Inoran

I have a deep lust for petite body types. My gf has gained quite a bit of weight over the years compared to when we first started dating 6 years ago. I'm not a big guy and there is something about smaller sized women that have always allured me. My gf is not petite but not naturally big either. I have been feeling severely depressed about this because I lack the attraction I once had to her. I still love her and her personality but I have a high sex drive and being attractive toward the opposite sex has always been a dominant motivating force for me. I know I'm objectifying and judging her based on materialistic viewpoints to which even if she had my ideal body type would not last in with age, but I'm struggling to stay interested. I feel depressed because I never feel sexually excited or motivated when I see her. My very nature is driven by self improvement and striving toward goals. Thus I'm very much into health and exercise and I've always sought out someone who shares that. She is interested in exercise and health but not driven like me and so nothing ever changes. We have talked about this over and over and it has hurt her very much knowing I'm concerned how she looks. This furthers my depression because I feel like it shouldn't bother me and I judge myself too. She is very self conscious of her body now and I feel talking about it has made it so much worse. I'm not sure how to let this go. Any suggestions or practices?

I have noticed that if I ever ejaculate manually, my semen is very normal looking and very white. If i go a long time without ejaculation, inevitably i will eventually have a wet dream in which it is like the eruption of mount st helen. However from the dream my semen is extremely thick like jelly and is not white at all and more of a golden color to it. Can anyone explain this or tell me what it indicates?

Thanks for the replies! I am quite sure that the golden thicker stuff is old sperm as it is like that fresh and not due to the air. Has anyone finished the 100day jing reboot before? I'm curious as to the results.

Hello all. I may or may not have posted here before...but here is my status. I have studying chi cultivation for over a year now. For the last 2 months I thought I had gained good control of it, but today I am like a ticking time bomb. I retained my seed since the start of october then lost it in a dream...and then again last night only I awoke and was able to somewhat lock my PC muscles in time to not lose much. During all of October I was very much focused with very little to no lustful thought. My energy was great and overall i was very happy even though it was quite a task to control this. I've found the yoga helps circulate this energy instead of just staying in my root chakra area. However it does not seem to be circulating it enough for the amount of time it takes to do all the stretching. Today is one of the first days i am finding myself to barely be able to control it. Usually masterbating without ejaculation gets things flowing alright, but that has not worked today. ANY SUGGESTIONS WOULD HELP. The cup is overflowing! I do not want to waste what I have built up!

Hi everyone, I'm a beginning practitioner. I've come to realize the connection of alchemy, sex trasmutation, chi/orgone/prana, and semen retention over the last few years. I am hoping to contribute some of the things I've picked up along the way and learn as much as I can. Its great to have a forum where we can discuss these philosophies. Inoran