Maddie

Hey Cat I was pondering this topic a lot more and thought that its probably not just one or the other, but really both together. As I was meditating and working on my heart and kidneys I realized that more of the love and alturistic attraction resided in the heart naturally, but the kidneys as the generator and storehouse of jing and sexuality also deal with attraction on another more physical level (I suppose this would correlate to the heart and sacral chakras of the indian yoga system). But I think both levels of attraction are important for a relationship to be good. Interestingly enough I was doing the kidney inner smile and healing sound yesterday and accessed a lot of "junk" that felt like nervousness, stress, ect... I realized that my feelings and reactions to the more physical aspects of love and intimacy actually were quite a stress reaction more than enjoyment and this had been creating a lot of difficulty for me in this regard. I was quite supprised at how much junk came out yesterday as I worked on my kidneys, and at how unplesant it felt as this was happening. Though I can say that today I feel much "lighter" and feel as though its easier to breath, so that is interesting. I had never really thought to work on my kidneys in relation to this topic before but I'm glad I did now. I used to focus primarily on my heart and lungs. Heart for the love aspect, and lungs cause I would feel kind of sad about the way my love life was going lol. Yet as much work as I put into those organs, and while it did help, it still felt as though there was something I was not getting. Now that I worked on my kidneys in relation to the topic of intimacy I feel as though something that had been causing me a lot of problems for a long time has been removed :-). This Qigong stuff is interesting, it seems that you learn more and more about yourself the longer you do it, even after you think something isn't an issue for you anymore.

what if its somewhere in between? lol

Oh there was no resistance at all, in fact I was fully planning on getting her number. And then as I was there doing a little flirting this realization just hit me on the head out of the blue, and I realized that though she was very pretty that I guess she was just not my "type" or something cause I had no desire for her. The funny thing is ... used to I would think I felt desire for just about any woman I thought was attractive, but as I continued my qigong practice I came to realize this was actually more ego than true attraction, as in can I conquer this? But it would seem that as I have done my work on ego issues that I guess I don't ask myself the subconscious question of "can I get her" but now its more like "do I really like her? / can I really see myself with her?" I guess its kind of a subtle yet drastic shift in perspective. And actually as I was out and about today the exact same thing happened to me again. I saw another very pretty blonde on a bench, and I was initially thinking "oh nice, pretty girl" and then a splt second later I just "knew" she was pretty, but I did not feel drawn to her. weird I know

I agree, in regards to the other thing you said about spiritual attraction, I agree with that as well, but was curious about the actual mechanics of it, as in which meridians, chakras, ect. are involved in this (the heart I would guess, but even if so, what is it about this that would cause people to be or not be attracted to eachother?)

wow that was like the exact same thing that hit me the other day when I was getting frustrated about all this. Additionally it occurd to me that my job is to get my own energy in order so that when the universe does swing my way in this area I am ready for it.

When I was stationed in Germany my wife practically didn't want to go out in public with out me due to all the perverts that appraoched her. Back in the states this never happens to her (plus she gained a lot of weight since then too). Also in Germany is the only time this happened to me, I was using the toilet at the train station at night and some dude walked up to the stall next to me and started jacking himself, which has never happened to me here. Germans are some kinky peeps, though I did love that country.

This thread comes at an interesting time for me in regards of the heart, as this is what I happend to be working on extensively lately. For the past couple years I have been working on various aspects of myself, the various Zang Fu organs, meridians, chakras, ect.. but I now feel that in a way all of that was preliminary to working on my heart which seems to be core to so many of my other issues I have dealt with.

I think you just said what both of our dilemas are, that what draws our heart and libido are not necessarily the same thing. I believe this again shows the diconnect between two parts of ourselves that need connection. Penny, I agree with what you said about the heart vs the mind, yet even then sometimes its still complicated. In my case for example I do not feel any great connection with my wife, yet I love my children more than anything. So on one hand my heart does not feel connected to my wife, but also could not stand hurting my children, or not being there for them like I'd want to....

Oh if you think that is what I'm still trying to do you misunderstood, actually I am doing the opposite now, and realizing that sex is a normal healthy part of life, and that what I really felt uncomfortable with was loveless sex.

No, I kind of have to be my own therapist because I can not afford to go to one, in fact it was largely due to my lack of insurance that got me into Qigong in the first place, though it does seem to be working.

When I first started doing the MCO the back of my neck would really buzz, felt a strong electric tingle there. As a kid I had a mild stuttering problem and was very quiet. Still not super out going but don't mind conversation as much as I used to.

Hmmmm interesting, the exact same thing has happened to me many times. All I can assume (especially after what I've been doing lately) is that it would indicated a blockage in the heart chakra area.

On the spine between the shoulder blades is the back of the heart chakra, perhaps you are clearing out blocakges there.

I have a Japanese friend who told me the same thing about life in Japan.

Thats interesting that you should mention that because that has been the same for me very often, sometimes even to the exclusion of stimulation where one would assume it should be.

Its a pitty you deleted it, I would have enjoyed reading that. I think its the urgency that is the most frustrating because when you feel bad about something you want to feel better NOW.

