Maddie

At least he's giving me a distraction as my kundalini is making me feel wonky haha. Actually I think he may be having a spiritual quickening and those can be rather uncomfortable. Hey Drew, you mentioned calling SF to have them help me open my third eye, but if I were to call them, what would I tell them?

Oh thanks for responding, its so nice to have someone else know what your going through haha. I feel so manic at the moment its very uncomfortable

of course, but then again that is caused by clinging and desire too

no cause then you'd just miss it. It has to be done within

heart sutra.... nice

actually its the holding on that makes you suffer. If you had already let go then there would be no suffering. Its the fact that you don't want to let go, its the clinging that makes you suffer.

you do keep meditating till you die lol. I think you just found whats bothering you. Enlightenment is totally letting go. But what you let go of is suffering, so its not a bad deal

death is just transition no more no less. When you truly realize that what it is that you call you does not exist then you have let go of this game and your enlightened and get to stop playing. It's the fact that you think what you call you exists which is why your here in the first place.

I don't know, what?

it beats lower existence

yea yours I got lol.

when and where?

Its been a while since I did the MCO. I did it today and I feel very nervous and jittery, can this be a normal reaction? **damn MCO made me feel manic :-(

You burn off the karma by living it out.

You honestly think people in the past had more freedom??

From a Feng Shui point of view mirrored ceilings are awful lol. It's said that when you Hun soul moves at night when your asleep and dreaming that mirrors freak it out.

Tao is not a personality like god. To not do something in alignment with Tao is more like playing chicken on the freeway at night while your drunk. The road does not approve or disapprove, but it might not make you feel to good lol

I wonder if you kill yourself if you get reincarnated as a lemming? I'm serious lol. So what sort of monastery are you in? I've been contemplating doing that as well, but I'm not sure I'd be able with financial obligations n such.

I started qigong so I could be an MMA bad ass haha, I never knew it would lead to all that its led to in my life either **oh yea and if your a ghost you can't whack off

I have been having some yin/yang balancing issues and decided to try the MCO after not having done it for a while. Granted I only did it for 20 min and that's much shorter than I do most meditations, but I didn't really feel anything from it. Usually if I do an organ meditation for even 20 min I feel something, but I did not in this case and I'm not sure why? **edit. Ok since that last post I went back and did more of the MCO. I noticed something. After doing the first session of MCO I felt kind of insecure and was having self esteem issues lol. I didn't really understand why, I just knew it wasn't fun. So I go get some lunch and come back and then do another set of MCO for another 20 min. While I'm doing it I notice that the same security and self esteem issues resurface. So I consolidate the qi at my dan tien and just do mindfulness meditation. But when I start doing that all awareness of these issues vanishes. So I begin MCO again, and then the same issues resurface. Stop again and they vanish, start again and they reappear. So I realize that for what ever reason that MCO is causing these issues to surface so I just keep doing it and being mindful about it. I don't understand why the MCO raised such issues other than it was stirring up latent qi?

Then a good starting place is to ask yourself the question, why do/did you want to travel through space? See what you come up with. Yea killing yourself won't solve anything cause like others have said you'll just end up in a similar situation (or if you have not earned enough good karma and merit an even crappier situation), kind of like groundhog day. Also like one monk was explaining your have a set amount of karma that determines this life time, so if you kill yourself before your time then you live out the rest of that time as a ghost and if you think things suck now, they really suck as a ghost. You can't enjoy good food, sex, no one you know can hear you, see you ect. So the answer is to find out why you wanted what you wanted, and once you do you'll find your answer. Take this task seriously, sit down and meditate for a good long while until you get the answer.

Yea also you don't want your bed, especially head directly facing the door, or any corners or mirrors pointing at the bed. You can also make adjustments based upon specific goals you have.

Well that's the thing. I'm not doing any kind of Kundalini practice intentionally, this was spontaneous.

Thanks It seems that the theme of the day for me is Yin and Yang. So there was that experience that I already mentioned, and since then I feel myself somewhat baffled by the "feminine" which of course is Yin. Aside from that I've noticed something the past couple days relating to Yang as well. So the first occurrence was yesterday. My brother contacts me and wants to play x-box which is something we do from time to time. So I get online and we are playing call of duty online. Obviously most of the players online are male, and most of them young males. Well after a while I find myself just feeling "put off" by them (sorry again finding terminology for these kinds of things is difficult). It seems that by interacting with them, even online that I feel their energy, their state of mind, their outlook on life, and their outlook and feelings about sex and women. So it gets to the point where I tell my brother that I've had enough and I go and meditate to "undo the damage" lol. As I'm meditating I become aware of this "put off" feeling that I get (not only this time) but from time to time when around other males, especially males of the more mundane type. Naturally I felt this a lot in the Army lol. So eventually I meditate and end up feeling pretty good again. Well today my roommate (female) and her bf come by very briefly to drop something off. I could tell that her bf was "put off" by me by reading his energy, even though on the surface he was trying to not show it. Then I found myself being "put off" by him from feeling him "put off" by me lol. They were only here for a few minutes but it left me feeling not so good, in a very similar manner as I felt yesterday playing x-box. I've noticed this past week that as I've been meditating a lot that women are becoming very friendly towards me, and that men are becoming more antagonistic. At school the guys say little sarcastic jokes which on the surface they try to play off as just joking around, but I can feel on an energetic level that they are trying to get a rise out of me. Realizing this I just laugh at it and stay happy so they don't get that rise out of me lol. At the same time the females seem to being trying harder to get "a rise" out of me, but in a different way lol. Like a few days ago I had my female roommate exposing parts of herself to me and dancing provocatively and modeling slutty outfits for me to see if I thought her bf would like them lol. I had to go meditate after she left too haha. So but beyond the manifestations of it all whether its my various interactions with men and women, or my tail bone hurting like hell when this feeling of the "feminine" comes over me, it seems like the mystery I feel like I need to solve, which is underlying all of this is Yin and Yang. Well time to go meditate some more so I can deal with that "put off" feeling from my roommates bf lol.

Wow that is so weird. Ok so I am less familiar with the Indian side of things, so I googled "Shakti" lol, and she looks a lot like Kwan Yin. Well thing is, is that after the first hour of meditation I did a brief walking and then standing meditation before I sat again. Well while doing the standing portion I was standing in front of a picture of Kwan Yin and just sort of staring at it as I meditated. Too weird lol.