Maddie

Well the main method I use to work on any of the organ systems if the healing sounds and inner smile meditation. If found it to be very effective.

The thing is in my case was that I was not focusing on the tail bone at all, well at least not until it felt like it was being drilled into lol. I was simply doing Samatha. So I started to feel better physically so I decide to head out grab something to eat and take a walk in nature. As I'm heading out I for a moment think to myself if all of this means that I've somehow diminished the ego, and then I walk past a pretty girl and I realize that no, the ego hasn't been diminished at all haha. In fact though I felt better physically the weirdness continued as I was walking the greenbelt. It seems if anything I have become much more aware of the ego, and that makes it seem like a bigger beast than before. I had some deep insight to the ridiculousness of the male ego, well my male ego specifically and far from it seeming less than before all of this I seem to have seen just how large and deep it is. I was actually listening to my male ego talk about the way it thinks things are and/or should be and I actually started laughing because some of it was so absurdly ridiculous... I hope no one at the greenbelt saw me laughing at myself lol. Ok so if I don't sound schizophrenic enough it gets weirder. So then I'm walking down the nature trail and just all of a sudden out of the blue I have this past life flash back where I remember/see myself as this young prince of this minor kingdom a long time ago (felt like south central Asia but I'm not sure). Anyways I remember myself protesting that for some reason I had to walk the trail myself and felt it was so undignified because apparently I was meant to be carried on this platform like thing by servants. So that undignified feeling hit me as I was walking the nature trail lol. So anyways it seems like what I'm noticing so far since this happened is that my realization of ego is more profound. I'm seeing how big it is, and how deep it runs, and how ridiculous it can be. Oh boy. **oh btw Drew I'm glad you mentioned that as your energy field expands it can freak people out cause I noticed that happen a few times on the nature trail. I was just standing there but I seemed to have weirded some people out lol.

Yea funny I didn't even make that connection but yea, all I was doing when all this happened was mainly Samatha! Hmmm no can't say I've noticed any unusual feelings of hot or cold though. I'll take a look at that book, at least enough to have some basic info so I won't freak out as much haha. Thanks for being my life line, you have no idea how much you've helped me right now!

Wow thanks!!! your are being sooooo helpful to me right now!!! lol. It's funny, its almost like you have been spying on me haha, I say that because yesterday I ate more than usual, just felt like I needed to (I've been eating two small meals a day lately and never in the evening). I ate at night last night lol. I also saw a classmate on FB last night who is a yoga teacher, and told him about what's going on and he told me to talk a salt bath lol, which I did. So B-complex eh? Ok your inspiring me to go out and walk our "greenbelt" and get in nature a bit. I'd been feeling kind of sick today so I stayed in. I felt like I'd be run over by a bus so I just took it easy and rested all day. Oh that's good to know about the cumulative effect thing, helps make things make more sense.

yes and yes

Oh I know almost nothing about Kundalini, and like you said I've found web searches to be confusing not because of lack of info but because there is so much to sort through. I had and still have no desire to practice any kind of Kundalini arts, I'm just trying to make sense of what the heck has been happening to me the past couple days lol, as it was totally unintentional. In fact I have always tended to shy away from Kundalini practice cause I hear about all these people going nuts from it. So it has a lot to do with burning off karma then? and channel opening?

I think what makes Buddhism a "religion" in spite of the fact that there is no "God" is that it deals with an afterlife which is a big part of what religion is about.

Hey TI Wow its so nice to know that all this weird stuff that's been happening lately is explainable lol. Though the rocking I experienced seems very mild compared to some of the stuff in that video haha. But I've been so grateful for your input these past couple days, its been helping to keep me afloat I'm assuming that all of this is supposed to be a sign of progress, so once this stuff settles down a bit should I expect a more positive outlook on life or something?

Yea lol, now that I see it as Feng Shui I keep my place much cleaner

Welcome. I am curious about which foods you have found to be beneficial to your practice?