Hey Otis Thanks for responding. After reading what you had to say (and I've had a dance class in college before I know what your talking about) it seems that we both really are struggeling with the same issue, which is integrating love with our sexuality. I had been working a long time on my sex chakra because I thought that my sex drive was the problem, but was not really getting any results, or making any progress. I came to realize that the reason I was not getting anywhere with that was because my sex chakra was doing its job perfectly i.e. I wanted sex lol. I did not start making progress until I began to work on my heart chakra (which is what I am currently doing now). Loveless sexuality is a huge problem in our society, but it is what causes us to not find sex fufilling beyond the passion of the moment. It is also what causes us to view women as objects of pleasure rather than human beings with a soul (and which is also why we feel a great deal of guilt about it as well, because our sub-conscious knows such attitudes are not healthy). As far as what role your conservative christian parents played, I would say it would be a huge role, as my mother is also the same. In fact I think more or less the mess our culture is in now is largely due to the influence of conservative christianity (what ever you try to push down the hardest, is what pops back up the strongest). The general attitude of most conservative christians I've known (and I've known a lot) is that they tend to have a very negative attitude towards sexuality. It tends to be viewed not as a natural part of life, but as something dirty and shameful. Thus producing negative attitudes about something that is just as natural as any other aspect of life is definately going to be harmful to the personality. I think therefore that the best thing to do in your situation is to not run from your libido, but to connect it to your heart, and work on opening your heart through which ever cultivation method that you use.

This thread brings to mind the ledgend of Atlantis. *edit: its also interesting how almost every major culture of the world has some version of a world wide flood story such as Noah and the Ark or some variation of it.

I recently moved and got a job selling cars (which I hate, but its all I can find for now) and a lot of the other sales men are real douche bags. Anyways as one would suspect you need to be very assertive in this business but the problem I have been noticing is that when I get very angry I can literally not speak (and its usually at this point that I need to say something the most). Yea I get mad, and yea I want to say something, but I can't, and don't know why; any thoughts? solutions? theories?

Lol I liked the douchebag link :-P ... Another thought I had today was to check out my heart meridain as the heart is responsible for social interaction in a normal way in society and is also affected strongly by shock. What happens to me is that someone is rude to me, first I tend to go in a state of surreal shock as though I can't quite comprehend that someone would really be such a douche. This state of shock is what causes me to freeze up and not be able to respond. I do feel that going back through childhood might be a very good way to get to the bottom of this as my parents always forced me to swallow my anger, and I have had a lot of good progress from going back to childhood stuff in the past with other issues as well. *edit: After a little more thought, I have come up with a more plausable explination. As a child my father would scream, slap, hit, scold, me if I ever expressed my anger. My mother would make me feel as though anger was an evil thing and make me ashamed of it. In both cases I feared. In the case of my father I feared him directly, and in the case of my mother I leared to fear the expression of emotion, anger in particular (interestingly enough my mother had a her gall bladder removed a few years ago, and the gall bladder with the liver are responsible for anger, which she always suppressed). I learned as a child that anger just got me hit, or screamed at, or a speech, and that it was far safer to supress it. So it would seem that fear trumphed the role of anger in my life. Fear is the emotion of the kidneys and adreanals, fight of flight, it makes us "freeze". Now in situations where I should get angry, instead I freeze, as though what I am scared of is letting anger out. It is as though my kidneys have taken over the role my liver should be doing. My liver seems to be doing its job (cause I certainly feel a lot of anger) but my kidneys do not let it out. So I feel that the best thing I can do now is to go into my kidneys and let them know that in some situations it is ok to express anger/assertiveness (like when someone is trying to take advantage of you).

I like this suggestion and will give it a try (I'm sure my esteemed co-workers will be happy to give me the opportunity to practice this lol)

That is how I start just about every morning, makes me wonder how I'd be doing if I didn't do that lol?

Yes that is exactely how it was when I was a child, and yea I was also thinking working on the throat chakra, and probably also the solar plexus chakra as well as the liver would be the way to go. edit* Throat chakra for the obvious reasons of suppressed communication. Solar Plexus for its role in personal power issues. Liver in is role in anger/assertiveness. I think what is going on is that I have a blockage in my liver, so where as it is supposed to express assertiveness in such situations, this energy gets stuck and there for gets hot and burns as anger, plus the fact that its "stuck" is exactely how my voice feels when I'm really angry. There is a condition in TCM called "Plum Pit qi" it is a symptom of Liver chi stagnation, and it feels like there is a "plum pit" stuck in your throat, so there is some sort of connection between the liver (anger) and the throat (communication).

I think the "emotional blockage" comment is worthy of more focus. I have found that the cold draw is effective at reducing the physical desire, but one thing I discovered after eliminating physical desire is how much emotional issues played into things as well. I think it is important to observe with in yourself what types of emotions you have about sex so that you can identify what the real emotional issue is. For example if one pretty much simply wants to "get off" in the physical sense this could point to a root chakra blockage. If they want to be able to seduce women for their ego than this points towards a solar plexus issue, ect... So trying to decipher what type of emotions drive your libido is helpful in bringing balance.

are you serious?!