Maddie

Glad you liked it. Yea if you look at a lot of the teachings of Jesus many of them are very similar to the teachings of Buddha, Laozi, Mohamed, ect... so yea definitely plenty of good stuff to learn there. I remember when I was in seminary I would have very intense prayer sessions and now that I meditate I remember many of those feeling similar to a long meditation session. After a few years of long into the night prayer sessions I even had instances of pre-cognitive insight and stuff like that. Cultivation is as cultivation does haha.

well best of luck on your path then

and how's that working for you?

More and more it seems to me that Taoism and Buddhism are doing and saying the same thing, just using different terminology.

that's what we're saying

no thats not what were saying lol

Ok but this depression that you feel is the result of loosing so much qi. Try doing what we are suggesting and you will see the point in living.

That's quite a leap lol

Your missing the point lol. The fact that your getting sexually stimulated in the first place is what turns your qi into sex fluid.

That does not work, I used to do that. You have to have mental celibacy too. Edging stimulates sexual fluid production which deconverts your qi, to jing, and jing to sex fluid. That takes you in the wrong direction.

Oh and the qi makes you feel better about life so you don't get depressed either

Its true, I'm deliberately trying to avoid women so I can cultivate and they are chasing me now haha. The way celibacy AND meditation attract women is that it converts your sex fluid into jing and then into qi, and its all that qi that the women like.

could be, in the past when I did organ meditations and lots of intense emotion would come up, I just had to keep doing more until I had done enough to get the job done. Perhaps this is the same type of situation.

Ok well what happened to me earlier today was I was just sitting in Samatha, not trying to do any kundalini type stuff at all. So there I am sitting, doing Samatha and then this notion of the "feminine" comes to me (I know its hard to explain in words, but thats the best I can do) and then I get this huge pain in my tail bone, it was unbearable. So I eventually go into child's pose as that is the most relief I can get, but it still hurts. Of course this distracts me so the pain subsides and as I return to doing Samatha the feeling/notion/idea of the "feminine" hits me again and the pain returns. Ok so this happens a few more times. It was afterwards that I decided to try doing the MCO to help balance things out, but I just wound up feeling manic.

Ok so then I'm thinking its not MCO, but instead the kundalini experience I had earlier this morning

Yea I did make sure to store it at the Dan Tien at the end hoping to avoid just such a thing. So then perhaps maybe rather this is related to the freaky Kundalini stuff that I'm going through today then?

speaking of the heart can the MCO make the heart feel manic?

Yea thanks for the reminder! Oh man I'm so glad you said what you did earlier about reading people. So after my roommates bf left I first went outside to get my laundry and then to the sandwich store to get lunch. I thought I was loosing my mind. I walked past this group of college aged people on the way to my laundry and I knew what their personalities were and the jist of what they were thinking and feeling. Then at the sandwich place I'm standing in line and the same thing happens there with everyone in the room. I just wanted to run out of there screaming haha. It was overwhelming I could not wait to get back home and away from the world. I thought doing the MCO would help but I just seemed to feel more manic and nervous when I did it, maybe it was just too much at the moment. I'm thinking I'll just go and sit and breathe in a bit, hoping that some Vipassana will help.

At least he's giving me a distraction as my kundalini is making me feel wonky haha. Actually I think he may be having a spiritual quickening and those can be rather uncomfortable. Hey Drew, you mentioned calling SF to have them help me open my third eye, but if I were to call them, what would I tell them?

Oh thanks for responding, its so nice to have someone else know what your going through haha. I feel so manic at the moment its very uncomfortable

of course, but then again that is caused by clinging and desire too

no cause then you'd just miss it. It has to be done within

heart sutra.... nice

actually its the holding on that makes you suffer. If you had already let go then there would be no suffering. Its the fact that you don't want to let go, its the clinging that makes you suffer.

you do keep meditating till you die lol. I think you just found whats bothering you. Enlightenment is totally letting go. But what you let go of is suffering, so its not a bad deal