Makyea

I disappeared from here for a long time. My path in life became twisted in so many ways. A lot of things changed for me and I am finding my priorities and my self again. I'll be around here a lot now. :]

I feel for those people. I always try to remind myself that with all the positive energy there has to be the bad and it has to go somewhere. Just as "good" people do "good" without really trying it's just what is inside them I think.

In a way I suppose. It bothers me so badly that I have to feel like they must be separate, but it is just how it is. People don't take a female seriously. I tell people I want to be a combat engineer and they laugh at me, tell me to go admin. But I think the female tendencies are more manly than the male ones. They said that it came from nowhere there was no cause, no low estrogen, nothing. It just popped up. It could be hereditary I suppose, my mom did have one but she had low estrogen from medicine they were giving her. I am sorry but this confused me. Could you explain more?

Thank you for the recommendation. It sounds like it would be helpful.

I have been to multiple doctors they all tried to prescribe stronger and stronger pain meds. I am going to try and try some of the technique you mentioned tonight after I get back from PT. I figure with doing both I may just be more relaxed and open and able to sleep better. I think I have always been hidden the girly parts of me. It isn't that I reject them. I love being female. I just think that I have a problem with outwardly sharing my femininity because it's like a cop out. All the women in my life who act "girly" are on the looser, less successful, no ambition side of life. In the USMC you aren't a girl, you are just a Marine and you are expected to be a Marine not a girl. I think I am joining because it's the ultimate way to separate my femininity from my outward life. Writing this down kind of sounds silly, haha. Its not that I see femininity as weak or incompatible with strength but that it is attached with personal emotional things for me. Things I would rather keep to myself. I don't want to be expected to be a "girl" all of the time because it isn't me. I think I am more on the love side of that. I have had a lot of stress when it comes to my body. I have been adjusting and pushing my body hard to get to the place I want to be. Poolee functions are competitive. Recruiters want their recruits to be the best. Us recruits push hard to exceed our goals. But I don't think it is unhealthy or stressful. I used to hate my body but I think I am more or less over that.

I'm sorry it took me so long to get back to you all. I actually am at target Body comp. I am eating 6 times a day as much high quality well balanced foods. I have 3 marine workouts a week and try and go for a walk or run every day. My hair is growing faster than ever. I have a perfect menstrual cycle. They couldn't find a deficiency anywhere with my nutrition(I try to record the foods I eat daily because I have to make weight to qualify for the USMC.) I feel uncomfortable a lot and frustrated like my body is rejecting me. I can't sleep at night and have now been having to sleep about 30 minutes after the sun comes up. I feel like my body despises me and wants me gone, if that makes sense.

Hello again everyone! I seem to always come here with more and more 'uncurable' health problems, haha. Well here goes: I was getting some bad pain in my right hip area. I went to the hospital as they progress thinking it was an appendix. They did tests because I am a woman and as my doctor said "Ladies just have so many dang parts." So after doing that they discovered about 2 cups of fluid flowing around my right ovary. They said there was nothing they could do but let my body reabsorb the liquid. So they prescribed a antibiotic to prevent infect and Vicodin. After doing ultrasounds and ct scans they said it went away. But lately again when I run, sit in a car, go to PT or a USMC Poolee Function I am in extreme pain. I went in a again and they said my right ovary has another cyst and that most women would go along with surgery to take the ovary out. My doctor seriously said "You just got a bad seed, best thing to do is remove it so you don't overwork the soil" I refuse to get rid of it for a very silly reason(they think so anyway) I just feel like I am less of a women and am losing a strong and important piece of myself. I was wondering what all of you(because you guys know loads more than I about this kind of thing) think. Is there some way to treat such a reoccurring issue? Could there be an imbalance? Is finding some way to deal with the pain instead of removing it? Any of your opinions about any of it.

I hate ignore buttons, seems so lazy.

I am sorry if this seems a bit random. I woke up just now with this dreadful, heavy, almost depressed feeling. I got up and got some water and before I laid down again I noticed I had scribbled something down on my notepad I leave next to my bed. It read: Life is funny. Is it conditioning us for contentment? "Stop reliving and hoping to be what you once were. You turned down that fate, deal with the consequences. It isn't failure if your heart beats," or is the fact that I almost believe that failure in itself? It made me feel afraid and somewhat relieved because I think I subconsciously wrote down the things from the back of my mind that have been making me feel uneasy, but only led me to more questions. I was just wondering what your opinions were about it. How does it make you feel? What is failure to you? Is it alright to be content with life? Are those who are content and let life be just a heartbeat ungrateful for all the other chances they are given? I am not searching for some great answer, just your true honest opinion.

Thanks guys. I am going to try and push through this bit of weakness with more positives than negatives. Thank you again for your advice.

I think it is a good idea to break things down like this. I think I'll start working on a projected time line of my life based on my choices. I will end up doing a rough estimate on money when I am done. I think that maybe if I let my brain take hold and mesh this stuff out than I will have a bit more faith in my heart.

I think I will try this. I hope it brings you to where you belong.

I get so worried when I follow my heart, especially lately cause it seems to be putting me farther in this hole I am in.

Hello everyone! I know I have been away for a while! But I just have been feeling a bit odd lately and I am not sure what it is, why I feel this way, or how to feel better. I was hoping some of you have felt this way or have ideas on how to deal with it. With pushes from my old ROTC instructors, parents, my boyfriend, and life in general I have been forced to think a lot more about my future plans. I have been working and attending classes everyday for a while now and I am feeling odd. I have been a lot more internal and a lot more on edge. I lost almost all trust in others and I have been mentally all over the place. I have been sick with pneumonia, bronchitis, and whooping cough for a month, and I have tried many different treatments so far but none have any effect. I feel as though I am in this dream and that I can only be free from the dream if I sleep. The best way I can describe it is like I am inside a ball and my body is spread all over the inside of the ball like a flat pancake. My seams are stretching, almost ripped and little bits of thought are slipping through. My emotions are spinning with the ball and my brain is repelled from my heart like a magnet. I never stop moving. Now I am having to try and figure out whether I want to pursue my career in the military, go to the university, or be a stay at home mom. It is a decision I feel should not be made when I am in such an odd mood. Has anyone ever felt this way? p.s. Sorry if it makes no sense, it's hard to explain.

These are really nice. I think it could be used for more than just recovery from addiction but also for recovery from self delusions and the need for a materialistic way of life-which is an addiction in itself-that many people including myself struggle with. I think that if there were programs that helped rid people of daily illusions and helped to show them their path that was as widely available as AA there would be much less ignorance to the importance of having your own life philosophy. Taoism might not be every person's answer, but this could help people find their own truths. For some self-worth grows only from a helping hand.