Maddie

Sadhu sadhu sadhu :-)

Nice story, yes it seems you spontaneously entered the perspective of the "watcher" and set aside for a moment the "doer". I definitely agree with self compassion and forgiveness but I think we should have that attitude towards ourselves and others all the time as opposed to just sometimes. There is never really a good time to be "non-compassionate". If it helps I just read an article right before I got on here that said that today parents don't let kids experience enough risk and because of this kids are not properly maturing like they did in the past. To apply it to your example, in the past (or with you watching lol) kid gets a scrape and learns not to do stuff like that again. Now kid does not get scrape because parents are overly protective and does not get that same learning process. I should add that its the "doer" or you can call it the "will" that wants you to feel guilty in the first place. The "will" or "ego" ever afraid of coming to an end is always seeking to perpetuate its own existence. One way it goes about this is to try and cause us to feel ego produced things like guilt. Usually most people once they feel guilt, identify with that feeling as being them, and they feel guilty, and this strengthens the ego, and the ego gets what it wants. Compassion on the other hand is above the level of ego, it comes from your true "self" (for lack of a better word). So if the ego were to produce guilt and you recognize this as just a construct of the ego, and the ego as just a mental process which is NOT you, and you decide to be compassionate to yourself as opposed to feel guilty then the ego truly does become somewhat diminished.

I read Bill Brodi's book "White Fat Cow" and he does a very good job of explaining that "destiny" or "fate" is simply a term for the way that your karma plays out. But it is not fixed. You can change your karma so thus you can change your fate.

As to a direct answer to techniques for the throat chakra here are a few suggestions. Chant the throat chakra sound which is "HAM". Place Blue Lace Agate on your throat when you lay down. Use mindfulness and ask yourself why you feel that way, and explore the thoughts and feelings associated with it. :-)

Things do get quite interesting indeed when we begin to look at those things for the first time that we previously spent so much effort in the past to avoid at all costs ;-)

Thought I'd share a recent insight I obtained about my ego, and thought I'd share it to clarify my own understanding of the insight by writing it down, and with the hopes that perhaps someone might benefit from it themselves. First I want to give credit to Ajahn Brahm's talks as they have been invaluable in giving me deeper understanding into the issue of ego. In addition to his talks and other teachings I read on the topic, I applied the wisdom I had learned through hearing to my Vipassana meditation, and then realized that much of what stresses me out is the idea/feeling/notion within my mind of "not being good enough". Now obviously this thought in and of itself alone is enough to cause suffering. Who wants to feel "not good enough"? But it was the ways that my mind reacts to that thought that were quite interesting. I saw how this thought (not being good enough) gave rise to other non-beneficial thoughts. My mind trying to do the best it knows how thought that the antidote might be conceit, criticism, judgment, ect... These in turn caused their very own set of problems like stress, anger, depression, anxiety and so and so forth. For example if my sub-conscious thinks "I am not good enough" this of course creates a bad feeling associated with that thought. Now my mind is experiencing that bad feeling but because the feeling is unpleasant now my mind searches for a solution to this new problem. Because of delusion my mind (mistakenly) thinks that if I feel somehow inadequate then the solution is to make this feeling go away through another thought that will counter-balance the first thought (of not being good enough). What it comes up with is to tell me that far from not being good enough, that instead I am better than good enough.. in other words... conceit. Now thoughts of conceit exist with in my mind, but so does the original thought of "not being good enough" because the new thought did not remove the original thought, so now there are two contradictory thoughts with in my mind (how fun). Because the original thought of "not being good enough" contradicts the new thought of conceit, the new thought of conceit feels challenged. In order for conceit to effectively "do its job" of being the antidote to thoughts of not being good enough, it has to "win" out over those thoughts. In order to do this conceit then produces its own "antidote" of "judgment". Conceit's hope is that judgment will find criteria that will support its cause. So ideally as far as conceit is concerned judgment will find for example someone else and judge them as inferior and therefore me superior and now conceit is strengthened. The problem now is that there are now three thoughts. "Not being good enough", conceit, and judgment. The judgment being judgment and doing what judgment does and judging will then see the other two thoughts of "not being good enough" and "conceit" and judge them as well. When judgment finds aspects of the other two parts of the mind as being undesirable, then judgment gives rise to criticism. So now there are four thought process' in the mind, and they are often at war with each other due to their very nature. This creates a lot of suffering. Criticism criticizes judgment, conceit, and not being good enough. Judgment judges criticism, conceit, and not being good enough. Conceit when judged or criticized can either create more judgment or denial as to try and avoid the judgment and criticism. With denial now there is another thought process that was made to help us, but actually hurts us instead. So as can be seen one non-beneficial thought process gives rise to another non-beneficial thought process which is why using negative thought processes to "remove" negative thought processes will never work, but only make the problem worse. The answer instead is to apply "Metta" (loving-kindness) to the thought processes. If you judge judgment you will only create more judgment. But if instead you apply Metta to judgment, and you tell the judgment (judgment I open the door of my heart to you, I accept you just as you are, I'm going to be kind to you regardless) judgement is disarmed. There is nothing to judge, no more negative thought processes to create. So first you have to become aware of the thought processes in the first place. How can one apply Metta to something it is not aware of? But then after you use insight to become aware of negative thought processes, applying Metta to them is a good way to go about making them relax, and making peace with them so that they no longer fight you.

