King Kabalabhati

Man am I feeling better today. The liver is a bit hot still, though. I'm doing the liver sound, inner smile and some opening of the meridians. Let's see if this is sufficient for now. If I start feeling anger again, I'll just dig deeper into it like last night. This is really my chance to get well. God bless you all and GOD BLESS THE KING love, King K

Mantak Chia is still alive.. Oh yeah, but he's a fake so he'll probably live to be 110 My grandmother lived to over 90 years. The last 15 were shadowed by constant illness. Also my neighbor just died at 89 if I remember correctly. Both his body and mind were quite degenerated and crumbling by the time he took his last breath. Longevity is one thing, health is another thing, though the'res a correlatiion between them for sure. One thing about teachers and healers is that they're willingly giving a LOT of their energy to their students and patients, often working very long days and possibly neglecting themselves while at it, some of them probably do so quite knowingly. Many of them may realise that it's not the time they spend on earth but the virtue they fill their life with that counts. Some of them seem to get confused with their position and possibly perish because of issues with power and vanity. I'd like to see statistics about "ordinary" qigong practisioner's lifespans.. Could be a different story.

Be patient and do it whenever you can. Sometimes I noticed that the energy didn't start really feeling and moving until when I stopped trying to move it. Later on you will notice it's constantly moving and you're definitely not imagining it, the pressure in the crown, sinuses and the periuneum, electricity in the sacrum, funny bubble going up the spine.. I nowadays find myself doing it without thinking, while driving the car or sitting on the train, even when walking in the woods, right now as a matter of fact.. It's doing itself. You're simply working on the channels to open them up for a stronger flow and this might take time depending on your current situation.

The lady has also some pretty severe relationship with her parents, probably some spicy emotions stacked up in her liver too since childhood. There's also depression in her (our) history, some of it quite serious. She's always been prone to a sudden explosion in emotionally difficult situations. It's all starting to spread before my very eyes.. Nevermind jealousy, this is the real shit we dealing wit here.

And guess what.. the exercise I was doing yesterday when I heated up and felt really strong emotional surge.. Yep, it was a stretch that opened the liver meridian.

I don't think I HAVE to sleep around for the sake of balance. I should only if I genuinely feel like I want to, and assuming that I run into a woman I'm really interested in AND she's in the situation where she can safely co-operate.. Without jealous spouses or the like. I'm probably one of the pickier types so my hopes for that aren't raised very high. Life can give surprises sometimes, I know. I still keep that freedom in my mind. The whole of this starts to make so much sense now. It's like there's been a hate-fueled attachment/addiction going on for years without me really noticing or wanting to notice it. But my wife, as a woman, has noticed and she had to act on it. Part of it could be due to her always being very sensitive to how I express myself, angerwise.. I've been tiptoeing my way around these emotions for the sake of "harmony", which didn't really exist. So had I been honest from beginning, we might be in a very different situation.. But that's not essential right now, I just got to let it flow and let it heal, cause it what it will. Illusions seem to be everywhere.. Pop goes the bubble

Yes there's embarrassing things in most people's life, until you realise you are not really the person that you was back then.. And you're not those emotions you felt when all things happened. But you may be storing the pains you never knew how to handle inside your structure someplace. It helps if you have a bit heavier emotional stress to empty those charged hate-batteries, it seems. I've started to cry a couple of times when I've done the Tao Yin breathing (golden light in, grey mist out) with hands on the tan tiens. In the longer run, if your chi kung practise doesnt start to move your emotions, then there could be somthing wrong with the program.

Freeform, you WERE RIGHT.. It's bubbling up. I'm howling like a beaten dog here, and growling like a wounded bear, shaking all over.. Trying my best to relax and express my self. This is a new experience, I'm riding with it. Thanks for pointing at it.

WAIT A MINUTE.. I SHOULD try to find myself a perfect sexual partner.. To give compersion to my wife too!

YES!! That's the ticket! Why not transform all the possessiveness and jealousy into sheer joy for the pleasure of your loved one? Man, I shouldnt need to suffer that much at all. I did tell her one night I would actually be happy if she could once in her life have a truely opening and deepening sexual experience.. That was, like this one, in a very blissful mindstate and I was honestly feeling the joy of "compersion", or something related to it After that I've seemed to live through periods of possessiveness and occasional feeling of compersion, but now I know what is good to cultivate Forward with love!

Hahaha, I'm not really from India, I'm from Finlandia You're right I shouldn't divorce her for doing what I gave permission for. But it was her demand to loosen up the knot in the first place and she is the one who can't stand family life but wants me to care for the children during the week while she studies, practicly coming home only on the weekends. So there would be more than one good reason for me to tell her to pack her stuff and go... But no, at least not yet. I'm too interested to see what will develop from a more "freely breathing" relationship based on frienship and not a "husband and wifey"-thing. There may be occasional sex or there may not be, there may be other lovers or there may not be. It's exciting in a way, to just let things happen and not to forge any more rules or restrictions. When something starts to really bother it's time to re-evaluate the whole thing but for the sake of the children I want to keep us together if possible, and I think its possible for now. I realise myself that I need the freedom from those possessive emotions that kind of keep me hanging from her like there were strings in between us. She already seems liberated in that sense, she used to be quite possessive towards me in the past. From what I've talked with her lately, it's quite clear that children and friendship will be the common nominators in our future relationship. That's a lot of love already, and neither of us is going to have much time for external relationships. I for my part don't want any more confused individuals to stir the soup. Unless it's the Divine will that I meet my new loving queen some day.

