Maddie

Haha, I also don't really care for dresses, but most of the women in my family and most of my female friends have always been jeans and shorts types of gals. I rarely wear one. Also I think part of me thinks its a bit "cliche". Also between how much I work (scrubs) and jujitsu (gi) that's pretty much what I wear 90% of the time anyways. Then at home its just a tank top and gym shorts.

So much of what you said was so relatable. I constantly battled mysterious anxiety and depression my whole life but could not find any obvious source much of the time. When I first became aware of what trans people were I also had a mixture of fascination, and revulsion. I grew up in Texas. A very conservative and religious place. I didn't even know trans people existed and if I had I would have thought to do something like that would be one of the most disgraceful things one could possibly do to themselves. Fast forwarding a lot, one of the main reasons that I became interested in internal cultivation was because of the constant anxiety and depression that I was constantly feeling all of the time. So very early on, on the path I began meditation. At first I was horrified and thought meditation either didn't work or was harmful to my mental health because almost as soon as I began meditation feelings of being a girl came to the surface very quickly. This naturally horrified me and as I fought it my anxiety and depression became worse. I spent several more years meditating, thinking that if I could just meditate enough I could "meditate the trans away". This obviously didn't work and the anxiety and depression only became worse as I continued to meditate. Fast forwarding a little more the fact that I was a girl was becoming this constant internal screaming that I could no longer ignore. Therefore I decided to to an "experiment" and dress like a girl and "indulge" my mind. I fully expected to "get it out of my system" and then that would be the end of my "shameful" cross dressing experiment. So on my day off I went to the thrift store got a girl outfit (my face was red from embarrassment) and took it home. I put it on and instead of feeling ridiculous like I thought I was going to, I felt so comfortable. I realized right then and there that I was trans. I just remember staring at the floor all day in disbelief. The other thing I noticed was once I acknowledged it the constant anxiety and depression that I dealt with constantly just disappeared over night. I could not believe it.

That definitely works as well.

Thank you so much for sharing! I found a lot of that relatable and will go into more detail soon.

Oh you mean like Kung Fu stuff??

I'm very sorry to hear that. If you don't mind sharing would you care to elaborate? I don't actually know any trans people in real life so I would love to hear someone else's story (that's of course if you are comfortable sharing).

Would you mind sharing which Buddhist traditions work through the body? I have never heard of this.

This I suppose is a good topic for the old transgender thread. Personally I feel like my relationship to my old boy life is more positive than a lot of other transwomen. I think one reason is that I was so suppressed for so long I just thought I was a boy and didn't really question it for a long time. So it's hard to hate something that you thought you were ok with at the time. The other thing is that while obviously I didn't ultimately feel comfortable as a boy, I didn't hate myself. I practiced self compassion even back then and I think that helped a lot. Besides now I have the unique perspective of seeing life from both points of view and that is something most people don't have. People seem to be fascinated when I tell them how life as a boy was verses life as a girl.

That is how I refer to myself, so sample size of one says yes lol. "one time back when I was a boy" makes me think "this one time at band camp"

Granted I do take my skin care routine very seriously though. I moisturize frequently and I do cosmetic acupuncture. Additionally every day I take Jing tonics. Also it's completely up to you but if you want to share a selfie do feel free. 😊

It's definitely true.

It was good enough that when I was curious I decided to pursue Buddhism further.

I'm a Daoist immoral 😌

I like being asexual 🙂

I have a gay friend that loves trans men. But one thing interesting I noticed was once I started transitioning gay men stopped flirting with me and lesbians started lol.

Well aren't you Mr observant? LOL 🤣. The reason that's on my table is because that's a stack of books I'm going to bring to the half Price bookstore to trade in. Although it was really helpful at the very beginning of my exploration into Buddhism.

I mean I think I agree because I had been wanting to get rid of that thing ever since I was little for that reason.

I guess since I've already owned being an attention whore there's really nothing holding me back is there? 🤭😂🫣

The photos are the practice. The Tao of the selfie

Thank you for sharing and welcome to the Dao Bums in general and to the transgendered thread specifically :-). Always nice to have another sister around. * and brother Blue Eye's ;-)

awww that's sweet actually :-). Also they can't shame you if you own it lol.

Yeah but I'm an unapologetic attention whore

I would say when you spend your entire life hating what you see in the mirror constantly and then finally you like it. It tends to make one kind of excited LOL

Definitely seems to be the case in my experience lol. Also welcome to my thread surrogate corpse. Would you care to introduce yourself here? Up to you. 😊🩷