feel the true teaching at least for me is a more natural way of seeing myself and others. I guess something in me has given up a certain worldview, that something is wrong. Thanks.

Yes Bearded Dragon. Does anyone know how to cool one's head? The open crown makes things very difficult.