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What has happened in the past is not half as vital as what is happening now in your present unwell-being. How you reclaim the well-being you used to have before, for the future, is the most vital aspect of where to place your attention from now on. Off the top of my head, i can recall you mentioning TM as your basic, starting-out practice, then started to experience some psycho-physical issues, and sought advice from the KSG, alternating with trawling thru Mantak Chia's material, as well other resources, for support, is this correct? This approach, in my opinion, is less than optimal or even appropriately planned, if you are seriously wanting to resolve your dilemma. The spiritual life is quite serious, with its own set of rules, downfalls, consequences, and fixes. Its best to be precise and not mix different approaches, as any mature practitioner will tell you. Well, i dont want to waste your time too much, as its clear you have some strong opinions yourself. You opened up a topic on this site, and i happened to come across your post, so i thought i'd offer some suggestions, thats all. Feel free to follow up, or ignore, at your discretion. If i was in your position, i would advice myself to seek out a meditation master, and request a private consultation with him or her, to explain all my issues. But thats just me, not necessarily the right thing to do for anyone else. Getting opinions on forums can be quite complex, and could even exacerbate the problem due to the many different experiences of individuals who come to answer your call for help. And those who are actually teachers of the various arts, with classes and students who pay them a fee, will not be able to really offer precise assistance unless and until they meet you in person, so chances are they will not get involved due to the potential risk of tainting their reputation should anything go wrong. Peace...

yup, was scratching my head there for a second...

Patience, Rex! Patience....

spot on!!

Hi Christian, welcome to TTB! Alan Wallace's works are super. You are on the ball here. Confuse no more! Im sure TI and Seeker of Tao will be along soon to clarify further your concerns. As for me, i have no interest at all in the Kundalini gloss. Its a complex process. The Buddhist approach of understanding/taming the mind works better for me, and its what i have been practicing confidently all my life. Best wishes. May your time here yield much progress on your journey.

Thats true. So much confusion in the West around this. People can try to travel to India if possible, and broaden their knowledge, instead of lumping all kinds of emotional upheavals into the Kundalini trolley, and hoping to check everything out in one go.

Besides the very sound advice from Deci Belle, maybe you can write to Daniel Ingram. He is a meditation teacher whom i believe will take the time to listen and evaluate your situation, and perhaps offer some sound suggestions, if he's not too busy. This is his webpage: http://integrateddaniel.info/ Or, try Bodhipaksa at Wildmind. Another teacher whom i know responds to queries with a certain level of integrity. http://www.wildmind.org/ Personally, speaking from roughly 30 years of Buddhist practice, its my feeling, in common with Deci Belle's, that you have over-burdened yourself, and experiencing a kick back from trying too many things, perhaps out of desperation. Thats of course quite a natural response, bearing in mind the anxiety that has befallen you due to obvious reasons as stated in your posts. The situation can be remedied, but will take some time due to the many knots which you have kept adding over time. This of course makes the unravelling process a little more complex, but not impossible. If i may, i'd like to point out that you are currently undergoing a contractive period (as caused by over-practice and over-loading of desire to get well) ~ in order to reclaim some level of balance where such contractions can have the space to dissipate, you can begin by loosening your tightly-focussed attention on your dilemma (another way to say this is that you are too self-absorbed at present, concentrated a hundred percent on your own problems only without having any thought whatsoever for others). An effective way to begin reversing this contraction is to instil a new program of thought and habit, beginning with creating awareness of space, both inner and outer. There is nothing to adopt formally. Just drop everything you are holding to tightly in your mind, and turn your attention whenever possible to the empty space around you, or gaze up at the sky, feel the vast openness, and make a connection with that space thru simply resting on the awareness that your breath and that open, sky-like spaciousness is one and the same. Just short moments, like 5 minutes or so per session, hold this awareness loosely, and then let go. After a couple of hours, return to the same practice, and keep doing a few sessions daily, say, for 21 days, and see where this takes you. Its a simple exercise which does not require much effort. In fact, effortlessness is key. Just drop everything you have held to be right/wrong, this practice vs. that method, good meditation vs. bad, all that baggage has to be put aside for the time being, at least for this 21 days if you choose to try my suggestion. After this period, if you think its nonsense, then by all means, go back to carrying the load on your shoulder. In the meantime, do write to the gentlemen i have linked to above and explain yourself, tell them you are really stressed out. I believe they are genuinely in the position to give good advice if they are available to do so. May peace enter your being. x

