Maddie

Honest daily practice routine: 

Wake up in the morning and stare at the carpet while having tea. Then I roll around on my yoga mat randomly for a little bit and then after that post gratuitous selfies for no reason.

Happy Friday 😊 

2 hours ago, liminal_luke said:

 

Mark,

 

I sometimes find your posts fascinating and, also, a little bit beyond me.  This is one of those posts.  I´m having trouble connecting how your thoughts connect to the quotation of mine you posted.  You can explain if you like -- or not!  Someday maybe I´ll get it.

I thought it was just me lol. Sorry Mark, think you're great though!!! :-)

It's on now

2 hours ago, liminal_luke said:

 Consider gay marriage.  I´m gay and love the fact that I can now marry my partner. Gay marriage: love it!  But I can´t pretend that this kind of progress comes without a price; life was simpler when we could all just assume that woman and men married and any other kind of relationship was a freakish aberration. 

We tend to prefer what is familiar over what is good. 

1 hour ago, surrogate corpse said:

Thank you, @silent thunder. I'm glad my words resonated.

 

@liminal_luke -- You've put your finger right on it: the desire to make life simpler. The actual world is complex. This frightens us. So we construct simple false models of the world ("men are attracted to women, and women to men"; "everyone born with a penis is a man"). But the world cannot be made simple. It falsifies our models. So we torture, maim, mutilate, exile, kill everything that falls outside our comforting falsehoods.

 

What appeals to me about Daoism—at least, Zhuangzi's Daoism—is its dogged commitment to responding to the world as it is. Zhuangzi asks for the whole world, because he knows: to ask for less is monstrous.

I know very little of Lao Zu's Daoism as it is, but how is Zhuangzi's Daoism different? 

As humans we really want our labels for things to fit. We tend to really not like it when they don't. The Dao that can be named isn't the eternal Dao. 

35 minutes ago, surrogate corpse said:

 

Depends what counts as "head-on confrontation". My experience of letting go of fear has a pretty standard form:

 

1. Fear appears as something more respectable, as reason, as desire, and traps me

 

I've seen this in my own life and with many of the people that want to have "reasonable discussions" with me lol. 

Speaking of fear. The individual who is currently in timeout may not have realized it but his arguments against being trans (and yes that's what they were) were very familiar to me because back before I consciously realized I was trans and I was fighting it this is the exact same argument I told myself. Just become enlightened or just become spiritual enough and this problem won't plague you any longer. And I didn't want it to plague me any longer because I was deathly afraid of being this. At least at the time. So my fear took the disguise of spirituality and my spirituality motivated me to further suppress myself, and the suppression cause my mental health to become very bad. But the first Domino was fear and then that led to all kinds of very well reasoned and thought out rationales and I would have never admitted at the time it was fear.

1 hour ago, surrogate corpse said:

My post was less about "queer" than about the rest of the post. I just used "queer" because Luke did.

 

But it connects in this way: "queer" includes all of us, whatever it is that makes us deviant freaks. It is one struggle. Respectability politics, by contrast, divides us in two: the "good ones" who will sacrifice their brethren for table scraps, and the "bad ones" who won't.

 

In the Haitian slave revolution, the half-black Haitians were not free, but they were put in a privileged position relative to the fully black slaves. When the revolution occurred, they largely sided with the white slaveowners. They were getting scraps; if they fought for justice they might lose even those.

 

Every struggle is like this. Cis gays have gotten their scraps. They deserve so much better, but they also know that it can be so much worse. Just look at how things are for tranny freaks like me. If they get grouped with us, maybe they'll return to being treated like us...

 

If trans people should be so lucky as to get the same scraps as cis gays have gotten, the same will happen to us. We too will fear to lose the too little we've gotten; we too will throw whoever replaces us to the wolves.

 

Fear is a powerful motivator. That's why I keep returning to it. The first principle of morality is: master your fear. Everything else follows.

 

So kind of like The Blair Whites and the Caitlyn Jenner's? 

56 minutes ago, surrogate corpse said:

 

How are they being excluded? By not being allowed to throw their freak brethren to the wolves for table scraps?

 

 

Respectability politics is always a losing compromise. We should not have to accommodate to normie tastes and expectations to be treated with basic dignity.

Backing up a few steps what I  mean is I don't understand what any of this has to do with the word queer?

14 minutes ago, surrogate corpse said:

 

I would say that the main value of "queer" and the ever-expanding acronym is that it helps separate genuine allies from the impostors who put conditions of Respectability on queer acceptance and liberation.

