Phoenix

What I was commenting upon originally was the apparent similarity of Buddhist and Taoist ends, not methods. I'd still be interested in hearing from mikaelz, or from someone else, what the difference is between Buddhist and Taoist realizations of emptiness. I know very little about Taoist philosophy or about the type of enlightenment Taoists aim to achieve, and I would love to be filled in.

I hope no one would tell you that meditation is a process intended to make you lose your awareness. What you're trying to still is conceptual thought and negative emotions, but you should be cultivating a sharp and crystal-clear awareness throughout that process. It is true that not cultivating awareness while meditating can create dullness. But if this happens to a practitioner, s/he isn't doing it right. Furthermore, in the meditative tradition I'm familiar with, in which people sit in meditation as their full-time occupation for years on end sometimes, there are two basic categories of meditative practices, stillness (shamatha) and insight (vipassana). In the words of a teacher who did many years of retreat, you do shamatha "when there are too many thoughts in the mind," and vipassana (which is conceptual) "when there are not enough thoughts in the mind." Personally, I wish I could develop that latter problem. To be honest, I think the modern western lifestyle makes it darned difficult to achieve genuine meditative stability. At any rate, provided you're practicing properly, I don't really think becoming a "zombie" is too much of a risk. Best of luck to you in your journey.

Please do elaborate.

There are so many factors that can influence the timing of the menstrual cycle that it's almost impossible to pinpoint any one thing. A weight gain or loss, increased or decreased levels of exercise, or increased or decreased levels of sexual activity can all play a role in my experience. Perhaps a change in sleeping patterns can, too, though I hadn't really thought about it until just now. I'd say the shift work and stress are much more important reasons to worry about her health than the change in her menstrual cycle, the more so since you mention that her periods haven't been particularly regular over the course of her reproductive life anyway.

What you are describing is identical to emptiness in Buddhism. Even the terms you're using are also used in Buddhist texts and teachings.

Fluoride does seem to accumulate in the pineal gland; see here: http://www.icnr.com/articles/fluoride-deposition.html Whether it contributes to the gland's degeneration is a different question, and as far as I can tell, medical knowledge of the pineal gland leaves a great deal to be desired, so we may not have a definitive answer anytime soon.

This is really nicely said. Sometimes we feel we have "lost our innocence" due to bad sexual experiences or other crossed boundaries. Other times we notice something much more subtle -- that due to our own ego-clinging, every interaction we have with every living thing is in some sense tainted. Healing love experiences wash away the coarse and subtle levels of "taintedness," of twisted emotional garbage. The more pure and genuine the love, the more subtle the scrubbing process becomes. There are other things that can have the same effect, though: meditation, developing compassion, devotion for a teacher. There are many paths to the same result.

Thanks.

Yes, it's a good thing. You had desire arise during meditation and simply sat through it and looked at it, rather than acting on it, and it began to transform into bliss. That would be a description of your experience from a Vajrayana Buddhist standpoint. In the Taoist tradition, you would describe it as sexual energy moving up the spine. The thing is that desire energy and bliss energy are fundamentally no different. What changes through meditation is our experience of it. So yes, it's a good thing. But don't fixate on the experience or try to repeat it. When desire arises during meditation, just continue to sit through it and look at it. Sometimes transformation will occur and sometimes not. Keep doing the practice whether it does or doesn't.

I agree with Trunk's post above. I think you're focusing too much on energy "retention" and not enough on transformation. It is true that any moment of desire basically functions the same way, no matter what its object. If you cling to the object and try to satisfy the desire, you increase ego-clinging and there is a concomitant sense of feeling drained. On the other hand, if you leave the desire alone and just look at it, you'll find that it will mellow out and open up and transform into bliss. The blissful energy that results is fundamentally no different from desire energy; sometimes you can get it to flip back and forth between desire and bliss. (Focusing your attention on the lower back can sometimes help in this process, or at least it does in my case; so do qigong exercises.) Once you have a stable experience of blissful energy, you can start to move it around. The point is, though, that physical retention of semen is not what drives this process. You mention that you're peeing out sperm; that seems to indicate retrograde ejaculation. What's the difference whether your sperm are exiting normally, or through your bladder? It's the desire energy associated with sexual functioning that's the important thing, and the best thing to do IME seems to be to slowly and gradually mellow it out. Disclaimer: I'm female. However, my experience of orgasm was until recently very similar to that of most men.

Sometimes, when we have an experience of reduced clinging, there follows in its wake, when our habitual state of greater attachment returns, a more pronounced awareness of the pain of that attachment. I think this may explain your frustration, and the sense that "this moment is not so great." That frustration can actually be a useful thing if it spurs you to more practice. Just do your best to not fixate on whatever meditation experiences you've had in the past, and carry on with your practice as steadily as possible.

This is true. For the purpose of meditation postures, "straight" means that you shouldn't allow your shoulders to hunch forward. Your shoulders should be squared -- not pulled all the way back, as in a military chest-jutting posture, but not hunched forward. There should be zero hunchback, in other words. This is enormously important to achieving meditative stability for any reasonable period of time. When you hunch your back, you'll find it increasingly difficult to remain focused and undistracted. I have no idea why it works that way physiologically, but it does, at least for me.

I can't sit in full lotus comfortably for more than 20-30 minutes. In my rather limited experience, full lotus is wonderful for stillness and insight meditation. There's nothing more grounding. But for energy practice, the basic Taoist standing posture (with knees slightly bent, lumbar vertebrae extended, and tail bone tucked in) is infinitely superior.

To be honest, I think all the talk one reads about comparative advantage, and the ensuing idea that sex is a power game or tug of war between partners, is missing the point. We practice to transform desire into bliss (and if we seek enlightenment, to transform bliss into nonconceptuality). Withholding orgasm is counterproductive until one has begun the process of transformation as it just leads to more desire, and too much desire makes the process a great deal more difficult at first. Once the process of transformation is well underway and feels easy, retaining energy through withholding orgasm can be beneficial, but it should never become such an obsession that one worries about interacting with a partner. Giving speeds the process of transformation; playing power games will block it. This is true for everyone of both sexes.

It makes perfect sense. Thanks for being so detailed. I think I need to strengthen my PC muscles.

I agree that there is no universal rule; women are different. I have always lost energy from ordinary genital orgasms, but the longer I practice, the less noticeable the loss is. Valley orgasm works differently, of course.

Moth, You are right that hope and fear are different facets of the same problem. The remedy for both is acceptance. Gratitude helps, too, whenever you can muster it; so do compassion, devotion, openness, and meditative stability. Just keep practicing. Eventually hope and fear will dissolve on their own. In the meantime, try to accept whatever happens with reasonable equanimity.

I'm a little shy about the personal details... Basically I'm a practicing Buddhist who has discovered Taoist energy practices over the past couple of years. I'm not especially good at any of this but am nevertheless finding it incredibly illuminating of Buddhist practices I am supposed to know how to do by now.

I've been browsing the Alchemical Taoism site, and I don't know some of the terminology. Can someone tell me what the Three Centers (power, love, wisdom) in the Central Vessel refer to? Is it perineum, heart, crown, or something else?

I've had the expansion/contraction thing too. If it gets too intense, stop straining and just relax. In any case, don't fixate on this stuff. It doesn't mean anything and it will likely pass as you gain greater meditative stability.

Thanks so much. I actually have a question I'd like to post, but I'm not quite sure where would be the appropriate place.