Yea meditation is hard work lol. I've found that when I do a lot of it that I have to rest . Even though what is happening at the moment isn't the funnest thing ever I have noticed a few interesting things. I've noticed more often lately that when I first wake up, either in the morning or from a nap that its like I have to remember which incarnation I'm in lol. It's like this dialogue goes on in my mind and its like "oh what are we calling ourselves identifying as now?" and then I look at my arm or something and then its like "oh yea" lol. I seem to be able to see into ego more (both my own and other people's). Though it strikes me as so petty and such a waste of time what people's egos take for being important or worthwhile to do with their time lol. Though seeing into my ego I'm finding to be useful cause as I do I get more experiences like I was mentioning like when I wake up and see this construct that I consider to be "me" is just a construct. But yea its kind of frustrating when you see people could be cultivating themselves, but instead put so much energy into the stupidest stuff lol. I walked into my apartment managers office this morning to pick up a package for my roommate and I'm pretty sure I heard her thinking something like "my life will finally be so good when all my hard work around here is recognized and I get that promotion that I deserve". It just seemed so pointless lol. Another nice thing is these hidden places of darkness in my psyche that I was previously unaware of until this experience, I am able to fill them up with loving kindness and compassion and they just kind of melt away . It seems that compassion itself seems to be increasing as well. Like when I heard what the manager was thinking I really felt a great deal of compassion for her, seeing as how she was so stressed n such. I think next time I do the Zhunti mantra I'll say a few lines for her lol. I suppose that the taking on of people's karma that you mentioned might explain my strong desire to be such a hermit these days lol. Though I do need this to settle down pretty soon cause I still have school to think about and while missing one class isn't that big of a deal, I still need to be able to concentrate enough to study . I'm sure it will work out.

I was thinking a little more about some of the feed back (since I feel sick and didn't go to school) and it occurred to me that my tail bone hurting from simply sitting in meditation a long time would not explain all the other funky symptoms that I've been experiencing, such as being super sensitive to other people, all the emotional issues that are coming up since, the insomnia, facing the "darkness" and feeling very nauseous. Anyways I'm doing my best to try to stay mindful during this and observe it with as much detachment as I can. I found this interesting. http://www.meditationexpert.com/meditation-techniques/m_basic_meditation_lessons_and_principles_and_techniques.htm Like I said I stayed home from school today cause I don't feel good ^

Yea I do realize I analyze and I know it can be over done lol, BUT I've found that analysis in the past has helped me to get to the root and solve a lot of problems. Yea I know your not supposed to get distracted like that in meditation but yesterday was no average day haha. Um no I don't know what positive ascents are? So in a nutshell your saying maybe too much sitting and not enough standing?