May this bring a surge of happiness to all beings!

without fake teachers, there is no telling who the genuine ones are. If you only seek real teachers, then the problem is not the that there are fake teachers, but that there is a need to seek. So i would look, and ask myself why such yearnings, and the dualistic preferences, why are these thoughts present in the mind? Thats how i would see it anyway.

Rinpoche has real world experiences. Sexual abuse, drugs, alcohol, depression, the whole gamut of emotional turmoils. I'd say there is hardly one teacher on the circuit today who have had a similar exposure to life that Rinpoche had. The clip clearly shows he has captured and also pacified his inner tormentors.

Thanks, guys!!! Reading warm words in the morning sets the tone for the whole day! Rinpoche really speaks directly to the heart, as Steve said, cuts all the bs. A rarity indeed.

Shit!! You used the F word!!!! So what? You'll burn in hell for that. Fuck off... im not Christian. Well, then you burn in Buddhist hell. So now there are 2 hells, eh? More than 2 actually. Really? Yup. Name them. I cant. Why? Its secret. You mean secret, like, Only Dzogchen practitioners can know? Yes. Are you one? No, i am a neo-advaitin. Then you dont belong here. Make me go if you can. Thats against the rules of the board. So, shut the f up. You have double standards. Me? Look at yourself in the mirror. I did. All's fine there. Thats what you think. I dont think. Empty mind. BS. Fascist. Pig. Cow. Snake. Otter.

Well, that happens due to people confusing the meaning of 'spiritual' i guess.

Buddhists debate as a way to enter a process of mental purification. You can call it arguing with a purpose, if you want, but also, its not really arguing, more like a way to dissolve self-inflicted boundaries caused by the accumulated conditions giving rise to prejudice, fear and other mental obstacles, notably wrong views. Mundane arguments tend to fester more negativity on the whole, so there is quite an obvious difference.

have heard rave reviews about meditation stools from this craftsman http://www.sui.ie/stool.html

Any indication what kind of 'full force' is implied? Sounds ominous, but maybe you meant something different.

Thats good to hear

One of the coolest street magic tricks currently in vogue shows this magician, in the blink of an eye, pops an onlooker's android phone into an emptied beer bottle. Then the phone started buzzing.... Voila! I thought that was quite neat. In another clip, the same magician pops some girl's ring around the stem of a wine glass. Baffling! He goes by the aptly-named handle, 'Dynamo', if anyone wants some light entertainment break from all the heavy discussion here.

Rare quality not often seen these days!

I did not watch the video, but if its just for 30 or 40 seconds, i can do it too. Not that difficult.

What will they think of next, eh? All church members to keep their mouths wide open during service?

And different visualizations too, leading to different results. Not necessarily better, just different.

They all useless unless they can pass electricity thru their bodies like the Indian gentleman in post 62 (page 4 this thread).

rein in the people raise a cup to welcome peace it is possible...

Good point. Having seen a number of Westerners out on the search get fleeced and walk away with emptied pockets and nothing to show for it, it sounds wise that if anyone does go, to exercise caution, and be very discerning in terms of putting trust on those who claim to be able to lead you to such and such master. Should it happen that a 'guide' were to demand reward for their effort, odds are they are not genuine. From personal experience, the informants i have met have all been very kind and would help without expecting anything for it. I still give them something anyway, either money or treat them to a meal and a beer or two. The sincere ones just want to help, and to them, having made a new friend is often all they expect, with some being actually grateful to assist even. As with most of these encounters, what transpires in the exchange is often down to affinity, and depends to a degree on what our own cultivation level is. The clearer we are, the more we can see, even if only a little is shown. Being genuine in our own hearts goes a long way when we do get to meet the legit teachers. They often know the seekers' motives even before the first words are said, so there is really no use trying to conceal anything in their presence.