Non

oh yea, the therapy thing. I did try but the one I went to was a social anxiety type program but the therapists decided that I needed a more general psychological program because my case is too complex. So when I get to that I'll see about it. Though I'm still hoping that I can either just commit suicide one day or just live without having to spend such a hefty amount of money on "western psychology." Alternative therapy is also quite expensive too, and who knows if they'll actually work. And well I haven't really searched again as of late. and yea the whole female thing has basically messed me up so bad. Hell I can't even MAKE FRIENDS with any female, or haven't been able to, and it's been very hard and can be very hard. Extremely so, more than anyone else. That alone is enough to make me just give up. Maybe if I at least had some friends, but yea. And I'll try doing the volunteer thing again, but man time's running short and I just feel like giving up. I'm really even too unhealthy to even begin doing much for myself, let alone feel up to it. Whatever, when I get to it, have time or am desperate enough and can't see any other way out. That woman thing is just so crippling I dont even think I can or am able to change. I'm just so unhealthy and unable to change myself. It's nature saying I am inherently no good at anything, it's God, and heaven telling me I am no good at anything. Look at my history, I can't change such a TORTUROUS past, that even a good future can't make up for it. It is so belittling. I am up to a point that this means I am no good for this world. I can't be, Im not mentally stable enough and even if I tried, I just couldn't because to even get there I need a degree of mental stability, which I don't have in the first place. I can't help anyone else if I can't even help myself. So yea, BLA BLA BLAH, hopeless and helpless. And nothing could change this. unless it's losing my virginity?

ok. well, i guess it depends on the context as well. if it's considered 'cool' and a socially accepted norm, it can be bad as hell, but it will be 'bad-ass'. that's 'bad'. It also stems from the fact that there;s a lot of ignorance and truth hidden, and that mainstream society views some good things as bad, and some bad things as good. Bad = good, and vice versa. Control the media, and you control people's minds.

I'm not convinced by those quotes from David Deida. I can still find flaws. 1st quote: just pretty words. is he high on something? But there you have basically subliminally just appealing to emotions, and with 'soothing words' for a woman who's been through victimization. Which supports a brutal reality of sexuality and life. 2nd quote: Basically saying that since Woman cannot trust herself she must only choose the guy who she can trust more than herself, because there's the idea that women can't think for herself, stand up for herself and can't make decisions for herself, and therefore trust herself. The male is always the aggressor, the dominant, the strong one, and that women are the weak, the passive, and the submissive. Of course this really has nothing to do with yin/yang but the choices of society, and genetics due to the how we came to develop ourselves as a species (which society is very much involved in too). You see some animals are not so black and white as the males being the stronger, the more dominant, etc. In fact they just live as they are. Sometimes roles seem to be reversed. Some people just can't let go of duality, and yes that includes yin and yang concepts, and of chosen gender roles like "men are better smarter and stronger than women" and "men are evil and violent, and agressive while women are the weak, submissive, good, etc" Again supporting a brutal life and sexual reality, of also, men being stronger and better than women, who are always victims. It might be ok perhaps if it's just in the context of 1 specific situation but if he believes that women are always victims, and that men always have to be brutal and warring and that life is nothing but hardship, and women as victims.... 3rd quote: Uh... ok he's telling me to keep my eyes open all the time? What difference does it really make? I think he's just trying to sound pretty with pretty words? yea ok that's good, keep your eyes open and make a connection with your partners eyes, but he's saying that no matter what you want to keep your eyes open? I mean really if I want to I will, if not, I won't. It would have been better to suggest keeping the eyes open to experience certain things, instead of telling me that I must always keep my eyes open "or else..." And yea it's a nice and pretty idea to 'give oneself' to your partner. But you can't give up everything, including trust.

But you MUST be BAD to turn her on. Why? because sexuality is taboo and associated with harshness same as life, and authorities in this society is corrupt, such that rebellion is the only way, but of course people lose the idea and rebel simply to rebel instead of justice.

would it also matter if you reverse the MCO, ie, up the front, down the back? Can one experiment with just sending the chi/awareness up and down the central channel or the taiji pole?

