Bluefront

Good perception about the contradiction. But that's not my point. I'm saying it in the sense of realizing that there is nothing external to find out, no hidden piece of knowledge in some scripture, no special meditation technique. LOOK within. There is everything you will ever need. The seeking is what is causing the seperation. Obviously the only way to stop it is to drop the seeking. But this isn't something that can be 'done' in the way one normally does things. You have to actually see the futility of the search for yourself. For example. Let's say you have some anxiety at this very moment. Now think, "how would I really want to feel at this moment?" This very desire for something other than what is, is what is causing the seperation and it manifests as anxiety, depression whatever. Can you see now that anxiety is pretty much self-sustaining and can go on forever unless it's seen through? You don't even know what you are trying to fix. Your psychological state? Wtf is that. A bunch of thoughts? Feelings? Dissect this "psychological state" into it's smaller components. Be very clear with yourself. No room for vague ideas and concepts. WIKI: Dissection is usually the process of disassembling and observing something to determine its internal structure and as an aid to discerning the functions and relationships of its components. When doing this ask yourself: Who is observing whatever it is you are dissecting? You claimed it is "your state". That your psychological state is YOU. How can that be, if you are now looking at it as an object? Who is looking? Who did the dissecting in the first place? Was there someone behind it, or did it just happen? THERE IS NO SEPERATION BETWEEN YOU AND REALITY. "There is the universe, here am I." <-- CAUSE OF SUFFERING The universe includes everything. Everything is interconnected in a beatiful play we call life. Don't mentally masturbate over this please. Look for yourself. You have to see it or all is pointless. Look at experience in THIS MOMENT. You can call it the universe, the now, reality, life. Really focus and look. Is there a "you" experiencing all of this, or is there actually no experiencer, just this experience? This imagined "you" is what is causing seperation and also judging everything as good and bad, taking everything personally etc.. Who said life is a dance on clouds? There is no reason life should be enjoyed now. There is also no reason it shouldn't. You have to burn your beliefs about how things should and shouldn't be. Look at what is. Ofcource you don't understand this "METHOD". The gears in your brain get jammed when you just try to think about letting life happen without someone controlling it. This isn't something YOU can do, because the very belief of there being a YOU that's able to do these controlling things is the root problem.

What conclusion are you drawing from this, that meditation is a tool for healing? Or are you trying to mask the fear that this meditation practice you are doing is in fact pointless and has no meaning, and you desperately look for reasons to make it worth while. You meditated and your leg healed. Great. You have no way of knowing if it would heal faster if you meditated more, or slower if you meditated less. What are you trying to prove here? Don't get me wrong. "Meditation is great"! But not when you expect it to be And hey, if this doesn't resonate at all with you then that's cool, but I was in this mud a while ago myself.

The irony of all this is that the lens does not exist. People believe it to exist and they try to polish it, make it clearer.. The lens only exists as a true illusion, in a sense that it appears but what it's pointing to is completely false.

Are you fucking serious, look how much you contradict yourself. There is no difference between expecting it to pay your bills or for it to dump your emotional garbage. You are expecting a FIX when there is in fact no fucking thing to fix. Have fun searching. Also. If you think that I'm doing this to criticize you then you are very wrong. Stop applying filters and just taking in the parts that you enjoy. Valid criticism, non valid criticism.. what a joke. Don't take in ANYTHING. Question every word you read and see for yourself. Don't be vague. Find out. Go all the way There is not a single thing that's wrong with life, who is actually judging reality as wrong? You? Are you saying that 'you' are somehow seperate from the universe and also above it, giving you the right to say it's WRONG and it should be like ___ (insert any future wishful scenario) I could tell you that the very sense of seperation is what you experience as the thing thats wrong, but I know that you won't understand any of this unless you find out for yourself. That's great. Everything else you wrote after that is just a bunch of ideas and roles you think will somehow make you feel whole. The even better thing is that YOU don't have to WANT for life to be enjoyed for it to happen. It happens automatically. I'm not saying life is constant bliss and joy. It's not. But everything happens, there is no need for YOU to control life. If you want to enjoy life then could I recommend that you drop all of this endless spiritual search you are doing and actually go out and let life enjoy itself? Do you want to enjoy life or do you want to sit and think about how to do it?

What is enlightenment? It's a nice idea, concept or thought. Ultimately none of this can be spoken about or defined. Language is all about breaking down reality into bits and pieces. Therefor, language is by nature dualistic and speaking about non-dualism is essentially not possible. That's when paradoxes start to come up. Language can give some pretty good pointers to the truth, but only pointers.