Nice insight into the ego. My own experience has been similar. In practicing mindfulness meditation I have found the RAIN formula to be useful. R- recognize what arises in your mind. A- accept it (don't be harsh on yourself or try to make what arises "go away") I- investigate it N- non-identification (realizing that your thoughts and conditioning are not who you are). The simple act of bringing awareness to what arises in the mind has been very useful in lessening ego's ability to wreak havoc on my peace of mind. Sometimes I actually laugh in meditation as I begin to get a good look at what the ego (my conditioning) is telling me or actually wanting.

Hey Dawg It's been a while since I've seen you post on here, but I have a question. When you began doing the "buddho" meditation how much resistance did your mind throw up against doing it? Did the monkey mind arise in protest? Did you have times where things got very "loud"? If so what did you do? simply persist? Matthew

I was wondering if anyone had much experience with testicle breathing. I ask because I've noticed from personal experience that if I draw the energy up to my head and leave it there that my physical desire my lessen but my mental desire is strong. Is. This the result of having sexual energy in your brain?

I want to know more about the attributes associated with the lower dan tien other than simply energy storage. For instance they say the middle dan tien relates to emotions, and the upper dan tien to perception. So what about the lower dan tien, what are its attributes emotionally, mentally, ect.... ???

Hey Dawg Thanks so much for the feedback and advice. In regards to the woman issues. I had been taking a break from that whole arena for a while. Now that I have decided to explore that avenue again I've noticed that it seems like no matter how often or long I observe it in meditation (so far at least) that it does not subside like other things that I observe in meditation. My hunch is that its just a large issues so may take more time, but nevertheless the last time I actively was in the dating world I became rather obsessed wtih it, and don't want to do that again. If I observe other character traits in meditation the typically subisde after a little while of looking at it. This has been going on for almost a month and no matter how much I observe it, it remains. Any advice? Matthew

Hey Dawg Thanks for answering my questions. Now I have a few more haha. 1. About feeling "weird". I guess I should have explained what I meant by feeling "weird" better. I don't feel weird in relation to society (I live in Austin, its hard to feel weird here haha). What I meant was that sometimes after meditating for a while I'll feel weird to myself as in "different" .... its very difficult to put into words. I guess the best way to put it is that I'll just feel a little "off". 2. In regards to finding a woman, this is something that I have been confused about for a while now. I know the monks do not get involved with women since they are seeking enlightenment. If I wanted to reach enlightenment would a woman be a distraction from that? On the other hand I must admit I do have that desire, and its not just for the sex, but for the companionship aspect of it (which really isn't much of a shocker since most people want that type of thing). So I find myself in the quandary of trying to figure out if I should keep staying single and meditate enough to eliminate that desire or to meditate in order to better understand exactly what kind of woman I really would want. 3. Also I've been trying to implement your advice about meditation but I still find my mind wondering often. Thanks Matthew

Yes I've also been coming to a greater realization of the importance of taking the cultivation habits from meditation practice into every moment of daily life. Being aware of what you are thinking and feeling throughout the day as it unfolds.