Hahaha, I'm not really from India, I'm from Finlandia You're right I shouldn't divorce her for doing what I gave permission for. But it was her demand to loosen up the knot in the first place and she is the one who can't stand family life but wants me to care for the children during the week while she studies, practicly coming home only on the weekends. So there would be more than one good reason for me to tell her to pack her stuff and go... But no, at least not yet. I'm too interested to see what will develop from a more "freely breathing" relationship based on frienship and not a "husband and wifey"-thing. There may be occasional sex or there may not be, there may be other lovers or there may not be. It's exciting in a way, to just let things happen and not to forge any more rules or restrictions. When something starts to really bother it's time to re-evaluate the whole thing but for the sake of the children I want to keep us together if possible, and I think its possible for now. I realise myself that I need the freedom from those possessive emotions that kind of keep me hanging from her like there were strings in between us. She already seems liberated in that sense, she used to be quite possessive towards me in the past. From what I've talked with her lately, it's quite clear that children and friendship will be the common nominators in our future relationship. That's a lot of love already, and neither of us is going to have much time for external relationships. I for my part don't want any more confused individuals to stir the soup. Unless it's the Divine will that I meet my new loving queen some day.

Hey, thanks for the encouragement. This kind of words is strengthening. I WILL SURVIVE

Well, to be honest I did not get angry reading this.. You could be feeling my anger physically or you could be imagining, I cannot say what's true here. You see, I do sometimes get angry and release it too. There is anger in me that I've also noticed. I'm not particularily proud of the way I rage and punch the wall sometimes (ouch). So you're right about it, only I don't believe it's true in the proportions you're suggesting. I don't deny it makes me angry at times to go through all of this. It's definitely one emotion that pops up every now and then, but there's much more sadness present. I'm still gonna meditate and dig deeper into this one, it could be helpful. Thanks. btw I'm not really certain that this jealousy I'm feeling is the same as anger. I feel it more like there's something I'm clinging to that is not really mine and I don't really know WHY I'm clinging to it and I'm not yet sure HOW I'm gonna release my grip. Although right now I feel I'm not gripping at all. It could be temporary at this point of my development, too early to say.

Yeah well, I've let her know about how i feel exactly and how I feel seems to change from moment to moment.. Right now I'm very excited about life, knowing that new things are on their way and I feel absolutely no jealosy or bitterness toward her. We can be friends and care for the household and kids together, there's no need to put up a fight of any sort. If this leads to us getting closer together as time rolls by, that would be beautiful. If we go separate ways, well I'll probably find someone to attach to again Just a couple of hours ago I was doing my qigong exercises and I couldn't finish them because I started feeling such strong lovesickness and jealousy , like a heat in the head and it made me tremble a bit. So I called her and told her how I'm feeling. For a while I was really feeling crazy. After that it settled, I got my inspiration back and I think it was the qigong that made the emotional energy start to move. I tell you its powerful stuff and it's hard to stay conscious when it starts to stir up, but I want it out of my system, I want to be free from that. This is a situation neither of us has really created, but it has created itself as a consequence of the interplay of our energies.. We've been both kind of sucking each other off during these years and it might be if I ended up in a more healthy relationship my true powers would unfold, or become tenfold. That relationship could be this present one in a improved form or it could be with someone else... Or it could be just me and my God. Thanks again for all your input, I've been a bit alone with these feelings, it's nice to get different views on this to make different emotions surface.. That's when theyre more manageable. I'll keep you updated on the process

Yeah appreciate that but I'd rather not take any more sexual advice, at least not on this thread. Jealousy is the subject, not how to kindle the fire, it may be too late for that anyway.

Yeah appreciate that but I'd rather not take any more sexual advice, at least not on this thread. Jealousy is the subject, not how to kindle the fire, it may be too late for that anyway.

No I can't say I'm perfectly happy right now. The idea of the openness came from my wife. She would be all right if I had a lover, at least that's what she says. There's 3 kids and they are a top priority. I know they'll grow in about five years to be so big they're not at home all the time anymore, and my wife's studies will be done at about the same time. I'm thinking I'll just settle for this situation for now and take what I can get from out of it, cultivating as much as possible. I'll try to rejoice for the opportunity I'm giving to my wife to have a life outside the home which she hasn't had much in 7 years. Plus I honestly feel she might benefit from good sex if that's what her friend can give her. I would like to give it to her myself without her having to go to another man, but it looks like I've used up my chances for now Maybe she'll have a sexual awakening and continue the joy with me once she gets home, but don't think I'm counting on it.. If I can't take it then I'll change my plan and a real divorce will take place with all its inconvenience. But more probably we can work it out somehow, we're pretty good at working things out. We'll be bound together by friendship and the children anyway so to deal with (and heal) my jealousy is mandatory in order to look forward, and that's what I want to do. There's really no one to blame for this, it's all just interplay of energies. Bless you all for insight, King K