You are seeking for the sake of seeking. Believing that something right now is 'wrong' and that you have to find what's 'right' Your idea about a spiritual experience going to fix all your shit, pay your bills, floss your teeth, is just that. An idea. There is no door to step through. There is no fucking key either. These are nothing but beliefs you apply to the future. Stop bullshitting yourself. Find out what you really want. Sounds to me like you rather want to trip on shrooms or acid. And if that's the case, then go fucking do it.

Truth has to be experienced directly. It's not to be found somewhere. It does not exist in the future nor the past. So looking there won't do any good. Truth is everywhere. But if you think you can find it by listening to others talking about, discussing it, philosophizing about it you are very, very misinformed. You have to look at what there is right now, in this very moment, because that's all there is bro, and if truth is to exist anywhere at all it's right here right now. The only form of practice I can recommend for finding out is what Jed McKenna calls "spiritual autolysis" (autolysis = self digestion) It's very simple. You begin with writing down something you firmly believe to be true. Then go ahead and look at it and write down all the reasons it's not true. Look for the cause behind those reasons too. Don't leave any ends un-answered. If a question like "who is writing this" comes up then fucking drill it to the end. If you have zero imagination then you can start with questions such as; is there anyone thinking my thoughts? Do I exist? Examine where the answers come from. Is there someone answering them? Look for any kind of beliefs you have about these answers. Who is looking? Who is saying that one answer is more true than another, or is it just based on previous beliefs and assumptions? If you think you have reached some kind of absolute statement, then look at it again, watch it burn and dissolve, like any lie does when seen through. You can't "learn truth". You can however unlearn whats not true. Keep going with this. There are no rules here Watch out for traps. Maybe you find yourself thinking "well, at one point in the future I will get this, once I have unlearned all lies, then I will be free" It's so easy to delegate these matters into the future..

Let go. Get some time in nature if you don't already. Sunlight. Lie on the grass. You don't need me to tell you anything. There is no magic fix for your imagined problem

It's convenient yes? Having this whole idea of kundalini to fall back on. I know because I was there for some time. You feel somehow not as you would like and your mind finds a great reason for this. "Premature Kundalini!" "Boy what a relief, it could have been something about ME" "Now let me just fix this annoying external thing that's bugging me and THEN things will be great" It's easy to treat "kundalini" like this annoying douchebag roommate that has moved in and you want to kick this guy out of your house. But if you kick him out you will eventually have to work alot harder to clean up his mess. And this guy left used condoms on the sofa and month old socks are hanging everywhere. Man.. there is nothing to reverse. Don't make obstructions. "Kundalini" or whatever is about FLOW. And flow can't be attained through effort. Drop effort. If you feel electrically charged beyond your capacity then there are obviously things you can do to not overload. There are many resources here and on the net. But move from where you are and don't try to reverse anything or grasp the past.

"your will" ? ;-) FREE will? Don't kid yourself

I remember having a strong feeling of the blood pumping and heartbeat pulsating, especially in the face, after periods of long meditation practice. It would keep returning each time I meditated and although it didn't bother me very much, it did make me curious as to why this is happening and I would look for reasons. I thought "more equanimity" perhaps would fix it. hehe. Ironically it went away after taking a few days break from my meditation practice.

Have you ever asked yourself why you do all of this crap. Meditating. Burning incense. Studying books. Performing weird movements. I think many people who "struggle with spirituality" do it because they believe it will fix their problems somehow. My tip is take some time off from everything "spiritual". Live life. Laugh. Cry. Be depressed. Be happy. BE. Go with your flow. Don't force stuff that doesn't feel right. Stop looking for guidance. Stop searching. You already know everything. There is nothing to realize. Maybe you just don't see it yet. Thats fine too. Take some time building trust with yourself. Live by your feelings rather than external concepts and ideas.

And once you are in the himalays you will look for the most spiritually supercharged rock to sit your ass on. And once you have the rock, you will look for the perfect posture. When you eventually find your posture you will look for the perfect state of mind. When you eventually fail to find whats not there to begin with, you will excuse it with "oh well, guess it wasn't the perfect rock/guru/posture." And you are back on square 1.. still searching. And the circle continues. Doesn't it drive you fucking nuts?!

Hey! Been lurking in the shadows here way too long. I feel it's time I participate in some discussions. I still consider myself a beginner so I mainly see myself asking questions, but I hope they will be useful for others as well. Regards