One of the reasons I post my experiences on here is that I find the very act of writing down my experiences and ordering my thoughts helps to make sense of it all. So here goes again.... I had what I believe was a Kundalini experience yesterday. As the experience made me feel manic I decided to go into a little more detail that things seem to be settling down a bit. First of all I want to make it clear that I was NOT seeking any kind of Kundalini experience. I had seen posts about Kundalini on here, but the topic never really interested me. In fact to be honest I was rather put off by it considering it seemed to make people nuts and ruin their lives (at least some people). Rather what I had been doing was a lot of Buddhist practice with a little Taoism thrown in the mix as well. My main practices as of late have been the Zhunti mantra to start things off with. Then usually some mindfulness meditation (either Samatha or Vipassana). Then sometimes I would do a qigong organ meditation as needed depending on how I was feeling. That is the extent of what I've been doing for the most part. Nothing specifically aimed at Kundalini. So yesterday I had been meditating for about an hour seated. After that I did 15 min of walking and then 15 min of standing meditation because my legs were sore from sitting in half lotus for the first hour. During my standing meditation I was positioned in front of a picture of Kwan Yin. Just breathing and looking at the picture. Then I return to seated meditation for another hour. So I'm sitting there in half lotus again and doing Samatha. After about 20 min into that session I become aware of "the feminine" (I don't know how to better put it). After this my tail bone suddenly starts to hurt bad, I mean intense pain. It became so unbearable that I got into child's pose and continued to meditate in that position for a while. I also noticed that as I got distracted by the pain and focused on that it would gradually subside, but then when I felt better and my attention returned to "the feminine" then my tail bone would hurt again. So finally my timer goes off and meditation is over. So I go to the living room and after a few minutes my roommate and her bf come over few briefly to drop something off. I'm struck by how transparent they both seem. Its like I know exactly what both of them are thinking and feeling. The disconcerting part is that my roommates bf while trying to appear civil is actually quite "put off" by me. I'm suddenly aware of his deep seated insecurities and realize that it truly bothers him when his gf/my roommate talks to any other guys other than him. So anyways they leave and I go outside to the laundry room of my apartment complex to put my clothes in the wash. On the way I see a group of construction workers who are doing renovations on our place and another group of college aged kids hanging out outside their apartment. Again I just know everything about what they are all thinking and feeling and its not fun at all. I saw and felt all of their personal fears, insecurities, jealousies, ect. Though the construction workers felt far more comfortable than the college kids lol. So then I go to the sandwich shop to get some lunch. Same thing happens in line there. I just know what everyone in the place is feeling and its just so overwhelming. I get to see the "lust network" going on and see the various people in the shop's feelings towards each other. Then I go back home and at this point I just want to be away from everyone. But there isn't really any relief cause now even by myself I'm feeling very manic, and nervous. So though I hadn't done it for a while I'm hoping that doing the MCO will help because I reason that if I felt all of this in my tail bone, then perhaps circulating the energy around a bit will help to balance it. Though what happens when I start doing the MCO is that I just become more aware of my own insecurity and self esteem issues, so that didn't make me feel better either lol. So I wound up staying awake until about 3am because I was so manic from all of this that I had bad insomnia. This morning I'm feeling "weird" but I can't put my finger on it. Gradually as the morning goes by I start to feel more and more down. Eventually it gets so bad that I'm reminded of the only time I had really felt something so dark, and that was when I was a teenager. Back then I went through this period in my life where I was having lots of issues with my father and I was very depressed and everything was dark and bleak. Well this same feeling came back to me this morning. So I have breakfast and then decide that its time to do my daily practice. So I start with the Zhunti mantra as I usually do. Well this seems to be very effective at lifting the darkness off of me, but only 30 min into it I get so tired that I just stop and go lay down (I never stop during meditation, I usually always plow through even if I'm not feeling up to it). As I'm laying there I'm tired but can't sleep, so the memories and feelings of this darkness are going through my mind but I'm looking at them and sending compassion and loving kindness to these memories and feelings and that seems to be dissipating them. This causes me to realize that when I was a teenager and felt that darkness that I was really just very disconnected from love. This of course led me to examine other dark chapters of my life and saw that just about all of them were due to a feeling of being cut off from love. In the past all those frustrated searches for the perfect girl and the disappointment that followed when I realized there were no perfect people and that, that was not the source of love that I thought it was anyways became apparent. So anyways I'm not saying this is all over, as this is new to me and I'm not really sure how this goes, but so far it has definately been insightful if not totally pleasant lol. I recall Drew mentioning that Kundalini exorcises lower emotional blockages and this does seem to be the case so far, but I'm curious.... I only felt my tail bone hurt, does this mean that everything I've felt so far was contained just there and that I have a lot more of my spinal column to go? or was the pain in the tail bone so intense that I was not able to notice anything else that was happening at the time and there is more going on than just the area around my tail bone? Anyways for those of you who have been through this your insight is valuable to me, because I feel pretty strange at the moment and confused lol.

Man this Kundalini stuff sucks lol

oh dear

that was so cool, I saw that the other night

Who is he, and what makes him all saving?

Now that's interesting cause I guess when I think about it now it makes sense but I had been under the impression that the MCO didn't work on organs directly which is why I tended to favor organ meditations lol. But obviously the MCO was stirring up something lol. ** wow your a genius lol. So I went and did a kidney meditation and INSTANTLY felt better! I'm not sure why but that is probably the organ that I ignore the most often. It never occurred to me to try that. I suppose as the MCO was passing between my kidney's it stirred something up eh?

Yea that's what I did, just rocked and tried to ignore it. It was back and forth.

I suppose I should clarity the order of events. First I was sitting there in Samantha not giving a single thought to Kundalini (I've never really been that interested in it) and then all of a sudden my tail bone starts hurting bad. This lasts a while and the only sort of bearable position was child's pose. Later on I decided to give MCO a try hoping that it might be able to balance out what had happened to me.

I agree. Unless one is totally enlightened the will isn't completely free

I'd say you need to work on your spleen due to the over thinking. The spleen healing sound is "hu"

thanks, but I don't think I said anything that was not courteous

Considering I was in the military and deployed to a war zone and was around people who got blown up, I'll play my exempt card from that last statement