Nice. I will try it. I wonder how long it'll take. I'll try to sit in full lotus too. I haven't done KAP but I could do this on my own. Just a question: Is there a specific microcosmic orbit procedure that works best? Ie, breathing in as the chi ball and/or awareness goes up the spine (I usually just do awareness, and it naturally builds energy that way anyway), and of course breathing out it goes down the front? Or the reverse, breath in as it goes down breathe out as it comes up the spine. It seems that if you want to do belly breathing at the same time the latter is easier to do since you breathe the chi and bring the awareness into the belly as you breathe in, which expands it, and breathing out pushes or propels the chi/awarenss back and up into the spine and third eye.

huh....

http://www.pixelconsumpton.com/emotional-strength-index.html Not a bad mung bean recipe.

Yea I dont like David Deida too much with his associations with Adi Da and the whole PUA scene which I don't really like either. and the sinister negative connotations and associations with uncontrolled sexuality and brutality. Something just tells me he isn't all that pure. Pretty much all of society these days associates sexuality with brutality and negative connotations. AS well as life itself. But in a very clinging way such that, they cannot think of life without suffering, so they seek pain and suffering, and seek to bring that reality onto others'. My idea is to accept suffering if it comes, but not to cling to it, and not to associate life with suffering such that I seek it, and seek to bring others to the same. And I know this is a daoist forum.. but I thought since daoism usually includes sexual practices and discussions of yin and yang, I thought it could be appropriate.

MAN you people keep SAYING I never do anything and that all I do is sit on my ass on the computer all day and just wallow. What the fuck! That's not what I do. Everything I have been doing is futile. I can't even get female friends.

Nah I think they're ALL into pain, and are masochists and sadists. And forget that David Deida guy, that misogynist. ALL of what you're saying is still supporting the original conclusion my friend and I made. About the "men have to make the first move" thing, as well. Men have to risk being labeled a stalker, rapist, criminal, pervert unless she thinks you're 'righteous' for the kind of behavior you exhibit (ie being a bad boy, ashole, etc) but anything she does is considered cute. she couldn't help us out at all, knowing that we could risk our lives, because she could get a bunch of her gangster friends to beat you up or kill you, or you could land in jail for 'sexually assaulting her'/ 'attempted rape'/ 'sexually abusing/molesting' her, etc. But a woman does the same thing, and it's considered cute. It's also usually the guys who actually care for her, and are afraid to scare her off too, that are usually feared of. So a guy basically has to be remorseless.? Don't get me wrong, I do try to make a move when I can, but when I can't, I'll usually try to show it. And again, I just don't want to scare her off. Men are scary, women are not. So wth? Why do I have to risk my life, my job, my career, etc. just for simply showing a girl that I am attracted to her, or just want to talk to her of course depending on how 'bad' your natural character is, when she can do things, 100000 times 'worse' and it's considered ok. Women are obsessed with 'bad-assedness'. Society itself is obsessed with violence and cruelty. Society RUNS on that shit. Most don't even know it. Women should be glad that I'm not all in their face and shit and have some humility, and I'm just trying to be careful. Not, think of me as some weak coward feminine pussy or something, cuz they all like to talk smack about that, about how we don't take action supposedly. We're just trying to be careful and scare you off and do the right thing, we still do understand that we shouldn't take things so harsh, but when our life is on the line? Like I said, I'll try when I can man but I can only do so much. Why can't it be equal? Why do the men have to be the aggressors, and HAVE to be aggressors, why cant it just be assertive? No assertiveness doesn't even work because society thinks assertion is aggression.

And you dont think the fact that because I do something logical, and I get something illogical back ie unrequited love, that this doesn't drag me down? It most definitely does. In fact, your general success in society depends on how well you are able to 'dominate', and 'agress' other men and women and 'coerce' women, and therefore people. One cannot get respect with assertion, because society is built up on violence and aggression and coercion, prostitution, etc.

well just think of it. women have to get their cherries popped. at the same time they feel pain they might just feel pleasure, and then associate pain with pleasure thereafter. I guess most women do. people see animals pretty much rape each other, and the men have to dominate and war over each other to get the female. And the female is thus also attracted to brutality and violence.

Can someone point me to a good nei kung resource, of course free would be preferred. Also nothing from Mantak please.

Well here's the reply to that: To simplify the matter for you, we sell only Natural Monatomic Gold, as originally discovered by David Hudson. After his discovery, he, from what we understand tried or has patented his version based on the natural source. We have rediscovered the origin through his research. Beyond that we spend more of our time trying to offer you the best bio electric minerals we can. Sorry if we cant offer more insight on alchemically treated versions of M.G. Hope this was helpful. We look forward to seeing you soon.