 

We should make them even more ridiculous, to expose even more impostors.

I don't think I understand.

Ever since I started transitioning I have been drawn to Red Tara. I know she's advertised as the bodhisattva of romantic attraction, but there's actually a lot more to her. She seems to fill me with comforting feminine energy and assist the transition process. She's kind of become my patron saint of transitioning. 

13 minutes ago, liminal_luke said:

 

The other thing I don´t get acronym-wise is the word "queer."  What does it mean? 

I think it's gen z people that have plushies or something? 🤔🤭

I was chatting to somebody yesterday that initially confused me as a trans person. This person identifies as non-binary and so naturally I was curious since I don't know much about this topic and they were kind enough to explain that they identify as 80% female and 20% male. Really cool person and a fun conversation but I'm still trying to wrap my head around it. It just made me think of the yin yang symbol that in Yin is a little bit of Yang and in Yang is a little bit of yin.

 I kind of find it interesting in a way that not all the acronyms on the lgbtq+ list really understand each other that well. When I first realized I was trans I think I thought it was going to be this way more but this is not the case. Luke has a gay man didn't initially know that much about trans people and honestly I can't say I know what it's like to be a gay man but this is why I like asking you questions and I respectful manner to learn and to broaden my perspective.

10 minutes ago, liminal_luke said:

What´s been interesting to me is to experience how actual transgendered people, at least here on the forum, are different from the sense of transgendered people I´ve picked up from reading about the issue or the cultural zeitgeist.  In my mind there´s a lot of fear about this topic.  There´s a sense that if a person doesn´t get it "right" -- whatever that is -- then someone is gonna wanna lop your head off.  I suspect there are Bums who aren´t participating in this thread because they think their opinions would not be welcomed.  My experience has been that there´s more openness here to a variety of viewpoints than I would have predicted.

I think a lot of what we see and hear about trans people in the media is just a strawman trans person that does not really exist in real life. 

15 hours ago, Mark Foote said:

Thanks, Maddie, for giving us all permission to offer opinions and meander around a little bit.

Trunk, I gotta say, that I was very interested both in Salvijus's varying personalities, and Maddie's steady keel.  I'll be the first to acknowledge that I too have varying personalities, depending on who I'm with and the social context of the moment (or at least sometimes it seems like I have varying personalities, to me)--hopefully I'm true through them all, although not true in the sense that Salvijus meant when he referred to "truth".

Salvijus I believe is some denomination of Christian, and so perhaps has other struggles related to his faith.  I'm the fool that believes those differences can be cut through clean, so long as all the participants bring a willingness to jump into the unknown together.  Can't be just one side that jumps.  Not to abandon one's beliefs, but to put more faith in process than end result.

 

All I will say and I think Corpse will agree with me is after you are transitioning long enough you begin to recognize the various varieties of  trolling. It takes a while but eventually you learn. Some are so subtle that I honestly don't think if I had not been transitioning for a while I would be able to recognize them at all. But nevertheless its "the troll that wears the halo" that are often the hardest to detect. I do think speaking about trolls and trolling is a valid topic for a trans forum because IT HAPPENS SO MUCH against trans people. Leaning the subtleties of trans trolling is important to understanding what we deal with on sometimes a daily basis. 

  I think what can seem as varying personalities is nothing more than once the subtle troll pushes things too far (one personality) they try to play innocent (other personality) so that they can restore their camouflage and return to their subtle trolling.   

  Often people that are struggling with their faith but deep down feel something going on related to these issues tend to be the most problematic. The classic example of the super homophobic congressman that is trying to pass all the legislation gets caught with the male intern. 

1 minute ago, liminal_luke said:

 

For what it´s worth, I think it´s reassuring that not all trans people think alike, even concerning trans issues.  

I get that. When I was a kid I used to think that every gay person was always going to be attracted to every other gay person, because yeah life works that way right? lol

18 minutes ago, liminal_luke said:

What could your parents or other loved ones have done in your childhood to have made things easier gender-wise?

not being the the worst. I grew up in a very religious, conservative, family in Texas. They are very judgmental and controlling. Basically the worst kind of family one could have being LGBTQ+.

18 minutes ago, liminal_luke said:

Do you appreciate it when cis-gender people put pronouns in their email signatures?  Do you think we should all be asking each other for our preferred pronouns upon meeting, or is it OK to assume that someone who looks male/female goes by he or she unless informed otherwise?

