Please note that in your post you used "I' about 40 times. And words like struggle, try, control almost as often as fear and anxiety. Please, please, please, put it all down. Try this famous Daoist experiment: Stop thinking about yourself and your life and go help some suffering person. Do what you need to do to survive, but it won't matter what you eat, or what phone guru you call, none of that will matter, Just dedicate a significant amount of time to something like working at a hospice, and let me know after 6 months how that worked for you. I truly hope that helps.
