Alexander

Greetings all, Well, as you can tell by my forum name, my name is alexander (alex), and I am a 18 year old college student. I have been doing a lot of research/practice in Eastern "faiths" (I suppose you could call it that), and that is what brought me to this forum. If you don't mind reading a little paragraph, I have been having a lot of difficulties in my life because of some recent changes in my brain chemistry. What first brought me to what you would call "religion" was that at some point during the summer I had smoked marijuana and had a very depressing high, and through a a series of coincidences I was convinced of a higher power other than "myself". I then somehow stumbled upon Buddhism, and it made so much sense that I pursued it for hours and hours each day. I practiced mindfulness, etc. and I noticed that everything became more lucid. Then one day, I decided to smoke (I'm sorry for all the marijuana references, I just feel that they are important to know about) to let it all soak in, and boy did it. The effects after the weed were just tremendous, it was like the lucidity that I was experiencing before multiplied x10. I continued on through the summer, and I felt a little less "stable" than before. Two weeks later, I had to go to college, and I found myself devoting even more time to these studies. I picked up many Hinduism things, and thats what has finally led me here. It seems that my lucidity I suppose you could say, is getting out of control. I am losing my sexual drive, and I find it hard to relate to people now. I am usually a very sociable guy, and I am finding myself lost in my own mind these days. I feel like my individuality is lost, and I think that is one of the beautiful things of Humans. Hinduism/Buddhism has nailed in my head that looks/personalities are subjective and there is no point in seeing someone as attractive, and someone as not. But how can that be so when they advocate naturalness? Isn't being natural related to sex, much like eating and sleeping? I'm just really confused what to do, and I read somewhere that Taoism doesn't denounce sex, but rather sees it as a sacred thing. So if you guys could please explain to me, what am I experiencing, and how can I gain back my sexuality/life?

Recently, I have been experiencing headaches from the coming of weather. I was just wondering if any of you have experienced this; what do you usually do when they arrive? I can't help but think this should be attributed to meditation/cultivation.

If you are cultivating at a certain level does that mean you don't progress at a certain point?

Thank you for all of the helpful tips and insight everyone. And I'm just curious, since I am a college student I have little access to areas outside of my campus, how should I go about finding a teacher? Are online teachers also available, or is that unheard of? When I return home I will definitely research Qigong institutions, etc. but the question is what to do now. I greatly appreciate all of your support.

Yes, I suppose you could say I am searching for the meaning of life, however, I would rather do this as a lay then a monk, otherwise I feel I would be dishonoring my parents. From what I read though, isn't Tao more in tune with nature, rather than Buddhism which seeks to separate from it? There are a lot of similiar practices between them, so how do you draw the line between separating yourself from nature, and being in harmony with nature?

I will definitely try to slow down, I don't feel in control as much as I should. Hopefully I go insane after I marry. I agree, I have not smoked since then, and I do not plan to in the future. I have been working on the diet, peace, and love thing recently.

Okay thank you for clarifying. It wasn't that I needed to incorporate sex in everything I do, I just needed assurance that it I wasn't going to experience something (for obvious family reasons) like the Hindu monk Swami Vivekananda who was "beyond" the difference of male and female.

Okay, so even a taoist in harmony with "the way" has sex?

Hello, I am just joining this forum, and I wanted to greet you all. (Ignore the advice part, I moved it to another forum) -Alex

Well, I have actually given up marijuana because of that exact reason, and I haven't done it since that last time I posted about. I would consider myself an action person.

Yeah, I get this too, it feels like you it is kind of expanding and contracting right? I don't think its too much of a problem, if you concentrate on your feet, it goes away right? It's just a lot of blood concentrating in your brain, and you have become aware of it.