I honestly don't care at all. Maybe this makes me a bad trans but I just assume the gender I see unless told otherwise. This is why I put so much work into transitioning. I put the burden of getting gendered correctly out in public on myself. 

1 hour ago, Elysium said:

@Maddie If you had to list one thing, what would that be on what I will write down below 👇

 

What was that one thing that held you (assuming there was one such thing) from transitioning, that you had to shed before commiting to your decision?

Denial lol. I had assumed it would feel more obvious to me if I were trans and assumed that everyone that was trans, that for them it had been super obvious. 

Once again getting back on topic. If anyone has questions about what its like to be trans, or how one realizes they are, or is genuinely confused about this topic and wants clarification please feel free to ask away. :-)

34 minutes ago, stirling said:

 

Ah... but how many times has it been suggested? One veers into troll territory when they are unable to stop continually hammering someone else in a thread, despite that persons obvious discomfort, or inability to reconcile it in context.

 

At this point you have had as much opportunity as you could possibly require to make your point. It has been heard. It would be kind and respectful to drop it now. 

Thank you! 

I'm not going to play the the troll anymore. 

One unexpected side effect of being trans is I've learned a lot about trolls. I've noticed there's two basic kinds. 

There's the blatant trolls that just say things like you'll never be a woman. 

And then there's the subtle trolls who are kind of sneaky about it and then when you confront them about being a troll they play innocent. Like the kind that suggest maybe if you were more spiritual you wouldn't be infected with this trans disease. LOL

6 hours ago, Tommy said:

Okay, Have noticed this has devolved into a . . . I don't know what. Anyway, did anyone ask you, "Are you happy?" I mean it has got to be quite a journey. Feeling things are just not right and then moving on to how to get where one wants to go. So, are you happy?

 

When I met my wife, I fell for her. But, things wouldn't have gotten very far if I saw that she wasn't already happy. As an individual, I know that I can not be all for another person. They have to be happy first. Then, my addition to her life would compliment or add to her life. Now, that's the other end of the spectrum, if she was already set and did not need me or I could not make her life a little better then marriage would not happen. I saw she was happy with her life. But. also saw that I could help to make her life better. So, I married her. We have been married since 1996 or about 27 years.

 

I think you said before that you have no interest in marriage and having a family?? That is fine. It isn't for everyone. But, my question stands. Are you happy? Of course, I don't mean crazy happy. Just generally happy with the way things are now? Buddha might have said that life is suffering but I do not see it as suffering all the time. There has to be some calm in the midst of the storm. Some bright spot. A place to absorb the warmth of the sun and feel good about oneself.

 

Note: I guess I am no better at this topic than anyone else??

That's a tricky question to answer at the moment because I've been doing tons of Zhunti mantra recently to try to save my business and that always seems to bring up every single existential crisis one can possibly have but on the other hand my business is doing better since I started doing it regularly again lol. 

But in general in spite of the fact that my family stopped talking to me I would say I'm more comfortable with myself that I have ever been in my life. Previously I always have this underlying inexplicable discomfort that I just assumed everybody had and then once I accepted who I was that went away.

5 hours ago, liminal_luke said:

 

I just want to say -- and this might sound really stupid -- that it´s really hard for me to forego posting my opinions.  Part of me says: OK Luke, Maddie says she wants questions so if you don´t have a question, don´t post.  Obviously, given this post that doesn´t have a question, I´m not great at that kind of self-restraint.  I think a lot of people are like me; we love to opine.  In my defense, I will say that I´ve learned some things from the thread.  

 

To me, these big social issues are like coffee: a single cup is pleasantly stimulating but drink a whole pot and my nerves will be shot.  So this is me switching to decaf.  Thank you Maddie, Bes, and Surrogate Corpse for sharing a little of your world with me.  Thank you for being patient with me when I´ve said silly, uninformed shit.  Take care of yourselves.  The controversy around this topic isn´t going away anytime soon, but with every selfie things get a tiny bit better.  This I believe.

 

 

Hahaha you're allowed to have opinions and post them. The examples of things that were not questions that I posted were basically trolling. I'm not doing this to be trolled. But I don't mind if you have opinions and share them because you're clearly not a troll.

To get this post back on track allow me to reiterate that this is a question and answer about transgender issues. Questions about my (or any other transgendered person that want to share) experiences or questions about transgender issues in general are welcome as long as they are sincere. 

This is not however a transgendered statement post. Statements like "you'll never be a woman" or "just get enlightened instead" are not questions.