Here's an earlier reply: "ORMUS is an inorganic material; therefore, you are correct that it does not absorb into the blood stream. However, it is electrically charged; therefore, you are receiving the benefits from its electromagnetic standpoint. That is the ultimate factor in all ORMUS products. Any ORMUS product that is not containing a lactose base i.e. Liquid ORMUS, and is soluble is chemically treated and in our opinion is not a true ORMUS as described by David Hudson in his original discoveries and may potentially impart harm on the user."

It's not just monoatomic gold, that's simply a name they gave it but it's actually more than simple monoatomic gold. Fourrealms made their ORMUS using the same method as described by David Hudson. Here's a reply I got from them just now concerning other products that describe their product as monoatomic gold saying that it's just monoatomic gold and nothing else, and "ORMUS" extracted by other methods. "Thank you for your recent inquiry. It is true that monatomic gold and ORMUS are in fact the same definition wise. The differences you are experiencing are- First: the true term monatomic gold = Orbitally Rearranged Monatomic Elements was coined, after his discovery, by David Hudson. His discovery was a natural occurring mineral deposit displaying all of the characteristics of what later would be deemed monatomic gold or ORMUS. Second: others claiming to have processed M-State material through the use of sea salt and magnets alleging they have extracted the electrical charge of the naturally occurring substance. Three: an alchemical solution using aqua regia where by they are chemically removing the metallic state of gold and other noble metals to simplify that part. The latter two are in our opinion either dangerous or simply capitalistic. We do not endorse any monatomic element that mother nature did not provide, as David Hudson discovered. I hope this was helpful in your search for wonderful ORMUS. Should you need any additional information, we are here. Warmest, FourRealms"

awesome! good stuff guys, thank you.

well I got a very quick response by the people at fourrealms. basically they said that sublingually you get it's effects although it doesn't get physically absorbed because it's not an organic material and it's effects are purely electromagnetic ie, because it's electrically charged.

nah, not really. Heh.. I have a problem. If taking ORMUS sublingually is the right way to do it, why doesn't the ORMUS I have dissolve? I thought absolving a substance would make it homogeneous with it's solvent but this just stays as powder and sediment. How does it actually become absorbed by the mouth or under the tongue if it doesn't even dissolve? One way or another I end up swallowing it and I do feel it as I swallowed something indigestible.

yes. the creepy chick even looks alien and traumatized. her emotions at the end... seemed consistent with the ominous vibe, especially when she's explaining that while she was under hypnosis her and her group were all abducted.

yea I know. and yea ormus and weed dont mix in fact the weed diminishes the 'hightened' effect. besides when u take ormus you're not supposed to feel high at least after you've become desentisized to the effects and it has made the changes to your body that would make the most use of it. ie, the high u get is just the initial shock factor or jump/kickstart. but yea i kinda thought also that since i feared the aliens, that 1 the weed and ormus mixing would make my thoughts more powerful such that it could actually manifest. or at least i could have some serious thoughts about it.

conscious deep breathing is sometimes more tiring than unconscious breathing because it's more tense...

I was also high on THC (marijuana) and ORMUS so I was acutely self-aware/self conscious ie paranoia. lol. If there's one thing I am probably most afraid of when it comes to the paranormal it's alien abductions. Ghosts, monsters, etc, don't freak me out as much. It feels like I've heard these voices too, like in the movie. I've seen and experienced things whjich are similar but more in the dream state or the sleep paralysis state. Or whatever they were. It can be seen as the same type of hypnosis. That also might explain how I listen a lot to psychedelic trance music which is usually themed with ETs and mysteriousness of ancient ETs in the dark mystical/mythical traditions and futuristic alien space age technology, especially a lot of the dark psytrance/downtempo ambient-psy much I am freaked out by it because some of them have some of the weird sounds these same aliens make, and the ominous freaky hypnotic vibes and melodies associated. Ever since I was a child I was most freaked out by aliens, ever since I saw material about them on TV. It feels like those voices are embedded into my memory somewhere in de ja vu lang, like I said it feels like, archetypal even.

I haven't read it. My friend who's very knowledgable about some things says it's new age bs. those virtual DNA strands, of which there's "no empircal or gnosive evidence indcating the existence of." Hah.. but I may read it. The Annunaki are addicted to ORMUS. they are LH.LR, their 'daoism', or martial arts/spiritual practices, and they take ORMUS as part of that.