idontknowanymore

I meditated some last night before sleep maybe an hour or two at most, in my mind I vividly saw a candle. All of a sudden it blew out, and then I heard a loud metal PANG of my old heater cutting on. The mental image occurred prior to the external event. As soon as I was able to regain my calm, I went back to that state, I saw another candle and decided to blow it out myself, and I heard a loud CRACK, and my bedroom door opened. Has anyone had any experience with pre dream state imagery interactions and their correlation to real world events like this?

Dear Fellow Tao Bums, Please forgive me if this post is a little emo, I just found this site and just wanted to get my troubles off my chest.I am 23 years old, and it's been my dream for many years to spend my life cultivating and meditating. I work 60 hour work weeks, and it is really taking its toll on me. I make just enough to cover my bills and save a small amount, and I am a pretty frugal person. I don't eat out or wear fancy clothes, I shop at thrift stores, dollar stores, and budget grocery stores. I don't own a TV or phone only a netbook and a cable internet connection. I've got the cheapest rent I can find in my city, and I don't buy anything unless I have to. I just don't know anymore, working so much and having no time or money it is really hard on my soul. I don't know how to get out of this work, sleep, wake, chores, work, sleep cycle. I wake up each morning and just want to give up, I don't really know what to do anymore. At this rate it will take me 25 years or more to be able to afford a home of my own. I don't have the money or time to go back to school and if I did I wouldn't know what to go back for that I would enjoy or feel is an honest living. I am also scared of death, I guess that is why I am seeking cultivation. I don't want to be destroyed with death, I want to live on. Is this selfish and wrong? I am scared the life I am living will never allow me to cultivate a high enough degree to survive death. If that is the case what was the point of this whole life to begin with? Inside I am very scared, and frustrated with my life. What other living options do I have, there has to be a better way than this. Has any bum here managed to find a way to work less and focus on cultivation more, what is your advice? Your friend, Mikey

Thanks everyone, hopefully things will get better. I just wish I could find some people with my same calling, to help lighten the load so to speak. Is there a bum community yet?

hey everyone