This has to be with out a doubt the best post ever written on this forum! Though I do have a few questions and difficulties that I would like some help with. 1. Meditation. I've noticed that my meditation life seems to go through cycles. For a while meditating for a long period of time seems easier than at others. During the difficult times I seem to feel very distracted and no matter how long I sit there breathing saying "Buddho" to myself its very hard to get my mind to quiet down. Other times I'll meditate for a while and feel very peaceful and still afterwards, but then there were be times that I'll meditate and then for a while after I will feel a lot of intense unpleasant emotions. Sometimes I can sit for a long period of time no problem, and other times I will feel very tired or sore, or feel that I want to be doing anything else but sitting in meditation. On a positive note I can say that for the past year (after a nasty break up) I've been trying to meditate as often as I can with my free time and not try to find another relationship. What I have noticed from that is that the inclinations of my subconscious that in the past would lead me into trouble (bad relationships mostly) is still there, but if I'm sitting and observing it as opposed to acting on it then at least it can't get me in trouble anymore lol. AND I'm becoming more aware that these non-beneficial thought patterns are there in the first place (awareness). 2. A question I have about your second to last note about communicating with deceased loved ones (as this is something I've been confused about for a while). My question is, I can understand being able to speak to them while they are in the ghost world, but after they reincarnate would you be unable to communicate with them anymore? 3. "Side-effects". Are there side effects from meditation? What I mean is that I'll noticed that sometimes I'll meditate and for a certain span of time (a few days or a week usually) I'll feel one certain way after meditating. Lately its been feeling very tired. Other times I'll meditate and feel all sorts of latent emotions come up. Other times it feels like my perspective on everything changes and everything feels "weird". *So to finish I'll sum up with the one point that I most want help with and that is what to do when its hard to meditate? Either feeling ill will about doing it in the first place, or having a hard time quieting the mind even after meditating for a while, or feeling "off" after meditating?

I was just reading about this in Buddhist cosmology and have been confused about this topic for the past few days. What I'm confused about is why would a god after dying go to hell (because this is what the article about Buddhist cosmology said happens often as well)? I don't understand. Also I was reading about the great length of duration of time spent in hell, and I'm confused about that as well. Why would an incarnation in hell be soooooo very very long?

Took the day off yesterday, but did the Zhunti mantra again this morning and felt nausea afterwards.

That's good to hear, but why do I feel sick after I do it lately?

I've noticed that for the past few days an interesting phenomenon when I do the Zhunti mantra. I'll do it and as I'm doing it become aware of many of my negative character traits and how they have earned me bad karma. Then afterwards I'll feel very tired (often have to take a nap afterwards) and even feel kind of sick (as in nausea, that weird "sick sweat" and just "off"). If this had happened just once I would have not paid much attention, but since this seems to have become a pattern I'm wondering what's going on?

Right I have the same dilemma as to how or if you say anything to them lol.

For the past couple days I've noticed occasionally looking at people and seeing segments of their timeline, either past or future. There is one classmate and this just happened with her and I saw severe trauma in her past, it was very disturbing. Does this come with the territory in the training?

Soak it for 30 min. Then bring the water to a boil. After reaching a boil reduce heat to simmer for 30 min. Drain the water, then add more water and simmer again for 30 min, and then drain that as well. Mix together and drink a cup twice a day.

Nevertheless does anyone use any yin/yang balancing methods?

I've noticed that if I do hold the ball at the middle dan tien/heart level it seems to stir up emotions and feelings. I don't notice so much if I do wuji, and I tried hold the ball at the lower dan tien and didn't notice a lot of stirring either.

Just curious if anyone does walking meditation as part of their practice? There of course is a lot said about sitting and standing meditation on here, but I've not seen as much about walking meditation. I've noticed the if my legs are hurting from sitting too long, or if there is a lot of sloth and topor or restlessness that walking meditation seems to help a lot. I've just been mentally saying "Buh" on one foot and "Doh" on the other foot, same as I would with the breath if I were sitting or standing. Anyone have any input or thoughts?

I realize this isn't exactly the point of this thread, but I was wondering if anyone does or knows of a qigong practice to balance yin and yang. I've found the organ meditations to be effective for the five elements. What about yin and yang?