Thank you. I agree that it's not a perfect way to deal with things for the mom to have an extra relation. Still things are seldom ideal and usually in a relationship the other one's got to stretch more than the other in order to keep things together. Sometimes you have to take turns in stretching according to life situations. The thing is she doesn't want to play family mom, she's gasping for breath.. In this respect it's good she started studying so she gets to spend more time out of the house. This might increase the magnetism, or it might not. I'm aware I have the possibility to go for a relationship myself (I know there's more than one lady out there who would be willing for it), but I simply don't wish to involve any more people in this situation. My motives would not be pure, since I don't really wish for sex with someone else, I'd like to live harmoniously with the woman I love. I'm aware this may not be possible in the long run, but it might be. I'm gonna look into the book recommendations that you gave, though I know the answer probably doesn't lie in any book other than the book of life.

I already fit in the cathegory of a saint in many ways, so that IS my trod That's why I'm perceiving this whole affair as another challenge on the path. It's not a lack of affection we're talking about. We share a lot of hugs and cuddles, and speak openly about ALL our emotions, also the ones we're not really comfortable about. We're both on the Tao path of cultivation and support each other a lot. Also, raising 3 kids very tightly together has really opened a new meaning to the word "communication" And we're not even at our thirties yet.. It's a lack of magnetism. It's like from the start things never really "clicked" sexually. It's not a question of not trying enough either, we've had 9 years to get to know each other that way. And the conclusion is, even at our best, we're simply not that well compatible. She's not turned on by me, like REALLY turned on like it should be. I haven't (or she hasn't) been able to open up her sexual centre and to make her really reach the level a woman should in order to feel satisfied and at peace with her sexuality. It could be me, it could be her, but it doesnt matter. The important thing is, I don't want to keep her like a mummy in my house, to just not let her flourish. She should have a chance to blossom fully in her life and then if she still wants to live with me, she can make an informed choice. If not, well, that's another thing I'll have to get accustomed to, knowing that I did my best anyway. Life's really a teacher ain't it.. Also I notice now that jealousy is a poisonous emotion, something I wish to detoxify if possible. And it got to be possible.

I also haven't yet met a phorum quite like this. There's many people there with a lot of insight and experience on things that matter to me, and even the arguments have usually somthing to learn from. I get beautiful support from many of the posts here. Thank you.

Thank you! I appreciate the thought of getting a hobby but right now I simply have no chance or time for something like that- we live in the countryside and there's plenty here to get involved with. I also spend 1 to 2 hours a day with Tao Yin Chigong which I feel is a tremendous help.. plus inner smile & MO meditation & Tao sexual practices. I'm feeling very strong and light at the moment, I think I'm really being purified by this fire I've felt these last days. I personally feel this is a crucial type of thing.. I mean, here is my chance of really going forward in realisation of unity and pure love without separation or possessing/controlling people. If my loved one has a good time with a nice person she trusts while she's on her holiday, then it CAN'T be a negative thing for me now can it? It should not be, and I want to clean myself from dirty thinking. Sex is an experience, it's not something she will carry with her forever (unless she gets pregnand or an STD, but I know she's careful cause those are the last things she wants). Thinking like this makes my brain more satisfied with it, and I think my brain is the thing that hurts the most when I think about her doing it with somebody else. Of course its connected to emotions and the heart but I believe my heart has in fact nothing against her pleasure, quite the opposite. It's the thought of me losing something because of that.. But I know it's an illusion. She's an angel waiting to fully blossom, I've already noticed how pure she is in many ways. I spoke with her on the phone today and told her I bless her whatever she decides to do. She did say sex is not very important to her, she enjoys the feeling of being aroused and does not feel the need to be satisfied, so who knows, and in the end, what difference does it make? I just thought posting these ponderings here could give other people in similar positions some perspective. I don't really expect or need anyone to help me with this (although it could happen), "the spiritual path is a path of aloneness" -Pramahamsa Nithyananda

There's different "diets" depending on which monastery or Taoist you ask. Many Taoists are vegeterians but may eat meat if that's what they're offered, for example if visiting a house (it's the middle path all the way). Also in many monasteries there's a custom of serving meat to the meat-eaters and vegetarian to vegetarians. So probably few taoists are strict vegetarians.. unless they're on salt-free energy diet and avoid meat, eggs and all the five "stinky ones".. that is, onions, garlic, cilantro, asafoetida, leek (if I remember correctly). Then there's of course the breatharians who've gone beyond "meat or veggie?" The Taoists are (or should be) quite aware of the energetic balances in foods, the Yin and the Yang, so the ideal "diet" would include things that bring the best balance to the system.

In the summer I fell on my skateboard ramp and landed on my arm, ending with multiple strains, sprains and bruises. Oooh it hurt.. Anyway, as the pain cleared a bit, boy was this arm sensitive to chi. It was like a new experience and a peculiar step forward in my energy work, to have the sensation of chi magnified like that so it kinda strengthened my faith in the energy.